There is not much new to what you are saying and I totally agree with it. It goes without saying that it takes both partners to work things out. I tried hard, and gave up after being 'dumped' and shamed by my husband when I was trying. That is where the frustration comes from. "Eventually we started treating each other like friends again instead of trying to fit each other into our mind's version of what a spouse should be. When we did that, we started talking again" What do you talk about? When we tried to talk, he poured all his long-time grudges and frustration out on me. Those instances happened many years ago and were discussed and apologized for previously. It turned out that he never really forgave me when I asked him to, he never let things go. Honestly, his tactic looks like an excuse to avoid a deep conversation and the unpleasant fact that he does not attempt to find me sexually attractive anymore. He got lazy and comfortable with the life as it is. You said it right, we are roommates and friends now trying to keep it quite By the way, the friend with benefits is too old to have any claims to being something else. And yes, he'll be fine being just a friend or a nobody.