My Boyfriend Is Selfish in Bed

[Nicole79]

Hi

im 42 and been dating a man 20 years older for 18 months. We hardly have sex because in my opinion he’s addicted to porn and masturbating. No matter the fact I’ll do anything he wants in bed and whenever he wants. Half the time he goes soft because he jerks off too much. He has never once tried to make me cum. He tells me to use toys on myself or touch myself. He cums and doesn’t even touch me or care. When I’ve tried to discuss how this makes me feel, he tells me to F off, stop putting pressure on him, and go find someone my age if I’m going to complain. It’s very hurtful. Am I overreacting?

[Rio]

You are not overreacting. I would follow his advice and go find somebody new. And not just for sex but permanently. Apparently he doesn't really care about your feelings.

[Nicole79]

In my opinion a man of 61 should be excited to have a 42 year old in his bed. I’m not overweight and ugly. I wear lingerie. Nothing seems to work. Sex hardly happens and only when he wants. He won’t cut back on porn and loves lady boy porn. I told him it upsets me because he doesn’t care if I climax and won’t even try get me there. Relationships are give and take, not one sided. He gets angry when I bring it up 

[Nicole79]

I am starting to wonder if I should leave this relationship 

[Insatiable 686]

8 minutes ago, Nicole79 said:

I am starting to wonder if I should leave this relationship 

 

3 minutes ago, innovation said:

i think that would be a very good idea !

Absolutely!  If he has no regard for you run don’t walk away.  

[Nicole79]

He says he prefers porn and masturbating as it’s easier at his age. But that should not give him the right to ignore my needs surely?

[Rio]

At 61 years old him telling you that is bs. RUN!

[tiger48]

2 hours ago, Nicole79 said:

Hi

im 42 and been dating a man 20 years older for 18 months. We hardly have sex because in my opinion he’s addicted to porn and masturbating. No matter the fact I’ll do anything he wants in bed and whenever he wants. Half the time he goes soft because he jerks off too much. He has never once tried to make me cum. He tells me to use toys on myself or touch myself. He cums and doesn’t even touch me or care. When I’ve tried to discuss how this makes me feel, he tells me to F off, stop putting pressure on him, and go find someone my age if I’m going to complain. It’s very hurtful. Am I overreacting?

No, you are not overreacting. I've always felt that unless both partners are satisfied, I'm not satisfied either. It's ok to like porn and incorporate it in sex, but IMO, he has a problem.

[Mr. Mike]

3 hours ago, Rio said:

You are not overreacting. I would follow his advice and go find somebody new. And not just for sex but permanently. Apparently he doesn't really care about your feelings.

Ditto!

[Mr. Mike]

1 hour ago, Nicole79 said:

He says he prefers porn and masturbating as it’s easier at his age. But that should not give him the right to ignore my needs surely?

Hello Nicole, never! You should be number one, never to be ignored!! 😘😘

[2Love_64]

Run !, it will Not get better with time 

[kanga grey]

i am with everyone else its not you its him  kick him to the street man if i had a woman 20 years younger i would do anything to please her use your gut instinct and whats that telling you

[kanga grey]

i just went to your profile page and saw you are in Queensland Australia? i am in Sydney

[Tyger]

On 4/25/2022 at 6:29 AM, Rio said:

You are not overreacting. I would follow his advice and go find somebody new. And not just for sex but permanently. Apparently he doesn't really care about your feelings.

Ditto.

If he doesn't care about YOUR feelings and YOUR desires, then he won't change. Not at 62 yrs old & obviously not wanting to change. 

I wouldn't take it too personally though. He's probably going to be like that with anyone.

It's not worth your time & energy to keep this up and develop self-doubts when he clearly has the problem that he's not willing to work on.

It takes 2 to make it work.

[Excited]

Well I am sorry this is happening to you. Sex has to have stimulation of desire to be good. He obviously doesn’t have that for you. You ever look and see what type porn he is watching. That could tell you what is turning him on to start with. Like me it could be possible he likes guys. Not saying he does. Sometimes we change in our likes. But honestly he shouldn’t be treating you this way. Time to move on sweetie. But check out his porn. 

[Vrl1243]

You deserve better. Run, run far away! 

[Kinky Twinkie]

well first what kinda porn he masterbating too? There  maybe a possibility to light a spark beneficial to you both.  Your younger he older and not everything works right but there is sexual desire or he wouldnt be looking and masterbating as much. Maybe he wants you to find someone for sex but still have a relation.  Maybe he getting off to the idea seeing you with someone younger who can satsfy you  which is getting him off.  Is he open to an open relationship and if so why?  Before we kick him to the curb maybe we need to look deeper at why we here at this point. what are the alternatives 

 

[Mr.Happy]

On 4/25/2022 at 7:20 AM, Nicole79 said:

I am starting to wonder if I should leave this relationship 

I always focus on my the lady's desires before my own. Woman can have multiples! I would recommend leaving.

