Help, How Do I Convience Myself Sex Isn't Wrong?

[ameliamaples]

Before everything happen and before I got pregnant I loved sex. But now I have this nagging voice in the back of my head telling me that it's wrong and it's dirty. I need some advice on how I can get rid of that little voice because as much as it talks about how wrong sex is I know sex isn't wrong and that I still enjoy it. But that feeling just keeps coming back and I ruins the moment during sex and makes me feel dirty at other times. What's up with that? How can I stop this from ruining my sex life? Which by the way I still enjoy but for some reason I'm ashamed of. Everyone please help me I respect the opinions of the people who respond to me and have done everything to date that needed to be done so please help me again. Tell me what's wrong with me?

[Mikayla1]

So did you have a baby, or did you get pregnant and miscarry? (I am sorry to ask, but either answer can really help me give you advice in this situation)

The basic answer here, the one I will lead off with, is that you are suffering from "Mommy brain." That part of your brain that decided once you become a Mom, there is no longer a sexual being inside you. That you must be pure, innocent and "set a good example" for you child - whether newborn or otherwise. This is simply NOT true. The best way to be a good example for your child is to have a healthy sex life and a happy relationship with the baby's father.

Sex is normal, healthy and natural. Sure, you have to change some behaviors when you become a parent - you don't watch porn in the middle of the day, or leave them alone to go have a booty call. Listen, as long as your child is being cared for and is tucked in for the night, it is perfectly appropriate for you and your man to have some quality adult time. Enjoy it! It is good for you to relax and have some orgasms - it will make you happier and ultimately a better Mommy! It is true. You will be healthy, happy, relaxed and secure in knowing that you are not only taking care of your child, but you are taking care of you and your man too!

So, relax and try to get rid of that little voice in your mind that tells you that sex is bad - cause honey, ain't no way that the activity that rendered your child could possibly be dirty or bad!!

Good luck!

Mikayla

[me4now]

i agree with mikayla

the nite my mom pass away i was trying to be intimate with my husband we had plan some serious activity and i was 7mos pregnant and she ask us to take her to the hospital because she didnt feel well so i figure we would be there for about 2-3hour max and my husband and i can continue with our plans,well it didnt happen that way my pass that morning and i could not get it out my head that was trying to get home and have sex instead of focusing on her. for months after that i would feel so bad and nasty about being intmate with my husband and he finally talk me and told me that i had not done anything wrong and that i was wonderful daughter and that her death was not my fault it taken me a while and i work through it.

my question for you are you married? and if so or not; you need to let your SO know whats going on with you emotionally

[Tyger]

I too, must agree. You are probably thinking that now you are a Mommy, and Mommies don't do that sort of thing (then where do siblings come from?). It happens, more often than you may think actually. I've heard from some women, that after giving birth naturally, they just don't want their *area* to be seen anymore. They think of it as gross, or dirty. It's not. Having a child is one of the most natural things in the world, and it's a beautiful thing for a woman to be able to do! Embrace the fact that you experienced the miracle of birth!

Now, I'm not sure when you had your baby, but you could be suffering, as mentioned before, from post-partum depression. Some studies have shown that some cases can last up to a year, especially without treatment.

Also some women I have known have also experienced an almost complete reversal of their beliefs after having a baby. Could be a change caused by all of the hormones, who knows? But that does happen too. They can be subtle, to extreme. Like, my ex MIL was for the most part, pretty docile, reserved, and a bit on the timid side. After she gave birth to her son (my ex), she went from that to being a bit promiscuos, rude, crude, and a bit wild. All of the women in her family are affected similarly.

Some women feel a bit of underlaying resentment towards the father of the baby too. THEIR bodies don't go thru hell, or the trauma of labor, THEY don't have to breast feed, some men WON'T get up with the baby, or help with housework. This can cause resentment, not only in a couple-dom, but especially in the mind of a new mother who's responisibilities have now increased 2 fold.

I would think, it's probably a bit hormonal, maybe body image issues, and the Mommy Mode that many of us new moms fall into after having our first baby. Talk to your OB/GYN, ASAP, to address the issues. Sex is suppose to bring you and your SO/husband together, not create a bridge. Communication for the 2 of you is key too. If the father isn't helping out, tell him. If you are tired, ask him to take over baby care for a couple of hours. It won't kill him, I promise. Most men will tell you that they can't read minds, and men are geared for DIRECT approaches. Tell him what you want and need. Sometimes men don't or can't grasp it by themselves, they need a shove (not nudge or push) in the right direction.

Good luck, and keep in touch!!