Advice Please

[kennym]

I am new here so please bear with me.I have been married to my wife now for 13 years.we are 39 years old.

we both still like sex like always.I know we aint the same as we was when we was 18 but,alot has changed.I have a big problem--when we do have sex,I dont have any problem getting up but,staying up is another thing.it may last 2 -5 min and its over.I feel like i am shorting her majorly.(sometime alittle scared that she may look else where for another hubby)I have tried lotions and rings and pills ,nothing seems to help.I even backed off on forplay.we are by no means perfect in our physical as models.I was burned in 2001 and I am still even after being married to her this long,I sometimes find it hard to show myself to her even in the bedroom.I have skin graphs from neck down and waist down mesh skin on my legs.so I int to supportive of myself but,I am doing the best I can nowtrying to keep my love life going while I can.my questions is-Am I the only one with this problem about keeping it up longer? and is there any,say toy for the bedroom that will help us?I was looking at the rabbit and things,but,personally-I have NO idea what a woman wants or likes.can someone please help me here?thank you.......kenny in Ms.(HurricaneKatrinaville)

[kennym]

Thank you Howard.I am taking alot of meds.it seems like when i left the hospital,I actually got worse in someways.I am taking lortab 10s once evry 4-6 hours and of course my cholesterol level went up so,it and high blood pressure-I take zocor and cozar with now since last week if that wasnt enough zanax.(I hope I spelled all of this right).I am sorry about asking questions etc,but,I felt I had nowhere else to turn.I aint to worried about my size.I aint to big but,what the hell.I just cant keep it up after 2 or 3 minutes.but,tis does make alot of sence.it sometime easier talking to a stranger about your problems than it is your friends.I will talk to my doctor and explain about this.I am very lucky to be here.racing fuel,mineral spirits and elect dont mix.I was in the burn center in Mobile,Al for 5 months.right before this in 1999 my wife now,had a acustic brain tumor removed from heer brain stem in Jackson,Ms.we both cant live without holding the other up.I even thought at once trying another mate(prefer female-seems like now ladies know more what they want than we do0to come in and help.but,I really dont know but,thank you so much for the advice.kenny in katrinaville.

[Tyger]

Sounds like you've had a lot to deal with! You also must be a very strong person to be able to handle what has been dealt to you.

No wonder you may be a bit "lagging" sex-wise!! Between the burns, and as of late, the hurricane!! I must commend you both for being so strong, especially together!! I can sympathize a bit with the hurricane trauma, cuz, I too, went thru that, but with Rita. We got hit pretty hard, but were very fortunate to be sure!!

Howard made a great point with the pain meds. Also, have you had counselling after the surgeries? I'm not talking follow-up medical ones, but real counselling? Sound cheezy to say, and probably mentioned a lot, but it really does help. That, and having counselling with your wife, as well as some for her, to talk about her issues/concerns that she may have with it too.

Be honest with your doctors about the sexual difficutlies. Don't be shy about it. If they don't know that it's an issue (possibly due to the meds you're on), then they can't help you fix it.

Good luck to you!!

[curvacious_lust]

Kenny, blood pressure medication is one of the BIGGEST sexual killers there is. Have you asked about an erectile dysfunction drug such as Levitra or Cialis? I don't think you would be able to take Viagra because of the BP medications. Hun, don't feel down about having to take "another medication" just for your sex life. Believe me....if she doesn't understand, then its her loss. I know what its like to rebuild and repair a body after trauma. Myself, I was in a triple rollover in a Geo Metro 8 years ago and even tho the physical healing is done, there is still some emotional stuff going on.

I would definitely say NO NO NO NO to bringing a 3rd party into the mix.

You mention racing fuel and a couple other things....drag racing I presume?? I'm a big race fan..yeah, even AFTER my accident...lol.

[chickenmom]

I'm sorry about everything that's happened. In the meantime, do NOT bring in another person. It will only complicates things and probably be intimidating for the both of you. Takes everyone's advice and go to the doctor and see what they can do for you. In the meantime, get some toys in your life specifically for her. Bullets, dildos, whatever she might like. I'm new to the toy scene, but I sure wish I had discovered them 20 years ago. Having her satisified will in some way allow you to feel less pressure on yourself. My husband agrees that it's nice for me to finally be content after all of these years of not having orgasms. Don't be embarassed. This is the best forum. Everyone here is so wonderful. Good luck.

