Thoughs On Swinging

[Draven]

What are ppls thoughts on Swinging and what do ppl know about the lifestyle? and i guess i had fat fingers when i posted this thread.......lol

[Draven]

OK i must admit that i didn't do any research about this topic. i didn't know it has come up before. so sorry for wasting anyones time. i have to disagree with ppl gettin hurt by it. you see my wife and i have been swingin for 5 yrs now. i also must say that we talked about it for 5 yrs before we acted on it. i think it takes alot of talking about before you just go ahead and jump into it. it has really helped our marriage we talk more and are open with one another,and we don't hide things from each other. which in turn has helped us. again everyone is different.

[Mikayla1]

I think we first must distinguish between "swinging" and having a "threesome." If I have my facts straight, 'swingers' are a couple, married or otherwise, who "switch" partners with another couple for a night. Sometimes in the presence of the others, or sometimes they go off into other rooms, houses, etc.

Whereas, a 'threesome' - which is what has had most of the attention here on forum - is bringing a third person into the relationship for sexual purposes.

I have not had any personal experience with swinging, but I have with threesomes. I have not known anyone who has had a successful threesome experience - where the couple lasted.

I understand that "swinging" is more of a lifestyle, like an open marriage. I would be interested in your perspective here Draven, as I don't think many people have explored this idea here on forum.

I personally would not be able to be in a swinging relationship now that I am married. I have been in threesomes, usually the third person brought in, but I could not 'switch' partners in that manner now that I am in a committed, loving relationship. This is where my interest lies, how do you love someone and be committed, but actively sleep with others on a continual basis. I am not judging, let's be clear, I am curious. I am interested in how you separate the feelings, etc.

Mikayla

[Draven]

Yes you are right Mikayla swingning is more a lifestyle and you are also right that they either go off in different rooms or the same room. in this lifestyle though you have to be open and honest with one another just like with the bdsm thing it is all about trust. the main thing was with us we talked about it for 5 yrs before we acted on it.

most swingers go to a club and some hold meet and greets with other ppl in the lifestyle. i must say tho if you are interrested you need to visit a club in your area and see what it is all about. the main thing is being open with yer partner at all times.

[Mikayla1]

I have no problem being open with my hubby, I just have no desire to "go outside" my marriage. What if he or I were to find someone we were more attracted to? Or who gave a better blowjob? Or who just was more of a match for us? I am a very, very secure woman - I truly am - but to consistenly tempt your spouse with sex with another - that seems like playing Russian roulette with your marriage. '

I am an open person, I do things others probably wouldn't in their marriages. However, I just think I would need to draw the line here. I do not think I would want to watch my hubby fucking another woman, nor he watching me. As I said, I had the threesome thing in my past, I enjoyed it. I guess that was before I found real love because now the notion of my hubby with another woman makes me quite ill.

Is there boundaries? Do you have rules? No kissing? No anal? How do you decide what remains just for you? What if you found a woman who you really, really liked to fuck more than your wife - then what? Or she found another guy? I am so intrigued, I hope you don't mind the questions.

Mikayla

[Draven]

again it goes back to the trust thing. and no i dont'y mind the questions. i know she loves me and i know she will be coming home to me. yes there are lines that you don't cross but that is up to the cpl to set those lines. swinging is not for the jealous type ppl. you talk about tempting and playing Russian roulette. you take that chance every day in real life anyways it can happen online it can happen at the work place. trust is the key and being open and not hiding anything. we are all human we will always look and wonder about some other ppl and think how they might be in bed. this takes the thinkin out of the problem...lol...its more about the sex and flirting then anything. no strings attacted and no repercussion from the partener cause well they are doing it too....lol... i will go back to the trust issue cause that is a big thing in a marraige no matter what. as i have been readin on some threads well more in the bondage threads TRUST is the key same with this lifestyle.

here is a link that might help you anwser some of yer questions.

http://www.sexuality.org/mgswing.html

[EvilleWife]

I hope you don't mind my putting my 2 cents in here ....

My husband and I have been a part of the lifestyle on and off for a few years.

Our #1 rule is that if we aren't both in FULL agreement, we don't go or do it or participate or whatever.

For us, the lifestyle isn't as much about the sex itself as it is about seeing each other happy and satisfied. We both have curiosities and interests that are not fulfilled within the marriage - and exploring those curiosities and interests together do not threaten our marriage. We talk before we go to a party or meet a couple. We talk before there is any action. We talk after any encounter. We go together; we leave together. We communicate with each other at every level ---

I have no doubt he will meet more beautiful women. He has no doubt I'll meet more handsome men. But the surface beauty of each other is not what our marriage is based on; our mutual love, respect, and commitment to each other and to our relationship is what our marriage is based on. And, as long as we continue being honest with each other about what's happening, and there's no lying, then we're ok.

