cheating on spouse

[Tyger]

On 11/22/2020 at 7:07 AM, Fun4her +me! said:

I never cheated on my ex-wife, till I caught her cheating with her ex-boyfriend, but the after that night it was the constant fighting we had that added to the divorce. No matter how hard my ex tried to apologize I did not want to have sex and I stopped kissing her, mainly because I was not in love with  her anymore and I was seeing someone else who was a divorcee, whose husband cheated on her. When I first met this divorcee, she was someone I could talk to about my unfaithful wife, then one Saturday after work she invited me to her house. We both worked Sat. mornings, but this particular Saturday we finished early so I took her up on her offer, and from that morning on she became my GF with benefits.  The fighting with my ex was about me changing my routine about me working a lot, but I was spending more time with my new found love, but it was the divorcee who stopped our relationship from going further, she started feeling guilty about being a homewrecker. I on the other hand did not feel guilty, but it was hard trying to conceal my goings on to my new found life. I tried to explain to my GF, my marriage was already a train wreck, but she asked me why I had not filed for separation, I told her I was waiting for my ex to do it, and I was doing everything possible to make my ex miserable.  To this day my ex did not know about the other woman, and our divorce didn't mention her cheating at first, but I told her lawyer that our problems in our marriage was my ex's fault and that is when I laid the bombshell about me catching her with ex- boyfriend's cock in her mouth in the 69 position on our living room couch, everybody that was in that room in her lawyer's office looked like they got hit with  bucket of crap and that changed the whole divorce  proceedings. Now I'm in a sexless marriage with my current wife because of E.D., but we still love each other and why we are still together!  What bothers me, my wife won't do anything sexually to try and wake up the dead. Cheating would do no good, unless I found a woman who knew what to do with a guy who understood my problem.  I also went down that path and I told my wife about my past infidelity though my ex drove me to it. My wife told me  her ex cheated on her and caught him with his other woman, and I'm not willing to take that risk and back then I was jumping through hoops trying to keep  my second life a secret. More couples today are switching to open marriages than divorce, it is cheaper to stay married and safer to, because you know you always have a home to go to.

Though I totally understand the desire to get back at a cheating spouse, this story is a perfect example of why you shouldn't do so if you want your marriage to work out at all. 

It's sad when a marriage has a betrayal. It hurts almost like nothing else.

 If you can't forgive, or even attempt to do so, you should just leave. For your own emotional well-being, you should just leave. I never understood the reason as to why someone would wait for the other spouse to file. Other than that they want to appear the "the one wronged" of the break up.  Pride can be a bad thing if saving it is at all costs.

I'm not trying to sound rude here at all, just as an experienced divorcee myself, and as one that has filed first both times.

The other aspect is that you made her feel like shit, and yet, you did the same thing, but wouldn't admit to it. Which again, I can see why you'd want to do so, but, in all fairness, you didn't want to work on the relationship, made her feel like shit, then embarrassed her even further to get even. It's, at the very least, hypocritical. Wanting to do so, is normal. Doing so is another matter. Especially if she did apologize, and did try to make it work, but you refused to entertain the thought. Which, makes you half of the issue of the marriage. 

I'm in NO way defending your first wife's actions. But, he who lives in glass houses......

Now, you are in a marriage, which is sexless, because of a medical issue, which is not your fault, but have you gone to the doctor? Have you taken an Rx to help with that? Have you changed your behavior as per your doctor if advised? If the answer is no to any or all of this, then, you are again, acting a victim, and not wanting to do any work yourself.  If you have, and nothing is working, I do apologize for seeming harsh. You stated that she hasn't done anything to try and wake it up, but, have you tried to coax her into WANTING to do so??

The thing is, a marriage takes TWO people to work at it. Yes, one can damage it, but it takes TWO to either fix it or move on from it.

