elizabeth

It's never a good sign when the first thing you do at the sight of a sex toy is break into gales of hysterical laughter. That was my reaction when I pulled my Marble Slimline G out of the box. Although the shape of the toy is pretty typical for a G-spot vibrator, an egg on the top of a bent stem, the material of this toy is… unique. It looks like really unconvincing fake marble, or possibly malachite. One expects, when one picks it up, to be able to use it as a weapon to bash against the head of an unsuspecting burglar who has wandered into one's bedroom during an intimate moment. Yes, it looks like nothing more than a cheap statue. Sadly, it's actually made of lightweight plastic, so the burglar fantasy is not a practical one, but, even despite it's unattractive aesthetics, the packaging of this strange little toy did have one word that filled me with hope… "waterproof." I'm willing to put up with a lot for a waterproof toy, and so I pulled out two AA batteries (not included) and got myself psyched up for a test drive. Color me shocked, not literally, because I didn't trust the waterproof nature of the toy enough to take it into a bathtub with me (I like to see at least a rubber o-ring), but because this little green monster has power. I don't quite get g-spot stimulation, which probably means I'm doing it wrong, but this little strange looking vibrator provides quite a punch. It's adjustable vibrations range from mild to quite strong, given that it only runs on two AA batteries, and I actually quite enjoyed playing with it. The stem is quite slender, so the head is like a nice, small, vibrating egg on a stick. Despite the urge to mock it, and a friend saying "it looked like an invention of the Vorlons," it was quite a fun toy to play with. It's also quite easy to clean, due to the waterproof hard plastic exterior. Plus, it gives new meaning to the concept of a trophy partner…

Reviewing the miracle massager puts me in the middle of an interesting dilemma. What do you say if you love a sex toy, but not for its intended use? The miracle massager is similar to the Hitachi Magic Wand, but more affordable and having multiple levels of intensity (this is a good thing.) It's very aesthetically pleasing, has an interesting wobbly head, and both levels of vibration are quite satisfyingly strong. It makes an absolutely fabulous non-sexual massager – I was using it on my sore muscles the other day and it's positively delightful – however, it just doesn't get me off. For me, the head is too large to focus vibrations where I want them, and the sensations are just too diffuse for me to really enjoy them sexually. I'm pretty sure that it will get lots of use around my house as a massager, but not for masturbation. Other people's mileage may vary. I will freely admit that the Hitachi isn't my favorite toy either – even though many of my friends swear by it for speedy, efficient orgasms.

I love a good lucid dream. In my sleep I get to be the wild, crazy, and lascivious girl who I have to restrain in the waking world. Doc Johnson totally gets that. The Lucid Dream #54 G-Spot vibe is my second from the lucid dreams collection and I love it just as much as I love the first one. The only downside to either vibe is the ghastly new toy plastic smell, but they're such delightful creations that I have trouble bringing myself to care. Like my Lucid Dreams #69, you don't even need to turn on the #54 to love it (or to orgasm from it). The shape is incredible. This is the first G-spot toy I've ever actually "gotten" as a G-spot toy. I inserted it and the little heart shape nubs did their dirty work and all of a sudden G-spot stimulation made sense. The little nubs are incredibly intense as you insert, or remove, the toy; you feel every single one. As a vibrator, the lucid dream #54 is nice as well. It's not the strongest vibe in my collection, but it's more than strong enough and it makes up for any lack of strength in also being extremely quiet. When it comes down to it, I cannot recommend this toy highly enough. The only thing that would make it better is if they could figure out how to de-stinkify it before putting it in the package, but at least since it's waterproof you can wash it as much as you want.

I'd heard a lot about glass dildos, and knew a lot of people who loved them, but I'd never tried one before the Rose Quartz showed up in my mailbox. I must say that, as my first glass dildo, it has managed to live up to the hype. First of all, it's an absolutely beautiful toy, and comes in its own velvet bag. It looks exactly like it does in the picture and the texture is subtly different on each end. What you don't expect until you pick it up is how heavy it is. The Rose Quartz is a weighty implement. It looks so pretty and light, but it's a solid piece of glass and as a sex toy it is a force to be reckoned (or at least orgasmed) with. The sensation of the dildo when I inserted it wasn't really like any other toy I've ever had. It's a nice size, but it's rock hard, with no give, and heavy, and so you feel it very differently than you would a jelly dildo of similar girth. In particular, it feels bigger and more intense than toys of a less solid consistency. Which, in my mind, is kind of awesome. I also love how easy it is to clean and how you can get different sensations by cooling it or warming it before using it – its mass holds temperature well, which gives you a bunch of options for different types of play.

