Cavelady854

Good one!

My fiance and I have a new role play that we do. It's a reluctant hooker and her john who doesn't want to pay for her services. It is actually quite fun. He gets to act all mean and rude when he normally isn't like that at all.

Awsome job! Very good read.

A man walks into a bank. The teller goes, "How can I help you , sir?" "Yes," he replies, "I would like to open a fucking bank account." "Sir, I would be glad to help you, there is no need for such language." "I don't know what the fuck you are talking about, you stupid bitch! I just want to open a fucking bank account!" "Sir, there is no need to talk to me this way, I will gladly help you." "I still don't know what the fuck you are talking about, you god damn whore! I just want to open a fucking bank account!" The teller gets the manager. He comes down and says, "Sir, is there a problem here?" "The only fucking problem is this god damn fucking twat, won't open a fucking bank account for me!" "Sir, there is no need for such language. I will gladly help you. How much would you like to deposit?" "Five Billion dollars." The manager points to the teller and says, "And this fucking bitch wouldn't help you?"

First Guy: I put two black roosters in a cage. Second Guy: Ok. First Guy: How many beaks are there? Second Guy: Two. First Guy: How many wings are there? Second Guy: Four. First Guy: How many legs? Second Guy: Four. First Guy: Ok, now I put a white cat in the cage. Second Guy: Ok. First Guy: How many whiskers are there? Second Guy: I don't know, how many are there? First Guy: You seem to know a lot about black cocks, but not that much about white pussy.

A man is making love with his girlfriend, and her husband comes home. In a panic, she tells him to jump out the window. "But it's raining!" he complains. "I don't care! He will kill up both! Just go!" So he jumps out the window. He starts running, and eventually joins this marathon that is going by. He gets a little attention from the other runners, so they ask him, "Do you always run naked?" "Yes," he replies, thinking quickly, "it makes me feel free and inhibited." "Do you always run with your clothes under your arm?" "Yes, that way when I am done running, I can just get into my car and go home." "Do you always run with a condom on?" "Only when it is raining."

A guy sits down at the bar, with a huff. He says, "I am really pissed!" The bartender says, "What happened? Tell me it's my job to listen." "I was at my girlfriend's house and her husband came home." "No wonder you are upset!" "No that isn't even the half of it! She makes me jump out the window, and I hang onto the sill by my fingertips." "No wonder you are upset!" "No that isn't even the half of it! The husband comes in and says, 'Hey you are already naked, let's fuck.' So, I have to listen to them screw." "No wonder you are upset!" "No that isn't even the half of it! Then he throws out the used condom, and it lands on my forehead!" "No wonder you are upset!" "No that isn't even the half of it! Then he takes a piss out the window! It goes all over my shoulders!" "No wonder you are upset!" "No that isn't even the worst part! The real reason why I am so pissed off is after all this happens to me, I look down and my feet are six inches off the ground!!!!!!!!"

A man brings home a woman. He takes off his shirt, and flexes his arms for her. See each of these arms? Fifty pounds of pure dynamite. Hua! He grunts. Then he takes off his pants. See each of these legs? Seventy five pounds of pure dynamite. Then he takes off his underwear. The woman runs out of the room. Hey! Come back. Why did you run out of the room like that? With that much dynamite and that short a fuse, I thought I should get out of here!

A sailor, on leave, picks up a hooker. They start going at it and he asks, "How am I doing?" She replies, "Three knots." "Three knots? What do you mean three knots?" "You are not in, you are not hard, and you are not getting your money back."

