Scared Virgin

[Sarahangel]

Hey there,

I'm new to this kind of forum, I'm 27 and A virgin....I'm such a Virgin that i've never even been kissed or held hands with a guy. But that's not why i'm posting lol, I'm posting because I've heard so many horror stories about bad sex and guys not wanting virgins because we are inexperienced.

I am totally freaked out by sex now...I am so scared that I am going to be so bad that i'll get dumped, i'm scared that I'll never get laid because I am a virgin!!! I had the opportunity when I was 18 to have sex but I chickened out at the last second because I didn't want to dissapoint him (he had alot of girls before me) Is my fear of sex justifiable? I mean should I be worried about being bad in bed or is all the bad sex talk overrated? Do I have a reason to be scared?

[Mikayla1]

WOW....Howard had A LOT to say, as usual. His responses were very candid and well spoken, and hopefully you will find them helpful.

I want to say, being a virgin is a wonderful thing. Any man would be LUCKY and priveleged to have you. You are truly saving yourself for someone special, and for that that man has no reason to judge you, to be upset if you don't know what you are doing, etc.

I too have heard the horror stories, but I believe that these men are in the minority. I think you will find if you have trust in yourself, that you will find the "right" kind of man to date, and won't have to worry about all these horrible things. I feel that things will work out for you, the way they are meant to.

Also, we can't always protect ourselves from getting hurt, sometimes it just happens. So, do the best you can, but let yourself get involved, cause there is no lonlier life than sitting at home being afraid to trust and get out there!

Good luck and keep that gift until you find the right person ~ and it might be the right person just for now, or it might be the man you'll marry, you will never know until you get out there!

Mikayla

[MysticLady]

@ VirginGirl: Your post kinda confused me. You first wrote that you have never even kissed a guy, but then you said you had to the chance to have sex at 18. Did you and the guy skipped the kissing part and went to try sex or something?

Liesl

[Tyger]

First, let me CONGRATULATE you for remaining a virgin this long!! Being a virgin at any age can be a good thing. You have chosen to wait for the right guy, I'm assuming. Which takes a lot of will-power.

Trust me honey, if you just wanted to "Pop your Cherry", there would be plenty of men out there to just fuck you, and I say it as vulgar as that cuz that's what it would be. Just go to a club or bar, you will find a willing dick. BUT if you do that, the chances of your fear of having it suck would probably come to pass.

Not all first times suck. For a woman's POV, it, IMO, is a momentous occassion, depending on who you choose to be intimate with for the first time. Now, true, it may not "rock your world", due to nervousness, self-consciousness, and lack of knowledge. But, if you choose the right man, one who cares for you, it can also be one of the most tender experiences out there. A Truly caring man will take his time. When the hymen tears, there will be a bit of pain and/or discomfort. Some women barely feel it at all. It's not like an earth shattering pain. There will be some blood usually, but any man knowing you're a virgin will know that.

I'm probably telling you some stuff you already know. LOL In everything in life, some people have good experiences, some not so good ones. Such as driving, going to school, even walking down the road. There are good experiences and bad ones. Some you can avoid, others you can't.

The best pieces of advise I can give you are:

*You will know when/who you want to loose your viriginity (too). Don't rush it. It WILL come.

*Be safe about it~safe sex is very very important. Don't believe anyone that tries to tell you that thinking about using birth control/safe sex "ruins the mood". Sex is suppose to be fun, yes, but you also have to be responsible about it too. The one you choose to give yourself too will understand that.

*Don't over-think it. A good man will take it slow, and let you know if something feels good. And if he is doing something that feels good, you need to tell him too. You're opening yourself up in the most intimate way, that is NOT the time to be shy and coy or embarrassed. Be honest.

*A good man will know, since you're a virgin, and not experienced at all, (be honest with him about that), that you don't have much of an idea of what you're doing, so he won't expect you to be like a porn star!

*Keep your expectations fairly down for the first time. Meaning, don't expect what you may see on soap operas: candles, satin sheets, and perfection in every way. Romance is good. And hopefully there will be an effort into it. But your first time can be awkward, and even humorous at times. People and bodies make noises. People sweat. Hopefully, you will have an orgasm, but many times, on a woman's first time, as mentioned, it doesn't happen for all of the self-conscious reasons. Some women can orgasm more easily than others. Having sex is a learning & teaching experience. You have to learn how to please yourself before others can please you successfully.

And, finally:

*Sex is suppose to be fun! Relax as much as you can, keep it simple, enjoy the sensations, and literally go with the flow.

[MysticLady]

I wouldn't be surprised if my sister lost hers before me. She already got a job,boyfriend,license and car! I am 13 months older and I haven't done ANY of that!

