Love Life Help

[shooham]

Dang do I need some help with my love life. My wife and I have been married about 19 years, and sex is usually pretty good when we have it, we just don't have it as often as I would like, which is almost once a week. Maybe I'm just a selfish male pig and I should be happy with what we do have but I'd really like to make love more often. WE have 4 kids, 2 boys: 8 & 10, 2 girls: 12 & 16. I am 44, she is almost 43, we are both healthy, active, intellegent. I clean house, load dishwasher, cook dinners, do yard work, own our own company, tell her how smart, beautiful, funny, sexy, brilliant, organized, hard working, cute, great interior decorator, gardener, cook, she is, which is all very true!! When we know we're going to fool around, we'll take a bath together in our tub, which is very big, part way through, i'll spend 15 minutes or so rubbing her neck and back, which is bad. I enjoy giving her oral sex until she almsot has an orgasm until she stops me two or three times so we can change positions or something else. I usually have her then roll over doggie style and give her a little more oral sex from the back side, then crawl up behind her, play with her a little more, slide inside her, but stay out enough so I can reach between us and play with her to make her cum, which I don't do right away so we can enjoy it more for a little while. I often lube up my finger or thumb and rub her ass, sometimes inserting a finger or thumb into it which pushes her over the edge very quickly. She has an orgasm then turns over and I slide in her from the front, on top of her, where we romp until we have one together, not too long by then. Then we wait and I go at it again and giver her at least one or usually two more, then we are done. We usually do that about once, maybe twice a month. The other method is, she climbs on top of me, I'm on my back, she slides up on her back on my front, I reach around, pretty easy, and play with her until she's pretty excited, then s slide inside her, play and romp some utnil she almost cums, then have her sit up, facing away form me, reach between us and play with her until she comes. she slides off, rolls over onto her back, I slide on top, romp until we have an orgasm together, then take a minute to rest, romp some more until she ahs 2 or 3 more. Snuggle a little, next to each other, talk some, clean up and off to sleep. I am 6'9" tall and weigh 260, she is 5'7" and weighs 137 or so, she is an absolutley beautiful classy, fun, sporty, sexy, elegant, wonderful woman. I spend alot of time with her during the day and the kids too. I coach some of their various team sports, play games with them, do homework with them, read with them, teach them to drive, take them to piano,we go camping and do lots of great stuff together. I communicate well with her, talk about everything together. I get oral sex maybe once a year, if that. Btw, before you think I must be some greasy sweaty pig, I often am told I look a lot like Tom Sellick and once Omar Sharif (sp?) But Tom is several inches shorter than me. I keep myself in good shape and clean cut, I don't drink, maybe a glass of wine a month with her, she loves a couple beers a week or a couple glasses of wine a week, so thats not a big deal either way. PLEASE HELP!!!!Thank you!!!! And excuse the typos, I spell well, but my typing stinks!

[shooham]

Howard, you are the man, unfortunately I have to get up at about 5 in the am and she doesn't get up until about 6:30 and she's sooo not into taking a shower with me. She said last week that she only needs to have great sex once or twice a month. She has discouraged me, over the years, from verbal foreplay, saying "that is all I think about". Thanks Howard! I've read your posts, you've always got great tips for ppl!

[shooham]

Thank you Howard, once again, great words. I'll talk to her about it. She always has 3-4 orgasms per lovemaking, so I will work on more. Thank you.

[hrnychick]

Yes Howard does offer great advice........and from a womans point of view i too think a talk is much needed here. After reading your post you seem to give her a lot of help a lot of attn. etc.....now if you didnt that would be my suggestion to you but since you seem to be doing all you can I can only say maybe she living the married life.....meaning content with having sex everyonce in awhile.....knowing you will be there when she wants it and even when she doesnt......A lot of married couples fall into the married life married sex.........the just get in a rut and the spark dies the sex turns basic and starts to go from everyday to less and less.

Its sad but true that this happens and it is wise not to let things go on to long or get to the point of no return........communication is key and its needed sooner better then later........It does seem a bit onesided of her to only want you to have pleasure as often as she does.....never anymore.......maybe after you talk with her and you tell her nicely ofcourse that you want her and want to pleasure her more and want more pleasure as well she will open up to her reasons of only needing (as she said) great sex once or twice a month......If she enjoys her orgasms then why wouldnt she want more..???? I agree with Howard there seems to be more here and maybe the talk will shed some light on it for you.......there can be many reasons a person has a lack of desire and they can have nothing to do with the one they are with.....it could be medication if she is taking any......it could be stress from her job.....it could be just plain medical and maybe she needs to talk to her Dr. whatever the reason it does need to be found out if you are happy with your sex life. A great sex life is the key to a happy marriage.........not saying that you would or even think about it but isnt the lack of something ( attn. and/or sex) the reason that makes someone cheat?

Please keep us posted hope all goes well for you both.

[Tyger]

I'll add my 2 cents in for what they're worth.

I pretty much lost most of my sex drive after getting pregnant with our daughter. Try and try as I might, it's hard to get back, though lately, it has surfaced here and there.

From another woman's POV, if a woman is feeling complete, fulfilled in life, sometimes sex takes a backseat. Especially if you've been married a while. Also, most people need only a certian amount of physical contact a day. If your kids are extremely touchy-feely, then she has met her "quota" for the day, she may not want to be touched either.

Now, I get what Howard is saying about the whole wife thing, though I think JOB is a bit of a strong word for it. But I understand where he is coming from. I consider marriage, not a job, but a partnership of 2 people, not businesses. Each person in a marriage has a ROLE, IMO. Though, it is also the husband's role to be understanding and giving, for which you seem to be very much so, which I applaud you for!

Orgasms are a beautiful thing. Maybe she's fallen into a sexual rut, (no pun intended) where the normalcy of what your sex entails bores her. No spontinaity. Though that seems to be hard to do with your active lives with and without the kids.

Ask her, nicely, and not when you're feeling "lonely". Just part of a conversation, if maybe she wants to try something new, is she bored, or what.

Good luck!