Too Horny?

[Amethyst]

I've been with my guy for almost 8 months. We have a very strong friendship and loving relationship. We are so in love. And he is one of the sweetest, funniest, and most caring guy I have ever been with. (and he's the one i lost my virginity to). I have always been a very sexual person, but I have waited for the right guy to share that with. Finally I had found him and was excited to start experiencing all the things I've fantasized about.

We've had some awesome sex. But the thing is, we probably have sex maybe 5 times a week, MAXIMUM. Usually, it's about 3 or 4. I just feel like i need SO MUCH MORE than that. I am always fired up and ready to go. I feel like I could take him a few times a day, everyday. This is a topic we've brought up many times, and I can tell he's been trying to initiate things more. But I am usually the one who has to PERSUADE him to have sex or at least fool around.

He's a healthy 18 year old guy who, when in the mood, is VERY into sex and all the pleasures it brings. I just don't know how to get him in the mood more often... I've been trying all sorts of things, but sex seems to just be based on when HE wants it. The times when i do persuade him to do anything, he seems totally not into it and one of us ends up stopping. This is getting very frustrating.

I bought a small vibrator online earlier this month and that has seemed to help a little. I was nervous at first because we had purchased a larger vibrator from a store a few months back and he had gotten jealous so we ended up throwing it away. But this one is 4 1/2 inches and is smooth. He seems to enjoy using it on me and when i use it on him, but I am afraid to purchase anything else because I know he gets sensitive about being "replaced" by toys. (which i constantly remind him would never happen because I prefer him much more). Anyway, I'm not exactly sure what point I'm trying to make...I seem to just be rambling. But please, any advice on how i could give our sex life a boost?

[Valntyn]

Welcome to TooTimid! I've found this to be a really great place with wonderful people -- it's great to see you here!

I've got to say, I wasn't too impressed by your feeling that it seemed sex only happens when HE wants it. That's a boy I'd tell to shove-off in a heartbeat!

Have you tried seriously talking with him about the situation and your feelings? If you haven't, pick a time and place that's NON-sex-related and a time that's not rushed. In other words, first thing in the morning when you're rushing out the door to get to work/school isn't a prime time.

If you don't live together, if you (both) work, if you (both) go to school... these could also be reasons why he just isn't interested, but of course there could be other reasons. You won't know until you sit him down and talk with him. I remember boys at 18, and (no offense to any male, this is NOT a blanket statement!) unless something was wrong (stress, illness, another girl) boys were ALWAYS up for ANY sex they could get (pun not intended)!

Also, does he feel the same emotionally for you that you do for him? You said you lost your virginity to him and I know that can make for a strong attachment for a female, usually stronger than that of the male.

I'm not trying to be rotten with these questions (I know they don't SOUND very supportive). I'm just trying to get the whole picture. Plus (again, no offense intended), 18 is still young -- I remember being 18 and thinking I was deep in love and knew everything that was going on -- oftentimes I got the sharp end of reality and found out I was waaaay wrong.

Please let us know more if you can!

[nosleepnmesa]

Welcome Amethyst!!! Well after what I have read here is my little bit of two sense. IF he is feeling intimidated by a toy, and you want another one maybe you all should sit down and have a serious talk. My husband about 8years ago was the same way. We talked and now he has found out that not only do the toys help inhance our sex life but he gets more turned on playing with me and my toys.

I understand(not meaning to take his side) in a sense the way he may feel, being my husband was the same way and I had numerous toys before we got married.The best advice I can give to you is TALK to him let him know that he satisfies you but you feel that your sex life with HIM needs a little more spice. Heck sit at the computer with him and shop togeather they have lots of things for both men and women.Make sure you go gently with the subject to, or even let him read some of the post on here and what others think. Once my husband relized that it turned me on more and that my toys could also make him feel good with the vibration of my bullets etc he couldn't wait for us to get more toys.

Also here is a little tip from Howard(sry Howard)if you want more, you should also try a few of these tips, heck not to long ago my sex life shall I say was getting boring, not that my man couldn't satisfy me, but that he didn't want it has much as I did etc... If you live togeather which you didn't state so I am going to asume that you do, wake up and meet him in the shower get him all hot and bothered there. I am telling you he will think about it all day long. Then when he gets home he will be ready to do it again.

I know how it feels to always seem like you have to start the scene, hey but sometimes us women have to, I know I had to and after a few shower runs or a little bit of blue balls for him on the way to work, man has things changed around here. Another tip after he falls asleep for about an hour, gently begin rubbing him, kissing him etc. My husband sleeps on his back and I am telling you my sex drive is off the wall. Well so I took it upon myself to suck on him and make him hard and just as he was beginning to wake up I had already straddled him.