 

I'm not saying any of this because I'm a bitter ex wife.  I'm not. I filed first both times. My first ex husband cheated on me. I caught him via pictures and chat room histories (this is after he said he considered flirting a form of cheating). We had tried to be together 4 times since I was 14. This last time, I told him before we got together, that I was too old (mid 20's) to play anymore games. He did so anyway, got caught, and I kicked him out, though he wanted to try again. I was done. Was I hurt? Absolutely! Did I want him to hurt? Yes I did! Could I have made his life hell and embarrassed him? Ohhhhhh yes!!! Did I? No, I didn't. I kept the details as to why I was divorcing him, to myself, my mother, and my best friend.

My second ex just stopped trying in the relationship. Left me alone in the bedroom, while he slept on the couch. Then he'd get pissed because I didn't want to have sex with someone that had been ignoring me for days on end. I had a child I had to consider, but, since I was the one working, taking care of the child, and doing the housework, I knew that this wasn't a major change, other than the fact that he wouldn't be breathing my air in my space. LOL 

I had tried to get him to do things, talk, be a family. He refused. You can only try so much. Did I feel hurt? Yes. Did I want revenge? Not really. I was tired of trying, and frankly, he wasn't worth the effort. But, I'm not a vengeful person. I just wanted to move on.

But I gave it my all, and i have no regrets. I don't even wish that any harm or bad comes to him. And, I never did with my first either.

Because I know I tried really hard to make things work both times, had stated my desires, expectations, and things I wouldn't stand for, right up front, before we even talked marriage.

I hope that you find some peace and some things that will work to help you feel like you can be a successful giving and receiving partner in your marriage. Best wishes!

[Fun4her +me!]

On 11/30/2020 at 1:49 PM, Tyger said:

Though I totally understand the desire to get back at a cheating spouse, this story is a perfect example of why you shouldn't do so if you want your marriage to work out at all. 

It's sad when a marriage has a betrayal. It hurts almost like nothing else.

 If you can't forgive, or even attempt to do so, you should just leave. For your own emotional well-being, you should just leave. I never understood the reason as to why someone would wait for the other spouse to file. Other than that they want to appear the "the one wronged" of the break up.  Pride can be a bad thing if saving it is at all costs.

I'm not trying to sound rude here at all, just as an experienced divorcee myself, and as one that has filed first both times.

The other aspect is that you made her feel like shit, and yet, you did the same thing, but wouldn't admit to it. Which again, I can see why you'd want to do so, but, in all fairness, you didn't want to work on the relationship, made her feel like shit, then embarrassed her even further to get even. It's, at the very least, hypocritical. Wanting to do so, is normal. Doing so is another matter. Especially if she did apologize, and did try to make it work, but you refused to entertain the thought. Which, makes you half of the issue of the marriage. 

I'm in NO way defending your first wife's actions. But, he who lives in glass houses......

Now, you are in a marriage, which is sexless, because of a medical issue, which is not your fault, but have you gone to the doctor? Have you taken an Rx to help with that? Have you changed your behavior as per your doctor if advised? If the answer is no to any or all of this, then, you are again, acting a victim, and not wanting to do any work yourself.  If you have, and nothing is working, I do apologize for seeming harsh. You stated that she hasn't done anything to try and wake it up, but, have you tried to coax her into WANTING to do so??

The thing is, a marriage takes TWO people to work at it. Yes, one can damage it, but it takes TWO to either fix it or move on from it.

 

I'm not saying any of this because I'm a bitter ex wife.  I'm not. I filed first both times. My first ex husband cheated on me. I caught him via pictures and chat room histories (this is after he said he considered flirting a form of cheating). We had tried to be together 4 times since I was 14. This last time, I told him before we got together, that I was too old (mid 20's) to play anymore games. He did so anyway, got caught, and I kicked him out, though he wanted to try again. I was done. Was I hurt? Absolutely! Did I want him to hurt? Yes I did! Could I have made his life hell and embarrassed him? Ohhhhhh yes!!! Did I? No, I didn't. I kept the details as to why I was divorcing him, to myself, my mother, and my best friend.