Liesl

[Tyger]

I agree that loosing one's virginity can be a great experience. I know my post probably had a bit of a negative tone to it. I just hear a lot of girls say how disappointed they were with their first time. But then when I hear what they expected, it's like, well, you need to be a bit more realistic.

I actually advocate sex before marriage, to a degree. That's just my opinion, which I may catch hell for. I've had many friends marry their firsts, with no other lovers in their lives, and then, later on either have affairs, or are constantly wondering what others are like in bed, what their missing I guess. Now, I'm not saying go out and have a ton of lovers. Each decision is a personal choice.

I married my First, but only after we'd been together, then apart for almost 10 years, obviously having other relationships in between. I never ever regretted my choice of him being my First, nor the timing of it. I knew that if I'd wanted him to stop at anytime, he would've. And I knew he'd be gentle. We played it safe, I was on the Pill and we used condoms, which he didn't fight. I will say, I wish we had been a bit more romantic, but overall, it was pretty good. Nervousness and self-consciouness abounded, but it felt good after a while. So I wanted to try some more.

Anyway, we're getting a bit off topic here. I just hope that Virgin can understand that trying ANYTHING new can be scary.

[Sarahangel]

Hey thanks for all the advice guys

Someone said they were confused by my post because I said i'm a virgin but had the opprtunity to have sex when I was 18....Here's the deal on that:

The guy who's name is Will, He acted like a sweetheart to me when we first met and hung out (no kissing or hand holding, but he did hug me) He really only wanted one thing from me..SEX. But I told him I would not even consider that with him or any guy until after we were in love. So what does he do??? he tells me he loves me but I don't believe him and we go out with my friend and her jerk off of a boyfirend. For someone trying to get in good with me Will spends the evening putting down everything I like and believe in. We have a fight and he profusely apologizes so we start talking again and he says he wants to fool around with me at the movie theater where he works. We work out a double date with my friend and her boyfriend I'm all for fooling around until I get sick the day of the movie date. I'm not sick enough to not be able to go, but i'm sick enough that I am not up for fooling around. I was supposed to wear a skirt for easy access but I don't I wear jeans and Will is mad when he see's me. Anyway we get into the theater and I tell him I'm sick i'm not in the mood and quite frankly he's just not treating me right. needless to say that night I had the perfect chance to have sex but I didn't because Will had disrespected me numerous times and when he shoved his hands down my pants after I told him no that was the last straw!!! besides being sick I realized that I didn't want to lose my virginity in a movie theater. So there was no kissing or hand holding ever between us, Will pissed me off to much

Anyways just so you know I do masterbate, but have yet to achieve the big O....I went at it last night after reading that you should take deep breaths instead of short labored ones...Last night was the closest i've come to the big O...and probably would have reached it had I not made myself pee somehow....yes I peed and its embarassing and its the second time so far I do not own a Vibrator and my mom who I live with would flip out if she knew I bought one sooo I only long to have one I use a fat marker as my toy...its probably the saddest excuse for a sex toy but its all I have to work with...I do have KY jelly which I use to lube up and i've busted through my hymen which hurt like hell when I did it accidently while masturbating causing me to lose the big O once again.

I suppose alot of my childhood experiences is why I have subconciiously associated sex with being bad... My mom and dad had a VERY UGLY, NASTY AND ALL OUT WAR OF A DIVORCE because he had had an affair and had been caught when I was about 7....I was also always forced to be in the room when they fought and often through things...I cried so much as a little girl...my sister got pregnant at 16 making me an aunt at only 9 years of age and her whole life changed...Though I don't know what life would be like with out my now 18 year old niece who I love to pieces as well as her sisters. Many girls in my grade at school got pregnant and stopped going to school...all that made me want to wait until I am married. I suppose all the negative affects of sex imposed on me as a little girl have alot to do with my fears of it..because all it brought was bad news to the people around me. In High School girls got dumped when they wouldn't put out, and girls who decided to put out to hold on to thier boyfriends where labeled as whores and sluts. Even now as my moms second marriage is ending I know he left because of the lack of intimacy between them and because she didn't want to do things as simple as going to the store with him. They had not slept in the same room in two years when he left a month ago...two years since my mom has had sex and she blurted it out during a drunken phone call to him. My mom has her own issues with sex...she was nearly raped twice as a young mother. She clams up when I try to talk to her about sex..its uncomfortable for her but my dad who wishes me not to date unitl I am 50 (he's only kidding and being a typical dad and i'm his only daughter so he's overly protective) is more open to talking to me about sex then she is.

