Have You Been Able To Forgive Your Spouse's Transgressions (If They Have Any)?

[Tyger]

If your spouse has cheated on you, and they either told you, or you found out, have you been able to forgive them?

If so, how did you do so? What did your spouse have to do to prove they were sorry and that it wouldn't happen again, if it's been done yet?

[mailahn97]

My spouse did cheat but when confronted it denied it for several weeks. Thing is there were other issues in the marriage along with this. So this was kind of the breaking point for me as I had had enough. There are instances where it can be forgiven and I have a best friend that has gone through that and forgave their spouse. I think that each situation is different.

[JJ_Amie]

I have seen couples overcome these transgressions. It take a long time and was hard on both the transgressor and the offended spouse. The thing you want to ask, is he truly remorseful and if giving the opportunity, would he do it again. If he did it again, how would you feel about that. It will take lots of time to work these things out and more people don't make it than do. If you truly love him, I would incourage you to try to work things out, but don't battle anything up. And if he has a hard timme facing the truth, he will need to adapt to it.

[JJ_Amie]

you ask what the cheating spouse had to do to prove that he was sorry. He had to except the consequences of his actions. He has violated trust and that means that he is not trusted.

[Tyger]

I answered this on another thread, but, even though hubby & I are having serious issues, no he has not cheated on me.

The only one I caught cheating when it was happening, was my ex husband. We'd been on and off since I was 14, and he'd slept with my step-sister (we weren't together at the time), and that was our 3rd time being ON. We were together for 4 yrs, married less than 1. I caught him with pics online of local women in various stages of undress, saved to a disk! He'd always told me if I was flirting online, I was cheating. When confronted with this evidence (plus other issues), I told him to get out of my house. I was 28, and had forwarned him I wasn't going to put up with anymore childish games. If he needed others online to boost his ego, when I was always there for him, then he could go have fun with them instead.

There's only been 2 men, including my current husband, that has never cheated on me. I guess I turn a blind eye or something.

[Kace]

I cannot speak from experience, but I'd like to think that if my wife had any "transgressions" that I could forgive. I love her enough that I take joy in her happiness so long as it isn't to my or our child's detriment. So if she were to have a lover on the side, I would support her so long as s/he didn't hurt her, it didn't adversely affect our time as a family, and I was extended the same courtesy. A few years ago I would have thought of this as unthinkable but the more I analyze it the more logical and compassionate it seems.

[JJ_Amie]

Sorry Tyger, I didn't mean to imply that your husband was cheating on you. And you used good logic in kicking your first husband out. I guess, in my experience, my wife has never done anything so horrible that I couldn't forgive her. And, though I am a big dumb jerk, she has always forgiven me for my transgressions. Most of the time, though, it is stuff like forgetting to take the garbage to the road.