WendyNY

Suzy--that was so interesting about the history of Valentine's Day. In all these years, I've never known the history. Well, my husband has LOTS of making up to me to do. He had the flu--- I told him he owes me---And all I really wanted for Valentine's Day was EIGHT INCHES OF LOVE !!! LOL.....

LadyLove, that is completely true-- I agree people deal with emptiness in lots of ways. No, I could never go on National TV either !! Although this show is a little more upscale than Jerry Springer !!! LOL..... Still, I wouldn't want my neighbors , co-workers or my family members to watch me spill my guts to the world. It's so personal and not something that everyone knows about me (or us) (which is why I love this site ! ) Still have to watch the rest of the show......The bit I saw was quite good....Later this week. I promise !!

Square, you crack me up !!!! LOL....I can sympathize. My girls are 12 and 14. My youngest got hers last year at 11 also. She is the more mature of my two daughters. Do you know she had it for almost 4 days before I even found out ?? She just took care of it and didn't say anything. My oldest daughter got hers a little later that same year . She was 13. Now she is COMPLETELY different and you would have thought we needed to take her to the ER !!! It's a lot for them to go through at that age. Yes, it's a sign that they are becoming a woman but at the same time we want to keep them our babies. I think men have a harder time with their daughters growing up. I know my husband is not handling them maturing very well....

I can understand that you may feel some distrust towards your wife. It makes you think and wonder. I suppose you could bring it up nonchalantly in conversation but you don't really want to start a fight if everything is going well. As far as your question "was sex was ever less painful ? "----Yes---but it took until after my first daughter was born !!!( Seven years after being married.) I think a lot of it was in my head. Our wedding night was NOT what I expected. I cried--it hurt so badly. A lot of it was that we didn't do any foreplay---we went straight for the sex. We did fool around a lot before marriage but as soon as we got married all that went out the window and the main focus was just sex. I was my husbands first girlfriend, so he didn't have any experience. My reaction to him each time we would have sex was to withdraw and tense up as I knew that it would hurt. I suppose it makes sense that I would do that. There weren't really any "toys" back then. We did buy something from "Spencers", it was a basic plastic vibrator. We would use it occasionally to warm me up before sex. He was so large a lot of the pain was due to his size. (but a lot of it was in my head ) The vibrator helped and sex was a little less painful. Even though the affairs I had were not mainly due to sex--Sex was a part of it, probably because I was SO disappointed with sex in my marriage. My first time was kind of like tasting my first beer--you know all the hype about beer and I expected it to taste like Pepsi---- Well, Beer tastes NOTHING like Pepsi -After awhile I acquired a taste for beer. LOL. It was like that with sex for me--I've always been fascinated by sex. Probably because it wasn't really spoken about in my family. Sex was wrong, sex was a sin. Masturbation was a sin. I'd go to hell, etc... etc.. So I started reading about sex--reading, watching in movies. Sex looked like it would be awesome.... all that hype and then the real thing didn't measure up. I reached my sexual peak VERY LATE in life. I was early 40's I think. My husband was a bit resentful as I didn't enjoy it like this when we were first married. I do have a higher sex drive than he does. Back to the Unfaithful show--I did watch part of the new one- I'll finish watching this week and post more about it.

Ladylove, I forgot to comment on this post. I have heard of this book, but I have yet to read it. I will have to look for it. I do have several marriage "self help" books. The "His Needs, Her Needs" is my favorite of all of them though. I suppose it is really the basic simple things that are the most helpful.

I see nothing at all wrong with waiting. I know it's not as common any longer to wait. I think most of that is due to women/ girls wanting to keep a boyfriend though, more than them really wanting to have sex. However, I did wait to be married first before having sex. (and wish I hadn't ) But that's me. I think the way we are all raised has something to do with it also. In my family it wasn't so much that you had to wait for the right one--- I was brought up that sex before marriage was a SIN. I was scared to death to have sex because of that reason. When you meet the right one you will KNOW. I agree that when you get to know someone first and there is that emotional connection it makes sex so much more than just "sex". Don't let anyone talk you out of it. Continue to stand up for your beliefs and don't feel badly about it.