As for remaining a virgin taking alot of will power...it doesn't take much effort when not a single guy has ever showed interest in you in fact its easy. I had alot of crushes in high school not one liked me back and not one was nice about it either so on top of repressed feelings is the low self-esteem, respect and confidence. I don't think i'm beautiful, I look at myself and see this ugly horrid overwieght monster. I am 27 but can pass easily for a 15 year old so that affects how the guys see me as well. I'm a mess obviously and want to clean it up but I don't know how lol.

Probably the hardest thing about being a virgin is when i'm sitting with friends and the sex talk comes up....I'm the silent one every time. Wow i'm glad I found this place because its nice to talk about sex and not be embarrassed about it.

[Tyger]

Yes, I am sure that with all the stuff you went thru as a kid has turned you against sex. You were taught that sex was dirty, and that married couples don't do it. And when they do, they get into trouble. Girls that put out a lot DO get more boyfriends in high school and early 20's. But if you notice, the QUALITY of their relationships is ZERO. They see a lot of action, but did you ever see them earning any sort of respect at all? Most likely not. They were probably the butt of every joke.

I'm sorry that your parents were so selfish to put you in the middle, and keep you informed and probably as a pawn in their marriage. I will say this again. There are at least 2 parts to a marriage: the husband and wife-sexual aspect of the marriage. And then, if you have kids, the father-mother aspect. The husband-wife aspect is NONE of the children's business. Neither is an affair, sexual prowess, or lack-thereof.

If your father is willing to talk to you about sex, as wierd as it may be at first, talk to him. Ask him questions from a male POV. He could teach you his experiences, opinions and how other men think. Very useful!!!

Some of us women are just GRACED with looking a lot younger than we are, Howard! Actually, not to that extreme, but I am usually thought of as about 25 or so. I get carded, and want to kiss the person asking me. Just kidding~maybe!! It's usually due to the way one dresses and lack of makeup that makes women look a lot younger. That, and if they haven't been in the sun a lot there are less lines.

I will say that if you think of yourself the way you say you do, it's no wonder nobody wants to hit on you. I'm not trying to sound mean here. just please read on....Men LOVE confidence in a woman. How you feel about yourself truly does show thru. If you want to just disappear into the woodwork while you're in public, you do. Nobody will pay attention to the mope sitting in the corner. Or, if they do, they'll be a bit wierded out.

To get out of this, I would suggest trying to up your self-esteem. Accept compliments gracefully, say thank you, and try hard to believe them. If you think you're fat (I have no idea if you are or not), then start going for walks. Or join a woman's gym, like Curves. If you don't know how to dress, get some of your friend's advise!! The best-dressed one. I bet she'd literally start salivating if you asked her to help you pick up a new outfit or 2. You are still young!! It's truly a time to be as selfish as possible!! Especially since you have no children or a boyfriend to rely on you!! Do stuff that makes you happy!!

I'm glad you like the forum. We try to answer questions as openly and honestly as we can, given what the poster says, so sometimes interperatation can vary. Good luck to you, and try hard to love yourself. Start with LIKE. Because, if you don't like yourself, how can anyone else?

[MysticLady]

VirginGirl: That whole being confused for someone younger happens to me too. I can still get kid priced tickets at the threatre(the oldest for that is like 11). After reading what you wrote, I can see its hard for to find someone who wants you for more than just sex. The same thing happens to me; they get into sex and I tell him that I don't want to discuss it, he gets defensive and starts to say 'Oh I thought we were both adults' and like a few days later he dumps me.

Men my age are pigs and stupid.

Liesl

[Sarahangel]

Ok so howard asked fora description of myself so here it is......................

I'm hispanic, about 5'1, shoulder length dark brown hair, dark brown eyes (I wear glasses), tan skin, and my wieght well at my heaviest I was 200lbs....I hit that and cried so I took action and as of right now i'm down to 175. I actually left out the part where I don't have A job, or a license and no friends.

No I didn't lie about the girl talk and being silent...that always happens when i'm with my older sister and her girlfriends. sex always comes up and I kinda just sit there like I said before, but I swear i'm gonna bust out with all thesetips the next time i'm in that situation and shock the hel out of them because I won't be the innocent Virgin anymore lol.