Are you sure your batteries were fresh? I was really surprised by how strong the vibrations were. I didn't expect much, because of the AAAs.

The LAYAspot vibe from Fun Factory is a gorgeous example of sex toy design. From the elegant packaging, to the modern art feel of the vibrator itself, everything about this product says that Fun Factory is a company that really cares about making a quality toy, and by and large I think they have succeeded. The LAYAspot vibrator is a small, powerful, vibrator shaped to fit well over a woman's pubic area and stimulate her clitoris. Its vibrations cover a nice range of strengths from barely noticeable to "oh god yes!" and it's a very comfortable device to use - I even found it possible to go hands free. The diagrams on the package claim in the international language of illustration (as well as French, German, Spanish, and English) that the vibrator is both waterproof (it shows it inserted in a container of water) and very quiet, but although the diagram of how to use it is very effective, I'd be inclined to dispute the other two pictures. The LAYAspot isn't the noisiest vibrator I've ever used, but it's also not all that quiet. It would not be my first if I were looking for "silent play," although the design is innocuous enough that I would happily carry it in front of friends without ever worrying that they might notice I was packing a sex toy. As for waterproof... the one problem I had with the LAYAspot is that the cover for the battery compartment kept popping off... which did not make me want to test the claim. Still, even with those two problems, I think that the LAYAspot is a pretty phenomenal vibrator. It's not only very satisfying, it's aesthetically pleasing, and the packaging is a model of quiet restraint. This is the sort of vibrator you could give someone who is obsessed with modern design, and she'd want to keep it out on her living room table. Well at least until she realized how much fun it was and relegated it to its proper place next to the bed...

This is not your average bullet vibe. In fact, I wouldn't call it a bullet at all, more of a "curvy goddess statue" but perhaps I'm being overly literal. Nonetheless, no matter what you want to call the lucid dreams #69, you will also be calling out "more!" When I first saw the #69 in my box of sex toys I was a little leery. It's slightly larger than the toys I generally prefer for penetration. I am leery no longer. It is rather girthy, but the jelly consistency is nice and it's shaped very well for easy penetration. As it turns out, for me, it's exactly the right size... not too big at all. I had an orgasm just from inserting it, without even needing to turn it on. Those bumps are extremely pleasurable, and once it's inserted I at least felt very nicely full. The vibrations on this toy are relatively strong and, as the package advertises, it's very quiet. By no means is it silent, but behind closed doors no one could tell you were having very wet dreams (which is what I misremembered the toy name as.) Really, the only bad thing about this toy is the slight "tackiness" that the other reviewers have also reported and I found that after wiping down the toy with alcohol, and then washing it, I didn't notice it much at all. It's certainly no worse than any other jelly vibe or dildo. The fact that I had to click down through all for levels to turn it off didn't bother me at all. I loved this toy and can not recommend it highly enough.

There is very little bad that can be said about the Natural Contours Liberte vibrator. It's a very well designed toy. The shape may seem a bit different to those individuals who are used to more "realistic" vibrators, but it's actually quite a functional design. When used externally the soft curve wraps naturally around your "natural contours" and allows you to experience the toys satisfying vibrations all along your genitals. It's also very smooth and easy to use for insertion play. There are several wonderful design features incorporated into the Liberte vibrator. The first is that when you turn it on it actually comes on at full speed, and then additional clicks turn it down to first lower levels of vibration and then a nice pulsing program. This is in contrast to most vibrators which start low and then need to be ramped up. It's worth noting that something about the design of this vibrator conveys the vibrations very well even at low speed. I'm normally a "turn it to the max" girl, but I found myself quite well satisfied using this vibe on even the lowest setting. This vibrator is also relatively quiet, and you could probably use it with roommates in the house without them ever knowing. My only problem with the Liberte vibrator is that I found the batteries slightly difficult to insert. However, I'm willing to forgive the flaw since the toy actually _came_ with its own batteries (hallelujah!), and once they were in it worked well and felt quite sturdy. I have to say that I was almost shocked with how nice a vibrator the Liberte is. It doesn't look like much when it first comes out of the (well designed and aesthetically pleasing) box, but its structure works beautifully and I can tell that it will be an oft-used staple of my sex toy collection.

It's pretty strong, actually, I was surprised. It may feel stronger because it's such a small tip and the vibrations are very focused, but it's quite satisfying as a toy.

It's bigger than a cheap stick pen, but about the same size as a nice fountain pen. Not too big to write with or anything like that.