Square---thank you for such juicy details !!! Thank you for sharing so much. Seriously--- thank you for being so honest. I do think that the work girl was very attracted to you. She wouldn't have gone out of her way to tell you that she was looking forward to going with you. Maybe in her mind she was fantasizing about something sexual occurring with you on the trip. That in itself is a HUGE ego booster. The thought that someone else finds you attractive and WANTS you. Even though the sex at home was going really well, the anticipation and excitement of something else with SOMEONE else can be quite thrilling. It's also nice to hear that other people find you attractive. I mean---our spouses or partners can tell us a million times that they find us hot or sexy or that we turn them on. After awhile, it goes in one ear and out the other. Sometimes the novelty of it is gone and we feel like they "have to " tell us that. I think that what you did in your mind is completely normal--You "rationalized" the idea that if something were to happen with her on the trip it would be ok because your wife had kind of given you the go-ahead. Not that she would have been completely ok with it, but that she wouldn't have left you for it. The fact that she told you she not only fantasized about other women but she had thought about a threesome excited you also. Your thoughts that it wouldn't have been any different if it happened on the trip or with her were completely normal. I think we all rationalize things that we really want to do as a way to make them seem ok when they are truly not. I can understand that even though you were turned on by her bisexual fantasies you were also a bit hurt that she confessed to you that had been with a woman and kept it a secret from you. I think I rationalized parts of my affairs also. I will share something. My very first affair happened shortly after we were married. I was 23 when we married. We were both virgins. Sex was AWFUL and very painful for me. I would block it out each and every time we had sex to get through it. My husband worked second shift. There wasn't a lot of communication between us. We were like ships passing in the night. We were leading separate lives.I joined a gym shortly after we were married. I met a much older man ----20 years older than me---he was married also. We began working out together in the gym every morning. We became friends and soon one thing led to another. It wasn't really about the sex for me. I felt so close to him. We talked---he listened to me. I could tell him anything. I told myself that it was ok as I was just experimenting with the sex a bit as I had so little experience with it. (having been a virgin before marriage and all) I "rationalized" it in my head. (by the way --the sex didn't hurt at all with him ) I told myself the affair and the sex really didn't mean anything. I was "married" now after all. I had been raised that you had to be married to have sex. Again----I "rationalized" the infidelity in my very twisted mind by being married---even though he and I were not married to each other.... It turned into much more and he wanted me to leave my husband for him. It was not a great time for me. (or my husband after he found out... ) But we got through it....Until the next time........

I think we'd have to have some SEX first to have some scratches or bruises !!! No sex this week !! My husband has the flu..

My RANT is that we finally have snow----winter has begun. Well, I guess it's to be expected, I mean--It IS February right ?? But having Spring like weather for so long was SO NICE.... MY RAVE is that the series "The Walking Dead" returns TONIGHT at 9 on AMC. I LOVE THIS SHOW !!!!! If you haven't seen it check out the trailer (you can also watch some of the episodes on Netflix ) I know its not SEX---but OMG is it good..... So addicting............. This is the new episode http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87EKtdpkKsk This is the First seasons trailer (you can also look up the second season's trailer )

Brandy-I'm so sorry about your weekend. I was so afraid as I kept reading to the end that the outcome would not have had a happy ending. I'm glad the baby is doing well.

Thanks Square---I'm glad you took the time to read this. So, you're going to leave us hanging???? You know how much I LOVE details..... It's great that you and your wife are still together. I know marriage is hard work. (VERY hard work sometimes ) But, feel free to expand on the "what if" that almost happened if you want to. I think lots of people can relate.

