What About The Kids?

[sexykitty]

I just posted this question to Mikayla under the topic about kids and hiding the sex toys. That inturn made me want to find out from the others here that have a child/children how do you really have a good night of wild sex with the kids home?

I myself do not have a child and since some of you know I am dating again I am sure I will come across a man who may have a kid(s) so I would like info before I cross that bridge.

What if you want to have some kinky sex other then in the bedroom behind a locked door? How can you really enjoy it and get into it worring that if youre to loud the kids will wake up......or walk in on you?

I know the sure fire answers only do it behind a locked door or get a babysitter and have a wild night.....but what if you cant get a sitter or you just have that feeling and you just want to have sex? Im thinking the more rugrats running around the harder it would be to have alone time either with your SO or even with just yourself..........I would just like a heads up on how to get around this incase I have to someday..........Right now its so easey just to fuck where I want to and play when I want to etc.....just thinking what my sexlife would be like if I couldnt be so free..........thanks to all in advance for posting.

Have a nice day and keep posiing.

Kitty

[Mikayla1]

I think when you are a parent, your priorities change dramatically. My hubby and I still love our wild sex - but we ultimately love our child more. We try hard to find appropriate times to engage in sex- after our son is asleep, when he is visiting his Grandparents or Auntie's house. We did have to stop the flirtations a bit - not completely - just you can't really continue to grab each other's privates with a 4 year old watching everything you do.

As for the noise factor - I must admit - I am REALLY loud in bed - and I have a habit of talking dirty. This is a problem because our son has heard me talking loudly in the past and has woken up wondering if I was OK. I think that we ultimately will have to move our bedroom to another floor because try as I might, I still get loud. We have tried music, pillows over my face, everything, I am still loud.

When the time or day comes that he walks in on us - and I am sure he will - what I tell him will depend on his age. I plan to be appropriately honest with my child. I do not want him to be ashamed of sex or that his parents have sex - that is part of knowing your parents have a healthy and happy marriage. I do want to be appropriate though - I do not plan to give the boy "sex lessons" or anything like that. I suppose I will cross that perverbial bridge when I get to it.

For now, I am just trying to safely harbor my toys!

Mikayla

[sexykitty]

Thanks for the feedback........Like I said I have not come across this yet but at least I know what to do/say if it ever does happen to me and the man Im with.

I understand about talking to them and keeping age in mind.....but what would you do if you explain it in a informative manner and you hear the child talking about it with friends etc,,,,,,I am referring to a time when I heard a child comment are they going to have sex now just because he seen to people kiss.......and this same child also made remarks to that affect in his classroom because he liked a girl......HE WAS ONLY 6 IMO way to young to be thinking of gilrfriends......Im sure he picked up all his info from t.v. and hearing certain people around him that dont really watch what they say.

Again this isnt my child and I have no control or right to say whats wrong or right for him....but I just felt that the way this six yr old was acting was a bit out of line.I have heard this child comment on girls as in saying they are hot mamas and the ones were old enough to be mamas.......I wonder what this child will be like when he gets older.

[promiscuouseuphoria]

I usually have to wait until the dead of night. The good thing is, my children are very heavy sleepers (they were kind of conditioned that way early on). Mikayla, like you I have a tendency to be very loud, hence why my bedroom is in the basement. Locking the door, unfortunately, is not an option - my oldest is autistic, and panics if he can't get to me. So, for the time being, late night it is.

[nosleepnmesa]

I have 5 children their ages are 17,16,15,9 and 3. I have to say I love my sex and and like Mikayla I can be a little loud. We have done it in the early morning hours before he goes to work and also we have even be able to watch a porn in the living room and the teens have played with the 3year old and the 9year old while we had our fun in the middle of the living room floor. Thank God for houses where the kids rooms are clear on the other side of the house and they were told that if it noone is bleeding or dying to not come out until called. Maybe I am lucky in a sense that my children are a little older and know that when mommy says daddy and I are taking over the living room for an hour go play they know that they better not come out.

I have been walked in on before by my 3yr old and needless to say at the time I was well be a little to loud( I mean I tried to be quiet) but I woke him up and he entered our room and the only light was the candles as soon as he came in it was like the QUICKEST STOP and mood change ever just due to the pure fact of shock of seeing him, so I got up and threw my robe on and he said mommy hurt and I said no mommy okay daddy and mommy just playing and I took him and put him back to bed and said mommy will try to be quieter. Anyway we have had sex in our backyard since the closed house to us in an 1/2 acre away and we have brick wall up around or property, we have known to get hot and dirty in the yard I take a baby monitor out that I have had since my kids were babies and it lets me know what is going on in my house. Anyway this is just some things I have done.

