Helpful Tip For Those That Have "too Tired" Spouses

[Tyger]

I happen to be, at this time, a "Too Tired Spouse". Yes, me. Hubby did a semi- easy project in the kitchen, but left me scrambling to have to clean almost everything in the house (he's a messy worker). On top of that, we had Thankgiving. I took down all the Fall/Thanksgiving stuff, as well as cleaned up 99% of the dishes, all of the kitchen, while still finding homes for everything.

On top of that, of course, I go to work. Daughter goes to karate. He never takes her by himself. Never goes grocery shopping (I won't let him, he isn't careful with the $$). I do the laundry. I rarely ever get naps. He complains (yes really) when I tell DD to ask Daddy. He just lets me putter like mad, then gets pissed off when I just can't muster the energy to have sex. I want too, I really do, I just am super-exhausted & burned out. Sometimes, when I suggest he take her with him to the barn to feed the horses, or even to go to the store, he makes every excuse in the book NOT to take her (mostly because I have a rule that he can't smoke with her in his truck. Too bad), so he rarely ever does that too. DD is on such a good schedule, she doesn't sleep in. She goes to bed at the same time every night, and she wakes up, on her own, about the same time every morning (around 6 a.m.). He won't say "Oh, you stay here, I'll get up with her." Never, not once. Even when I tell him the night before he needs to get up with her, cuz I'm dead tired. It's not like he refuses, he just sleeps right thru it. I try waking him up, and he gets pissy. Gee, thanks.

Here's a clue, to which I have repeatedly told him: give us a break! Take the kiddo without having to be told, suggest the over-worked spouse go take a nap. Do the dishes. Some of us can't rest very well when we know that there's too much to do in the house. HELP OUT without having to be asked! I've told him that I can't do this all myself, and nor should I have too. Lately, he has helped a tad more with DD, but again, I have to ask him too, then I get the sigh, or eye roll from him. NOT helping.

I've talked, ranted, raved, bitched, reasoned, even cried (I hate crying). There have been a few Sundays where, I look at him and say "I NEED to go grocery shopping BY MYSELF. Have fun" and leave. It's only for about 2 hours, and IF he doesn't call (only been once that he hasn't), I feel recharged. Everyone needs a break, everyone. Even the best & most devoted mothers.

Trust me, if you take the initiative, help out without being asked, the rewards will be well-worth it!

[square]

Is he at least good for killing spiders?

[Mikayla1]

I agree completely Girl!!!

My hubby is great at letting me have some time alone. He lets me go shopping, go get groceries or just go wander through the book store and get Starbucks. I admit, when I get out alone, I often take my time - call my friends, go to extra stores - just because I have the time to do it A L O N E. When I do get this time, I am M U C H happier!!!

[Tyger]

If I didn't know better, I would've sworn that he read my post. LOL

The last couple of days, he's been more helpful, and I did TRY to take a nap, but DD came in twice, so I couldn't get back to sleep. He's helped more with the dishes, and has been sorta picking up after himself. He spent a lot of quality time with DD yesterday, even though I didn't go anywhere, it was nice that he did that too. Without being asked at all!

In answer to your question, Square, I kill my own spiders LOL! At the school I work at, there was a HUGE wolf spider, and, instead of making a big icky spot on my shoe/floor, I was able to catch it safely, took it away from the school, & let it go. Even been known to kill black widows (at the barn), and a couple of copperheads too. I have to kill the bees/wasps cuz I'm not allergic and he is!

I DO need more alone time though.

[square]

I hit the burnt-out point a few years ago. Felt the wife was slacking-off too much and should be doing more. At least some of that was probably more perception than reality, but I think there was a fair amount of reality in there as well. After working, commuting, coming home and taking care of the pets, putting out the trash, pitching in with laundry and endless dirty dishes, dirty diapers, helping the kids with homework and sibling peace negotiations, being the one to try and get something besides fish sticks and chicken nuggets into their diet, usually being the one to put them to bed, etc. and so on and so forth, by the end of the day, my legs would be swollen, feet hurt, I'd be out of patience (like thinking about going for anger management classes or something), beat tired, and past my own bed time. All while the list of household maintenance and chores got longer and longer.

I ended up giving up caring about a lot of stuff, just to keep sanity and give myself some vegetative down time (like right now). It sort of works, but there is still never enough time in a day, and I still never feel lilke I get enough sleep.

[luvmymp]

I totally agree and for me it is not HOW much he does it is that he thinks to do anything. I just like knowing I have a partner in the game and it really makes me feel appreciated when he pitches in without asking. I guess it makes me feel like he sees me struggling or doing x,y,z and he would like to help and ease my load. Also if I get things done twice as fast then that leaves time for fun. : )

[Craftylady]

A wise old therapist once said "Sex begins in the kitchen". And he's right.

If spouses would recognize their mates becoming exhausted doing all the things that need to be done and help out more, and PARTICULARLY willingly and without being asked, the appreciation rewards would be mind-boggling.

Pity the poor ones who never get it

[sass]

Tyger, are we married to the same man and living in the same house?!?! OH wait, can't be, no horses here.