It takes time and yes being that he is only 18, I can also see why toys might intimidate him he is young. Sounds like you all are in for a serious talk also if you both get online togeather to look here on this site for toys, go to the games and couple section first to help make him a little more comfortable,

Good Luck and please keep us informed we love followup!

Also in my book there is no such thing as TOO HORNEY. =)

[Amethyst]

Thank you so much for your quick replies! I appreciate everyone's advice very much. But I will say that it is very hard to explain our whole situation to strangers online. So let me clear some things up. We are not living together, but see each other almost every day.

Also, I don't think I worded my post very accurately in portraying my boyfriend. I can definitely see why some of you may think he may not feel the same toward me as I do him, because of my post. But I honestly know that he loves me just as much as I him. And I hate to sound like a naive little kid on here because I'm 18 and everyone else on here is married or more experienced, but I really do feel like he and I are in a mature relationship and have a very close emotional bond. But thank you so much for your concern.

And answering howard4570, I've been on the pill since we started dating (half of that time we used condoms as well, but now only using the pill). So I don't think fear of pregnancy is a factor. And I really don't believe he feels guilty about sex. And I am 100% positive he is not cheating on me. But I DO know one of the reasons (which he has mentioned a few times) is his fear that our relationship will turn into an only physical one (which happened with his last girlfriend). So sometimes he mentions at the beginning of the night that he just wants to watch a movie or relax, spending time together. I am totally fine with that, I'm not saying we have to go at it like rabbits, i love spending quality non-sexual time with him as well. But I have had discussions with him numerous times trying to calm his insecurities. I let him know how much I care about him and that I would never let sex get between us, I believe great sex in addition to our emotional relationship will only strengthen our love for one another. These talks have seemed to help, but still, a lot of the time, he's just not in the mood.

Last time we had sex and played with my new vibrator, I mentioned maybe we should get another so we can use them on eachother at the same time, instead of passing it back and forth, and he seemed ok with the idea. And later we were talking about possibly getting one of the rings with the bullets on them. I think he likes the idea of getting toys, as long as they aren't bigger than him and I don't have a better time with them than I do with him, lol. So once I get some extra cash I think I'll get a few. Either looking online with him, or going to a local adult store with him--so I can get his input on what he wants and how comfortable he is. (I've also noticed that he likes using the vibrator on me because it's easier for him to get me off and he doesn't end up with a hand cramp, haha)

But does anyone have any idea why alot of the time he's just not in the mood? I start playing with him or giving him oral (which he loves when he's horny) but he sometimes just asks me to stop because he's not in the mood. And we have only had sex twice in the same day about 3 times--ever, and after the second time he says that his penis is sore. So when we play or have sex, after he goes, its over for the day (or maybe few days). Any insight? I don't think he has any medical stuff going on. It's more like he doesn't have enough stamina?

But anyway, sorry for the long post, I'm just trying to give you guys as much of the picture as possible so I can get more accurate advice. Thanks for reading!

[Amethyst]

no more advice?

[nosleepnmesa]

Amethyst, I have to say your last post I think you kinda answered some of this question yourself and just didn't notice. You said that at times he is just not in the mood. Well as I was reading you stated that his last relationship was just physical, and he doesn't want this one to end up that way. I think that statement there says alot. He may not be in the mood, in fear of this relationship turning into just a physical one. As far as having sex a couple times during one day and him saying after that, his penis is sore it could be from the friction, more lube. I mean I could be totally off base here but just giving you my insight.

When anyone and not just men, have something on there mind that is bothering them, whether they are aware of it at the time or not can make them not want or be in the mood for sex. You never know in the back of his mind, although your relationship with him is not completely physical, he may be thinking if we keep going like this it may turn into nothing but a physical relationship.

I also of course agree with Howards post, as for as the fear in the topics that need to be discussed. Honestly I would talk with him, I know you have said that you all talk which is wonderful, but have you ever sat down and told him that you want this relationship to be full oflove and understanding and that the last thing you would want to happen in your relationship with him is for it to be just physical. Maybe him hearing that from you might help to. These are just a few of my thoughts

Keep us posted and good luck

[ambrelyn]

But I DO know one of the reasons (which he has mentioned a few times) is his fear that our relationship will turn into an only physical one (which happened with his last girlfriend). So sometimes he mentions at the beginning of the night that he just wants to watch a movie or relax, spending time together. I am totally fine with that, I'm not saying we have to go at it like rabbits, i love spending quality non-sexual time with him as well. But I have had discussions with him numerous times trying to calm his insecurities. I let him know how much I care about him and that I would never let sex get between us, I believe great sex in addition to our emotional relationship will only strengthen our love for one another. These talks have seemed to help, but still, a lot of the time, he's just not in the mood.