Those are my thoughts

[hrnychick]

I have no problem being open with my hubby, I just have no desire to "go outside" my marriage. What if he or I were to find someone we were more attracted to? Or who gave a better blowjob? Or who just was more of a match for us? I am a very, very secure woman - I truly am - but to consistenly tempt your spouse with sex with another - that seems like playing Russian roulette with your marriage. '

I am an open person, I do things others probably wouldn't in their marriages. However, I just think I would need to draw the line here. I do not think I would want to watch my hubby fucking another woman, nor he watching me. As I said, I had the threesome thing in my past, I enjoyed it. I guess that was before I found real love because now the notion of my hubby with another woman makes me quite ill.

Is there boundaries? Do you have rules? No kissing? No anal? How do you decide what remains just for you? What if you found a woman who you really, really liked to fuck more than your wife - then what? Or she found another guy? I am so intrigued, I hope you don't mind the questions.

Mikayla

OK here are my questions on this topic first has anyone here ever seen the move (on HBO or MAX) called Zebra Lounge? Well its not informative as to how or where but it does show somewhat of how "swinging" can do things to your relationship and how if you hook up with the wrong cpl it could be trouble. Im sure like most movies its details are stretched but otherwise good movie to see.

Next question is this lifestyle addicting? Im thinking it is like porn can be.....dont you in a way lose touch so to speak with your partner and need the others to fulfill your sex life??? I guess better yet i should ask can you still cum with just your partner on a reg night in bed having sex or is the swinging so much apart of life that you cant go without.....no matter how long or hard you try?

Next, you say trust is an issue....i agree on trust but isnt swinging just giving your SO a free pass to cheat? Have cake and eat it too? Also would like to say that i agree that we are tempted in everyday isues as stated before.....but again in everyday issue we must have control....and again swinging is that free pass to not.

Last question is for Mikayla.....first off how can someone else give a better bj? or is that a persons SO may only think its better? there is only so much a person can do with that cock and im sure you as well as i and others here who love and enjoy doing it have done it the best that can be done. I would like to know one other thing, you say youre a open person and have done in marriage what most may not.....please explain.....only because that has me curious and has me thinking just how much of a open person i may or may not be......in otherwords what is considered an open person.....in a marriage that is? Hope you dont mind me asking.

Hrnychick

[Mikayla1]

Last question is for Mikayla.....first off how can someone else give a better bj? or is that a persons SO may only think its better? there is only so much a person can do with that cock and im sure you as well as i and others here who love and enjoy doing it have done it the best that can be done. I would like to know one other thing, you say youre a open person and have done in marriage what most may not.....please explain.....only because that has me curious and has me thinking just how much of a open person i may or may not be......in otherwords what is considered an open person.....in a marriage that is? Hope you dont mind me asking.

Hrnychick

Well, to be honest, I personally don't believe that my hb would find someone who could give a better bj that I do - I am quite good - and I think he would be hard pressed to find someone who can do better than I can! However, I am not so stupid to think that there are not things or techniques out there that even I have not learned yet, so it is possible that it could happen. I think that when we get too secure in our relationship - so secure that we let other people in - that is when we loose it. It may not be because the grass is greener on the other side of the bed, but because that partner becomes upset (perhaps unconsiously) that you let them go with someone else!

Plus, sometimes it doesn't even have to do with "technique" as much as having something "different" or a different mouth. Listen, my ex - the one who cheated on me - admitted to me time and time again that I was the best fuck and blow-job giver that he ever had, he still admits it - but he cheated. Why? Compulsion, insecurity, need to have some different pussy? Wanted to try and find something better? Who knows. It happens. So, I can "be the best" but I can't be arrogant enough to assume that I am THE ONLY one who can do it this good - others have got to be as good as me - and perhaps better out there somewhere. This is why I keep striving to get better!

Oh, as far as what I have or have not done in my marriage - I think being a sex toy reviewer is pretty open - not too many people review sex toys with their hubby and then write about it all over the internet. I have "offered" to have a threesome (FFM) with my hubby, when we first got married - he declined. He said, "I only need one woman, and that woman is you!" - So I was willing and able to be that open in my marriage. I would never, ever bring another man into my marriage - nor would I "swing" I just think that is asking for your partner to continue cheating on you. I trust my hubby implicitly, but I know how things happen. There are 2 things I know for sure that you can't control in this world - attraction and love - and if one of you falls in love, it is all over!

I have, of course, done some risque things as far as sex goes - things others wouldn't do as far as sex - but that isn't necessarily "marriage based" - I am not sure if showing another married couple how to give a blowjob would constitute being "open" but I thought it was at the time. I, of course, performed on my hubby - and the other couple watched. That woman and her hubby are now very happy, and they were on the verge of divorce.

