Zildjian

wow. very new material/tone (from what I have seen anyway..lol)

wtf indeed. I had Mirena "installed" in january at the obgyn. My primary care physician usually does my annual pap test, so she did one first and tested for STDs (here they have to do that by law before giving you and IUD) and then I had to set up an apt with the ob. So I guess I had to have 2 apts too, but at least that was explained up front. My regular dr. was not "allowed" to do the Mirena insertion. It had to be an obgyn. And make sure you know who will be inserting Mirena for you, make sure it's not someone with a rough hand. It is a PAINFUL process. Take motrin an hour before your apt!

omg..I just don't know what to say! I too loved Howard's posts and am sad to see them all gone. sigh. I am a member of lots of other forums and even tho I know this happens all the time, for whatever reason, which I respect, I am still shocked when it happens.I have abandonment issues -- I don't like it when people leave! Howard was one of the reasons I joined! double sigh. I will get over it and someone will take his place (Iha comes to mind) in the "who would you do" thread and life will go on. Howard, wherever you are, I hope our paths cross again.

Yeah, this is a good one, N. A keeper. Have you been tapping into my fantasies again? For the past three days I have been pondering the reality of being tied up and talking to my current partner about it. I am getting closer and closer to it actually happening. Just like you've written would be a great start.

oh, I'll have to order that one. I can't wait to see it. lol

lol iha, I have that peter mayle book. IT IS hilarious from an adult's point of view. I just love the description of what cllimax feels like. Good job with that and your kids. You have my admiration.

Holy crap. I think I am now most definitely bi-curious. What passsion. amazing.

holy crap, N! I agree! Very exciting!

lol! That update is great! And why is Howard in prison? I haven't seen him post in a while. Where is he REALLY? lol

Thanks, N. Glad you like it. lol. I have been jealous of a few of your ladies as well!

This was originally written for cyber guy. ----------------------------------------------------- While we are resting and cuddling after an afternoon of emotional lovemaking, you ask me how I'm feeling and I mumble something about feeling wonderful, but my tummy feels empty and then I drift off to sleep enveloped in your arms. Apparently, my hunger hasn't been completely satisfied. I awake with a start after a short time and then remember where I am. I listen for tell tale signs of you, but I don't hear anything. I glance at the other side of the bed and it is empty, the covers are lovingly tucked around me. I feel very cozy, but curious about where you have gone. I then notice a note on the bedside table. It says "Hi love, I went in search of some snacks. Back soon, J" Not knowing how long the note had been there or how long you'd been gone, I decide to stay where I am, snuggle in and wait for your return. I replay the wonderous day in my head, thinking about how lucky I am that many of my fantasies have just been realized. As I am reminded of the passionate lovemaking, I find that my excitement is stirring yet again. I think to myself, "Ever since I met this man, I am insatiable. He's taught me to get pleasure from my own body like I have never felt." I realize that I am becoming aroused. I realize that I am suddenly very wet. I want to experience this feeling again, now. Thinking you'll be back any second, I try to wait, but the desire is too strong. I decide to pleasure myself right then and there. I packed my vibrators for a reason, time to use them by myself this time. I reach for my luggage that I threw my the bedside and find my magic wand and my faithful woody. I plug in the wand, preparing it, so there is no need to fumble around when the time comes. Even tho I am already wet, I decide to start slowly, knowing that the longer the build up, the more rewarding the pleasure will be. I imagine my favorite parts of what we've done during the day and I start with one -- fondling my breast and teasing my nipples. I close my eyes and move my hands over both breasts, noticing how smooth they feel. I run my hands along the outer edges of their fullness, warming them up. I pass across each nipple a few times, teasing them, exciting them. As they protrude from the excitement, I pinch them and pull them outward encouraging them to protrude even more. I roll them between my fingers and thumb and flutter my finger tips across my now erect nipples some more until I feel the electricity of my excitement flowing thru my body. I begin moving my fingers lower, over my tummy and down toward my pussy. I very lightly touch my fingers all over my pussy. The outside lips, then the inside lips, then ever so gently, up to my clit, barely touching it with my finger tips. I then reach down and feel my wetness. More wetness than I'm used to and it is so incredibly wonderful. I coat my fingers in my own juices and bring them back up to my clit. That first slippery touch is pure heaven. I sigh. I massage my clit a bit more with my wet fingers and imagine it is your tongue swirling around me, over and over. I continue to tease myself, my fingers going back down to, but not in my dripping tunnel, then dragging them slowly up thru my lips and to the top of my clit. Again and again. I have a sudden urge to feel something filling my tunnel. I reach for my woody by my side. I move the tip of it around my pussy lips and clit, as if introducing it to my body for the first time. I then push the tip of the woody into my tunnel to lubricate it and bring it back up to my clit for some more slippery massages, thinking of you the entire time. I don't want to wait any longer. I can't. I plunge the woody deep into my tunnel, seeking the angle that I have memorized. The woody hits my g-spot right on target, I gasp and then let out another sigh. My eyes are closed and I am deep in the moment, so I don't realize that you are back and have quietly let yourself into the room, expecting me to be asleep and not wanting to wake me. You are surprised yet thrilled by what you see. My shoulders and head are propped up slightly on the headboard of the bed, my legs are bent at the knee with my knees spread wide. The heels of my feet press into the mattress. The covers are in a pile on the floor at the foot of the bed. There is nothing obstructing your view. You decide to stay as quiet as you can and watch as I indulge in pleasuring myself. The woody fills me completely and feels amazing after all the teasing. I imagine it is you filling me and I become more excited. I begin sliding the woody in and out of my tunnel, slower on the way out, and more forceful on the way in, the tip of it finding my g-spot on every in thrust. I continue until I am dying to feel the pleasure of an orgasm wash over me. Not noticing you at all, I reach for my magic wand. I turn it on and barely touch it to my throbbing clit. That's all it takes for the first wave of the first orgasm to begin. I throw my head back, my back arches, my stomach muscles clench and I am in the throws of one of the most intense orgasms I have ever had. I am gasping and crying out uncontrollably. I'm working the woody furiously, holding the magic wand in just the right place so it gently tickles my clit and vibrates the woody on its way into me. My tunnel is squeezing the woody, pushing it out of me by itself. I have to struggle to thrust it back in, but I so want another orgasm. I know it will be worth the struggle. I keep the movement of the woody going at a fast pace while I move the magic wand over the length of my clit. ANother orgasm bursts forth, a short and less intense one, but I'm loving it none the less. Before I get a chance to come down from the second orgasm, a third one is upon me. I can feel it sneaking up slowly and then pushing thru to the overwhelming tingly feeling of pleasure all over my body. I can hardly believe such a feeling exists. Again, my body is responding on its own accord. My legs are trembling, my hips are bucking, my chest is flushed and heaving, nipples at attention. I feel the heat move up to my face, that familiar flush of orgasmic pleasure. Animal sounds are coming out of my mouth, from deep within me. I don't recognize them or know how to control them. This third orgasm seem to be lasting forever and I am loving every second of it. After what feels like hours rather than minutes of ecstasy, I'm breathing heavily and I can feel my heart pounding. I begin to relax. I allow the magic wand to fall away. It falls out of my hand and onto the floor. I release the woody letting it slide out of me as I sigh. I bring my head forward and open my eyes, still trying to catch my breath, and there I see you. I give you a smile and a little laugh and say "How long have you been standing there?"

