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Ok for those of you who dont know I had broken up with my bf cause he was way to jealous which was causing problems.

Now single and looking......had a hard time at first.....thought I wouldnt meet anyone for a bit there......but that has since changed and although i like dating again the problem is wanting sex and not being able to control myself.....once he makes a move im done.....cant say no......I NEVER slept around like this maybe cause I always only had one bf at a time and now dating a few end up having sex with just about all "dates" I dont want to be used and im starting to think that some are just interestd cause the know im giving it up pretty fast.....turns out when we talk the one im with knows so and so and I think thats how word is getting around.

I know there are a few gals here that have had thier share of lovers.....so how did you handle it? How did you date and have sex but not come off as being a easy slut? I have to admit I couldnt hold off from sex with the first few dates cause they were HOT but im really trying to control myself and hold on to the goods a bit longer.....as an adult I never thought I would be asking for advice on this topic seems like something others went through in those High School days when sex was new and you couldnt get enough im sure we all knew some girls in school that were "friendly" so to say.

Bottom line how can you date and have sex but still get the respect you deserve? I never had a bad rep and dont want to start now......I dont want to be known as the town tramp so help please.I dont want to be used but then again I dont want to stop having sex,

Have a nice day and keep posting!!!!!!!


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In this day and age a woman should be able to have sex when and with whom she wants without being labeled an "easy slut" but that is still not the case. Unfortunately, it still happens. I think it is all in the way you carry yourself, your self confidence, your self-esteem. If you appear easy, then you will be taken as easy. If you appear in control - having sex because YOU want to have sex - then you are not easy, you are a woman who knows what she wants. There is a BIG, HUGE difference there.

For me, I dated and had a lot of sex when I was single, but I was NEVER labeled as easy. I had control of my sex life. Who and when I had sex was up to me, not the guy. If the guy thinks he is in control, then you are easy. IF you are the one who controls if HE is getting sex, then how can you be easy?

I rarely slept with a guy on the first, or even second date. When I did, it was on my terms, and the man knew it. He knew it was me who wanted HIM, and not the other way around. I mean, obviously he wanted sex too or it wouldn't have happened, but there is a certain arrogance and confidence that you can exude that will not make you look like a slut, but instead a confident sexual woman. That is the key.

So, change the rules. Hold off if you think you need to, but if YOU want sex, then make it clear that it is you who wants to. Own that right to want sex. Make it clear that you are not easy or slutty, that you are in control of your sexuality. You choose who and when and why. That's the key.

Mikayla :rolleyes:

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When I was single, I went on a few casual dates. I am a big flirt, and so men thought I was easy, to a point. I was upfront and told them, I am not easy, if I don't want to have sex with you, I am not going to just cuz you pay for dinner. I also told them that I was not interested in much relationship wise, that I was having fun being single and dating. I carried myself as though I was in control. And I was. I think some men like that. Lots don't, cuz there were a couple that said since I wasn't timid, or shy/coy, that I actually intimidated them!! I told them that was fine, cuz if they're scared off by an assertive woman, then they were not good enough for me!! :P

I backed off if I thought they were too pushy. There was one guy, who, on our first date, thought that dinner and some pool earned his tongue down my throat. Um, no. Hand sliding up my leg, NOT! He asked how I liked it, and told him straight up, that if he didn't remove his hand from my thigh, I would do it for him.

I went out on 3 dates before sleeping with one guy, that I had hit on first, very forward, I may add. And this was MY idea. I'd always go home to my house after our dates, and kisses. Then we had sex, and he wanted me to spend the night and cuddle. So I did, because I wanted too, not because I was easy.

The way you carry yourself, like Mikalya said, is very important. In control, classy, funny, and not afraid to go for what you want. Now, if you go and have sex just cuz they're hot, and you don't feel like you can say NO, then there's a problem. Maybe with self-esteem? Like you won't get it if you hold off? If that is the case, the guys aren't worth it! If you wait, and say no, and then he calls back a few times, way cool!! Anticipation is a wonderful sexual tool when dating!!

Maybe just go out with some girlfriends one night? Say no to a guy when he puts the moves on cuz you want to say no, and proving to yourself you can say no to them.

Good luck to you!!

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I gotta agree, labels are wrong, a waste of time, and a PITA. But, they happen, and people gossip. It's mostly human nature to do so. Also, in a small town, it can ruin a person, so being aware of what you're putting out there (no pun intended there) can be important to not only your self-esteem, but to your well-being in the community. Such is the politics of life.

I hope you're able to find a balance for yourself! :)

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  • 4 weeks later...
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I'd recommend the word Promiscuous when describing yourself as opposed to 'Slut' or 'Slutty'. You used slut. Right off the bat, you made yourself that noun, as if it's all you were. Promiscuous is only an adjective, one attribute. An apple might be red, but it's also sweet inside and high in fibre.

Anyway, are you upset with your promiscuity? If you are, perhaps you want more indepth relationships. You can't have that dating a large variety of people, because there's simply time constraints. Weigh what you want and do it.

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