My second ex just stopped trying in the relationship. Left me alone in the bedroom, while he slept on the couch. Then he'd get pissed because I didn't want to have sex with someone that had been ignoring me for days on end. I had a child I had to consider, but, since I was the one working, taking care of the child, and doing the housework, I knew that this wasn't a major change, other than the fact that he wouldn't be breathing my air in my space. LOL 

I had tried to get him to do things, talk, be a family. He refused. You can only try so much. Did I feel hurt? Yes. Did I want revenge? Not really. I was tired of trying, and frankly, he wasn't worth the effort. But, I'm not a vengeful person. I just wanted to move on.

But I gave it my all, and i have no regrets. I don't even wish that any harm or bad comes to him. And, I never did with my first either.

Because I know I tried really hard to make things work both times, had stated my desires, expectations, and things I wouldn't stand for, right up front, before we even talked marriage.

I hope that you find some peace and some things that will work to help you feel like you can be a successful giving and receiving partner in your marriage. Best wishes!

Jut read your message, I took a  little break from forums. The reason I had to wait for her to file for divorce, was money. My ex was in charge of the household finances and always told me there was not enough to do anything extra! The reason I had to wait for her to file, I had no money for an attorney and my ex was trying to get me to pay for the divorce when we met in her lawyer's office. That is when I asked my wife had she told her attorney about why our marriage was in trouble? Her attorney asked what the heck I was talking about, and that is when I let them have it with both barrels! One thing talking  about your past flings with your ex's, but catching your current partner with their ex's privates in their mouth, that is a whole different ballgame!  My ex had no clue how to respond or her attorney to that accusation, because she was clueless about my affair and to this day I have never told her and I will never tell her!                     

As for the E.D; Yes I have been to my Urologist, and everything they have prescribed has not worked, besides the supplements I have also tried! I'm a Combat Vet and suffer a with lot of medical problems, and some of the medications I take could be part of my problem. I love my wife I have now and she does things to keep me interested in her, but I can't argue with her logic. What good does it do for her to try to  get my attention when she can't get a rise out of me, even when she tries to play with me and gets no response. She was good at giving Oral, but she lost interest in doing that as well! We love each other, and love conquers all! She does have toys from TOO TIMID as well to satisfy her needs which I bought, but she uses them in private even though I have asked her to let me watch. I love watching women on cam sites getting off with sex toys!

[Tyger]

On 12/24/2020 at 9:13 AM, Fun4her +me! said:

Jut read your message, I took a  little break from forums. The reason I had to wait for her to file for divorce, was money. My ex was in charge of the household finances and always told me there was not enough to do anything extra! The reason I had to wait for her to file, I had no money for an attorney and my ex was trying to get me to pay for the divorce when we met in her lawyer's office. That is when I asked my wife had she told her attorney about why our marriage was in trouble? Her attorney asked what the heck I was talking about, and that is when I let them have it with both barrels! One thing talking  about your past flings with your ex's, but catching your current partner with their ex's privates in their mouth, that is a whole different ballgame!  My ex had no clue how to respond or her attorney to that accusation, because she was clueless about my affair and to this day I have never told her and I will never tell her!                     

As for the E.D; Yes I have been to my Urologist, and everything they have prescribed has not worked, besides the supplements I have also tried! I'm a Combat Vet and suffer a with lot of medical problems, and some of the medications I take could be part of my problem. I love my wife I have now and she does things to keep me interested in her, but I can't argue with her logic. What good does it do for her to try to  get my attention when she can't get a rise out of me, even when she tries to play with me and gets no response. She was good at giving Oral, but she lost interest in doing that as well! We love each other, and love conquers all! She does have toys from TOO TIMID as well to satisfy her needs which I bought, but she uses them in private even though I have asked her to let me watch. I love watching women on cam sites getting off with sex toys!

Ah, ok, I get it now.  The laws vary state-to-state. I was willing to pay both times to get out of a bad marriage. The first time I did pay, the second, I was able to file in a way that said "I'm poor" (I can never remember the term.....starts witn an "i"). So, filing was free, especially because we didn't own anything substantial other than 2 vehicles and 2 trailers. So, there was that.

