Her Sex Drive

[Shyguy]

we are both 28 yrs. old she is 6mo younger, we have been together for the longer part of 9years, we have two kids son is 2-1/2 yrs. & daughter is 2-1/2 months, and are in the process of selling our townhome to buy a house,

That being said when we first got together we were having sex like rabbits literally (like 5-10 times a day).

in the past years it has declined to if im lucky 2x a week. is there any advice that i can get to try to get that lust and passion back for us. it just seems as if she isnt soo turned on by me anymore.

she claims to have an orgasm when we do have sex and or foreplay but im under the impression that when a female truely has the "BIG O" that itll be a reaction ive never saw before from a woman, like screming or cant get up for a few minutes shaky legs etc..... she does the whole ohh yea right there dont stop and and so on, but im not fully convinced she is literally Cumming there is no fluid or anything beyond just being juicy and wet as normal after having given her oral.

is there any way i can truely tell if she is having an orgasm or just saying so to satisfy me???

my first post so sorry if i jump around on subjects just have alot to ask

[Mikayla1]

OK first, WELCOME.

Second, if I read this right, you have twins, 2 1/2 years old? Well, there is about 1/2 your answer! Your wife is tired! Having children is an emotional and physical drain on a person, especially if she is the sole home provider, and even if they are in daycare and she works, that almost makes it harder still. I think if you look at ways to make her life easier, reduce her stress, help out with the kids - your sex life will be much better.

Also, you are buying a house. On the national scale of stress causing events, right after death (as in relatives, not your own), and having children, the number 3 cause of stress is buying or selling a house! So, she is also mongo stressed (as are you) about that. The key is to teach her how sex can be a stress reliever. Show her how a nice, sexy massage, following some "her time" in a nice bubble bath, can lead to a nice, sexy night!

Next, you are worried about how she cums? Listen, we are not in "When Harry MEt Sally" here - it isn't always going to be loud and obnoxious. Not all women cum the same. Do you feel a contracting of her pussy around your cock or fingers? Do you feel a little more moistness than before? Then she came. Perhaps she doesn't want to be loud anymore, she does think about her kids now. Women often change their behavior tremendously after children come around. She should be enjoying this time now, cause statistically, those children won't know what sex is until they are around 3 - 3 1/2, so take advantage now!

These are just a few suggestions off the top of my head! Lighten stress load, help around the house, get her relaxed, stop worrying about how she orgasms, don't pressure her to have sex, help her to relax sometimes when it isn't a prelude for sex and things should get much better!

Be creative - if you help her, she will help you!

Mikayla

[Shyguy]

OK first, WELCOME.

Second, if I read this right, you have twins, 2 1/2 years old? Well, there is about 1/2 your answer! Your wife is tired! Having children is an emotional and physical drain on a person, especially if she is the sole home provider, and even if they are in daycare and she works, that almost makes it harder still. I think if you look at ways to make her life easier, reduce her stress, help out with the kids - your sex life will be much better.

Also, you are buying a house. On the national scale of stress causing events, right after death (as in relatives, not your own), and having children, the number 3 cause of stress is buying or selling a house! So, she is also mongo stressed (as are you) about that. The key is to teach her how sex can be a stress reliever. Show her how a nice, sexy massage, following some "her time" in a nice bubble bath, can lead to a nice, sexy night!

Next, you are worried about how she cums? Listen, we are not in "When Harry MEt Sally" here - it isn't always going to be loud and obnoxious. Not all women cum the same. Do you feel a contracting of her pussy around your cock or fingers? Do you feel a little more moistness than before? Then she came. Perhaps she doesn't want to be loud anymore, she does think about her kids now. Women often change their behavior tremendously after children come around. She should be enjoying this time now, cause statistically, those children won't know what sex is until they are around 3 - 3 1/2, so take advantage now!

These are just a few suggestions off the top of my head! Lighten stress load, help around the house, get her relaxed, stop worrying about how she orgasms, don't pressure her to have sex, help her to relax sometimes when it isn't a prelude for sex and things should get much better!

Be creative - if you help her, she will help you!

