Mikayla1

Ok, first...I am glad you realize that not all men are like the asshole that raped you, that is a HUGE step for sexual abuse survivors to come to so congratulations. Second, although I find it nice that you want to try to spice up your sex life in honor of your husband's birthday I feel that it is important to tell you that a fullfilling and healthy sex life is "spicy" all the time - not just birthdays and Christmas, so I hope that whatever advice you gain here you will employ on other days of the year, not just on his birthday! Third, maybe what your girlfriend's suggest (edible panties, whip cream) may be fine for them, maybe you need to start a little slower. Perhaps you want to start with just some simple "at home" items like dressing up for your hb, and maybe lightly tying him to a chair or the bed for sex with your pantyhouse. You can use regular whipped cream for sex (just make sure you wash really well after) and no one would be the wiser! Cherries are a nice touch...you lay on the bed, whip your breasts with the cream and top them with cherries...what man wouldn't want that? Perhaps if you are interested in exploring such things as your friends suggest and if buying such things embarrasses you, you can always buy them online at this site or others and browse and shop from the comfort of your own home in private. Maybe soon you will venture out to a store. Take things at your own pace and see what feels right to you. There are many games you can buy online, board games, card games that may be fun to play. You can buy sex kits with handcuffs, feathers, panties, etc all included. If you just want edible undies there are a ton out there to choose from. Heated massage oils, dildos, vibrators...every woman should have one! think about how fast or slow you want to go with this and what you think your husband would like and then make a decision. Shopping for the night and preparing for it can be the most sensual experience you will have. Since I really don't know the full gamut of what you do with your hb and what is in your "sexual bag of tricks" I really can't suggest too much. Perhaps you can tell me what a typical night of sex is like with the hubby and I can give you some specifics on what to try! until then, think about the shopping....try this site, they have great things! Good luck, Mikayla

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the thigh high black ones, pictured above......I have a similar pair with a differnt heel! Definitely HOT! However, I would also LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the red ones, as I am a blonde, and I love to wear red! I am thinking I will buy the red ones for myself, since I don't have red boots anything remotely close to that, and then I will be happy too. The first pair is too mild for my taste, but nice. Go for the all...get the thigh highs baby! Mikayla

It is true that those yeast infections SUCK! I have been fortunate to only have had a few, one was after my honeymoon...too much sex in the jacuzzi! I definitely think you should check for an infection then..but I am sure you are careful to avoid infection i.e. always go to the bathroom before and after sex, make sure you don't wear too tight of clothing for too long, wear panty shields as extra protection, then you should be OK. I think if you do all that, then what is the harm if you are wet? Men like that, rather than being dry and rough! Take care, Mikayla

I have a nice selection actually, I have some knee high ones with nice heels, some chunky heeled biker ones, but my favorites for those 'special occasions' are the thigh high, all leather, lip up the side, moderate size heels. You wear those with a short mini-skirt and I guarantee you will be the center of attention when you walk in the room! Mikayla

Ok, there is good and bad things happening here. First, she allowed you to touch her and seemed to enjoy it, made some sounds and some pelvice motions so that is an improvement, but she still can't let go. She likes what you are doing (I mean what woman doesn't like her clit teased) and then when she gets to a point, she stops you. WHY? Maybe she doesn't like the feeling of not being in control. Some women get really vocal and move around a lot when they cum and maybe she is not yet comfortable with you seeing that, so she stops short. The other possibility is, she still doesn't know how to have an orgasm. She SAYS she has had 10 second orgasms, and I suppose that is possible, but have you SEEN or HEARD them? If not, then the possibility is that she may not have and she is just getting to the brink and stopping. Or, she is feeling the intense buildup and stopping before the whole outlet! I think that you are investing a lot of time and energy into this woman. I think that she sounds like she may be making progress but truly has no idea how to make herself happy sexually. She has to feel enough trust in you to let go, make the faces, moan the moans, get was wild as she can! That is sometimes hard for a woman to want to in front of a man. On the other hand, how much more time are you willing to "waste" I use that word with kid gloves here, because I know you love her. this may never get better. Your sex life may never change from how it is right now at this moment, are you ready and prepared for a life of that? Just something to think about. Also, I wouldn't worry too much about the wetness issue, as women get older sometimes their natural wetness deterriorates, especially if she is not in tune with her body. You may want to try some K-Y warming jelly while you are stimulating her with your hands, that is nice and smooth and will give her a little sensation. Just some suggestions! Mikayla