Oh, my god, this sounds just like me and my fiancee. I was 24 when we met, and I lost my virginity to him. I also discovered what a sexual person I am. Like you, I like it alot. I'd like to have it everyday, or even a couple times every day. But my fiancee keeps telling me, I don't want our relationship to be based on sex. I even posted on this forum about it! I even asked him if he thought I was basing it on sex, or if that was what he was doing. He said, no, I just don't want it to come to that. He told me that every other relationship he had had ended up that way, and he didn't want that to happen with us. He said, there will be nights when I'm tired or whatever and I just want to cuddle up to you and go to sleep. When I posted on here, most of the women said how lucky I was to have someone like that. And here's the one thing they said that really made me think: He's trying to tell you how important your relationship is to him. He doesn't want to lose you, and he doesn't want it to end up being just about sex. He's more interested in you than that. You mean more to him than that. He wants to make sure that you guys have something to talk about when you aren't going at it, or when life gets too stressful or busy to have time for sex. Well, that made alot of sense to me. Really made me feel good actually. My situation was a little bit different than yours though. My fiancee has two kids. A 7 year old boy, and a 4 year old girl. We don't live together, so we have to just find time and opportunity as we can. I did alot of thinking, and I realized what it was that was making me want it every night, and get seriously disappointed if we couldn't. Well, aside from the fact that he makes me so hot. It was because this was the only time most nights, that it was just us. That we could have a private intimate moment without worrying about the kids or anything.

So anyway, I just wanted to tell you that it's ok if he feels that way. It's awesome that sometimes he just wants to spend time with you. And I'll tell you something else, the longer you wait between having sex, the better it is when you do.

If you're wanting to get his attention, and get him wanting sex, I have one suggestion that work for me with my occassionaly reluctant man. Invest in some really hot lingerie. I don't just mean like sexy matching bras and panties, although that's a start. I mean like teddys and bustiers, and stuff like that. Get some garter belts and thigh highs, instead of just wearing pantyhose. Any time I wear something like that, my fiancee is all over me until he can get me naked and have his way with me. I've even gone to the bathroom before I leave his house at night (we usually end up having sex in the kid's playhouse, which is a nice small one room building.) and put a sexy babydoll or chemise on under my regular clothes. Sometimes I don't even tell him I have anything like that on under my clothes and just let him discover it. Or sometimes, like if I wear a skirt to work, and wear my thigh highs and garter belt, I'll call him in the morning and tell him, so he'll think about it all day. It works for me. It might work with your guy. I started with just one or two things and built from there.

Anyway, hope this helps, or at least makes you feel better. You aren't the only one going through this.

[ambrelyn]

The point of all this is to keep the romance alive. Liking each other, and spending quiet time together is a normal part of any relationship. It is sometimes hard for young people to envision a day when they are jumping each others bones. But it happens. People don't feel well, or she is having a rough period this month, and just can't do it. There will be times when just being best buddies is enough. It also makes the next time you have sex so much better, and you spend a little more time appreciating how lucky you are to have a good sex partner, too. Pleasuring your SO is never a burden again, becuase you want to show him how much you appreciate the fact that he pleasures you, too, and cares enough to do so.

That was exactly the point I was trying to make. Very well put. There will be times where sex isn't really an option. For us, it will usually have to do with something with the kids. If they stay up late, like this summer, then we don't usually get an opportunity since I don't live there. I know it'll be alot better when we are married. But I'm also really glad to know that just spending time with him is fun and all I really need, and knowing that it's enough for him too, really makes me feel confident in our relationship. Then when we can have sex it really means alot more. It lasts longer, and is more intimate. Like Howard said. The best compliment I've gotten from my fiancee I got yesterday morning when we woke up early for a little fun. I was on top and he just stopped me from moving, brought my head down and kissed me slowly. He told me how good I felt, and how he wished he could super glue his dick in my pussy and stay like that forever. I laughed, and I could feel it all the way through me, down to the point where we were joined. It was really great. And I never felt so.... treasured.

I think people get all caught up in there day to day life sometimes, and they forget what love and romance is all about. As Howard has also said, we forget that sex is really adult play, that it's about having fun, exploring and enjoying each other, and not about who can come the most, or go the longest. I also think that we forget to transfer that to our daily life with our SOs. To laugh with and tease each other. To just generally have fun. That's totally off subject, but just something I've been thinking about lately. I know I'm guilty of it too. That I get caught up in a routine and forget to have fun and relax.