Mikayla is very correct though that when you have children things change and you find time when you are able to since children come first.

[sonnyeyed]

We have 4 kids. They are 15,13, and twins that are 6. We just lock our door at night so if they need something they knock. If we are in need of a quickie we sometimes will try to get the little ones involved in a movie or something and hide in the bathroom, bedroom or even our walk in closet.

As a new mother when my oldest was just a baby (crawling) she sometimes would sleep with us. Even if she didn't sleep with us I would have never closed our door or hers. We tried to be very discreet about sex and thought we were doing well until one day while having supper at a friends who had a child 1 month younger. They were rolling around on the floor playing and all the sudden our daughter was on top just humping the hell out of their poor kid. OOPS! Maybe it is o.k. to close the door for a few minutes every now and then.

[hrnychick]

Having kids does change your sex life and sometimes I have to say its not a bad thing.......just think if you cant do it when you want to that makes the time you are together all the better and more special.......and the idea of a quickie cause the kids are napping or whatever is another great idea for when you only have a few mins.

For us I have to say its right after all 3 of our kids are asleep.......or when they go visit at nana and pops house........which is almost everyday since they live close to us.......yeah for that lol or most of the time its when the older two are in school and when my hubby gets home our little one is due for a nap then we have some time for eachother........I am not a loud person by any means so I dont have to worry about that and if we watch a porn it is only when we are all alone......or if we turn the volume way down on the tv in our bedroom........since my kids dont sleep overnight anywhere we are dying for a all-nighter.........oh well something to look forward to but the kids come first so our needs have to change. As every parent knows they dont stay little very long so you have to enjoy them while you can cause before you know it they are grown and moving out........

[Mikayla1]

WADR to you as a parent, I think people make a mistake thinking that their kids always have to come first. If you don't take care of " Us " , then who will be there to take care of the kids. These children are not fragile glass dolls, that will break if not watched constantly.

OK, this is spoken EXACTLY like someone who does not have children! Kids ALWAYS come first...PERIOD. While I agree that we all need to take time for ourselves, to have private moments, to nurture a relationship - there is no way to get around it - KIDS COME FIRST!

This in no way is a mistake, this is good parenting! No, kids are not glass dolls that will break - but, they do need attention, love and security. They need to know that when they REALLY need their parents, that their parents will be there. If you are constantly putting THEM second, and YOU first, then they do not feel secure. This is not a way to be a parent. I think there is an appropriate and healthy way to balance kids and sex and relationships - it is to find the appropriate times to be with the lover and to always make sure your kids feel like they do come first. As they get older, then you ween them off slowly. Make them independent people. However, they will not be good parents if they don't have good parents to be role models.

Mikayla

Addendum to my previous post: I also think that making children independent too quickly, or making them feel like they need to do everything for themselves, robs them of their childhoods. I think there is a delicate balance of independence, interdependence and dependence and a good parent will know exactly how much of each is good for their child. I am sure children who have to mature quicker 'survive' as you put it - but why should they have to? Kids should be allowed to be kids!

[Mikayla1]

There is no illogical argument here.....what you said is very clear to me. You said, "I think people make a mistake thinking that their kids always have to come first"

I did not ignore the "always that you put in your statment, I reponded to it, as a parent - saying that kids do have to come first, ALWAYS - period. Are there times when you have private times? Yes...but if your child needs you, he or she comes first. Is there a time when you may want to go out of town on a romantic weekend? Sure. However, if your kids come down with the flu, you cancel your trip. These are examples of always putting your children first. I personally do believe that most people with children will say that their children ALWAYS do come first, and I personally believe that is how it should be.

In your original argument, you say that kids need to learn to "live without their parents" and "the earlier they learn this, the better" - well, what would be early for you - 1 month, 2 months, 3 years? When should a child "learn" that he is not first in his parent's eyes? As I said before, kids need to learn to do for themselves, be independent, but KIDS need to be KIDS - and that is it.

I HATE parents who try to rush through every milestone, taking a child's right to be a child away. OR those parent's who leave 6 year olds to care for their little 1 year old brother or sisters just cause they should learn life lessons. These are children, they should be allowed to be children.

Claiming that because my hb goes out of town for work does not mean that he is putting our son first is a ludicrious argument in itself. For I am home with our son while he is not! How is he not putting our son FIRST, when he is providing for him? Also, he is thinking of our son when he works so I can stay home much of the time to be with him. Again, putting our son FIRST.