Mikayla

no actually our son is 2-1/2 years old and our daughter is 2-1/2 Months old.

in the topic of the house buying we are just looking at this moment and havent gotten real serious about what exactly we are looking for so we prob wont buy a house for a short peiod of time.

and yes she does work and both kids go to daycare, we both drop off one each at diferrent baby sitters and work all day then we pick up child at daycare and go home.

to answer your question i cant say that i have felt her contract around my cock nor fingers but yes it does seem to be a little more moist after the fact. i get the impression that she wont fully just let go and get down she has allways seemed kinda reserved in the "bedroom", when i do get her close to what seems to be an orgasm she stops me and tells me she want me to put my cock in her. i asked her why she wont let me finish what i started and she doesnt really have an answer. the last time i went down on her she let me go alot further and she said she did cum, and then she wouldnt let me touch her anymore with my hands she just wanted me in her she said.

and to comment on your comment of "stop worrying about how she orgasms", im not worrying HOW she has an orgasm im worried IF she is having them i have allways tried to please her in one way or another before my self in bed.

i do helpl around the house a little and definitly help with the kids

and thank you for the insight above.

[ambrelyn]

If you have a child that is only months old, your wife is still recovering from her pregnancy!

Another thought. If you said this has been going on the last couple of years, she may be feeling bad about herself physically after having had two kids. She might not think of herself as sexy anymore. I think also it was mentioned on this forum at some point that some women and some men feel it's 'wrong' to have sex after having a child. Like it changes them somehow. This might be something she isn't aware of feeling and so can't explain. You'll just have to find ways to let her know how sexy you still find her. Leave her sexy notes around the house or emails she can check at work. Tell her how good she looks, how hot she makes you. Grab her ass when she walks by, or pull her into a deep kiss. If it doesn't work at first, keep trying, it may take some time to convince her. My fiancee had to spend some time convincing me that he really found me hot because I've never liked myself physically. But he kept at it until I believed what he said. That gave me a confidence I'd never had before, and I actually began to act/feel sexy, which made our sex life really hot. This might help in your situation.

[Shyguy]

If you have a child that is only months old, your wife is still recovering from her pregnancy! It may be a full year before she is feeling back to normal and her hormones are working correctly again. That alone can explain why she is not interested in sex for now. She may also be taking medicines that will affect her ability to feel " sexy ", so you two really need to sit down and talk. You may even need to sit down with her doctor and her and have a frank discussion about your sex life, what she can do, what she can't, and what you should be able to expect of her.

Buying a home is stressful most of all in the " Looking for one " phase. So, please don't discount the stress she is feeling from that activity. Women are very particular- more so than most men- about what they want in a house for themselves and their families. They understand that this may be a once-in-a-lifetime- purchase, and they need to get it right for the currently sized family, and also have so room for expansion for when the kids get older, and if and when another child comes along. On top of whatever she does at work all day, thinking about a house is very stressful for her. Just Understand that.

Mikayla's idea about taking a lot of the work at home off her, so she can rest at the end of her day, is right on target. You need to do most of the cooking, dishwashing, cleaning, and feeding the baby. She should get a nap when she gets home while you are taking care of the kids, and getting dinner reday. Most women don't want a husband to take over their kitchen, but you may have to insist. Compromise with her to get her to rest. This means your day will be longer, and harder, and you will also be more tired, but until that baby is about as old as your oldest child, I don't see how anyone can expect one parent to both work full time and raise the kids without help. It goes both ways.

As for issue of sex, you need to talk to her. I can't fathom why she is reluctant to have orgasms. Perhaps she thinks she can only get pregnant if she has an orgasm? That is an old wives tale I thought was dead and buried, but recently heard again! She is the only person who can tell you, or some counselor why she doesn't want to climax. She does need to know that this is bothering you, and interfering with your enjoyment of sex with her. Have the two of you talked about how many more children you want to have? If not, why not? She may be thinking that this should be her last pregnancy, but thinks you want her to have more. That kind of thinking, or lack of communication can put a big damper on your sex life, too. So, Talk to her. If she is reluctant to talk to you, find out why? And, then talk to a counselor, or start with her doctor and get a referral to a counselor for the two of you.