You want me to tell you what I want you to do? You want me to write it down with this pen? All my naughty little secrets and desires, committed permanently to paper and ink with this lovely silver pen? It does feel good in my hand. I'll turn the barrel to get it ready, and… OH! I'll turn the barrel to get me ready. I'll tell you want I want. I want you to write love letters on my skin with this vibrating pen. Intimate letters. Letters that speak of desire. I want you to mark me with words, and shiver as I feel the tip move across my flesh. --- The Lina vibrating pen is not only a brilliant idea, it's well executed. The pen writes well and smoothly, the vibrations are strong, and the volume is low. I love this toy, which comes with an elegant organza bag, two sets of batteries, and a silicone sleeve. I want to use it to spell out a partner's orgasms letter by letter and word by word. I want to write my own ticket to pleasure.

There are some women who like thrift store jewelry – full of sparkles and shine, fun, but not elegant – and there are others who only want diamonds. The Form 6 is the vibrator for that second group of women. The Form 6 is, unquestionably, the most elegant vibrator I have ever seen. From its packaging to its construction and sleek beauty, everything about it screams "high-end." The vibrator is so sleek that I have no problem leaving it out on my bedroom table. It looks less like a sex toy than some sort of post modern mp3 player or cellular phone. As for its usability, it is very good at what it does if what it does is what you want. It has six programmable vibration modes, each of which can be used at a strength from mild to firm and some of which provide different sensations depending on where on the vibrator you are holding. It is not the strongest vibrator I have ever used, not by far, but it makes up for that by being relatively quiet and sounding more like a digital toy than a bedroom one. The thing I like most about the Form 6, after its elegant appearance, is that it's rechargeable. Any toy that doesn't require me to go looking for working batteries is a toy that I'm more likely to use. The vibrations are, perhaps, more subtle than some of my favorite toys, but I do like the variability of the programming, and the shape and texture of the Form 6. This is not a vibrator that is going to scare anyone away. If you want to give someone special a sex toy, and have the money to spend, when they open the wrapper on the Form 6 they will feel very special indeed. It's well packaged, well made, and fits a niche market. Like a well made bag, I feel more grown up just from carrying it around. When I bring it into the shower to play I feel like I'm starring in a very classy commercial… one that I'd pay to act in again.

The Impulse Computer Accessory totally pwns me. I mean, it's l33t. It's the sexiest thing to ever happen to my USB port. It is the geeky girl's (or boy's) electronic wet dream. I am in lust. The Impulse is, basically, a USB powered vibrator. This is, frankly, awesome. I mean, we all know that the Internet is for porn, so your computer should help to enable you in highly stimulated viewing of said porn. If you're the sort of person who has IM sex with her ex-boyfriend and is forever bemoaning the fact that the sex toys live in the other end of the house and never have an y working batteries, it isn't half bad either. Not, mind you, that I know any of that sort of person. Not at all. Ut uh. Where were we? Ah yes. The Impulse. It's not only l33t, it can has strong vibrations! The impulse is programmed with 10 different vibration settings from soft purr to escalating surges like a train pulling up to your skin. It is stronger than many of my battery powered vibes and far more variable – I could see my enjoying all of the different programs depending on my mood. Plus, it has two interchangeable heads! Depending on which attachment you power up you either have a small vibe with 3 stimulating nodes that slips onto your finger or a small bullet – which could be used on its own or with the many bullet toys and accessories that are out there in this wonderful world of vibrating fun. The only downside to the Impulse is that although it would make an amusing office toy… it's a bit too noisy for it to be practical. Still, though, if you unplugged the vibrating head from the motor body, you could leave it attached to your computer and think dirty thoughts with no one the wiser. The part that plugs into your computer could be anything at all – all it says on it are the words "up and down," and the words on the back could easily be covered by a sticker.

The Dream Extreme vibrator is, by far, the blingiest toy I have ever owned in my life. It is gold. Gold like the chains around your boyfriend's neck in the late 80s. GOLD. A nicely sized plastic vibe, it has a slight curve to the tip to make G-spot stimulation easier. The base is ribbed, and overall it's a good, basic, hard plastic vibe. I have nothing against hard plastic vibes, but sometimes their bases don't feel like they fit very well, or they seem flimsy. The base was definitely an issue on this vibe, however once the battery was inserted it had a nice solid feel. Also, unlike with many vibrators the base fitting on isn't as much of an issue because once it's on, it's on - the Dream Extreme turns on with an on/off switch, not by turning the base (my model seemed to be a single speed version. Either that or I'm blind.) Once on, the Dream Extreme provides very nice, powerful vibrations. It's kind of noisy, but not the worst toy in the drawer by far. You could, however, easily hear it through a door, even if it's inserted, so this may not be the best toy to purchase if you're looking for discretion. All things considered, it's really a surprisingly good toy for the price. So if your girlfriend has been hinting that she'd like something gold...

No, but who cares since it holds up to hard vacuum