OMG! THIS WAS FREAKIN HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

We are walking down the hallway. Quietly thinking about the meeting and how naughty we had been. You press a button to get the elevator. As we watch the numbers come down to us, you lean in to whisper forcefully in my ear, "What a little slut you are. I am going to fuck your ass, cause a whore like you needs it." I gasp as desire shoots straight to my pussy, making me wet for you right now. I gasp agian as the elevator opens and you pull me quickly inside. "Take off your panties, bitch," you sneer. I do as I am told, sliding the wet panties down to the floor of the elevator. You let the elevator go down to a halfway point between two floors before you hit the emergency stop button. The elevator does a little bounce, before it comes to a complete stop. You take me by the shoulders and roughly push me towards the wall. "OK, my little whore, raise that skirt," you whisper visiously into my ear. I moan and shudder in response, so turned on right now. You bite down dominatly on my shoulder, gently, but a bite still the same. "Not fast enough bitch!" you growl as you grind your hips into my ass, pressing me hard into the wall. I can feel your hard cock pressing to get into my ass. I raise my skirt, I hear you unzipping your pants then groaning as you start to stroke your hard cock. "Now spread those cheeks wide for me, slave." I whimper as I do as I am told. I take a smooth cheek in each hand and spread my ass wide. You take the lube out of my purse and lube up your cock, then my asshole. You groan as you push just the head of your large cock in. You wait for me to get used to the head, before you push in a little further. My tight ass takes your cock in deep. I moan as you get your long cock all the way in. You slowly start to pump your cock in and out of my ass, holding onto my shoulders so you can get it in deep. I arch my back, moaning. "Oh god yes yes yes! Oh yes fuck me harder yeah yeah! Ahhh!" I pant breathlessly, as you fuck my tight ass. "You like my cock don't you, whore? Do you want it haaaarrrrdddeerrr?" as you ask me on that word you push in extremely hard, slamming me agianst the wall. "And...." you say at you withdraw it almost completly. "Deeeeppppppeerrr?" you ask as you push it in as deep as it will go, dominatly pushing me into the wall so I have no where to move from your pounding cock. "Oh GOD! Yes Yes! Ah ah oh oh! yes yes yes yes! Oh god!" I moan incoherently, as you fuck my ass hard. You spank it once or twice before you pick up your pace, repeatedly slammimng me against the wall. You lean in and suck on my neck as I ride your hard cock. You growl into my ear, "Are you going to cum for me, cunt? Do you want me to cum in your big ass?" I can only nod in response, before I moan again. "Mmmm... your ass feels so fucking good.... my dirty little slut.... I should pay for you like the whore you are..... How much will this cost me, bitch?.... You are such a whore....Uhhhh.." you grunt into my ear. This is too much. I scream while I cum hard, the sound echoing up the elevator shaft. You groan my name as you explode in my back route. You continue to pound it roughly into me, until we are both spent. We slide down the wall of the elevator, your cock still in my ass, to kneel onto the floor. You reluctantly take out your cock. My ass grips it like it doesn't want to let it go, as it slowly slides out. I lean back so you can kiss me, both panting after all the effort. "I no longer owe you one. You owe me now," you say smugly.

If I was there in the meeting with you, I would rub my hand along your thigh. I would laugh to myself as you jumped with surprise. Then you would lean closer to me, looking for all the world like you were paying attention to the boring meeting. My hand is sitting on your thigh. You take my hand and rub it against your hardening cock. I practiacally purr with aproval as I feel your large size and long length. I laugh, as you cover a gasp with a fake cough as I unzip your pants. I listen intently to the leader of the meeting as my hand starts to pump your hard cock. Slowly up and down, my hand moves, playing with your hard length. You groan. When everyone looks toward you, you look around like it wasn't you and you were wondering where that noise came from too. I look inocently around as well, thinking hmm... What was that? When the leader of the meeting slowly continues after an awkward pause, I slowly run my long finger nails across the sensitve head. You suck air in through your teeth as my pace increases. You begin to hump my hand, meanwhile from the desk up you are looking as bored as everyone else. Thrilled by our shared secret I kick it up a notch, playing with your large sacs on each down stroke. You are humping my hand so hard now that you accidently hit the table. I quickly take my hand off your cock and put both on the table, then look around like you and the others for the source of the strange noise. After another awkward pause, the meeting leader glares in our general direction, before he continues. The other board members watch us for a bit. Finding us to be unentertaining, they resume to watch the leader drone on about this and that. Blah blah blah. You gasp with surprise as you feel my wet fingers on you cock. I had stuck them into my wet pussy when no one was paying attention. I gently rub my wet fingers all over the tip of your hard cock. then I slowly glide one wet finger down the entire length of your shaft, to tickle your balls. You look at me in absolute agony as I tease you for a bit more. Then taking pity on you, I enclose your cock in a tight fist then I pump it tightly, until you orgasm. I continue to pump your cock until you are done. Then I pat it gently, with my hankerchief, before putting it back into it's cloth prison. I lean in to you and say in a quiet aroused tone. "mmm ....... you owe me one." hehe I hope I made your boring meeting a little less boring. hehe.

