Newbie Sally Posted November 21, 2006 Newbie Report Share Posted November 21, 2006 Help! I need advice on how to deal with trust( or lack of) and insecurities. I have been in a relationship with a man for almost a year and a half. We live an hour away and see each other only on weekends as long as work allows it. It has been an on again off again thing because of trust and insecurities. I would never cheat on him(I love him) and he says the same. We met on a dating site and most of the time we have been seeing each other, he continues to check out other women in his home town. I have told him how I feel about this but he still does it. He says he doesn't but last weekend when I was at his house, I checked his computer and sure enough I saw that he was. When it first started happening(I've looked before) I tried to ignore it thinking that it was just typical of a man to do this, but I've been wondering lately if maybe he's just keeping me around until something better comes up. Sex for him has been great but all I get is wham bam thank you maam! I love giving him blow jobs; but I've only gotten oral twice and it ends almost as soon as it starts. Tried talking to him about what I like/want/need but it's usually short lived. I've only had 2 great orgasms with him that I can recall. He doesn't kiss me passionetly ever, unless I ask him to. I've masterbated in front of him and sometimes he reacts to that but not enough. I try to explain to him how I need this closeness from him: especially since we see each other only on weekends, but I don't know how to make him understand that even snuggling is important to me. Right now he is upset with me for snooping on his computer, but I need to know if I am wasting my time with a man that has no respect for me or my needs. This is a condensed version, because we really do have lots of fun together. We go out to the club or cook great meals together,etc. Do I insist that he respond to my needs or just let him go? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted November 25, 2006 Report Share Posted November 25, 2006 I guess I am missing WHY exactly you say you love this man?If he is unwilling to please you sexually & emotionally, where exactly is his "commitment level?" I'll tell you where, in the gutter!Sounds like you're wasting your time and energies on this guy. If he is suppose to be "in love" with you, but still cruising the net and looking at other singles, then there is a serious issue here. I doubt very much that he is just "looking". My ex did that. Cruised the Net, looked at local singles, then accussed ME of cheating, via internet!! (And we were in Maine ). I hope you find what you need and keep it real for yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members willtryanything Posted November 27, 2006 Members Report Share Posted November 27, 2006 Whenever I feel like I'm dealing with too much crap in my marriage, I make a list of the good things and the bad things. If the bad ever outweighs the good, I'm gone. There are a couple of deal breakers; if he ever lays a hand on me (hits me) or if he ever has an affair (has sex with another woman without it being my idea), I'm gone. I've been having marital trouble lately and I have decided to work on it because my husband responded when I talked to him. If your boyfriend is checking these dating sites, even if he thinks it's harmless, it will eventually lead to trouble. Maybe try talking to him one last time and tell him you will leave if this continues. Let one of those women from the internet deal with his selfishness. You can always find someone better. Beyonce' said it best, "I can have another you in a minute" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members willtryanything Posted December 3, 2006 Members Report Share Posted December 3, 2006 Can you give us an update? I hope everything is working out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie pdoyle363 Posted December 11, 2006 Newbie Report Share Posted December 11, 2006 Can you give us an update? I hope everything is working out.Thanks for the feedback! He bailed....I tried to talk to him and he turned it all back on me...accused me of cheating on him! He isn't much for talking about feelings,needs,wants,etc. He knows I would never cheat on him but I think that was his way out of not having to deal with any of the issues I needed to deal with. Trying to move on...but keep thinking of the great times that we did have...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie pdoyle363 Posted December 11, 2006 Newbie Report Share Posted December 11, 2006 Can you give us an update? I hope everything is working out.Thanks for the feedback! He bailed....I tried to talk to him and he turned it all back on me...accused me of cheating on him! He isn't much for talking about feelings,needs,wants,etc. He knows I would never cheat on him but I think that was his way out of not having to deal with any of the issues I needed to deal with. Trying to move on...but keep thinking of the great times that we did have...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie pdoyle363 Posted December 11, 2006 Newbie Report Share Posted December 11, 2006 If and when you find someone who interests you, and seems to genuinely be interested in you, get that new relationship going on the right foot. Men usually have to be hit over the head with a 4 x 4 several times a week to get their brains working right, so don't hesitate to teach him about relationships, and what is expected of him. Relationships, to be sustained have to be about giving, not getting. When you care about someone, their happiness comes before your own; their needs, their safety, their health,all come first. If the relationship is going to work, BOTH people have to feel the same way about the other. He comes first: She comes first. When you think in terms of how you can pleasure your new partner, rather than how can you get your jollies, and trust to her/him to be concerned about pleasuring you, Then you have something going for both of you. Sex becomes fun, and pleasurable. You listen to him; he listens to you. You teach ; he teaches. You both learn how to pleasure each other. You develope a trust with him because you know that he is going to make you happy, or give his best effort trying. That is when men find it easy to be romantic, to talk to women, to listen to women, and women find it easier to stop making assumptions about " all men", as their girlfriends would have them do so often, and instead treat their guy like he has feelings, and they want to know about them, too. The rewards are mutual, and long lasting, and the couple can experiment, and educate each other as they grow to know each other. Sex just gets better and better, and the orgasms get better, too. It is not " work" making time to be with your spouse, or partner, because you would rather spend time with him/her than to be anywhere else, with anyone else. You do become best friends as well as lovers. But, explain it to the guys. They are basically dumb. I hate to say that, but I am a guy, and I grew up with other guys, and when it comes to relationships, and sexual compatibility, most men haven't a clue. Sadly, most women today don't have much of a clue, either. Its the blind leading the blind, deaf and dumb! If you want to be with the world's most wonderful lover, you will have to make him yourself. TEACH! and learn. Ask him what he likes and demand feedback from him when you are making love, so you learn what feels good that you are doing to him, and what does not. It will be a new experience for most men. It will also make it much easier for you to talk to him while he is making love to you, so he knows when he is doing something right! Have fun. HowardThanks, Howard! I appreciate your words of wisdom!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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