Tor: I believe you you reread My post to you I didn't suggest anything other than it was your incapatability that made you two split Being the nice woman I am, I would never "blame" one party over the other unless I saw clear and convincing evidence! Kayla

My man does give me sexy footwear, actually I give it to myself because I believe in looking sexy for my man. I believe any woman who wants to please her man would do the same. I think the tactic of "look at this model with these shoes" could backfire just as quickly as the others because she could then accuse you of "perusing the catalogs for better looking women" or having a boot fetish, no? I think honesty or a direct approach is the best route still. I think most women are more receptive to honesty. I think most women want to feel sexy, and if this ex of yours thought she would be a "whore" if she wore a certain type of boot then she obviosuly had some pre-conceived notions that were there before you. I doubt it was the boot comments that made you loose her, it was your lack of sexual capatability...but that is just my opinonion! Mikayla

Stefan, Have you ever thought of just telling her how damn sexy she would look in a nice pair of sexy boots? Or, surprise her by buying her a pair and then when she tries them on attack her! All women like to feel sexy, especially for their men, so if they think it may help their sex life to wear something in particular they should be more inclined to do so! I am a boot woman myself, and I would LOVE to be surprised by my man by a new, sexy pair of boots. I would immediately strip down naked and put those puppies on....give it a shot, what do you have to loose?????? good luck! Mikayla

Let me ask you this, does your "mositure" have an odor? If not, and it is controllable, why bother worrying too much about it. I think that being moist down there is a good thing, rather than being dry anyway. I think as we get older our natural ability to lubricate kind of fades, so you may be lucky to have this dilemma when you are older. I don't know why your gyne thinks this is a problem, unless she concerned about another issue, I say 'let there be moisture'! That is just my opinion... Mikayla

I have been reading all these posts and I must say....your g/f (or is it wife?) has some issues that stem much deeper than just not wanting to have sex with you enough. As I said before, past abuse can be so detrimental to a person's whole life...as you are seeing with her...but being on Prozac is serious business! Prozac itself can make her have less sex drive and make her feel un-sexy. Some side affects of mood stabilizers are lack of sex drive. Not to mention that you are definitely in a relationship with a woman with serious baggage - AND I AM NOT IMPLYING OR SAYING YOU SHOULD DUMP HER BECAUSE OF THAT BAGGAGE - I AM JUST SUGGESTING THAT YOU LOOK AT THAT! It seems to me that you have wrote over and over again your concerns over staying with this woman for the long run...your frustrations, the things you are constantly giving in on...how much do you love this woman? I can't remember who said it, but someone once said, "Sometimes love just ain't enough!" I feel badly for you...I feel like I can't offer you any suggestions here except to talk to her. Try to get her off the meds..or at least on a better one. Plus Howard is right, no mixy mixy the drugs with alcohol, that girl will flip out for sure....read the bottle, it says right on there I am sure! Please treat this woman with care, but try to treat yourself with at least half the care you are treating her with. good Luck. Mikayla

When a woman orgasms her clitoris becomes engorged with blood, and this is what causes the sensitivity. After a few minutes this sensitivity will die down a bit and she should be able to resume play again. Some women, myself included, enjoy econtinued attention after orgasm and can have multiple orgasms that will build in intensity. For some women this borders on painful, I, however, like a little pleasure and pain mixed sometimes...if it is this kind of pain anyway! Mikayla