Nicely done, N. Beautiful.

No worries about saying something that might hurt me. I'm ok with it. I doubt I'll cyber again. As I mentioned, he wasn't a stranger. I would be pretty upset if he recorded our sessions. That thought makes me ill. How is it technically possible for him to record what my web cam is capturing?

Lovely. This one could do it for me. lol

Wow. great discussion. Thank you all. I feel better as the days go by, today was a pretty painless day. Saw the shrink and that helped a lot. I've got some thinking to do, but I have a general feel as to where I'm going. Again, thank you so much for the time and hugs you put into this for me. They are much appreciated and I'm so glad I found this board.

Good question, TN, and thank your for your follow up. I'm going to have to figure out what comes next. It may be too late with hubby considering all the other problems that exist in our relationship. Hotter, better sex will be great but won't solve those problems. The magic 8 ball in me says "Time to move on." Hubby and I have talked about separating and finding partners more suitable to each of us. The less-than-hot sex we have, now that I know what I'm missing, may just be another straw on the camel's back. How about hotter better sex with hubby until the divorce is final. lol (Gotta try and keep my sense of humor thru all of this..) Seriously, thanks everyone (iha, glad I got your input before you got to busy) for helping me think thru this.

I agree. I don't want to end my search for pleasure either, but it feels sorely lacking without cyber guy. Cyber guy WANTED me sexually, he lusted after my body (or seemed to). My husband doesn't have that same desire and frankly,I don't think he ever has, but I was fine with that until now. I'm not sure why you are asking these particular questions and what my answers may tell you (it's late here and I'm exhausted) but I would love to know. Please feel free to call it as you see it. The truth is all I ever want.

Thanks for that hug. I needed that.

Welcome, bettydaviseyes! I am also new here and feel quite comfortable already. There is a wealth of information and support here just waiting for you whenever you are ready.

Thanks, you three, for such positive responses. I am feeling a fair amount of pain (and low self esteem) over this, but it feels very validating to have you encouraging me onward in my sexual exploration. I have not yet tried to masturbate since Monday when this sexual-exploration-limiting event happened. I did get some toys in today's mail and I am off to give them a try by myself and then later introduce them to the husband. The thing that is bothering me the most right this second is that the reading material that got me off the best was written by cyber guy. He wrote wonderfully. I LOVE WHAT HE WROTE! I want to keep and use the collection of amazing stories he wrote for me, but right now I'm afraid it would be damaging. In other words, I don't want the pleasure I was (and am) able to give myself to be associated with him, but the stories are sooo hot. Whenever I read these stories, it was a guaranteed arousal and intense orgasm or 12. lol. I'm afraid I need to 'get back up on the horse' and re-establish new associations with this pleasure. That is a scary thought. What if I can't? Intellectually, I know that isn't true. Emotionally, I'm stuck. His face comes to mind every time.

