A New Dilemma...

[ginshreve]

I need suggestions...

My new boyfriend, who is a wonderful, WONDERFUL guy - loves sex, and can go for hours (erect for 30-45 min at a time before he becomes semi-erect for 30 min or so before getting hard again). He's good at the oral stuff, and also likes recieving oral from me and is quite responsive to that. So yesterday, we had marathon sex on a cool, rainy Sunday afternoon. I'm talking from 12:45 to 7:30 pm, with some breaks in between for pillow talk and feeding each other grapes. He came once in this time, near 7:30.

But the length of the time we are making love is not really the problem. I think the issue for me is his size. He is at least 8 inches when fully erect (maybe more), and 2 1/2 around - and I honestly think it might be more than that but I did not pull out the tape measure. After round 1, which lasted about 45 min, I was horrified to discover that I had bled all over - he asked me if I was having a period (LOL NO, I have had a hysterectomy). Nothing really hurt, I didn't feel any tearing, and I was plenty lubricated I thought - and the subsequent rounds did not have any more bleeding.

But after a while, the pounding and thrusting against the back end of my vagina just hurt. I wonder if I could be bruised internally! He started out gently, but as he became more aroused as time passed, his strokes became more forceful, and I worried if the whole penis could fit in (he said most of it did). At one point he said something about him holding back, and I said "WHAT?? This is holding back?!!?" and he said he could go much harder, and then showed me that he was indeed holding back in comparison to what he could do. And he said that wasn't even full strength, and I believe that, too.

I am so worried that I am not going to be able to stretch to comfortably accomodate this man, and the sexual relationship is too important to me to set up a relationship in which I would avoid sex or dread it. Is it possible for vaginas to just be too small? Any tips or techniques that might make it more comfortable for me, yet would give him the pressure/stimulation he needs? Any suggestions from others who have been in similar situations?

[hyokahey]

The Kama Sutra describes the possible combination of matches between men and women's gentials, calling some women 'mouse women', 'deer women', 'horse women'(unflattering, yes) and 'elephant women' (even more unflattering). I don't recall the descriptions for the guys...but for our purposes, let's call an 8 X 2.5 guy 'rhino man'.

The point is, there are indeed different sized people and genitals. To be an excellent lover, a guy needs to appreciate his own size in relation to the size of his lover, and then behave appropriately. In this case, when a rhino man is making love to a horse woman, pound away till she screams with delight. But if rhino man is with mouse woman, he needs to moderate his thrusts so that she writhes in pleasure, not pain. If rhino man needsto pound in order to orgasm, he needs to retrain himself to suit his lover, not the lover learn to get 'used to' the pounding. To insist on thatwould just make him 'ass man', and not a gentleman. A gentleman can be forceful and commanding, but he would never hurt a lady. (Chivalry is not dead!)

[angelkisses98]

The Kama Sutra describes the possible combination of matches between men and women's gentials, calling some women 'mouse women', 'deer women', 'horse women'(unflattering, yes) and 'elephant women' (even more unflattering). I don't recall the descriptions for the guys...but for our purposes, let's call an 8 X 2.5 guy 'rhino man'.

The point is, there are indeed different sized people and genitals. To be an excellent lover, a guy needs to appreciate his own size in relation to the size of his lover, and then behave appropriately. In this case, when a rhino man is making love to a horse woman, pound away till she screams with delight. But if rhino man is with mouse woman, he needs to moderate his thrusts so that she writhes in pleasure, not pain. If rhino man needsto pound in order to orgasm, he needs to retrain himself to suit his lover, not the lover learn to get 'used to' the pounding. To insist on thatwould just make him 'ass man', and not a gentleman. A gentleman can be forceful and commanding, but he would never hurt a lady. (Chivalry is not dead!)

Very well said

[ginshreve]

The Kama Sutra describes the possible combination of matches between men and women's gentials, calling some women 'mouse women', 'deer women', 'horse women'(unflattering, yes) and 'elephant women' (even more unflattering). I don't recall the descriptions for the guys...but for our purposes, let's call an 8 X 2.5 guy 'rhino man'.

The point is, there are indeed different sized people and genitals. To be an excellent lover, a guy needs to appreciate his own size in relation to the size of his lover, and then behave appropriately. In this case, when a rhino man is making love to a horse woman, pound away till she screams with delight. But if rhino man is with mouse woman, he needs to moderate his thrusts so that she writhes in pleasure, not pain. If rhino man needsto pound in order to orgasm, he needs to retrain himself to suit his lover, not the lover learn to get 'used to' the pounding. To insist on thatwould just make him 'ass man', and not a gentleman. A gentleman can be forceful and commanding, but he would never hurt a lady. (Chivalry is not dead!)

Thanks, and I am LMAO at the rhino man analogy - perhaps not too far off the mark. He told me that he had read the Kama Sutra (and indeed, has implemented some very different positions from what I am accustomed to!) so perhaps I can use that to help me talk about this with him.

While I don't want to be uncomfortable, I am worried about the "retraining" thing - how does one go about that? Nor do I want to give this man up, he is everything I have been looking for for a very long time. I can't believe that THIS is the issue that I am having with Mr. Wonderful - too much of a good thing, lol.