The G-Spot orgasm thing.....I highly doubt I had a G-spot orgasm because there was no moaning or twitching or shuddering going on...It was starting to feel good until I peed... I do pee before I masterbate but in the case of the peeing incident I had been drinking alot of Soda and gatorade that day and was going at it for almost 3 hours starting at 12:45am and when I peed the clock said 3:15am. I had to have pee'd because of the sheer amount of liquid that came out of me. I soaked one of those really big towels, as well as my dogs bedding. At any rate I constantly lose my orgasms because I hear my mom up and about all hours of the night (The woman has ashitty sleeping pattern) and get scared that she's going to hear me or something. I can't do it during the day because I have ZERO privacy! No lock on my bedroom door and my mom will come in without knocking (According to her I don't get privacy because I don't work) so my only option is to go at it at night after 11pm and try desperately to have an Orgasm before she's up and about so I try until I'm so exhausted and pissed off that I start crying. I have gone 4 hours of nonstop masterbation with no success...I want a Vibrator so bad but since my mom orders crap off of the TV in my name i'm afraid if I order one she will open the box when it gets here thinking it something of hers. Then she would throw a shit fit and ask why I would buy something so disgusting!!! I have one on my wish list though ..A G Spot and clitoral vibrator and I want it so bad lol

As for how I dress....hhhmmm sporty I guess, I like my tennis shoes and dance/workout pants and tank tops. Before I took a break from college I was a dancer there and got in the habit of always wearing the dance clothes. The few times I have gone out I've done the Levi's and a dressy blouse and worn make-up, buut wearing make-up makes me look like a teenager trying to pass as an adult rather than looking more my age. I go to Vegas alot with my mom and stepdad...well used too and I rarely got carded.I get carded more when buying beer and cigs for my mom who by the way is an alcoholic that was sober for 7 years before falling of the wagon last year. My whole childhood she was an alcoholic and is partly to blame for my parents divorce, and she treated me, my brother and my sister like crap..still does se loves to tell me how incapabale I am of succeeding in life, that no man will want to be with me with my greasy face, yellow teeth and fat body....yeah she shows no mercy and she was telling me things like that when I was a little girl.

Don't get me wrong I love my mom dearly, but she messed up so bad that she's 52 with bad credit, no job, she's recieving Supplimental Social Security, can't drive on the freeway, can barely drive on the streets and needs me to go everywhere with her because of her panic and anxiety attacks. Yeah my brother and sister are so diffrent from me, they are married with kids and a life worth bragging about. They were the ones who were allowed to drink at 15, they had all this freedom andwhen it was my turn I wasn't allowed the same freedoms....I was forced to go to church, they weren't, I had a cerfew they didn't... silly I know but its the truth they had more freedom then me.

I am at the point in my life where i've accepted that I'm never going to have a man in my life, but the month of December is the lonliest month of the year for me...My birthday is Dec 6...2 weeks later its christmas then a week later its New Years Eve....all big events that regular people spend with boyfriends and husbands, wives, girlfirends... Me I spend those three events all alone and I actually cry from the lonliness I feel.

I know living with my mom is not good for me but I can't leave her!! she gets drunk and passes out in the garage, If i'm not here to drag her into bed she will stay out there and get sick, and the dogs and cats will not get fed. My dad has asked me numerous times to live with him and my stepmom and I did go live with him for a month....I almost had my drivers License too because my dad sat there and helped me study for a weeek and I passed my written test on the first try, and I was driving my dad around within days...If I had stayed a little longer I'd have a drivers license right now but my mom called me and begged me to come home....I fought her on it but eventually caved because she promised she would teach me how to drive which she bever did.

My dad treats my like the adult that I am, asks me for advice and lets me in on his and my stepmoms conversations sometimes and I tell ya I feel like a million bucks when i'm with my dad and stepmom.

ok wow this is a sex talk forum ad i'm going on and on about my emotional issues lol sorry I'll stop now!!

[MysticLady]

Ok so howard asked fora description of myself so here it is......................

I'm hispanic, about 5'1, shoulder length dark brown hair, dark brown eyes (I wear glasses), tan skin, and my wieght well at my heaviest I was 200lbs....I hit that and cried so I took action and as of right now i'm down to 175. I actually left out the part where I don't have A job, or a license and no friends.

No I didn't lie about the girl talk and being silent...that always happens when i'm with my older sister and her girlfriends. sex always comes up and I kinda just sit there like I said before, but I swear i'm gonna bust out with all thesetips the next time i'm in that situation and shock the hel out of them because I won't be the innocent Virgin anymore lol.