I love my son...and I love my hubby...but I don't need to ship my son off to recconect with my hubby. I think the reality of my life is that I have a child. If I am going to have sex, I am going to try to find a way to have it with my son here. There are times when he is at his grandparents or at school where we do have wild sex - but I do not intentionally ship him off to do it. IF we go on a trip, we mostly take him with us.

Now, is this to say that we will NEVER go anywhere and not take him? Of course not. However, I do not believe that is not putting your child first. My child ALWAYS comes first for me - and that is the all-inclusive nature that it is supposed to mean. Therefore, my argument stands the same.

As far as an attack on you - it was not an attack dear, it was a statement of fact. You do not have children, therefore, you could not understand the emotional pull that they have on you. This was not meant to be mean spirited - as you have indicated to me many a times that the fact that you have no children is NOT a sore spot for you. Therefore, I offer it up not as an attack, but to point out to those readers who do not know, that it is much easier for someone who does not have children to suggest "not ALWAYS" putting them first.

So, for you to suggest that I offer that because I have no better argument is simply ridiculous, I have a thorough and complete argument. I would no sooner attempt to lecture you on what it is like to have a penis - as I do not have one - than you arguing about what people with children should do.

Therefore, dearest Howard, I will not apologize, I will simply say that no one was attacking you, least of all me, and I highly doubt "the readers" are expecting an apology from me for saying that either - lighten up - you too could do a lot better!

Mikayla

[Mikayla1]

1: Never said I had to be there, implicitly in person for my child.

2: There is a BIG difference between leaving your children to work, which I NEVER said was BAD...and "rushing" your children through their learning stages. This is done INTENTIONALLy by parents. I am not putting down ANY parent who can't stay home with their children. I am sure they are doing what is best for their children by working and providing daycare. That is NOT the issue. What is the issue? Teaching your child at 4 that "you don't come first with Mom & Dad" learn that now. I NEVER, EVER said any of the things you are implying that I said about leaving a child to go to work. Nor did I imply that you had to be PHYSICALLY with your child to have him or her be FIRST! I mention leaving for romantic weekends, do I not? Get your facts straight before you start accusing me of bashing non-stay-at-home Mom's. That would be hypocritical of me, at very least, since I do work and go to school outside of the home!

3: Try as you might, you can't compare children to cats. I know that you love your cats, I love my dog. If my dog was to die I would be extremely distraught - if my child were to die, my world would end. There is no comparison between cats (or pets) and children. You wouldn't know this, unless you had children.

4: You are not a parent. Define parent: "a father or mother; one who begets or one who gives birth to or nurtures and raises a child; a relative who plays the role of guardian" Nowhere does it say, one who babysits, or cares for other people's children in the capacity which is less than a guardianship. Nor does it mention PET OWNERS!

You may be good with other people's children Howard, but until you have the 100% responsibilty of raising them 24/7, then you can not call yourself a parent. That is most surely a flawed argument!

I am done with this argument. Try as you might, I can not, and have not, found a flaw in my argument, I have, however, found many in yours. How about re-reading and finding them too!

Mikayla

[hrnychick]

Mikayla,

I agree with you 110%. In reading Howards reply (WADR to you as a parent) I was ready to start but glad you did it for me.......at least I am not the only one that felt that way.

I understand his meaning of having a date night and my hubby and I do have a date night but its not a set planned day......and anyone with a child or children knows you cant really plan anything cause something always seems to come up but do we not have one NO......we just work around whatever and try to make it happen even if for just a hour or two........anytime is better then none.

As for "shipping kids off" so we can have a night alone.......as I said in my first post MY kids dont do the sleep over thing......They just like to be in their beds I guess.....My parents live close by and the kids still wouldnt stay the night and they LOVE being at their grandparents so it was funny that they didnt make it through the night...........we have tried a time or two but like i said just didnt work........so be it. I am not going to force my kids to stay and get upset just so mommy and daddy can go away for a night. When we all go away together they are fine but until they are older and THEY want to stay I am not pushing the subject.

We have 3 very active boys......its a handful for me ( i am a stay at home mom) and knowing what I go through in a day I dont really like to "pawn" them off on their grandparents all the time or at least all three at the same time..........so sometimes our "date" night is just sitting out on our deck talking and having a drink while all three of our darlings are fast asleep. But we do stay connected, communicate,and have sex but its just working around the kids .......thats just how kids change your life and I know WE wouldnt have it anyother way.