(and It is so nice to Have you bAck!)

[Mikayla1]

Slow and steady wins the race.

Sometimes guys get into POUND POUND POUND and they don't have appreciation for the nice, slow strokes and the sensation that goes along with that. Perhaps you should try being in a woman superior position and taking control of the pace and depth. Tease his cock a bit with slow, shallow strokes followed by longer, deeper strokes. IF he indeed has lasting power, then he surely will appreciate the slow seduction of his cock.

Furthermore, while some women DO have shorter vaginal canals, and longer penises can hit the cervix and be uncomfortable, there are some positions that will offer a little less of the chance of hitting it constantly. Spooning positions for examle offer a more shallow reach. I think the key for you will be adjustment and trying to find a position and flow that suits both of your needs - and if he cares about you, he will be willing to change a wee bit to help out with the comfort.

[ginshreve]

Slow and steady wins the race.

Sometimes guys get into POUND POUND POUND and they don't have appreciation for the nice, slow strokes and the sensation that goes along with that. Perhaps you should try being in a woman superior position and taking control of the pace and depth. Tease his cock a bit with slow, shallow strokes followed by longer, deeper strokes. IF he indeed has lasting power, then he surely will appreciate the slow seduction of his cock.

Furthermore, while some women DO have shorter vaginal canals, and longer penises can hit the cervix and be uncomfortable, there are some positions that will offer a little less of the chance of hitting it constantly. Spooning positions for examle offer a more shallow reach. I think the key for you will be adjustment and trying to find a position and flow that suits both of your needs - and if he cares about you, he will be willing to change a wee bit to help out with the comfort.

Thanks very much for your response, Mikayla - we did try me on top for a bit, his preference was for me to sit on him with my legs on his chest and his penis inserted, which felt VERY deep to me, but did relieve the pounding some. I lost my cervix when I had a hysterectomy, so he is not hitting THAT - but the repeated pounding did feel the exact same way as I recall it feeling when my ex would occasionally hit the cervix- not unpleasant for brief periods of time, but not enjoyable over the long haul, either. We did some modified spooning positions, not the classic back to front one, I will suggest that... I really appreciate your suggestions. I want him to get what he needs sensation-wise and don't want him to have to give up too much of his enjoyment. Interestingly enough, when I was giving oral I was able to bring him to the edge of orgasm with none of the pounding, so perhaps there is a way to do this vaginally as well...

[hyokahey]

Interestingly enough, when I was giving oral I was able to bring him to the edge of orgasm with none of the pounding, so perhaps there is a way to do this vaginally as well...

You bring up another interesting point; most folks do not see their arousal as a combination of parts. Total arousal is more than just the quality of physical sensation, it is also the psychological meanings and nuances, as well as the level of emotional connection between the lovers. Add to the total arousal level the individual's anxiety, and you have a veritable cocktail of sources for arousal. Anxiety is a big one for guys who are too fast...most of us do not know just how much anxiety we have during sex because it has always been there. Once the arousal max is met, the orgasm threshold is reached.

Many guys are mystified as to how to slow down their arousal and imminent orgasm, and need to learn how to tolerate more intense arousal levels. When they can learn to do this, they 'last' longer. On the other hand, guys that are too slow may need to find ways (and their partners work at) to increase their stimulation level So: since oral sex is quite a bit more physiologically stimulating (as well as visually, psychologically, and emotionally, some might argue), it makes sense that he is faster and it takes 'less pounding'. Your tongue can do wonderous things that your vagina cannot!

This also suggests that if his overall arousal level is higher when you begin P-V, he may need to pound less and get there faster. That sounds like a lovely challenge to go over to the 'Idea Encyclopedia' page and get a an idea or add one of YOUR ideas!

[ginshreve]

You bring up another interesting point; most folks do not see their arousal as a combination of parts. Total arousal is more than just the quality of physical sensation, it is also the psychological meanings and nuances, as well as the level of emotional connection between the lovers. Add to the total arousal level the individual's anxiety, and you have a veritable cocktail of sources for arousal. Anxiety is a big one for guys who are too fast...most of us do not know just how much anxiety we have during sex because it has always been there. Once the arousal max is met, the orgasm threshold is reached.

Many guys are mystified as to how to slow down their arousal and imminent orgasm, and need to learn how to tolerate more intense arousal levels. When they can learn to do this, they 'last' longer. On the other hand, guys that are too slow may need to find ways (and their partners work at) to increase their stimulation level So: since oral sex is quite a bit more physiologically stimulating (as well as visually, psychologically, and emotionally, some might argue), it makes sense that he is faster and it takes 'less pounding'. Your tongue can do wonderous things that your vagina cannot!

This also suggests that if his overall arousal level is higher when you begin P-V, he may need to pound less and get there faster. That sounds like a lovely challenge to go over to the 'Idea Encyclopedia' page and get a an idea or add one of YOUR ideas!

Even more good points, hyokahay - I'll check the idea page out! I don't mind sharing my secrets... It was my plan to spend a lot more time orally anyway, so it's nice to know from a male pov that oral is better on so many levels... I did not realise that.