The G-Spot orgasm thing.....I highly doubt I had a G-spot orgasm because there was no moaning or twitching or shuddering going on...It was starting to feel good until I peed... I do pee before I masterbate but in the case of the peeing incident I had been drinking alot of Soda and gatorade that day and was going at it for almost 3 hours starting at 12:45am and when I peed the clock said 3:15am. I had to have pee'd because of the sheer amount of liquid that came out of me. I soaked one of those really big towels, as well as my dogs bedding. At any rate I constantly lose my orgasms because I hear my mom up and about all hours of the night (The woman has ashitty sleeping pattern) and get scared that she's going to hear me or something. I can't do it during the day because I have ZERO privacy! No lock on my bedroom door and my mom will come in without knocking (According to her I don't get privacy because I don't work) so my only option is to go at it at night after 11pm and try desperately to have an Orgasm before she's up and about so I try until I'm so exhausted and pissed off that I start crying. I have gone 4 hours of nonstop masterbation with no success...I want a Vibrator so bad but since my mom orders crap off of the TV in my name i'm afraid if I order one she will open the box when it gets here thinking it something of hers. Then she would throw a shit fit and ask why I would buy something so disgusting!!! I have one on my wish list though ..A G Spot and clitoral vibrator and I want it so bad lol

As for how I dress....hhhmmm sporty I guess, I like my tennis shoes and dance/workout pants and tank tops. Before I took a break from college I was a dancer there and got in the habit of always wearing the dance clothes. The few times I have gone out I've done the Levi's and a dressy blouse and worn make-up, buut wearing make-up makes me look like a teenager trying to pass as an adult rather than looking more my age. I go to Vegas alot with my mom and stepdad...well used too and I rarely got carded.I get carded more when buying beer and cigs for my mom who by the way is an alcoholic that was sober for 7 years before falling of the wagon last year. My whole childhood she was an alcoholic and is partly to blame for my parents divorce, and she treated me, my brother and my sister like crap..still does se loves to tell me how incapabale I am of succeeding in life, that no man will want to be with me with my greasy face, yellow teeth and fat body....yeah she shows no mercy and she was telling me things like that when I was a little girl.

Don't get me wrong I love my mom dearly, but she messed up so bad that she's 52 with bad credit, no job, she's recieving Supplimental Social Security, can't drive on the freeway, can barely drive on the streets and needs me to go everywhere with her because of her panic and anxiety attacks. Yeah my brother and sister are so diffrent from me, they are married with kids and a life worth bragging about. They were the ones who were allowed to drink at 15, they had all this freedom andwhen it was my turn I wasn't allowed the same freedoms....I was forced to go to church, they weren't, I had a cerfew they didn't... silly I know but its the truth they had more freedom then me.

I am at the point in my life where i've accepted that I'm never going to have a man in my life, but the month of December is the lonliest month of the year for me...My birthday is Dec 6...2 weeks later its christmas then a week later its New Years Eve....all big events that regular people spend with boyfriends and husbands, wives, girlfirends... Me I spend those three events all alone and I actually cry from the lonliness I feel.

I know living with my mom is not good for me but I can't leave her!! she gets drunk and passes out in the garage, If i'm not here to drag her into bed she will stay out there and get sick, and the dogs and cats will not get fed. My dad has asked me numerous times to live with him and my stepmom and I did go live with him for a month....I almost had my drivers License too because my dad sat there and helped me study for a weeek and I passed my written test on the first try, and I was driving my dad around within days...If I had stayed a little longer I'd have a drivers license right now but my mom called me and begged me to come home....I fought her on it but eventually caved because she promised she would teach me how to drive which she bever did.

My dad treats my like the adult that I am, asks me for advice and lets me in on his and my stepmoms conversations sometimes and I tell ya I feel like a million bucks when i'm with my dad and stepmom.

ok wow this is a sex talk forum ad i'm going on and on about my emotional issues lol sorry I'll stop now!!

Man you just described me in your first paragraph, except I'm 5'6 and at my heaviest I was 180. I don't have a job or license(yet) but I do have a few friends in real life, most of my friends are from other forums.

Liesl

[Tyger]

I'm sorry your mother treats you the way she does. You are an outlet for all of her failings. She puts you down so she can feel better about herself.

I think it may be the best thing for the both of you for you to move out to your Dad's house. He sounds like a positive influence in your life, and you need that to get back on track. I understand you feeling like she needs a sitter. But by being there, taking care of her, you are enabling her behavior, since she knows she's safe, she'll do what she wants, when she wants. Plus, you make her feel better about her lack of a life. She's a sort of bully to you. I'm not trying to insult her, so please don't take it that way.

Think of it this way: she's your mother, true. She gave you life. But now is taking it away from you. Also, she has lived her life, however she chose to do so, and is now preventing you from living yours. Her alcholism is her problem that only she can get help for. But she hurts everyone around her with it. Get yourself out of it. All it's going to do is poison you and what little self-esteem you have left. She isn't acting as a mother right now. She's acting like a spoiled bully child. You need to live for you.

Leave during a time when she's gone shopping or even drinking. It will avoid any confrotations. You may have to be a bit sneaky/creative about it. Enlist your father's help. I'm sure he knows how to deal with her and her outbursts best of all.

