foryoureyesonly

Howard-that is a much more helpful and insightful post than the previous. Thank you!

Well, Howard, you're right. You did piss off at least one female. Granted there is some truth to some of the things you said, BUT, you need to remember we are only getting one side of the story here. To even imply that it might be time to give up is not helping. Maybe your intent was to get his attention to how serious you think this situation is. Did you notice what time his post was written? I have had some very dark and depressive thoughts at 2:00 in the morning myself. I can't help but think maybe this contributed to the helplessness that he is feeling. Women are very complex folks (not to imply that males aren't). You yourself have said repeatedly that sex is very much a mind game for women. It is easy to sit at our keyboards and arm chair quaterback what is wrong in such a relationship but without both sides of the story we cannot begin to know what else is happening here. I know for years I wasn't all that into sex. Kids, lack of money, self-worth, body image. The list could go on and on. It had nothing to do with not loving my husband or not wanting to please him. I didn't think I COULD please him to the level that I thought he wanted. You are absolutely right in that communication is missing here. If my husband and I hadn't started talking about these issues and how they were affecting us as a couple, nothing would have changed. I don't necessarily see that she is a brat, self-involved, or many of the other things that you stated. Kirk-continue to give her love and support and try to draw her out in conversation as others have recommended. However, I can't see where accusing her or threatening her is going to change a thing. That would only make me dig my heels in even more. One of the most important bits of advice that others have given is you absolutely cannot have this discussion in the bedroom. It must be on neutral territory and done in a loving manner. You have to be willing to open yourself to honest discussion, both the good and the bad. You must LISTEN to what she is saying. Repeat back to her what you think she has said so that she can see that you hear her. I read a whole lot of "me" and "my" and what you like. Yes, you have given some examples of what you think she likes but that seems to be then followed up with how this makes you feel. Give her a chance to express what she is feeling and be ready for some negative feed back because it's coming. I am sure she has some issues with you just like you do with her. This can be overcome with a great deal of love and patience. Hang in there and don't give up on her yet. It took us about 10 years to get through all of this and we have come out the other side with a tremendous amount of respect and love for each other.

My hubbie and I have occasional weekend trips to Vegas and our restuarant meals there can get rather raunchy. I don't know what it is about that place. It was where I went into an adult store for the first time, did it in the desert the first time (very hot and sweaty) and many more things that would take a couple of pages to type. (Yeah, yeah, what happens in Vegas.............VERY true for us!) That is like our "go to" place when we are needing some alone time. First time I learned the many things you can do with strawberries was in Vegas. Try dipping them in powdered sugar and then, oops, dropping it in your navel! Oh darn, it rolled from the belly-button all the way down there! Lick it clean baby! I get chill bumps just thinking about it. Or maple syrup anywhere! Yummy! Made that bj extra sweet! (Yeah, we are big into room service breakfast!) Anyway, it is amazing what you can do with food. Any kind of sucking, nibbling and licking can get him going. We have turned many a meal into a two hour event because he couldn't get up from the table without embarassing himself. Although, one time, we just didn't make any bones (HA!) about it and walked right through and up to our room. One or two noticed, but, who cares, it probably brought on their own night of fun! I'm not much into using food as dildos per se (i.e. cucumber, carrots, etc). But don't just limit yourself to whipped cream and chocolate pudding! Euphoria, oh my gawd, I have gotta try the cupcake thing! Sounds like I could really get him good with that one and, hey, with the second one, I see a whole lot of licking off (and nibbling!) going on!