[Amethyst]

Thank you everybody for your wonderful ideas and input! It has made me feel a lot better and has given me many new ideas!! He has been out of town for a few days and is coming back tomorrow (i miss him! but it's cute he has been calling me at least 5 times a day, lol). I think the best thing would to have a talk with him, away from the bedroom. But I am going to wait a little bit because I already know i'm not going to worry about not having sex often enough this week after he gets back (we're both dying to be with eachother) and i have some more toys coming at the end of the week so that will keep us busy . So once (or if) it starts up again in the next few weeks, i'll have a talk with him about it. Then I'm going to try some more seductive measures (i have already been buying sexy lingere, and trying the no-panties tactic, but i'll keep trying new things). Thank you and i'll keep you posted on the progress!

This is a question you are going to have to ask him about- we can only guess, and badly as to why he is not in the mood. What kind of physical condition is he in? Is he taking medicines for anything? Does he exercise regularly? How does he sleep? Does he feel rested after a " normal" night's sleep? What is his family background and training about sex and marriage? Was he taught that he is not quite a man if he doesn't take control of the bedroom and be the one to decide when you guys have sex? Does he believe that sex is adult play time, and does he really like to play with you? The answers to these and other questions would lead us to possible answers.

howard:

He's in good physical condition (not buff, or skinny, or fat...but average i suppose). And he IS taking medication for ADD (attention deficit disorder) i never really thought it could affect his sex drive...does anyone know if it can? He doesn't exercise regularly, but he does have a pretty physically demanding job at a sporting goods store where he lifts things. And i know on some days he's not in the mood because he's tired (but its not all the time). His family knows we're sleeping together and is ok with it, as long as its not under their roof. I don't think he is worried about not being a "man" in the bedroom. I know he enjoys playing with me but sometimes he feels it takes a lot of energy for me to get off (whenever we're together, he wants to make sure i go at least once, if not multiple times). Now that I think about it more and more, i am starting to think it is his lack of energy keeping him from performing regularly. He works full time and before summer came he was in school full time too. Hmm... I suppose I'll get through this week and see how his energy levels do.

[Amethyst]

he still goes to a doctor to evaluate if he should still take it and they keep refilling his prescription. and i definitely notice a difference when he takes it. the days he doesn't he is completely distracted and moody.

[Amethyst]

Talk to the pharmacist. He will give you a list of side effects that come with every drug sold. In fact, there is a fact sheet that is required to be placed in every bottle of drugs sold to a retailer, but not to the customer! They just get thrown out. The Pharamacist would be happy to give you the sheet to read. Most pharmacies today have all this information on their computers. They can also give you a printout of side effects. And, of course, if the side effects of the drug he is taking( probably ridalin) is to interfere with his sex drive, TALK to his doctor about finding something else for him to take for his problem. What you have described could be simply withdrawal symptoms from coming down from speed. You might also google ridalin, or just ADD and see what drugs are usually prescribed for this condition, and what side effects are disclosed on the information you find on the Net.

Howard

thank you for bringing the possibility of medication side affects to my attention, i would have never even considered it! he takes adderall and i have been looking online and it does mention a chance of a decrease in sex drive! i will talk to him about it as soon as i get the chance. thank you!

[Mikayla1]

Hi there Amethyst - Welcome to TooTimid - I am sorry I wasn't here to welcome you in proper!

Anyway, I have read all the wonderful advice and agree with all of it. As you will see from being here on TooTimid people start to get familiar with each other and each other's advice and start to quote each other - it is a wonderful thing.

I have only one thing to add / ask about. Would you say that you are the one who initiates the sex more, seems more knowlegable (even though you WERE a virgin)? You want to use sex toys - was this new to him when you guys got together?

The reason I ask is this, when I met my hubby, he had sex with others before me, but I was WAY out of his league. Iam EXTREMELY sexual - I want it all the time. I love my toys. I love oral sex. I love to fool around in public, I couldn't get enough of him. It took all of a week for him to realize that "hey, this girl is WAY more advanced than I." Do you think that your bf is intimidated by you sexually?

Cause besides the ADD drugs, which will affect sex drive, he is at his sexual prime, he should have a boner 24/7 if he is attracted to you (which I am sure he is) so he just may be afraid he can't keep up. When men worry, they can't perform well.

That is my only thought other than what has been mentioned already! Good luck!

Mikayla

[Amethyst]

Hi there Amethyst - Welcome to TooTimid - I am sorry I wasn't here to welcome you in proper!

Anyway, I have read all the wonderful advice and agree with all of it. As you will see from being here on TooTimid people start to get familiar with each other and each other's advice and start to quote each other - it is a wonderful thing.