I think you are getting some very, very valuable advice here....abuse can definitely change the way you view sex. However, let me 'lovingly" remind you that there are many people in this world - too damn many - who are abused and who go on to have normal, loving, healthy sex lives. If this is the case, and she was abused, then she needs to come to grips with it, get some professional help....but most of all realize that you are NOT her abuser! You LOVE HER, you want to help her... Getting over abuse can be the hardest thing anyone can ever have to do.. learning to trust again can be so hard....but if she doesn't do it she will spend the rest of her life in a shell all alone with no one to love her including herself. that is the best advice I can offer....try to get her the help she needs! Mikayla

Well, this woman obviously loves you enough to give you up if she feels she can't make you happy, that says something. My question to you would be, and perhaps then to her, is SHE happy? Does she feel fullfilled in her daily life with you or with things in general? If she feels one hundred percent fullfilled in your realationship together, sexually and otherwise and you just don't...then you have to make a choice. People that feel fullfilled are not likely to try and change b/c what would be their motivation? If she admits to not feeling fullfilled, still wanting to learn more, and still has issues, then you still have a decision to make. How much time and effort to you want to devote out of your life to help her? She may never change, she may never be what you want. People are capable of a modicum of change...not much more. We bend ourselves daily to become what we think we are expected to become. The ultimate question is, how much bending are you willing to do? Let me know what you think. I feel for you, I really, really do! Mikayla

I think if this woman is just not opening up to anything...not trying to at least make it a little better, then you really owe it to yourself to try and be happy with someone else. You always say "you love her to death." The question is, does she love you? I mean love is a 2-way street, and if she knows that a healthy, active mutalistic sex life is so important to you...why is she hesitating so much? There could be reasons why she is shy or inhibited about sex..maybe a past abuse or something, if that is the case then she needs to come clean with you and realize that YOU are not THEM. IF it is not a past abuse issue, then she just has some kind of hang-up somewhere...maybe it is you. Perhaps she just isn't comfortable with you for some reason..if after all this time and your gentle urging and support she STILL won't give in...well, I say move on. Life is shorter than we realize, how much time are you willing to devote to this? I suppose I will get a lot of slack from the women on this site for that answer, but put yourselves in the reverse situation if it was the guy doing that to you and you spent every day avoiding sex because it was unfullfilling...what would you do? You would "Run not walk" away...as Howard suggests. Just a thought. Hope that helps. Mikayla

Howard is right....perhaps a little nap might do him good, or, if you can't wait and you want to go again, take a sexy shower together. If you are in the shower cleaning up he will be revitalized and he can soap you up and you can do him, then you cango and give his penis a little attention...soon what do you know..he is ready again! Or, if you aren't in the shower mood, you can try using a vibrator on yourself in front of him while he rests and let him watch...this will hopefully get him going again as he sees how ready you are, and if not you will still get yours! Try that! Mikayla

I too am glad to hear that so many women are admitting to liking porn...Let's face it, many women do like porn but are afraid to admit it. They sit there are self-rituous and pretending to be offended when really they are getting hot! I personally am a big advocate for porn...I find it erotic, entertaining, educational and sometimes downright funny! I enjoy watching it alone with "BOB" I have to borrow that term from someone else - my battery operated boyfried - or my hubby. I just think it is sometimes a good way to ignite a fire, or learn new techiniques...or hell, just look at people fucking! YEAH PORN! Mikayla

The object is to keep the blood flow IN the penis, to keep it from flowing out...the natural blood flow for a man is to his penis, it gets erect, and in some men, specifically men with penile erection disorders, this blood flow goes right back out...a cock ring helps to keep the flow IN the penis. The cock ring will help for men without the disorder as well, just maintaining the erection longer...as the blood is forced to stay in the penis. He will have feeling, the "numbness" would occur if the cock ring is too tight. Hence why I suggested you purchase 3 sizes to begin. If he is going and going and going and can't cum, take it off...otherwise it should be just fine..... Let me know how it goes! Mikayla

That is correct, one nut at a time..till the whole base of his cock and penis are through the ring. As he gets hard, the ring will get tight and kep the blood in the penis and keep it from flowing out. Make sure the ring is not too tight, watch for hairs...always keep something to cut it off with nearby.