I totally agree with that!

"I want you to suck my big hard cock," you growl into my ear, as you rub your stiff member against my ass and your strong arms cage me against the car. I let a small whimper escape as I rub my butt against your prick, feeling it thicken and lengthen. "Or I could just fuck you over the trunk of this car." I gasp as one of your hands raises my short skirt and fondles my ass, gently skimming my black lace panties. You lean close again to place your tongue on my throbbing pulse on my neck, and cradle my soft butt between your hard thighs, pinning me against the car. I moan again as you nibble on my ear and press your cock persistently against me. Heat pools deep within me as your hand moves up to cup one of my large breasts, my nipple already hard with arousal. "Would you like that, bitch?" your harsh whisper sends shivers down my spine and a small, "oh," escapes my lips. "My big...hard...cock. Inside your....tight....little... pussy. Right... behind this bar....where anyone can come out and see us," you whisper visciously, knowing the power of your words, and how they affect me. You push me down so that I am bent over, my upper body laying on the trunk, my legs pressed against the rear bumper, while your muscular legs keep me from squirming away. You lean forward and growl roughly, "Or maybe I will skip that and just fuck your sweet ass." I groan and push my hips against you, causing you to inhale deeply. You lean heavily into me, letting me feel your power, your strength,...your thick cock. "Would you like that, bitch?" you murmur into my ear. "Oh yes!" I cry out, as I wiggle my butt into your crotch. You look around the parking lot, seeing no one else around. You grunt like an animal as I again grind my rump back into you excitedly. With one last look at the back door of the bar, you unzip your pants, releasing your long, pulsing member. I sigh as I hear you opening a condom package, my excitement dripping down my inner thighs. You raise my skirt, allowing cool air to brush gently across my lace-covered bottom. You move the black lace aside and place two fingers into my dripping pussy. I squeal with delight, as those fingers start to pump into my tight channel. Your thumb barely grazes my clit and I come apart in an exploding orgasm, grinding my cunt against your hand. You pull down my lace panties and have me step out of them, and then shove them into your pocket while I am still rocketing from the orgasm. Then you push your hard cock deep into my pussy. I purr and you groan at the same time, as my tight tunnel grips your hard cock like a fist. You spread my legs wide as you start a strong rhythm, slamming my hips against the car. I turn my head to place a gasping kiss on your lips before I break away to again feverishly moan with pleasure. You lean down, your strong arms holding me against the car, as you fuck my wet pussy hard. Your strong body dominantly holds me in place as I start to thrash about, while your hands pull my blouse and bra up in one motion, releasing my aching tits. You push me down further, my breasts now feeling the coldness of the car's trunk, which inflames me even more. My hands whip out to try to claw down the metal surface of the car trunk. Your hands trap mine against the cool metal, so my long nails wouldn't damage this person's car. "Do you like this big cock in your pussy?" you growl into my ear. "Oh God, yes!" I moan loudly as I arch my back and push my hips back in time to meet with your thrusts. I can feel another orgasm rising, and I gasp as I try to reach for it. Your hand comes down to spank my ass as you lean back a little. "Yeah, take that big fucking cock," you cackle as you feel the effect your movements are having on me. My cries start to get louder as you start to pound your cock in harder. You pull my hair back and harshly cover my mouth with yours, muffling my screams, as I explode into a huge orgasm. You finally release my mouth as I start to come down from that higher plane. I whimper as you withdraw your still hard cock from my wet pussy. You spank my ass again with a firm hand as I squeal with delight. You rub your hard cock, still wet with my juices, along my ass crack. I sigh with anticipation as you spread my cheeks and rub your thumb around my tight sphincter. You hand moves down to my pussy and runs through my wet folds. I grunt my approval as your fingers play with my primed clit for a little bit before they move back to my tight hole. I shudder with anticipation as your fingers lube up and play around with my anus. I bite my lip as you push in your thumb, preparing me for your big dick. I gasp as you replace your thumb with the head of your hard member. You let me get used to the head before you slowly push in the rest of the long shaft. You grunt as my ass grips your rod tightly. You give a few short strokes to let my ass get used to your invasion before you start to fuck your cock in and out of me, deep and hard. I cry out as you piston your cock into my ass, slamming me against the car trunk. Not caring about possible discovery, both of us groan noisily as your pace increases. You cover my back and growl into my ear as we both climb higher and higher. You yell out my name as your orgasm crashes through your body like a fireball. Like falling dominoes, mine hits me soon after, and I scream and claw at the car as wave after wave of orgasmic pleasure washes over me. You collapse onto me and kiss me on the neck before you reluctantly withdraw from my ass. You still lay on top of me, both of us panting, trying to catch our breath. You lower my skirt as you stand up, pulling me up as well. I turn and lean up onto my tiptoes to kiss you before I say, "We should go now." You smile before you ask, "Why?" "Well, you wanted me to suck your big...hard ...cock, didn't you?" I say shyly, as I take you by the hand and lead you to our car. Your smile turns into a grin as you eagerly follow me.