Being in the medical field, I have to add my two cents worth here. I'm not sure whether vasectomy for your husband is a choice for you personally but I must say this is a safer alternative than you having a tubal. Vasectomy only requires a local anesthetic where you must have general anesthesia with a tubal. I know chances are slim that anything adverse will happen but if your husband is willing, why take the risk? My husband had his about a year and a half after our third child was born and it was the best decision we ever made. Mikayla, I must also tell you of our experience with considering a tubal at delivery. We had two relatively easy pregnancies with our first two children. My third was a definite surprise (notice I said "surprise", not "accident"). We knew when we were pregnant with him that this would be our last. My first two were delivered by c-section and the third was a scheduled section. I inquired about having my tubes tied at the same time as delivery. Here is how my OB put it to me "out of 100 deliveries, 99 will be fine and have no problems, but what if yours is that 1 that, God forbid, after delivery doesn't make it? You have then taken away all possibility of having another". I decided against doing it at delivery. Well, we almost had that "one". The day after my son was born, he had a collapsed lung and we didn't know for about two days if he was going to make it. He is a very healthy 14 yo now. I'm not trying to scare you shitless but please take everything into consideration before making a decision such as this during a very hormonally charged emotional time. As for sex being awesome after a permanent procedure, I couldn't agree with you more!!

First let me start by agreeing with the consensus here and say "thank you" to Mike_d as well. How refreshing to hear someone say they actually prefer some meat on a woman. Three kids, a "live to eat" attitude (as opposed to an"eat to live" one) and, well, 42+ years of life have left me with stretch marks, saggy boobs and an ass that could cause an eclipse if positioned just so. However, my DH makes me feel incredibly sexy everyday and has never once said a word about my size. He honestly doesn't understand when I start in about being plus-size. He says I am so much more sexy today than I was when we got married and that just makes me fall in love with him all over again. --sigh--- I find I am first attracted to the eyes and the smile. My husband has amazingly incredible blue eyes and a grin that has "bad boy" written all over it. All it takes is one look with those eyes and that "let's get it on" grin and I am putty in his hands. I like a nice ass as much as the next woman, but, just because it doesn't make a pair of jeans sing, doesn't mean it's shabby either. My DH honestly doesn't have much to fill a back pocket, but, when naked, he has the cutest little tush you have ever seen. Then I would have to say the legs are what I notice next. I like those to be toned and a little chiseled. I don't much care if he has a little around the middle as this shows a man who likes a good meal just like I do. As for the women, I look at all types. I guess the most noticeable thing to me is how they carry themselves. I have known many a woman who would be considered plus-size by today's standard but is incredibly sexy. I have also seen some very fit, very toned ones that do absolutely nothing for me. I also prefer a good size chest but definitely not a fake one. These women that look like they have two inflated balloons bobbing around on their chest do absolutely nothing for me. Ah, well, to each his (or her) own! Great post BTW!

Brandi Johnson Too boring!

Hey, Mikayla, I feel your pain. When I was pregnant with my last child (now 14 yo) I suffered horribly with CTS. Unfortunately, after delivery, the pain remained, admittedly not as bad as during pregnancy but certainly worse than before. I dealt with it for 10 more years before finally deciding enough was enough. It would get tolerable for a while then 2-3 weeks of sleepless nights and then tolerable again. During this time surgery was not possible for several reasons (other health issues) that I won't go into. I was able to keep it somewhat under control by wearing the hand braces, mostly at night. It always seemed to be only one hand at a time that was hurting (usually the right) so I only had to wear one. They take some getting used to but they really seemed to help. The more you can wear them during the day will also help, when blow-drying your hair, chopping vegetables for dinner, reading (how you hold a book, magazine or newspaper), of course typing on the computer. Chances are you are probably already wearing them but just something to consider. I finally had the surgery three years ago on the right and two years ago on the left. It took probably a couple of months for my hands to fully recover each time but the initial discomfort only lasted about a week or two. Just certain functions were more difficult than others (writing for example). I'm not exactly sure how you will manage the surgery and the weight lifting restrictions with a newborn but I'm sure you have taken all of this into consideration. Hang in there and try to keep your eye on the big picture of what you will be gaining from all of this discomfort! (I wish I could help on the hand job part but you are light years ahead of me in that department and can probably do things with both hands tied behind your back that I couldn't dream of doing with four hands! JK)

Best tip I ever got (somewhere on this site) is for me to lie on my back with my head hanging off the edge of the bed with my DH standing up. I can take him so much deeper this way as it basically straightens out the neck and throat. This is the only way I can truly "deep throat" him and he gets so into it he almost can't stand up straight!