[Nicole79]

On 5/3/2022 at 6:49 AM, Excited said:

Well I am sorry this is happening to you. Sex has to have stimulation of desire to be good. He obviously doesn’t have that for you. You ever look and see what type porn he is watching. That could tell you what is turning him on to start with. Like me it could be possible he likes guys. Not saying he does. Sometimes we change in our likes. But honestly he shouldn’t be treating you this way. Time to move on sweetie. But check out his porn. 

He likes looking at young men with older women but mainly Asian lady boys. Watching them have anal. I asked if he’s bisexual. He got angry at me.

[Jizzlobber77]

On 4/25/2022 at 12:27 PM, Nicole79 said:

Hi

im 42 and been dating a man 20 years older for 18 months. We hardly have sex because in my opinion he’s addicted to porn and masturbating. No matter the fact I’ll do anything he wants in bed and whenever he wants. Half the time he goes soft because he jerks off too much. He has never once tried to make me cum. He tells me to use toys on myself or touch myself. He cums and doesn’t even touch me or care. When I’ve tried to discuss how this makes me feel, he tells me to F off, stop putting pressure on him, and go find someone my age if I’m going to complain. It’s very hurtful. Am I overreacting?

Don't stop with someone like that

[Pashyn]

You are not happy. Why are you even asking? You already know…repeat, Run!

[Mr.Happy]

2 hours ago, Jennifer01 said:

Mmmmm.......Mr.Happy knows how to keep women happy!  How many do you think I can have?? 😃

Mustache rides are 30 minutes minimum!! 😋😛😋😛 I would imagine quite a few!

[Mr.Happy]

On 4/25/2022 at 6:41 AM, Nicole79 said:

In my opinion a man of 61 should be excited to have a 42 year old in his bed. I’m not overweight and ugly. I wear lingerie. Nothing seems to work. Sex hardly happens and only when he wants. He won’t cut back on porn and loves lady boy porn. I told him it upsets me because he doesn’t care if I climax and won’t even try get me there. Relationships are give and take, not one sided. He gets angry when I bring it up 

That is selfish, I  personally think of the females needs first and foremost! A Woman can have multiples if done right whereas a male gets off and needs a short break. So I take care of her first!

[AZTimW]

13 hours ago, Nicole79 said:

He likes looking at young men with older women but mainly Asian lady boys. Watching them have anal. I asked if he’s bisexual. He got angry at me.

 I'd say that answers your question right there. He may be gay, he may be bi. If either of those, he may be in denial. Given his age, and the typical attitude (at least, historically...if not at this current moment) towards the LGBT lifestyle in general by people of that generation (I'm 60), he might be bitter and angry with himself at his own sexuality. 

 He might even be masturbating so frequently, so that he can use that as an excuse for not being able to maintain an erection for you. The truth may be that he's not sexually attracted to women. You say he doesn't even touch you, or try to make you cum. Even a man who has erection problems, if he's at all thoughtful, or caring...he'd still use all of the tools at his disposal (oral, toys, fingers, toes, hands, feet, latex, gags, paddles, feathers, midgets [dwarves? little persons? I don't mean to offend!], BBC...whatever!) to ensure that his lovely lady had one or more orgasms.

 It sounds as though he's only interested in having a GF because, in his mind, that's what society expects of him. If you have feelings for this man, and if you believe him to be a good man, outside the bedroom, and you'd like to make this work...I'd suggest that you find some way, outside the bedroom,  to have a serious discussion about seeing a relationship counselor. (However, I would advise against questioning his sexual preference again, or making any allusions in that regard. It seems to anger him, and who knows how angry he could become, if pressed). If you approach him from the position of feeling that you are *both* somehow missing the mark, and that counseling might be beneficial for you as a couple, he might not respond so negatively. Then, not only might you discover what is truly the issue, but if he *is* suppressing his true sexuality, a good counselor will hopefully see that, and might recommend some therapy for him. Not to "cure" him of his sexuality, obviously...but to enable him to accept himself for who he is.

 On the other hand...if you don't have deep feelings for this man, and/or you don't really foresee a great and lasting relationship with him...then I would definitely echo what everyone else has said...get the heck out of that relationship!

 Please keep in mind, this is only meant as casual advice. I'm just a moron with a keyboard here. Do what feels best for you. Always keep yourself safe. You deserve to be happy. Here's hoping that everything works out for you!

[Camilamia]

On the one hand, it could be that he is a selfish lover because of his lack of experience. He might be used to being in charge of the bedroom and might be having a hard time letting you take the reins. That's great! Use this to your advantage, and playfully teach him the basics of pleasing you. One hand on the wheel, one hand on the stick. I want to refer to the relationship book. For more guides, ideas, tips, and advice on relationships, visit His Secret Obsession Reviews.