As for kids learning things so young. well if my hb and I were hurt and couldnt care for them as we now do then YES they have no choice but to learn things earlier in life...........but if they dont have to then why do that? Why make kids try to 'grow-up" so fast......the best time of ones life should be as a child......no worries no cares......Adult life comes soon enough.....so let kids be kids. It doesnt surprise me that Howard feels that way about children learning sooner then later most people that go through something as he did at a young age tend to feel that was as an adult......and I think if Howard did have children he would teach them to as he has learned. Again Howard YOU had to learn more at such a young age because both your parents were injured. But what if they werent.........I know you said you look back on it as a good thing that you learned so much so young but dont you ever look back and regret just a bit?

Not knocking the fact that you dont have children Howard but you DO have to have a child to really know and understand what it is like.....Some of our friends dont have kids and they call and think its sooo easy to just hope in the car and go with them out for dinner or to a club and its not. Just as our friends that arent married think its ok for us to just leave the other for a night out on the town.........and we do have our own time to do our own thing it however is never going out as if we were single and itd funny how their mindset changes when they meet someone and they are in love then you NEVER hear of them leaving the side of their SO.

Everyone needs time for themselves and time as a couple especially married with kids you just have to stay connected and keep the fire burning and to many times couples drift apart and then when the nest is empty they find themselves living with a "stranger" and they find the only thing that they seemed to have in common was the kids.......but finding that time and having that date night again requires working around the kids first. At least for us it does, I just want to say that I as a mother will continue to do for my children as much as I can but not without teaching them to do for themselves as need be,,,,,,I know I for one never want my kids to LEARN to live without me......I will always be their mother so therefore I will always be needed!!!!!

[ambrelyn]

I have been dealing with this issue from the beginning of my relationship with my fiancee. (As far as the original question of how to have a good sex life with kids around). He has two children from his first marriage (his wife died, so he has them all the time), a seven year old boy, and a three year old girl. We don't live together, so we don't have the advantage of getting up early together or of staying up late, but we still find time for us. We have used the bathroom several times. We have to be careful that the kids don't know we're in there together cuz the little one will tell my fiancee's mother. (My fiancee is living with his parents until his house is built. He moved in after his first wife died.) His mother would hit the roof. (she's very old fashioned). The funniest time we tried to sneak off into the bathroom, we were really getting into it, and I had gotten a little loud, and just as we were both cuming, the little one came and started knocking on the door, asking if I was ok. I said I was and I'd be out in a minute. The sounds I was making must have seemed very strange to her, since I was just supposed to be using the bathroom. Well, she wouldn't let it go and then her brother came along and joined in, and since they have figured out how to unlock the bathroom door with a coat hanger, my fiancee had to climb out the bathroom window, and pretend he'd been outside the whole time. Then he scolded them both for bothering me while I was in the bathroom. I was trying so hard not to laugh over the whole thing. It really was priceless. Butr we did get to have a little release. We will also send them outside to play, or get them really involved in a movie and then my fiancee and I will go in his room for a quickie. Mostly, we wait until they have gone to bed at night, and then when he is walking me out to my car to say goodnight, we'll take a side trip to the kid's playhouse. It's pretty big, as large as a bathroom anyway, so there's plenty of room to have fun. He will also come to my house on Tuesday mornings cuz I go into work late on Tuesdays. My dad will be gone to work, and my mom is really cool about these things and will run some errands so we can have the house to ourselves. You can make it work, if you're willing to work at it. But it has to be that important to you. To find time for each other.

As far as the argument Howard and Mikayla are having. I think you guys are arguing the same point. It is very important for your child to know that you are there for them in all things, but it is also very important to have time for yourselves. It's really ok to say, I'm in the middle of something right now, give me five minutes, and I'll be there. But if it's something serious that needs attention at that instance, you have to be ok with stopping whatever you might be doing to take care of the child. I think that's what you're both trying to get across. You don't have to be there every second saying, are you ok, do you need something, I'm here for you, but on the other hand you can't just say, I can't deal with you right now, take care of yourself, or you can't bother me at all tonight I have things to do. I agree with Howard on this point though: If you spend all your time with the kids and none with your SO, when you're kids are raised and gone, what will you be left with? When you reach the empty nest stage, will you then be living with a stranger because you didn't take time while raising your kids to stay connected with your SO? My opinion anyway. I think you have to find a balance between being a parent and being a spouse. And I think that's what you are both trying to get across.