Jeez, sorry Mikayla. Just now saw your initial recommendation for the cock rings. Oh well, consider mine a firm "I second that!" (pun intended).

Hey thanks Howard! It actually did leave us both wanting more last night and even more this afternoon. Had the house to ourselves as the kids were out and about. Another toy recommendation is a vibrating cock ring. Just had a very nice experience with that! Although, I must say this takes some working up to for the man. Husband was a wee bit leary as we have had it for awhile and are just now trying it. Pulled the hair a little but once in place it was amazingly effective for me. Enjoy and let us know what you choose.

I also totally agree with Mikayla's reccomendation of the bullet. My DH and I have the dual vibrating bullet. Very, very effective and one of our first toys. In fact, just this am I tried it a way I had never done before. Me on top with the larger of the two bullets stimulating the clit. The "vets" on here are probably asking what the hell took me so long in finding that one?!? Well, we are just getting rev'd up on the toy thing and thoroughly enjoying the journey. Good luck to you on your choice and happy playing!

I used to get UTIs all the time when we first got married. Absolute hell! Had a very understanding GYN who explained that all the sex was the reason. Intercourse pushes the bacteria that the previous poster was talking about into the ureters. This sets up the infection. Immediately after sex, go pee. This helps to push that bacteria out. (This is also another good reason for drinking lots of water on a daily basis.) I also take prophylactic antibiotics after sex as well. My dr prescribed generic Macrobid which seems to be the usual one for this problem. If we are having an especially active few days, he told me to only take one a day as this should prevent the problem. I can honestly say I haven't had a UTI in years because of this treatment. You do not have to worry about becoming de-sensitized to the antibiotic because you are taking such a low dose. Also, the yeast is not an issue (as is so common in women on antibiotic therapy), again because of the low dose. I work in the medical field so I know not all doctors will agree to this treatment because so much has been said in the medical community about the over use of antibiotics. This is a very small dosage taken at most every few days. For those who have sex daily and suffer with this problem, then it might be a better option to see a urologist and make sure there is nothing else going on. This problem is definitely treatable and preventable. No woman should have to suffer with such discomfort (and that is putting it mildly) on a recurring basis. Please talk with your doctor. Good luck to you.

How about jacuzzi, then bed, then shower! Just can't get enough! ;-) Tantric, romantic or just hot and nasty?

Please do not take offense at this, but had you ever had intercourse prior to that first attempt back in November? This sounds amazingly like my first few attempts at sex with my then boyfriend way back when (now my DH for 21+ years). If he got more than an inch in it was incredibly painful. I had never had sex prior to him so there was no stretching of the vaginal muscles. It took us probably 2-3 months of trying almost every weekend before I could comfortably have sex. Intercourse can and will be painful until the vagina has stretched to accomodate something the size of a penis. This may not happen for a while. Also with the time apart between visits you're not able to continue the trying and therefore the muscle retreats back to its prior size. The dildo can help with this but even with that, you must make sure you are well lubricated and go SLOW. This won't happen overnight. First and foremost though, please take the true experts advice and see your medical doctor to rule out any underlying causes. Good luck to you.

Okay, here we go. Second post and this one about me. I can't seem to get the multiple orgasm thing down. I have great clitoral orgasms, mainly through oral sex, but just can't get the jist of the multiple. My whole body it seems contracts during an orgasm and my legs involuntarily squeeze together. My DH continues the tongue action but I can't seem to get the legs to release enough to let it happen again. Also there is the overwhelming desire of wanting his dick inside me right then. Please help as this has become my new goal. What can I do to relax enough to let it happen (and also, to not pinch my DH's head off in the process!). Thanks-