Am I Defective?

[stephanieleann1416]

Okay, this is kind of random, but I figured I can get the most honest answers on here. Everyone is so insightful and friendly, and as I mentioned, honest, and that's what I need. Or at least a new look at the situation.

Ok, so heres the deal. I am 20 years old (21 in March), and I have been in one relationship. It lasted two weeks because he called me one night and decided to tell me he had "magical powers" and that he loved me and his "magical powers" told him that I loved him as well. So needless to say my 18 year old butt high tailed it outta there. So, in short I am sexually retarded. Never had sex, oral, messed around, NOTHING. Im kind of getting sick of being the "good girl", but im not gonna go out and just grab some random guy, I wanna keep my self respect. Well I've had situations that could have led to relationships, but something has always gone wrong because im not "aggresive" enough for these guys. One guy flat out told me after he slept with some 16 year old barbie, that it was my fault and i brought it on because i wouldnt sleep with him. So i said buh bye to him, and thanked my lucky stars that i didnt hook up with him. Another current situation is that a good friend of mine (who i had the hotts for in high school) tells me the other day that he wants to be in a relationship with me, two days later he says "lets be f*%k buddies". I don't know if the Oregon/Washington area is clean outta good guys or what? Another issue i have is Im a fluffy/fat chick, and im always worried that the kind of guys i am attracted to wont go for me. so i always go for guys who have good personalities, which ive discovered to be a nice thing.

but my question is, am i not aggresive enough, or what? i am terrified of men, and no, i have never been molested or raped, so its not like ive had a bad experience (and i didnt mean to offend anybody, im sorry

I just wanna know if im not aggresive enough, im defective because im fluffy or what? help!

[stephanieleann1416]

My parents were always open about sex, my dad uses the "dolphins and humans are alike in the fact that they both have sex for fun", my moms the same way. My moms side of the family is just a load of prudes, but I have nothing to do with them (and its not because of that)

I play the masturbation game, but suck at it. I think thats another issue all on its own. And yes, I do tend to run like hell from guys who wanna have sex lol.

Ive come to terms with being the fluffy kid, Ive become "newly confident", but when i say something that to me sounds confident I am terrified it comes off as concided (sp?) instead. I had the same issue with the asthma medication, it was predizone (sp?), I hate the stuff because it ended up killing a great aunt of mine. I was stick skinny up till first or second grade, they put me on the stuff and i turned into the fat kid in the stretchy pants that everybody at school made fun of. My family never made fun of me because my parents and my dads side are all big fluffy fun crazy people. Theyve always been awesome, now my moms side of the family (the ones i dont talk to) have called me fat before. My grandmother stopped when I was 16, because she said "wow...you used to be sooo skinny" and my response was "wow! so did you! your butts getting huge!".

So hopefully ive cleared some of the missed questions up! Thanks howard!

[Tyger]

First off, congrats on not just jumping into bed with the first Hairy Dick that came around (instead of Tom, Dick or Harry LOL). Some people with low self-esteems do just that to feel like they're liked, desired, wanted. That in itself shows that you have self-respect. That you should be proud of!!

Now, being a "fluffy chick" can be a good thing, if you let it be so. If a guy is hitting on you, then he is usually interested. Sometimes it's just for sex (I have a friend who LOVED to go after "fluffy chicks" cuz he said that they were low maintainance kinda gals. And, no offense to you at all, but he said that a lot of bigger girls are easy, and he IS a dog! LOL). Other times, it is for who you are. Some men like a woman with a bit more meat on her bones. Hell, if all the men in the world like the tall skinnies, there would be a lot of lonely men out there!!! Maybe consider your "fluffiness" as a man gauge. A man that won't go out with a larger woman is usually extremely superficial, and who wants that as a partner?

And, if a man hits on you, what is the harm of some self-esteem boosting flirting? Flirt, let him take you to the movies or dinner. It's not like you HAVE to sleep with him if he does these things. You will probably be able to tell if he's a dog, or wanting to get to know the person. If he wants to get to know the person, then he doesn't care about weight. Quality guy!! Show him your great qualities, personality, devotion, sense of humor, love for kids and/or animals-that sort of thing.

Don't consider yourself defective, call it selective. It rhymes anyway!! Just kidding there. Seriously, there is NOTHING wrong with waiting for the right person to share yourself intimately with. Some happen to do it sooner than others. There is nothing wrong with either choice, so long as it's that person's choice, and they are comfortable with it. So, welcome to the board, have fun, try to relax, and get more comfortable with yourself! Relaxing and getting comfortable with yourself is the key to great SOLO-ME-OOOOOO's!!

*geez I am witty tonight* All in good, friendly fun!

*hugs*