Where to begin...let's see..I joined here last week because I believe I am entering a new stage of my life as a sexual being. I am new to, and very excited about, the attitude that sex is a healthy and necessary human expression...my upbringing taught me that sex was "dirty and shameful" and not something women liked, wanted or needed. This new attitude feels very liberating, not to mention, physically fantastic. I am overjoyed. The possibilities are overwhelming me in a good way. A little background...I have recently realized that I have been very unhappy in my 10 yr old marriage. I met someone online who has introduced me to the notion that sex can be beautiful, necessary, expressive, emotive, shameless, fun, important, healthy etc. I have engaged in cybersex with this person on several occasions achieving orgasms like I never have before (he writes, I read, I orgasm, he watches my face only over webcam). This person taught me things about my body that I didn't know were possible resulting in pleasures I had been missing. Since I had never met him, I felt a little odd at first about "performing" for him but it was fun and the orgasms were incredible. I often asked him if he felt odd and he would say, "no, it's a beautiful, intimate, and real experience shared by two consenting adults." Worked for me. Realizing that I have found something that profoundly changes my life (ie a better understanding of sex and how my body can respond) I told and showed my husband what I learned "from reading on the web". All fine and good. My husband is thrilled to have a more intense sex life and I can talk to him about these new feelings I am having and show him how to pleasure me. It opened the lines of communication a little bit more. This is when I found tootimid and began exploring my sexuality and what I really wanted for my life. Then, things start getting really weird with cyberguy. After telling me constant sob stories about his 14 yr old unhappy marriage and how his wife never wants to have sex, never loved him and will never change, so he gave up and then found me, all of a sudden she wants to work things out and he does too. Even tho we have shared these real intimacies and he will always be connected to me and there for me, and I'm so beautiful and he wants to fulfill my every fantasy, and when we finally get a chance to meet he'll make my experiences even better, now can we just be friends. He can't handle cybersex with me and "real" sex with wife at the same time. First he swears he's never going to leave his wife for his own happiness, then he says I have awakened feelings in him he hasn't felt in years and he can't live without those feelings so he would consider ending his marriage way sooner than he planned. Still, let's just be friends. We can still talk, just no sex. All kinds of other things aren't making sense with him either. I always got naked and did my thing. He stayed clothed and never showed any interest in masturbating himself. I never saw him aroused. He sent me pictures of himself that 1) didn't show his face (wearing ski goggles and a hat) 2) showed his face but they looked different than he did on the web cam. When I asked him if he had ever written stories for anyone else before, and he said no, but his stories are wonderfully written, very professional. He has never expressed any discomfort in wriiting them. The words he used were flowery and erotic, very unlike porn type stories that I am most familiar with. He also simulated oral sex for me to help me reach orgasm and he was very good. I tried to do the same for him and I felt like a complete idiot, laughing all the time. In other words, he seemed waaaayyy more comfortable with cybersex than I did. It was my first time for all of these things. I'm pretty confused and I have decided to end all contact with him whatsoever fearing that everything he told me about how much I meant to him was a complete lie just so I would masturbate for him and now he's onto his next fling. I feel pain over the loss of this friendship/affair/whatever it was and I do not regret it for one second becasue it opened doors for me. I don't know what he got out of it, but I don't really care at this point. I got a recipe for amazing self pleasure with a healthier attitude for sex. I am thrilled with this new discovery. That being said, I am having a very hard time owning my new sexual identity. Is this new identity part of someone else's pathology? He helped me get here, possibly under false pretenses, and I fear his motivations negate what I have learned and what I now feel about sex. What does this sound like to you? Am I just another woman in his string of cyber partners? Does it take away from my new found freedom? Is this making any sense to anyone? lol I'm all mixed up about everything so it's hard to tell the story clearly. Thanks for listening...I appreciate any helpful advice, words of wisdom and/or comfort.

I am also a big fan of reading erotica. Even better if it's written personally for me. There's just something about reading that connects my brain and my soul...Fantasizing about someone I'm crushing on is another favorite.

Howard.... Definitely Howard. I haven't been here very long, but boy do I love that man's emotional intelligence. I found myself, on numerous occasions, saying under my breath "howard, will you marry me?" while reading his posts. lol I'm married, he's married, so that probably won't happen, but it's the thought that counts. lol

can i have two firsts?! The first first was a long time ago, maybe 10 years. I went to a local sex shop (a girlie one) with another couple. I had a crush on the guy so that was kind of thrilling. Not sure what he thought, but he did get very embarrassed when he turned around to see me fingering a flesh light! lol The second first was last week (all part of my own private sexual revolution). Similar shop. I was the only one there. I was looking for a g-spot vibe. The sales woman was very cute. She stood nearby to help with questions as I called my cyber lover from my cell and asked which vibe he thought "we" should get. "Gee what do you think, honey?" lol That was VERY fun.

LOL...oh man, that is hilarious. I had a huge smile on my face reading that. Good one.