I don't know - there are just some things I consider to be more open that not - were those examples enough?

Mikayla

[hrnychick]

Yes and thanks.......I do agree that there is prob a lot more out there we can learn and i too strive to try and learn as much as i can.....Im like you in that way that i dont want to get in a "rut" with sex.....and I strive to improve so that my man can't say he ever found "better".......As for your ex cheating well i remember what you told me on that subject and its true that you can be the best they ever had but some men just have those insecure feelings etc.....and they just have to try to get as many girls as they can......i know ppl that had bad marriages/relationships and cheated and reasons were obvious but others seemd happy and to have it all and still cheated and again it was cause one didnt feel good about themselves etc.....but again thats another topic....lol

I admire you and hubby for using and reviewing the sex toys......toys have just become part of my sex life but someday i hope to be "open" enough if you will to hook up with tootimid and buy and review.......personal question...... is it like other things i read about here like reviewing the dvds.....where if you buy and review and they like it they will send you other stuff free of charge just so you try it and review about it??.........The fact that you offered up a (ffm) 3sum is really open i must say......and have to add since you know the outcome of 3sums you were taking a big chance not to be taken the wrong way but you have to be a strong women to really do that in a marriage.....and by your hubby saying NO just goes to show you he is a great catch.....and loves you a lot.....most men im sure would've jumped thru hoops at the chance of the wife offering that..... ffm which is every guys dream........what guy would ever offer bringing in another male for the wife to screw????? none that i know of unless they are into watching......

Pretty kinky i must say to show another cpl the art of a good bj.....way to go ......and glad marriage was saved........and I would like to add one more thing before i end......I agree you cant control love or attraction......and I always thought i would NEVER be cheated on but i was so now i just never say never........who really knows what will happen.....not that i drive myself crazy thinking about it but just that i do my best and if thats not good enough then so be it......

Again thanks for the reply

Hrnychick

[EvilleWife]

OK here are my questions on this topic first has anyone here ever seen the move (on HBO or MAX) called Zebra Lounge? Well its not informative as to how or where but it does show somewhat of how "swinging" can do things to your relationship and how if you hook up with the wrong cpl it could be trouble. Im sure like most movies its details are stretched but otherwise good movie to see.

Next question is this lifestyle addicting? Im thinking it is like porn can be.....dont you in a way lose touch so to speak with your partner and need the others to fulfill your sex life??? I guess better yet i should ask can you still cum with just your partner on a reg night in bed having sex or is the swinging so much apart of life that you cant go without.....no matter how long or hard you try?

Next, you say trust is an issue....i agree on trust but isnt swinging just giving your SO a free pass to cheat? Have cake and eat it too? Also would like to say that i agree that we are tempted in everyday isues as stated before.....but again in everyday issue we must have control....and again swinging is that free pass to not.

Hrnychick

I didn't see "Zebra Lounge" - but it sounds interesting. Being with the "wrong couple" definitely can be a problem - but that's one of the reasons we don't just answer ads and jump into bed. We meet couples, talk to them, etc. When we go to parties, we have our own signals for if things don't "feel right" and one of us wants to leave or stop.

Yes - the lifestyle is addictive. My husband and I have trouble imagine our lives without swinging - but it's not just because we both want to screw as many people as possible. I actually ENJOY seeing my husband enjoying himself. It truly arouses me to see that look on his face when he is with someone else knowing that I'm watching him. And I like my husband happy. He feels the same way about me. But (I'll only speak for myself - but I'm confident he feels the same way), I know that I would not be with another man, woman, or couple without my husband there with me - because, to us, that would be cheating. What we do together as a couple is for the mutual enjoyment and benefit of us as a couple. If either of us sneaks, lies, or goes without the other, THEN it's cheating. But why do we need to cheat? We both get everything we want without cheating.

To answer another question - yes, we do have many many nights (and days) of "plain" one-on-one sex with just him and me. Swinging has enhanced our private sex life. My husband is still my #1 man. He pleases me as no one else can. Others may have different techniques - but he knows ME. He gives me pleasure in ways that I get nowhere else; I have no problems reaching one (or more) orgasm(s) when I'm with just him.

EvilleWife

[Draven]

evilwife i thank you for chimming in on this subject and is good to see that you and your hubby are happy with the lifestyle.

my wife and i also do the signals...lol... and we also agree with the not sheating as long as it is together. when you hide, lie, and sneak then its cheating.

with going to the club for us though its more with being with the other ppl out there in the lifestyle and just have a good time. and if we are lucky enough meet some cpls that we might interested in.

you do have some cpls out there though that they are ouot for it cause they want to see how many ppl that can sleep with and that is what is bad with the lifestyle.

i will say this again you do have to talk about it for a long time before you can go ahead and see what it is like. you can't not be a jealous person in this lifestyle.