You have to look with in and know you are special. You are incredibly talented when it comes to writing and I'm sure when all the things line up (Job, relationship, etc) you will appreciate all of it that much more. Make yourself a list......put things down in the order that you to get done. Spend your time focusing and accomplishing each one. It not about the past, you can not fix that. So don't dwell on that. It is about the present and how everyday is one.