A couple of guys were waiting to go through to heaven. St. Peter goes to the first guy, "Ok, what's your religion?" "Methodist." "Ok, you are in Room 12, but when you walk by Room 8, be as quiet as you can." The guy goes and is as quiet as he can be, when he goes by Room 8. "Ok, next. What's your religion?" St. Peter goes to the next guy. "Baptist." "Room 15. Same thing for you too, be quiet passing Room 8." The guy goes and is quiet when he goes by Room 8. "Ok, next. Religion?" "Jewish" "Ok, Room 20. Be quiet when passing Room 8." St. Peter says. The Jewish guy says, "I get that we are all in seperate religions, so we have to go to seperate rooms, but why do we have to be quiet, when we go by Room 8?" St. Peter replies, "That is where the Catholics are. They think they are the only ones allowed up here."

Damn, girl! You have talent. That was incredibly hot and awsome! Thanks for the story. It was really cool.

hehe I got to spread that one!

omg! I have actually never heard that one before! Funny!

Semi-awake, I think I hear a laugh. Then someone was shushing someone else, trying to get them to stay quiet. I awaken with a start as I feel two pairs of hands on my legs pulling me forward. Someone settles in between my legs, placing two fingers in my pussy, and starts licking my clit. I gasp in surprise as John's tongue dances circles around my aroused clit and his two fingers pump in deep. "Good morning, sweetheart," Lina says, as she kisses my surprised mouth. My hands extend to each of their heads, running my fingers through their hair as I respond to their wake-up play. When Lina breaks the kiss, I bring both of her beautiful breasts to my mouth, teasing the hard nipples gently with my teeth. I moan a little as I kiss the underside of her breast, then slowly lick down her belly, all the while maneuvering so that John's mouth and fingers can continue their wonderful exploration. Then I prod her thighs open. Lina sighs when my questing mouth reaches its goal. I gently push Lina down onto her side so i can get at her pussy better. I raise her hip and move my head so that it is pillowed between her milky white thighs. Lina sighs with pleasure as my tongue starts licking her aroused wet clit. In this position, Lina can easily put her mouth on John's thick cock, creating a daisy chain of oral pleasure. Lina wraps her mouth around John's smooth head, swirling her tongue around it as she sucks. John groans as he pumps three fingers in and out of my wet pussy, while he licks up my sweet cream. I moan and thrash about from his ministrations, with only Lina's legs holding me to my task. My tongue flicks back and forth across Lina's clit. She screams and floods my mouth as I probe three fingers into her juicy snatch. I slowly start to pump my fingers in and out, curling them upwards toward Lina's g-spot. I moan, breathing hot breath onto her clit, as John inserts another finger into my tight pussy. My hands snake around her hips to play with her butt. Lina gasps when my fingers approach her tight rear opening. I know how much it excites her to have someone near there, so just to be a tease, I take my hands away and put two fingers in her pussy again. I laugh softly to myself as I hear her whimper of disappointment. I make sure my fingers are covered in her juices before I move my hands back there again, this time gently holding a soft cheek up with one hand and skimming the rim of her tight sphincter with my other hand's wet fingers. Lina gasps with pleasure as she feels the cold air against the new wetness around her back route. My mouth continues to lick out Lina's wet pussy, as I slowly insert first one wet finger, then two, into her tight hole. Lina moans with arousal, her mouth now around John's balls, as I start to fuck her ass with my fingers. I pause to shriek, riding a wave of pleasure as John's magic mouth clamps down like a vacuum on my clit. I shudder as an orgasm passes through me, followed quickly by another right after that. John sits up, breaking the chain, and says to me, "Mmm ... you want my big cock in your pussy, bitch?" while he runs his hands