I'm glad to hear you are trying different things to take care of your ED, and that your current wife is actively trying to help keep the sex life alive no matter what. I can understand her lose of interest in giving oral if it really wasn't doing anything, other than feeling good. So, I'm sure it's frustrating, but understandable.  I'm not sure if they've tried other meds for your medical issues that would also encourage a bit more spunk out of your little soldier there, but it's always good to ask the prescriber for any info that may be useful. Many men find it embarrassing and "unmanly" to have this issue, where it's actually pretty common and NOTHING  to be ashamed of!!! I mean, it's a medical problem, beyond one's control. 

I hope that things work out, and you may be able to get some help this  year! Thank you for your service to our country and Happy New Year!!

[Fun4her +me!]

On 1/1/2021 at 8:40 AM, Tyger said:

Ah, ok, I get it now.  The laws vary state-to-state. I was willing to pay both times to get out of a bad marriage. The first time I did pay, the second, I was able to file in a way that said "I'm poor" (I can never remember the term.....starts witn an "i"). So, filing was free, especially because we didn't own anything substantial other than 2 vehicles and 2 trailers. So, there was that.

I'm glad to hear you are trying different things to take care of your ED, and that your current wife is actively trying to help keep the sex life alive no matter what. I can understand her lose of interest in giving oral if it really wasn't doing anything, other than feeling good. So, I'm sure it's frustrating, but understandable.  I'm not sure if they've tried other meds for your medical issues that would also encourage a bit more spunk out of your little soldier there, but it's always good to ask the prescriber for any info that may be useful. Many men find it embarrassing and "unmanly" to have this issue, where it's actually pretty common and NOTHING  to be ashamed of!!! I mean, it's a medical problem, beyond one's control. 

I hope that things work out, and you may be able to get some help this  year! Thank you for your service to our country and Happy New Year!!

Happy New Year to you too, and thanks for understanding!

[square]

On 4/8/2020 at 3:10 PM, Tyger said:

Square has a point. 

Divorce can ruin someone financially.

...   (snip) ...  If you, as a couple, have been together a long time, and each of you has earned your share of the assets, then, it's only fair that things are split. 

....

And if you have been together a long time, and one of you has been the main bread winner by far, and the only one to save anything toward retirement, now divorce comes along and you stand to lose half of everything you've saved, plus have to fork over a hefty alimony ... maybe it is different in other states, but that is what I'd be looking at.  Now instead of retiring in 6 or 8 years, a person is looking at having to work another 15 years or more.  Although I personally have no interest in an extra-marital romance, I can kinda see why someone might not be so quick to head for a divorce.

[Wisconsin Cougar]

Yea that young hunter has been a regular lately, sorry for saying this but I love sex and lots of it. Now at 58 im getting more sex than a collage girl, bragging maybe but at 58 years old I still make men hard. I am a small framed women who loves getting men hard, tasting their hard cocks is my favorite past time. 

[Daddyd]

@Wisconsin Cougar Any pic's of your sexy body 

[Curious15]

On 10/10/2019 at 3:47 PM, Amy D said:

No spouse to cheat on here.  But a sexless marriage is just not right (assuming you folks are not in your 80's). I suggest you talk to each other and find out why the marriage is sexless, or get a divorce and then go crazy with someone else.  Why bother cheating on a marriage that is not working?

Easier said than done. I've been married 28 years and 2 1/2 years ago I found myself reconnecting with an ex. The 1st year we just texted then into the 2nd year he asked if he could talk dirty to me. Of course I agreed and I loved it and got off on it. Then we progressed to visits. I need to get divorced but I'm also scared to. Always easier to judge others........

[Curious15]

On 7/24/2018 at 6:47 AM, tiedupnaked33 said:

Anyone currently cheating on spouse for lack of sex. A. Consumed by guilt.  B. Some guilt but need to continue.  C. No guilt.

C