There is a whole other issue with the whole ordering stuff in your name, but that's really not for me to say, especially here.

About your orgasm trying. It sounds like you're trying too hard. And if you're constantly stressing about someone walking in, then you're not going to be able to fully enjoy yourself. You need to feel comfortable and safe before you can relax and really get into it. Just practice slow breathing, and pace yourself. If you do something that feels good, keep doing it, or remember it and do it more. Exploration, relaxation are both very important.

I hate to say it, but there ARE other places you can get adult toys *sorry Rob*. If you're worried about her opening up a package, go to an adult store. Or, if you want to order something here, ask one of your friends if you can send it to their house. Your name will be on it. Be sure to have a In Care of (who ever lives there) so it'll be sent to the house~i.e C/O Jean Smith (under your name).

Good luck, and I hope you're able to find happiness. EVERYONE desrves to be happy.

[Tyger]

Wow, Howard, thank you for sharing your obviously painful experience with your ex-wife. I guess if one person has learned about a controlling person, it's you.

I would also like to mention that there are career centers out there that will help train you and find a job. Some are free. You mentioned being Hispanic, are you also bilingual? If so, you are already marketable!! You can type, spell well, and navigate a computer. So you can put on an application "some computer skills".

Retail stores like Wal*Mart, K-mart, TJ Maxx, Sears, CVS/Rite-Aid/Walgreens, or any of the other "mall" stores hire all the time, and provide great training for customer service and computer stuff. Registers are just that, computers.

Just like your mother, you have to be willing to change and get out there and make something of and for yourself. Nobody is just going to hand it to you.

Good luck!!!

[Sarahangel]

Wow Howard i'm sorry to hear about your Ex-Wife my mom has made comments about wanting to Kill herself a few times and I don't believe her but i'm thinking maybe I should now. She does pick on me to make herself feel better..I figured that out a long time ago.

She hates that i'm always on the computer, that Its a waiste of time, when I was dancing she hated that too because on nights when rehearsals ran way to late she'd have to pick me up...she never came to a single show of mine and it would break my heart every time, even in High School when I was in the chior she came to maybe 2 shows and complained about where she sat oh and she would scream at me everytime she picked me up from rehearsals back then...My dad always shows up at my important events and he lives an hour away!! I love..no i'm obsessed with the show Prison Break and its star Wentworth Miller (Pictured in my profile) so when the show comes on i'm like an excited child and she tells me that i'm adult and shouldn't like a show that much.

The other thing my mom does that I HATE!!! is that before I go anywhere like to a family gathering with my father or to the store with my nieghbor she tells me what I can and cannot say like i'm a computer. As a matter of fact today my stepdad was here (they aren't getting back together but he's always here) and his jacket was in the garage, he asked me why it was there and I told him the truth....my uncles were here a few days ago and it got really cold so my mom offered them jackets to keep warm. Well being playful he questioned my mom and that was that but after he left she drank a whole six pack and then screamed at me because I told him about the jacket. she said "It was not my place to be telling him about the jacket, that I Just wanted to get her in trouble" she calls me a "burro" whick is spanish for Donkey because Donkeys are stuborn. Then she's like you know what go live with your father I can't handle you anymore!!

I hate to say this but I have always felt that my Mom not only hates me but is jealous of me ....

She hates me because I Remind her of my father and the great life she threw away(I think she's still in love with him) She's jealous of me because I can do alot more than she ever could (she could not turn on a computer even if her life depended on it) I'm bilingual but a crappy bilingual lol

the thing is though now that I think about it my brother puts me down too and says he's embarrassed to say that I am his sister...that its embarrassing to tell his co-workers that i've been in college for 6 years....I messed up really bad in the beginging of college and i'm sorry its taken me so long to fix that mess but I had to fix my mess. He used to make fun of the clothes I wore even. My 18 year old niece who is like my pride and joy is even embarrassed to be seen with me...when we are together she won't walk next to me and if I try to get next to her she moves away...but when we are at home she's all over me like a niece should be. So I sit here everyday wondering what the hell is so wrong with me that my family is so ashamed of me??

When I was really little and my parents were together I had hair down to my butt, and my hair was in is very thick. The guys on my dads football team used to tell me how beautiful I was and I would walk around telling everyone "i'm beautiful he said so" and my sister used to tell me I looked like snow white and that boys would be lined up around the block...I Beleived her too!!

you know in high school a guy was told that I had a crush on him (I didn't though because he wasn't my type and I was pining away for someone already) He blew a gasket and told me something that to this day haunts me he said "Your so ugly not even a Lesbian would want you"

I had crushes get in my face and put me down so bad that I would run away crying, I even had a crush hit me but that was nothing compared to that one comment...and the most ridiculous part is that I believe him!!