I have only one thing to add / ask about. Would you say that you are the one who initiates the sex more, seems more knowlegable (even though you WERE a virgin)? You want to use sex toys - was this new to him when you guys got together?

The reason I ask is this, when I met my hubby, he had sex with others before me, but I was WAY out of his league. Iam EXTREMELY sexual - I want it all the time. I love my toys. I love oral sex. I love to fool around in public, I couldn't get enough of him. It took all of a week for him to realize that "hey, this girl is WAY more advanced than I." Do you think that your bf is intimidated by you sexually?

Cause besides the ADD drugs, which will affect sex drive, he is at his sexual prime, he should have a boner 24/7 if he is attracted to you (which I am sure he is) so he just may be afraid he can't keep up. When men worry, they can't perform well.

That is my only thought other than what has been mentioned already! Good luck!

Mikayla

Thank you for the welcome mikayla! I've been reading alot of your posts, toy reviews, and articles...and boy, do you know your stuff!!

Yes, I would have to say I am definitely the one who initiates sex more. He had only been with one girl before me, but I still have to say I am more knowledgeable. He was the one who actually suggested we get a vibrator in the first place (but don't think it wasn't already part of my fantasies!) but I don't think he actually thought I would agree (or be eager about it, for that matter).

I don't think he's intimidated by my sexuality. He seems more nervous. I can tell he's afraid I'm going to become some "nympho" (which is not what I think loving sex means!!!) and either our relationship will become purely physical or i will start cheating on him if he cannot satisfy my needs (which i keep having to remind him that i would never let either of those things happen).

And about the ADD meds, just last night I brought up the possibility of his Aderall decreasing his sex drive and I explained how I did some research online and found out that was one of the side effects. He told me he had never even considered that to be a factor, (he has been on the medication since 6th grade) but now admitted it could definitely be a reason. I think we may do some more research on the subject and he may either stop the medication completely, or switch to another, depending on doctor's advice. Hopefully we will get it straightened out.

Thank you mikayla and everyone for your help! And eventhough the meds might be the main reason for his lack of "enthusiasm" i am still DEFINITELY going to use your guys' sexy suggestions to "get him in the mood" Thanks!

[Valntyn]

Yay! I'm very very happy to hear he took your suggestion of what could be the issue without getting cranky at you, as I can imagine some people would. Kudos to him for being a good guy and working WITH you (and the doctor) to find a solution.

Good luck and let us know!

[tdriskel]

he still goes to a doctor to evaluate if he should still take it and they keep refilling his prescription. and i definitely notice a difference when he takes it. the days he doesn't he is completely distracted and moody.

Hope it's not too late to shed some light on Adult ADHD-- about 4% of the population has this. It DOES persist for some people into adulthood. ADHD is thought to be a decrease in circulating neurotransmitters-- dopamine, norepinephrine are two. Neurotransmitters are also part of the whole part of the brain that tells you "YEAH< this is good!!" Stimulant medications do not affect your BFs brain as they would for the average person. If he has ADHD, the meds stimulate more circulating Dopamine. The physiology lesson helps the symptoms make sense. ADHDers have trouble staying on task-- even fun tasks like great sex. Also, if he is functioning fairly well in daily life, he is using a ton of energy just to carry on a conversation or pay attention in work or school. It can be exhausting. One of the big issues with sexuality with ADHD is that it is REALLY hard to linger in the moment-- foreplay is great, but then, oops, another idea pops into my head about getting my oil changed.

For me, learning this meant that I finally could see why rarely I could have AMAZING ROCKSTAR SEX but not everyday or even every week. In fact, I would have said my husband was very sexy, but often I was too exhausted to do anything about it. Practicing lingering has been helpful-- if not a little embarrassing. Actually, the sex toys I have discovered here have been VERY helpful. IF I am distracted, the bunny vibe definitely brings me back to topic. Plus, we decided that if I was getting fidgety-- not the good kind, but the other kind-- then we would try something new. Use all the advice for enticing him, but be ready to try a few at one sitting. Don't take it personally if it is hard for him to do this at first. Also, if we can tone down the other distractions-- tv, music, ringer on the phone, etc, it really seems to keep me from getting so easily distracted. The shower is also a hard place to get external stimuli that would pull you off the more important topic at hand-- pun intended.

Also, as a side note, Adderall can also cause increased libido, so keep a happy thought and keep talking to each other and his doctor. It is not an acceptable side effect to have "abnormal ejaculations"- don't ask, or decreased libido. There are many meds available to treat ADHD.

Good Luck