through Lina's hair. I nod my head, and they hear a muffled, "Yes," emanating from between Lina's legs. "Just remember what I said, slave: the more you make Lina moan, the more my cock will be in your pussy," John says, as he kisses Lina. I nod my head again as I say, "Yes, sir." John turns me sideways and spreads my legs, then he rubs his cock slowly up and down my wet slit before entering my aching pussy. I moan into Lina's pussy, as John's cock finds a good spot. He leans down and sucks on my ear as he whispers fiercely, "You are so fucking hot.... Keep licking out her pussy....so fucking hot.... you will be rewarded for this, you fucking bitch....oh yeah," he growls into my ear. I moan as his words sink in, my hot breath against Lina's clit. Lina moans as I suck her clitty into my mouth. I insert two fingers in and curl them toward her g-spot. John leans over me to grab a pink toy from the nightstand, then gives it to me for use on Lina, as he pushes his cock in deep. I take the toy and insert it into her pussy. Using a fist wrapped tightly around the pink toy, I rapidly pump the toy in and out of her pussy, which is getting wetter and wetter, the squishing sounds quite audible at this point. Lina's body goes rigid, as she crashes through an orgasm, flooding my mouth with her sweet juices. I lap up what I can before I finally release Lina and let John fuck me. I moan and hang onto his strong arms, as he pistons his cock in deep. I try to close my eyes, as the delightful sensations pass through me, but John's intense hazel gaze compels me to keep them open. My large breasts bounce up and down, drawing John's attention to them. He brings one of my hard nipples into his mouth and swirls around it with his tongue, then gently nibbles it with his teeth. He looks over to Lina who is playing with herself and licks his lips, watching her intently for a few minutes, before returning those intense eyes to me. I moan and gasp, as he picks up the pace, roughly slamming his hard cock into me. "You like this cock in your pussy, slut? You have been such a naughty girl, fucking this big cock." He pulls my hair back, so I am forced to look into his eyes again. I kiss him and groan at the same time, as I thrash about on the bed. John uses his weight to hold me down. I try to gasp for air, as i feel my impending orgasm rapidly approaching. "Come on baby, .... Oh yeah you are such a slut.... cum all over my hard cock..... Come on baby, just let go....Oh yeah!" The last phrase comes out in a groan before he covers my mouth with his, as I scream his name and experience a huge orgasm, like a wave crashing to shore. Once I am done riding that wave, John withdraws his cock from my pussy and shoves it into Lina's. Like a bottle rocket, Lina cums again and again, each time her moans getting louder and the bed beneath her getting wetter. After Lina's countless orgasms, John pushes in deep one final time, groaning as he and Lina cum simultaneously. Panting, John collapses between his two favorite girls. With one of John's arms around each woman, the smiling trio quietly fall into an exhausted slumber.

A woman goes to the doctor, worried about these two strange green spots located on the inside of her inner thighs. The doctor takes a sample of them and brings it to the lab. He comes back and says, "I have good news and bad news." "The good news is there is nothing wrong with you. The bad news is that your boyfriend wears fake earings."

The redneck lawnmower Horse shoes Pet carrier Not letting a little rain ruin your fishing. You might be a redneck if this was your doorbell. and this was your mailbox

Redneck wedding photos Weather news forecast This was your fishing boat. This is your idea of a gingerbread house. Your wedding cake If your were quoted saying this in the local paper. If you need fashion tips from your husband.

You might be a redneck if...... This was your cat This was your idea of a pickup truck. If you were a powerball winner. This was your idea of skiing. This was your idea of guest rooms. This is the before mentioned powerball winner on vacation.

good job.