Cock rings go on before you get hard, put it around the ball sack as well, usually one side at a time so the whole base of the cock is enclosed. If the hair gets caught in it you may have to consider shaving. Then when the cock gets hard the pressure from the ring will restrict the blood flow and make the erection last longer! There are different sizes and different styles. I do not suggest the ones that look like a lasso, I hear from my man that they pinch....get a pack that has 3 sizes in it and try to find the one that offers the most comfortable fit. Also, remember not to leave it on if it hurts or if the penis gets too numb.. Hope that is helpful. Mikayla

Sex will not always stay the same once you are in a relationship for a long time...things get familiar, people get busy, stress happens. I particularly know that with my hubby when he is stressed at work, worried about money, or anything else, there is a decrease in his sexual desire. It is unfortunate, but it happens. It then falls on us as women to make them, or help them, turn their attention back to sex. Sometimes it will work, sometimes it won't. Sometimes life just takes precedence over sex. Also, not everyone's sex drive is the same. Unfortunately whoever created man and woman made it so that at we get older (women) our sex drives get more intense, but as men get older it kind of weans for them a little. this doesn;t always happen...so before I get 100 posts from angry men telling me they are 90 and still horny....but it does on average happen that way. This could be the case with your man. Now, if you want to know how to keep him coming back for more...make sex as hot as you possibly can...make every experience with him memorable and super enjoyable for both of you. Make sure you are giving him the best head he has had in years....moan, groan...tell him how much you want him. Make him feel like you really want him. He will in turn want to give you more. Give him tidbits of what you may want to do later....don't let him cum until you have gotten at least most of what you want. Play the dom role so he has to do what you say. Push his face into your pussy and make him eat you until you are satisfied. Maybe a new side of you is what he needs to see. I think that if you use your imagination, something will spark his interest at one point or another. If not, if you love him you will give him some space, then you may have to get a vibrator. Perhaps if he hears the humming from the other room he will be more inclined to join in! Just suggestions! Mikayla

Of course there is nothing wrong with you...fantasies are normal expressions of hidden desires, or taboos that we find intriguing. You don't ever have to act on a fantasy...sometimes you want to, sometimes you don't. It is good that you are exploring all these possibilities. Fantasy land can be a wonderful place to find out what you really want, keep exploring. Mikayla

I have been married for 10 years, and with the exception of some differences in the kind of sex we like (bdsm vs romantic)- I am the bdsm), we are still pretty hot most of the time. I find that switiching up the place is a good way to start....greet him at the door with nothing on, or wait on the couch with just a tie on (Julia Roberts...Pretty Woman), perhaps suggest some tying to the bed, role playing..... Go for a nice, long walk and find a succluded place for a blowjob or a handjob. Go parking like you would when you were dating. Once I rented a room at a cheap hotel, Holiday Inn, took my husband to lunch on a weekday and took him to the room for an afternoon delight. It was so hot because he didn't see it coming a mile away and we both felt naughty doing it in the middle of the day while we should have been working! At night while he is watching the news, whisper in his ear that you are going up to bed and getting naked, does he want to join you? things like that. Play games like "don't touch" or do what I say....play the dominant or submissive roles for a change. there are a lot of ways to spice things up if you use your imagination. Try sexy clothes, or just calling him up during the day and telling him you are horny. Anticipation can highten the sex act 100%! So start getting creative....be inventive....be naked...ENJOY! Mikayla

Giver her time Telecom...it takes a long time to go from being uncomfortable sexually to being comfortable with yourself to being able to share that with you, even if she loves you, which I am sure she does. I am sure she is grateful to have you to love her and understand what she is going through. It takes a special man to be able to wait patiently while his woman "explores" herself..literally. I promise, it will be worth the wait! Mikayla

I am honestly very happy for you. When you get in touch (literally) with your body and figure out what feels good for yourself you gain a renewed sense of sexuality. I am very happy that you are happy. When you are ready, share that happiness with your hubby! Keep letting me know how it goes! Mikayla