[nosleepnmesa]

Hi and Welcome!!! I agree with all the other post listed above. Do not bring someone else into the relationship. My brother was burned extremely bad like yourself, first off you both are very lucky to be alive. My brother had numerous skin graphs done and in fact had to have serious surgery on his penis due to the burn. Yes he burned himself from the waist done and it was a gasoline accident.

I am very sorry to hear of your accident you are a strong person, and hear don't be worried about asking anything at all, this site is full of information and a safe place for everyone.

Now my brother of course had serious sexual problems, sounds to me like you are have a few to. That is to be expected. I would talk to my DR about it and see what all he has to say and offer. Now I have to ask,do you all own any toys? Instead of bringing a thrid person into your relationship which could in turn back fire on you. I would maybe get some toys, of course you to should talk about it first and see what her feelings and thoughts are.

My brother was burned over 6years ago, and of course is doing alot better, he still has a few problems sexually but does use toys with his wife since we have talked about it and if I could remember what the DR gave him that also help I would post it.

Good Luck to you! Please keep us posted

[kennym]

Sounds like you've had a lot to deal with! You also must be a very strong person to be able to handle what has been dealt to you.

No wonder you may be a bit "lagging" sex-wise!! Between the burns, and as of late, the hurricane!! I must commend you both for being so strong, especially together!! I can sympathize a bit with the hurricane trauma, cuz, I too, went thru that, but with Rita. We got hit pretty hard, but were very fortunate to be sure!!

Howard made a great point with the pain meds. Also, have you had counselling after the surgeries? I'm not talking follow-up medical ones, but real counselling? Sound cheezy to say, and probably mentioned a lot, but it really does help. That, and having counselling with your wife, as well as some for her, to talk about her issues/concerns that she may have with it too.

Be honest with your doctors about the sexual difficutlies. Don't be shy about it. If they don't know that it's an issue (possibly due to the meds you're on), then they can't help you fix it.

Good luck to you!!

Thanks tyger,it makes me feel alot better to have someone that understands.I am sorry that it took so long to get back to you.but,I dont even think i could bring someone else into our relationship.we have beem through alot together and I will talk to my doctor.thank you so much for your help.kenny-ps-we live right here between Ms and Al line at the bottom of the map.we are right on the gulf14 miles north.we got the right front quad of the storm.New orleans got the water and we got the splinters-13 hours of 140-170 mph gust.but,we are blessed we are still here.I have rode everyone out and I wont leave-its time to rebuild and kick butt.she didnt like it due to she is from seattle wash.I at least know when a hurricane is coming instead of a earthquake hahahahah.thank you alot.

[kennym]

Kenny, blood pressure medication is one of the BIGGEST sexual killers there is. Have you asked about an erectile dysfunction drug such as Levitra or Cialis? I don't think you would be able to take Viagra because of the BP medications. Hun, don't feel down about having to take "another medication" just for your sex life. Believe me....if she doesn't understand, then its her loss. I know what its like to rebuild and repair a body after trauma. Myself, I was in a triple rollover in a Geo Metro 8 years ago and even tho the physical healing is done, there is still some emotional stuff going on.

I would definitely say NO NO NO NO to bringing a 3rd party into the mix.

You mention racing fuel and a couple other things....drag racing I presume?? I'm a big race fan..yeah, even AFTER my accident...lol.

Thank you for the advice,I am also sorry it took so long to get back to you.I am new at this computer thing.I didnt realize about the blood pressure meds.I will talk to mt doctor for sure.I thought that viagra was just for people that couldnt get things up.I dont have that problem,I have a problem keeping it up.I seem for some reason have a fast orgasm (with in 2-4 min)and cant get it started again.I just want to make her happy and make it last alittle longer.Itas hard to go through something trauma and get it out of your mind.trust me I live with this everyday of my intire life.people say just try and forget it,thats kinda hard when you have to hide from others and keep yourself covered.I hope you are doing better.you are lucky to be here after that accident in that small car.I have a 17 year old daughter that has a small car(but,she has a lead foot).she hits these back roads and you think she carrying moonshine.I also realize that I cant bring anyone into our realtionship,that would be hard to grab.but,yeah your right about the racing part.me and my wife had been in the past drag racing in Mobile,Al.I was working on my old truck to pull the car over.to make along one short-I had a set of heads being reworked and I was cleaning my parts to get them ready to put back on.i mixed gasoline and mineral spirits in a cleaning vat and accidently poured it out on a light recepticle,and the rest is history.thank you alot for your advice.you have been alot of help.I will stay in touch kenny.