Good luck with this.

she doesnt take any meds at all just to say that, but the hormone thing is obviously possible.

ok just to say she leaves for work at 730am and gets home at 4pm, to where i leave to work at 6am and dont usually get home till 630pm which is 2.5 hours after her. and i do help with the children as much as another person can,

as it is she isnt to handy in the kitchen if you know what i mean i do 90 % of the cooking, i wash the laundry (she folds), i do the dishes (she puts them away somtimes), and i pick the house up every night b4 i go to bed which is at like 11-12pm she goes to bed at 9pm.

as far as more kids no we both agreed two is plenty and she decided to get her tubes (tied or cut) after our daughter was born which happened b4 she went home from the hospital

she did mention once how she is imbarrased to have an orgasm because it kinda feels like she has to pee (yes she empties her bladder b4 sex) and it makes a mess, i asked her to relax and i would love to make her have an orgasm and it would turn me on more to see her enjoy it like that, no matter the mess or not, i told her to cum in my mouth so i can taste her or on my hand so i can feel her warm juices on me. ive also said the more the mess the better the sex just to get her to not worry about the human nature of sexual activity.

just in response no offense just trying to explain. and i very much appreciate the advice i dont mean to knock the advice if it sounds that way

[Shyguy]

Another thought. If you said this has been going on the last couple of years, she may be feeling bad about herself physically after having had two kids. She might not think of herself as sexy anymore. I think also it was mentioned on this forum at some point that some women and some men feel it's 'wrong' to have sex after having a child. Like it changes them somehow. This might be something she isn't aware of feeling and so can't explain. You'll just have to find ways to let her know how sexy you still find her. Leave her sexy notes around the house or emails she can check at work. Tell her how good she looks, how hot she makes you. Grab her ass when she walks by, or pull her into a deep kiss. If it doesn't work at first, keep trying, it may take some time to convince her. My fiancee had to spend some time convincing me that he really found me hot because I've never liked myself physically. But he kept at it until I believed what he said. That gave me a confidence I'd never had before, and I actually began to act/feel sexy, which made our sex life really hot. This might help in your situation.

i do, do all of those things and she does them back just no grand finally.

example lastnight we got my mother to watch the kids for a few hours. so we went bowling which we havent done in a few years, we had a few drinks, we flirted kissed, gropped each other any given chance, went home I gave my son a bath put him to sleep, when i was done with that the baby had fallen asllep on her own so my SO went and took a shower and came down stairs and asked to put lotion on her feet (which i love to do cuz of the reaction i get just completely relaxed and she says her head gets tingley) continued up her thighs with a lotion massage teased a little by just barely brushing the area between her pussy and thigh, i could tell she loved it she just was kinda limp and relaxed, i had her put her foot on my cock while I was putting lotion on her (hoping she would maybe kinda rub on my cock or somthing just some acknolegment from her that it felt good)and to see what i was doing with a good view of her. which that made me hot as hell. well about an hour later we went to bed (like 2 hours earlier than I usually do). i continued to to touch her lightly with my finger tips as she loves on her stomach, thighs,arms well basicaly everywhere but her pussy (which i would have loved to do but i wasnt getting much reaction besides ("that feels good"). then after about an hour longer my arm started to get tired so i slowed down then she placed her hand on my chest and rubbed it for like 4 seconds and by then i was kinda tired of no reaction so i just tapered off and stopped and she fell asleep about ten minues later and thats it

im not sure how much more sensual or touchy i could have been in that paticular situation to gert things going.

i dont think its the baby thing because when we do have sex it is good for both of us just (enough for her to call me like 4-5 times the next day to say hi or to say thing about the night b4(which gets me going again but not her) not as often as i would like, im 28 but i feel like an 18 year old as far as want and need goes i think im a nympho J/K

ill even leave her text's or somthing explaining i cant wait to lick on her wet juicy pussy and taste her again etc..... all i ususally get is an oh yea or somthing she doesnt play back (im just confused and frankly tired of trying with no responses)

sorry to keep blabbering

Thank you alot for the advice and or ideas, im not knocking them just not sure how to get her to want sex more