I swear I am not a cyclops of a woman, and I honestly don't know why I've had such bad luck in love...for all I know they just said those things because all the boys I liked were popular and I wasn't so a popular guy dating a not so popular girl was not cool....or I really am as ugly as they say...I won't know until I go to a High School reunion and ask them why they treated me the way they did lol.

Going back to my mom...she's good with the pets by the way lol....NurseMaid I laughed at that but its true because I have to clean the house, Garage, wash the car, feed the pets pick up all the dog and cat poop, and do all the yard work. I tell everyone i'm her SLAVE!! I know I should leave, andd I want to leave but my stepdad asked me not to move with my dad, he doesn't want my mom alone so I am here.... So what I am going to do is go back to school...finish out out my studies and get back into Dancing...then when I graduate I'll either get a place of my own (if I am working) or go with my dad until I get on my own two feet completely!! I just want my Grandma to see me happy before she dies...she always tells me she can't wait for the day when I bring a guy home to her...I think of all her grandchildren I am the most responsible one...in terms of having babies too young, getting married to soon, and staying in School.

As for what Tyger said about sending the package to my nieghbor or friends house...I thought

about it but my mom does it too gggrrrr. I don't have the slightest Idea where to find a sex toy shop or how I would get there without my mom knowing lol. My stepmom knows where to go though...the last time I was at my dads she sent me to their bedroom to get her glasses from her bedside drawers, she told me the to go to the bottom drawer when they were in fact in the top drawer and I stumbled upon her Vibrator!! she's almost 60 and she's got a toy...odddly enough I wasn't grossed out by it...I know my dad and her have sex ALOT, never heard them thank god but I'm not stupid ya know lol. I hope that if i'm ever married i'm still having sex with my husband when i'm 60!!!

I actually just found out that my mom might go out to my sisters for the holidays....if she does I will order the toy on my wish list and make it so It gets to me while she's away so that way I can get rid of the box and find a good hiding place for it so she doesn't find it, as well as try it out without the distractions!!!

Anyways I will keep working on the masturbation thing....try not to be pre-occupied or tired when I do it...Take deep breaths and everything else I've read in the Articles....I also will try not to let my dog get n the way....he likes to stick his nose in my business and i'm like ....no bad dog get away from there!! lol though i've seen some Animal sex porn that was pretty freaky if you ask me... I seen my fare share of porn but when I saw the Animal sex stuff I truly was grossed out.

Well thanks to all of you for the wonderful advice you've given me...I truly truly apreciate it and you've opened my eyes up to alot of things!!

[MysticLady]

Wow...some of the stuff you wrote about the guys in high school happend to me. My last crush from the end of senior year(Class of '06) was probably one of the worse ever. He ACTUALLY waited for me at prom with those flower things(I know what they are but can't spell to save my life). About 3 months later dumps my behind by dissing me on his friend's myspace; calling me odd looking and in a way saying I'm fat(he didn't say it directly but he suggested it). I then find out he had gone to some 16 year old(he turned 18 in August, I turned 19 in October) and started crushing on her! It really upseted me and its funny cause I will be starting the same college as him in January!

@VirginGirl: You sound like a womderful person and would be a great person to chat with .

Liesl

[MysticLady]

Sorry for the double posts!

Liesl

[Sarahangel]

Hey Liesl,

you sound like a wonderful person too, and you seem like a fun person to talk too!! I have a Myspace page though its smothered with everything Wentworth Miller lol. The song that plays when you open up my page is "The Joker" By: Steve Miller Band.....if my mom did anything right she taught me to love Rock n Roll!!! its not all bad with my mom we've had some great times together like the 2 Rolling Stones Concerts she took me too....Oh I had the time of my life both times!! I could listen to BB King one minute and Jay-Z the next...I have this huge love and apreciation for music that I credit my mom as well as my dad with. I am Catholic and yes I've heard all the preachings about sex and laughed at them...my cousin ( the mother of 3 with one on the way and all from different dads) calls me a bad Catholic because I don't agree with alot of things that are preached to us especially about sex...I mean where would the human race be without lots of sex??

I am not scared of Sex itself as I may have sounded in my orginal post, but i'm scared of dissappointing the lucky gentleman who gets to take my virginity...I've heard horror stories about people losing their virginity and getting dumped because they weren't good enough, then I've heard the horror stories about bad sex and wonder if i'm going to be bad at it if that even makes sense lol.

