One Thing I Really Hate About Men...

[Shoop]

Ok, maybe this isn't all men, but I'm sure I don't have the ONLY man around that does this.

I really HATE it when I cozy up to my man at night, touch him, nuzzle him and instead of getting a "let's get it on" response I get a "I can give you an orgasm" response instead. Why would that be a bad thing you ask? Well because I know that in his language what he's telling me is he doesn't want to have sex, but he can satisfy me if I want. Why doesn't he want to have sex? Because he already touched himself (with porn, of course) and now his drive isn't high and he's tired. I know it's really good that he at least is willing to satisfy me. I totally know that that is good. But the jealous streak in me rears up.

I told him tonight that it really bothers me that he has sex with those "fake women" instead of me. (Then I muttered that at least it's fake women not real women but I digress). I mean, I guess he got horny while I was out today for 3 whole hours and relieved himself. Which means I don't get sex tonight. I told him that I'm not asking him to not touch himself, I just told him that it really bothers me that because he did that, now I don't get to be intimate with him. I guess I should maybe change my frame of mind and think of the other stuff as intimate (it is, I know), but I always think of it is his way of doing what he needs to do and in a sense getting me off his back.

Let's reverse the situation....let's say I touched MYSELF earlier in the day and now I am not interested in having sex with him. How would he feel? Angry? Rejected?

I feel like WHEN we have sex is up to him. It bugs me. I mean he'll DO it when it's my idea but he sometimes has a hard time coming. Maybe he's tired, maybe he's not in the right frame of mind, and sometimes maybe he's already done it with himself and he's just not that into it.

I feel like I'm probably being pretty demanding here. I realize that. This is not a deal breaker with us. I just needed to vent to SOMEONE and since my best friend is out of town...you guys win! LOL

Please, someone make me feel better here because this stuff boils up my feelings of rejection. I can't help but to think of my ex. The only thing that I can think of in regards to that is he didn't want to do it with me so that he could do it with porn LATER, my boyfriend now probably just gets horny mid-day and takes advantage of it while i'm out. I'm hoping it doesn't necessarily relate to me, but that he's horny. Although I know that his porn DOES satisfy his need for "variety". No wonder my jealous streak rears up...

Sigh.

I have no idea if I'm being normal being angry about this or not.

[Smile4Me]

Hey Shoop,

Well of course you're normal for being angry about this! Seems as if he'd rather beat it to porn than have sex with you, and that's maddening! I know all about this feeling of rejection, believe me! My SO doesn't offer to give "a helping hand" either, it's more like a "tough, go get ur vibe, I'm going to sleep"! LOL It's very irritating and it makes us second guess ourselves. I personally feel that if a guy knows he won't be able to perform for his SO after having masturbated, then he needs to refrain from it! A lot of men are naturally selfish lovers I think. My husband and I have deeper sexual issues than you and your bf probably do, but the tone is basically the same. They don't want to have a full-on sex session where they feel like they have to "perform"...they just wanna "get one" and be done with it. Ahh yes, selfish indeed. Hasn't worked for me so far, but I think maybe if you tell him this is bothering you, he may compromise and be a little more willing to lay off the masturbation so that he can better fulfill your needs. Either way, there's no excuse, he has a duty to fulfill your needs, and not by just "giving you an orgasm" either, sex is about so much more than orgasms! UGH. I think some tough love is in order here!

[mnjon]

Shoop,

From a man's point I guess I have to plead the fifth on this idea, I guess I worry about in reading your "venting" is that even tho you claim its not a deal breaker now, if it were to continue and go unchecked what will happen? I guess I Fall claim to masturbation with-out my S.O. but then I am always willing to have more.... so I am not sure I can quite know or be able to get into your partners head as to why he is doing himself and not fullfilling your needs as well.

I have always been the Not So typical male and his selfishness could very well overcome him if things are not brought into check. My own past knows this all too well, that of a group of 10 males only 3 perhaps 4 will give a damn sexually about their partner. The problems I see is that society today is still protraying the lack of attention given to women in the bedroom by a male, is aceptable and sometimes expected. I think you may have a idea of what is going on and where you are going now, but I hope that things are even out and you become happy.

[Frank82]

I can understand what you are saying. If this happens a lot you should be angry. I can see it happening now and then, but not regularly. I can see if your not home or your busy, but just to do it with out you. Maybe you should ask him to include you when he is going to do it. If it becomes a big problem you should seek counsiling maybe. Just my thoughts.

[Sunday]

I know this is a year after the first post, but I just now saw it.

Shoop, did your man have any reason to think you would be wanting sex later? He may think, "She's been busy today, she'll be tired tonight and I'm horny so I guess I'll just rub one out." I know if I was expecting to get laid that evening I would sure wait. OTOH maybe he's just selfish and inconsiderate.

[ladylove]

I know this is a year after the first post, but I just now saw it.

Shoop, did your man have any reason to think you would be wanting sex later? He may think, "She's been busy today, she'll be tired tonight and I'm horny so I guess I'll just rub one out." I know if I was expecting to get laid that evening I would sure wait. OTOH maybe he's just selfish and inconsiderate.

Unfortunately, I think you have it spot on.

[bluelotusparties]

keep away from negativity and talk to him about what you feel .maybe it'll helps