[kennym]

I'm sorry about everything that's happened. In the meantime, do NOT bring in another person. It will only complicates things and probably be intimidating for the both of you. Takes everyone's advice and go to the doctor and see what they can do for you. In the meantime, get some toys in your life specifically for her. Bullets, dildos, whatever she might like. I'm new to the toy scene, but I sure wish I had discovered them 20 years ago. Having her satisified will in some way allow you to feel less pressure on yourself. My husband agrees that it's nice for me to finally be content after all of these years of not having orgasms. Don't be embarassed. This is the best forum. Everyone here is so wonderful. Good luck.

Thank you.I have beeen looking for toys to suprise her but,she knows more what she would want than me.sometimes it hard to talk to her and I just go out and spend the money on the wrong things so at one time I gave up.but,I will discuss it with my doctor for sure.we have been married for along time and I know it sound good to some people to have another of opposites to join in for sex but,I dont know if I can handle that right now.but,with everyones help and advice I think things will be fine.main thing is I wasnt to keep her happy and it s hard sometimes when your a man amd dont know what to do.I agree with you about this site.its SUPER!.I am glad I found it.I will talk to yall later for sure.kenny

[kennym]

Hi and Welcome!!! I agree with all the other post listed above. Do not bring someone else into the relationship. My brother was burned extremely bad like yourself, first off you both are very lucky to be alive. My brother had numerous skin graphs done and in fact had to have serious surgery on his penis due to the burn. Yes he burned himself from the waist done and it was a gasoline accident.

I am very sorry to hear of your accident you are a strong person, and hear don't be worried about asking anything at all, this site is full of information and a safe place for everyone.

Now my brother of course had serious sexual problems, sounds to me like you are have a few to. That is to be expected. I would talk to my DR about it and see what all he has to say and offer. Now I have to ask,do you all own any toys? Instead of bringing a thrid person into your relationship which could in turn back fire on you. I would maybe get some toys, of course you to should talk about it first and see what her feelings and thoughts are.

My brother was burned over 6years ago, and of course is doing alot better, he still has a few problems sexually but does use toys with his wife since we have talked about it and if I could remember what the DR gave him that also help I would post it.

Good Luck to you! Please keep us posted

Thank you for your reply,I want to say thank you for your your advice.I for sure wont be bringing in a third party.I am gonna try and talk to my doctor and my wife alittle more.we do have som small toys(vibrators and gels etc,nothing major,I picked them out but,I may got the wrong thing-they just sit in the drawer and collect dust,when we do have sex she never wants to use them,so I guess I messed up).I am sorry to hear about your brother.I was burned in jan 2001.I have to have the integra skin put on and they used pig skin on me to help draw up and dry mygraphs faster.I havent started rooting up corn yet.I have had alot of help from www.burnsurvivoronline.com I thoght I had it bad till I met some of these people.they are great and helpful.dont get me wrong,I and probably your brother also has to look at ourselfs everyday and wonder why me(I know I do)but,the biggest thing is We Are Still Here.tell him to check out the web site and read some of their stories.he will like it.thank you so much for your help.I will stay in touch kenny

[kennym]

Update,I just wanted tio let everyone know who helped me here on this site that I have took their advice and talked to my doctor about the previous problem that I came up against.My doctor slowed me down on some of my meds and changed me up some and we will try this.me and my wife will be trying a few new toys to see if this helps.Again Thank Yall Very Much For yalls Help. kenny

[chickenmom]

Good luck! Keep us posted.

[kennym]

Good luck! Keep us posted.

Hey,thanks.I hope that this works.I will stay in touch-cant thank yall enough.Kenny

[kennym]

Kenny: Keep after those doctors, and let us know how you are doing. If you are still having problems, get back to that doctor, or get another opinion. Best of wishes.

Thanks Howard,my doctor seems that if I cut some of my meds down alittle,i should be ok.she also said that the zoloft should help also in slowing my quick cumming problem(sorry for putting it that way).you were right about the pain meds,I have to take 5-6 lortabs 10 a day and then my lipitor so we decided to back off on a few lortabs.plus I will have to start eating better(eating right is gonna kill me-do you know how much I love fried Ms,catfish ?-Damn cholesterol)-I think I spelled that right.but,I was scared to talk to her about this and I was really scared to talk on this computer with yall but,yall made me feel at home so thank you very much.kenny in Ms.ps-It sound like now that I will be asking (?s) about toys.I guess I should start with mikayla1.I believe this is the lady with all the 411 experiance.sounds like she wont steer anyone wrong.talk to yall later.