Members hyokahey Posted May 11, 2010 Members Report Share Posted May 11, 2010 Most folks have a 'real script' of their sexual behaviors in any one encounter: who does what to whom, what order, how it is done...all the while having a 'fantasy script' in their head about what they wish they were doing. Does this effect happen for you? How do you manage the differences between the real script and the fantasy script? How often and how, when do you speak to your partner about your fantasy script? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted May 11, 2010 Members Report Share Posted May 11, 2010 Hmmm... I think that things sort of flow naturally here and lately there has been some letting go of more inhibitions... We switch it up as far as sequence, or positions... I can't say really that I have a "fantasy script" in my head... We are pretty open about these things, it all works for both of us. I will see if he can comment as well Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted May 12, 2010 Members Report Share Posted May 12, 2010 That is a Great question!I have been thinking about this for quite some time.There are things I want more of and things I am afraid to ask for or do.We just don't talk much about it. Mostly, I will say (after sex) that I would like to do this more, that I miss the intimacy and closeness. She will say something like, "It's not just about sex, is that all you think about?"Mood killer.Instead of asking for more sex after sex, why not try a different approach.... Like telling her she's beautiful, how much you love her. I'll bet over time you'll get more from all the positiveness.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted May 12, 2010 Members Report Share Posted May 12, 2010 There are things I want more of and things I am afraid to ask for or do.We just don't talk much about it. Mostly, I will say (after sex) that I would like to do this more, that I miss the intimacy and closeness. She will say something like, "It's not just about sex, is that all you think about?"Mood killer.First, I was JUST like her... I used to think my husband was a pig, that he was just a horny pig. that all he wanted was to have sex. Not that he wanted ME, but he just wanted to get off. I mean how could he? I was fat and ugly! (My messed up perception)Hangups are tough to get over... since then I now understand that it IS me he wants! Not JUST sex, ME!! He thinks I am beautiful, he wants MY body, He wants to do things to/with ME... I have relaxed. We have tried a boatload of new things because I let go of my insecurities!Like LL said, if you are showing her you love her and want HER praising her (sincerely) telling her how sexy she is, how hot she makes you... I bet things could shift for you! It will take time! Best wishes to you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted May 12, 2010 Members Report Share Posted May 12, 2010 I think for me, the fantasy script has always been a reality for me when I could make it so. Since I could remember, I fantastized about certain things - how things would go, what we would do, etc. Now, when I could control it, I would try my damndest to get it to go that way. However, sometimes you aren't controling it and it is hard to make it go the way you are thinking. So, when possible, I nudge my partner in the direction that I am desiring.However, I also learned that sometimes it is more fun and healthier to let go of those pre-concieved ideas and thoughts and just let things flow. There is something to be said about spontaneous sex that happens just as it 'should' instead of desiring it go another way. I think that we all have ideas and thoughts about sex and what we would like to happen but are afraid to mention that to our partner. I am not afraid to mention it. The important thing is not to mention it in a way that makes the other person feel like they are not living up to your expectations. If you approach it as 'well, that was good, but this would be better' - or - 'I was really hoping that you would have fingered me and then ate me out' - it makes your partner feel like they did something wrong. There is a delicate way to do this, and I think the best way is to ask your partner - not right after sex - what types of fantasies they have. What they might like to try or do. Then, you can feel free to explain what you might like or desire. You can describe how you like things to progress, etc. In that way,you are both expressing your desires and thoughts, but it doesn't make it seem like what you have been doing is 'bad.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted May 12, 2010 Members Report Share Posted May 12, 2010 ....However, I also learned that sometimes it is more fun and healthier to let go of those pre-concieved ideas and thoughts and just let things flow. There is something to be said about spontaneous sex that happens just as it 'should' instead of desiring it go another way. I think that we all have ideas and thoughts about sex and what we would like to happen but are afraid to mention that to our partner. I am not afraid to mention it. The important thing is not to mention it in a way that makes the other person feel like they are not living up to your expectations. If you approach it as 'well, that was good, but this would be better' - or - 'I was really hoping that you would have fingered me and then ate me out' - it makes your partner feel like they did something wrong. There is a delicate way to do this, and I think the best way is to ask your partner - not right after sex - what types of fantasies they have. What they might like to try or do. Then, you can feel free to explain what you might like or desire. You can describe how you like things to progress, etc. In that way,you are both expressing your desires and thoughts, but it doesn't make it seem like what you have been doing is 'bad.'(Hi MIKA!! <3)ABSOLUTELY! I find that instead of saying, "I wish you would..." I say "I like it when you..." "Or could we try..."Its a tough barrier to break through, if you are nervous talking about these things! BUT SOOOO WORTH IT!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SensualWoman Posted May 13, 2010 Members Report Share Posted May 13, 2010 Personally I have found that I let my fantasy scrips take over my real scrips. In fact it has put a bit of a downer on our sex life. But lately I have realized that the only way he can know what I want is if I show him. Also one problem that people might have is the "way it looks on t.v.", as if sex is supposed to look like that, or feel good when they do this. But that is not the case. In movies, there is a director, and they aren't actually in the act. The guy doesn't usually have a bit of a belly to get in the way, or the woman is more flexable than me. That was my problem for all these years, but I just figured out that my hubby is trying his best to please me, and in fact doing all that I ask him, just it doesn't feel as good as it looks. SO! Point being that yes, my fantasy scrips are almost always different than real scrips, and that is why I don't play out fantasies. I am working on it, and the fact that I talk about better sex right after sex. Gotta stop that... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted May 13, 2010 Members Report Share Posted May 13, 2010 ...But lately I have realized that the only way he can know what I want is if I show him. Also one problem that people might have is the "way it looks on t.v.", as if sex is supposed to look like that, or feel good when they do this. But that is not the case. In movies, there is a director, and they aren't actually in the act. The guy doesn't usually have a bit of a belly to get in the way, or the woman is more flexable than me. That was my problem for all these years, but I just figured out that my hubby is trying his best to please me, and in fact doing all that I ask him, just it doesn't feel as good as it looks. YEP!!! Seeing and feeling is definitely different! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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