I LOVE to be fingered, but unfortunately it doesn't happen often. It seems that when we have the time to be together it's very rushed. We've never had much foreplay. Oh, every now and then we do, but for the most part there could be lots more of it. I've NEVER had a G-spot orgasm (still not sure if I even have a G-spot -LOL ) but every now and then when he fingers me he will hit this spot that I'm sure must be my G-spot---there's a very intense feeling inside in that area...but I never let it go long enough to find out !! Yes, we need to work on the fingering and foreplay in general. (And to the men on here that have expressed their pleasure in doing it---your wives or girlfriends are EXTREMELY lucky !! )

To truly love like that is amazing. It shows you that it doesn't matter how much money we have or what wordly possessions we own. It's really LOVE that's important. We all want that. I loved both the stories. Yes, the second was much sadder but I think that it's quite common to have one spouse go soon after the other. They were so in love that they can't bear to live without the other.

I do agree that most people are very judgemental when it comes to infidelity. Especially infidelity that occurs among actors, politicians and people who are in the public eye. Everyone can't wait to gossip about it. Some people FEED off other people's pain and dysfunction and they are so quick to judge. No one's life is perfect. Until we can walk in someone else's shoes--we have no way of truly understanding what their life is like. Now--I didn't say it was right---But I don't believe we should throw stones. I know some of the things I've done in my marriage were wrong-- but I do not ever judge anyone. Affairs are a type of fantasy for most people. Aside from fulfilling certain needs and desires it's a place where there is no fighting about daily tasks, bills, child rearing and the things that most husbands and wives fight about on a daily basis. It's an "escape" from real life. I was finally able to watch the above show on OWN this morning. The husband Jay is a therapist. He is married to Julie. His wife Julie is BEAUTIFUL---I mean, drop-dead GORGEOUS. They were completely in love. The show pans though the years of their marriage and as each child is born, they drift further and further apart. Julie stays home to take care of their 3 children and Jay starts to travel more for work. One of the places he goes to with business partners quite often is a very upscale Strip Club in Miami Florida. He ends up meeting a woman who works there and they begin to talk. She makes him feel special and they both feel an immediate connection. He finds excuses to travel to Miami more often. Eventually he and the woman begin an affair. Jay mentioned something that I also did---He "compartmentalized" his two lives in his head. In his head he had his one life with his wife and family and the other life with the woman in Florida. He kept them completely separate---until the two finally collided. You can only go on so long before that happens. His wife was sensing that something was amiss and she started to suspect. She hired a private investigator who brought her back the evidence she was dreading seeing---- Photographs of her husband and the woman together. She was heartbroken and angry. She filed for divorce. With the divorce pending, Jay moves in with the woman in Florida. Not long after---their relationship has problems and they end up splitting up. Apparently this is not an uncommon thing to happen. When you're having an affair--it's a complete fantasy----but having a real day to day life with that same person is usually difficult. Something so sad happens while the divorce is pending---Julie is diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma. She starts treatments and soon the divorce is finalized. Eventually Julie's treatments are over, the cancer is gone. Jay and Julie start spending more time together with the children. They become close again and then eventually remarry. They go to Marriage Counseling and end up having a 4th child. While this episode did have a happy ending not all marriages who have been affected by affairs do-----This episode also shows that looks or beauty really don't matter. It doesn't matter how gorgeous the wife is or how good looking the husband is----When something is missing from the marriage an affair can still happen. I have tonight's show taping and I'm looking forward to watching it.

From the female perspective--I am attracted to older men as well. Not that I won't notice a younger good looking guy--but honestly it really doesn't do much for me sexually. There is something about older men that I find very sexy. And I've noticed in the Porn I enjoy watching--the women are usually older as well. Perhaps it does have something to do with my age now. I don't enjoy watching younger women in Porn. Not only does it look like they are trying too hard, they don't seem to really enjoy it as much as the older women do. I think as we age our confidence increases TREMENDOUSLY. That's what I find especially sexy--the confidence in both men and women.