The thing is i've watched porn, playboy channel, read stories heard all the tips and tricks and feel as though i'm studying for the big event.....I know I won't be afraid to talk to my partner about what I like and don't like and hopefully he won't be fraid to talk to me too The last semester I was in school I wound up in a sex conversation with a couple of classmates...I had just seen some porn the night before so when it came up I was like yeah well try this and that and see what happens...describing things I had seen in the porn....Well I guess they listened because after that they were always asking me for more tips and called me "The Virgin Sexpert" which was funny and for the first time in a long while made me feel all grown up I just wish I knew then what i've learned in the past few days on this forum!!!!

So you graduated in 06' HUH....I graduated in 98'....Oh that was a great day and I barely made the grade!! I didn't know until 6 hours before the ceramony if I would be a part of it. That night one of my crushes who had been really mean to me in the begining then slowly became a friend aproached me and hugged me!! he said "Congrats on graduating" and then walked away (He didn't graduate, he got kicked out of the school a month before because he was failing so bad)

Of all the crushes I had only one that treated me so well and we wound up being great friends from 6th grade when I liked him until we graduated high school...he found out I liked him and sat me down during Lunch in a quiet place and was completely honest with me he said...

"I heard that you have a crush on me"

I stuttered and blushed like a dork and said yeah

"Well I am flattered that you like me like that, its really sweet, but I like Vivian and she likes me back... I didn't want to hurt your feelings by not saying anything and seeing you cry when you saw us together..I like you as a friend though you already know that so you can always talk to me whenever you want"

He hugged me and I told him that I am not hurt and that I was glad he came and told me like a perfect gentleman....I still had a crush on him and even though I went on to like other guys everytime I saw him In the halls my heart skipped a beat I think I used all the other guys I crushed on to cover up my feelings for him so our friendship wouldn't be wierd.

All the negativity, all the bad names I was called came after him and from friends of his, but he never once said a bad thing about me...atleast not to my face lol. I konw I said before that I've accepted the fact that i'll be alone forever...but a part of me still holds out hope If all else fails I 'll let my grandma hook me up with her nieghbor....something she's wanted to do for years lol!!

[Sarahangel]

Hey anyone out there? I have a question...well more like I need tips lol....

I have been masterbatining and practicing the things in Mikayla's articles....well since I read the

articles i've come quite close to reaching the Big O...but no cigar I've established that the other night when I gushed like Old faithfull that was me squirting ...though I did not have an Orgasm

So i'm thinking my fat Marker that I use to masterbate is not working for me....Since I can't just

buy the vibrator on my wish list I was wondering if anyone reading this could give me suggestions

on what other items I can use to masterbate???

I've heard about using cucumbers, Carrots, and Zuccini....but I ain't sticking vegtables inside of me lol!!! I mean if they go inside me it will be Via my mouth while eating soup and salad!!! anyways thanks in advance for the help

[clewing]

VirginGirl, if you ever want a life, get out now. I cried reading through your posts. I left home as soon as I turned 18. Since my alcoholic step-dad died in 1981 my mom and I have made amends and we are super close, but even at her worst my mom was miles away from yours. My daughter (28) still lives at home, her choice, but has moved out twice before and moved back, once because she moved back from another city (it was a temporary live theatre job), the second time because I needed the help when her brother almost died in a car accident. But she has a good job, nice car, lots of friends and an active social life. We have a great relationship. Get counseling. Your mom has totally messed with your head.

You say you live in LA, so there has to be a good transit system. Get out and get a job if it is only flipping burgers.

As far as substitutes for toys, there are hand held massagers you can buy at Wal-mart. If that is still too obvious, try a battery operated manicure set, etc. Those woud be good for clitoral stimulation. You might have more luck with those than trying to come using some object as a dildo.

[masquedxangel]

When I was still at home, I bought a $10 massager at Walmart; it's white and had all these nifty attatchments. My favourite is the normal rubbery one...I think it's a Conair massager...something like that.

Anyway. You can say it's for your neck/back and actually works wonderfully for it, and is perfect for clitoral stimulation. =) (It also plugs in, so no batteries to kill. xD)

[Tyger]

I actually saw this massager on a display yesterday. Those types of things are usually plentiful during the holidays!

[Kinky Twinkie]

I actually saw this massager on a display yesterday. Those types of things are usually plentiful during the holidays!

I bought my mom a vibrator last year for christmas, she actually thought it was for sore muscles. I did it to be sort of funny but it was cheap. One of them little small ones that had attachments and had a small case great for a purse. I told her to keep it in the camper.

Funny thing is you can go buy them off the shelves or the asiles in walgreens or walmart and not be embarressed. They flying off the shelves and everyone is into them

of course when I look at them I think of the various uses I can do with them and most of it is sexual

But that me

Glenn