Vascectomy And No Sex Drive!

[Jessicaheim]

Hi everyone,

My darling husband had a vascectomy in January of this yr. He is 44 and I am 24. He has always been 'in the mood'. Well, we think that the combination of him having the vascectomy, being 44, and quiting smoking pot and cigarettes has contributed to his lack of sex drive. He has no interest at all.

This comes on the heels of me getting my sex drive back (after having kids). I'm going freakin crazy! I went and bought all these sex toys for us to use. I suggested role playing, dressing up as a french maid or something, but he's just not interested. I am so sexually fustrated.

Not only does he not have the drive, but he can't get it up all the time and ejaculates prematurely. He claims that when I get aggressive, I turn him off. He tried some of those over-the-counter sex pills and it ended up sending him in extreme pain, being unable to breath right, severe headaches....no boner included.

I made him an appt. w/ the doc that did his surgery to see if we can get some viagra or test his testosterone levels or something...anything. I feel so sad, rejected, and a little bit angry.

Has any of you men or women dealt w/ any of this?? I'm almost tempted to start having 'cyber-sex'.

[whiskeywoman]

Headaches and shortness of breath are HUGE warning signs that are brought on by the ingrediants in the pills.

It sounds to me as though your husband may have another underlying medical condition.

Certain medical conditions will zap his testosterone levels, as will other medications.

Is he on any type of heart pills or blood pressure, or cholesterol medication?

Some anti depressants will also kill his sex drive.

If your husband has had adverse reactions to the OTC enhancer pills, don't expect him to be able to take Viagra or any other type of ED medication, because he will more than likely suffer from the same type of adverse reactions.

Is your husband under a lot of stress at work?

You said you have children together, perhaps he is stressed from having to provide for them?

Stress can also play a HUGE role in sex drive and performance.

Lets face it, your putting more stress on him by saying that you want it and he cant get it up.

Then there is the psychological aspect of it.

He may just feel like since he has had the big V done, he may not be

a "real man" like he was before.

Take a long hard objective look at your relationship, stresses, causes, (like too many bills, not enough money)

your reactions to certain situations, like the lack of sex when you ask for it.

Ask him if there is anything you can do to help alleviate any stressfull situations, perhaps a nice long massage with no expectations?

Find a sitter for the kids for the night, make him a nice home cooked meal, have dinner together, talk, listen.

sometimes allowing your spouse to just vent can be a HUGE help.

I wish you the best of luck.

[Jessicaheim]

lol, Howard...you're great, you always have such good advice.

Whiskey, I agree that stress can be another cause. He has stress just like everybody else. It's hard because when I wasn't 'in the mood', he harassed me every damn night, made comments all the time about not getting it, and I just felt like crap....but I still made sure he was taken care of at least once a wk. So, I suppose I still have some resentment from that to be completely supportive and compassionate.

As far as any medicine, he takes none. Nothing for heart or anything. During his last dr. appt., the only thing wrong was a fatty liver, which was mostly due to gaining weight...which was mostly due from quiting smoking.

Howard,

I think you hit the nail on the head about the pot. Everything you said was true. He's been smoking pot since he was a teenager....so roughly 30 yrs. He says it's not even worth having sex anymore, because it's so much different...the sensation is gone.

I'm sure he's mentioned it to his docs, but I will be sure to tell him how important it is that he mention it again at his next appt. Viagra seems to be my only resort, and I'm skeptical about it after his last experience w/ enhancers.

Well, thanks for all your advice. I'm off to bed, I will try my best....let's hope I'm not rejected--by him or his dick!