I'm still working on trying to watch this episode !! Hopefully over the weekend there will be time for it. The new episode starts Saturday night. (Thank God for DVR's as there would be no way I would ever be able to watch anything !! ) I'm not sure if what I have inside me is PAIN----I don't know. I know that we have had our ups and downs. There is a lot we have gone through over the years. I think that more people have gone through this than will admit to. When you think about cheating you think about just MEN doing it......But that's not true. And when you think about cheating you think it's just because of sex. That's not true either. There is a great book that I have read. It's called "His Needs, Her Needs" by Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr. Dr. Harley explains about the basic needs each of us have. There are a certain number of them-- We all have some needs that are more important to us than others. Some of the needs are: affection , conversation, sexual fulfillment, financial support, admiration, honesty, domestic support, recreational companionship, attractiveness in our partner. In our own minds we each have our "top" needs. The things that are super important to us. When we try to fulfill our partners needs- for the most part- it's OUR needs we are fulfilling--not THEIR needs. Maybe their top need is to be admired or to have us express our gratefulness to them for all they do for us. Maybe they are feeling ignored. Maybe they want more sex. A lot of times affairs just "happen". If there is a need your spouse or partner is not meeting you unintentionally seek out that need somewhere else. This book goes through actual scenarios from Dr. Harley's patients. The husband who is feeling ignored so he starts a gradual friendship with a co-worker. The wife who is feeling left out and unappreciated and she starts a friendship with someone else. A friend once told me-- "It's not as if you woke up one day and said -- "How can I hurt everyone closest to me- ?" and then set out to do it." Affairs happen gradually without our planning them. I am looking forward to this TV show and I will start to post my thoughts after each episode.

I was thinking about this thread yesterday at work. There was a female patient who came in yesterday morning . I wasn't sure how old she was at first. She had long brownish hair with blond highlights. Nice figure. She was wearing jeans. It was very obvious that she had had a facelift or some type of plastic surgery. (She had those Joan Rivers lips--you know the lips I'm talking about...... ) But she was attractive. Next to her was an old woman--white hair--lots of wrinkles. (that woman was 64) It wasn't until the other younger looking woman left and I started working on her file that I saw how old she was. SHE WAS SEVENTY FOUR !! I almost fell on the floor ! OMG...... I have a friend who is in her 50's. She's Italian--black hair--beautiful face --a bit overweight. She dresses completely GLAM. Diamonds--fur coats---Blinged out to the max. It suits her though. I couldn't wear those types of clothes with all that jewelry. It's not me----- And she couldn't dress the way I do--It's not her. So, each of us is aware of what looks good on us. We aren't trying to dress like someone else. I guess my style is SEXY Casual. (and you will never catch me EVER wearing sweats !! )

No--actually that sounds REALLY good !!! It's so hard to stay awake anymore ! You can have still some fun the next morning when you both wake up........

I think that everyone has their own style. I mean--You KNOW what looks good on you and what you feel comfortable wearing. I am a tshirt and jeans girl most of the time. (when I'm not at work)

Hmmmmmm..... How about placing the food on each other's bodies and eating off them--- Could be kind of messy...might be fun though. Perhaps just do it for the "dessert" entree ! As far as the actual dinner--I love seafood--- Maybe grilled shrimp and scallops.

I use Internet Explorer. I was able to enter the chat room the very first time I used it. The second time I was kicked out and the third time I was kicked out but found that box on the bottom right hand side. I opened it and had no problem. I haven't tried to use Chat again as we've been busy. Hopefully we'll have more time tonight. I had a great time chatting on Saturday also !!!! It was lots of fun.

I agree- taste is everything---I mean there is a big difference between looking SEXY versus SLUTTY. (although looking slutty does have it's own time and place.... ) There are lots of older attractive women in great shape and I say --if you have it--then ROCK IT !! (and I agree-- the looks the women were giving her were most likely out of jealousy.... ) But women who truly look 70 or 80 and are trying to look 20-- well, it's just not attractive.

I've never heard of that, but I suppose if you slip them ENOUGH you could get FULL SERVICE and then some...... It sounds like you will have a great weekend. Be sure to fill us in on ALL the details....

THANK YOU ROB !!!!!! You deserve a BIG kiss !!