Based on what you have now shared with us, I have to recommend that you move the orgasm time into the shower, when you can a couple of times of week. Lots of manual massaging to relax her, do her neck and shoulders, and then wash her back while giving her a vigorous massage. Then let nature take its course. If she has orgasms in the shower from manual and oral sex, she will get used to ' the mess', which really isn't, and will be able to have her orgasms in the bedroom, too. More important, by having her experience several orgasms in the shower where you are pampering her, and playing with her, she is more likely to get turned on , and be more responsive if and when the play moves to the bedroom, or bathroom rug, or the vanity, or wherever! It sounds like she does not look upon sex as something that is fun, and is focused on pleasuring you. Its your job to pleasure her. If you can get her thinking in those terms, then sex will just be an extension of your playing with each other. If her tubes are tied, she should be, if anything, more interested in sex, simply because she does not have to worry about pregnancy any more. I suspect her current problems relate to the recent pregnancy. Ask her to call her doctor about that.

It sounds like you are a terrific partner, with all the work you do when you get home. Atta boy! But, make her take a nap as soon as you get home, so she is rested. Even a 15 minute nap after the kids are fed, will refresh her more than she can imagine. That will leave some room for some late evening play with you before you need to get to bed, and sleep.

Thanks, that i have not tried but i def will give it my all and hope to enjoy each other while doing it,

thank you alot your comments and advice are appreciated

[hrnychick]

Sounds to me like the only answer is to have a talk with her.....in a NON sexual setting. Get mom to watch the kids and go out for a nice dinner or stay home but the point is you have to get to the bottom of this if you are not "happy" meaning happy otherwise but not fully in the bedroom.

Sounds like you do all that you can ( time permitting) to help around the house and thats great.....so if she has no cooking to do and you help with kids then those suggestions of you helping and giving her more time are mute. Valid ofcourse but in this case you are already doing all of that.

I myself am leaning toward the hormones causeing this reaction or nonreaction......Kids take a toll on a womans body....and you did say your youngest is only 2 1/2 MONTHS old. Buddy hate to say it but those days of sex 5 to 10 times daily (if i read it correct) may be long gone.....but thats not to say you wont or cant have sex everyday. This is a tricky situation because you want more and more of a reaction and if you push her to much you wont get anything. So again I say communicate.

Let us know how things go.......keep posting

Hrnychick

[Shyguy]

Sounds to me like the only answer is to have a talk with her.....in a NON sexual setting. Get mom to watch the kids and go out for a nice dinner or stay home but the point is you have to get to the bottom of this if you are not "happy" meaning happy otherwise but not fully in the bedroom.

Sounds like you do all that you can ( time permitting) to help around the house and thats great.....so if she has no cooking to do and you help with kids then those suggestions of you helping and giving her more time are mute. Valid ofcourse but in this case you are already doing all of that.

I myself am leaning toward the hormones causeing this reaction or nonreaction......Kids take a toll on a womans body....and you did say your youngest is only 2 1/2 MONTHS old. Buddy hate to say it but those days of sex 5 to 10 times daily (if i read it correct) may be long gone.....but thats not to say you wont or cant have sex everyday. This is a tricky situation because you want more and more of a reaction and if you push her to much you wont get anything. So again I say communicate.

Let us know how things go.......keep posting

Hrnychick

i agree those days of 5-10 times a day are def gone but ill still give it all effort to get as close as possible.

the other night we were getting pretty hot and heavy and after about an hour of foreplay she got on her stomach and slightly put her ass in the air. we got it going pretty good and she was moaning and sqeezing her pillow and then she said to me go slow and i went slow and it made me climax. but i gave it a min. in the meantime i was caressing her and rubbing and kissing her until i was ready again them she said please put your cock in me so i did but not all the way in (i played the 3 inch rule). and that drove her crazy to the point where she grabbed my leg and scratch the hell outta me (which felt good (heat of the moment). and she kept moaning louder then she said "fuck my pussy baby" so i went faster (she had to hold the headboard for noise reasons) a few minutes later she said SLOW DOWN BABY. so i did. by MY 3rd climax i beleive i got her to the peak she said she couldnt walk and we laid in bed for like 20 mins b4 we cleaned up. we both slept great.

she told me the night b4 this experience that she is still shy and i said weve been together for 10 years how can you still be shy, then i asked her how i can help with that and she said you have been.

im gonna try the shower deal next.

Thank you all sooooo much for the advice ill try it all within time.

ill keep you all posted if you would like

THANKS AGAIN