Members bluelight Posted March 8, 2007 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2007 I lost my virginity yesterday. I'm 26 he's 59. (please don't say gross I know he's way older than me) He's married. I thought for some reason that I could handle a no strings attached kind of relationship, just sex no emotions. I have no idea what I was thinking. I have never ever done anything like this before. I wanted to wait until I was married I just got swept away and lost myself. We've been fooling around for a week 1/2 but no actuall intercourse until yesterday. I need to tell him that I can't see him like that anymore. I work with him and I see him everyday. Will we still be able to be friends or will it always be wierd around him now. I have a lot of regrets and hope that he will understand why I can't continue to have sex with him. He left right after and he hasn't brought it up today at all we've just talked like normal like nothing has happened. How can I tell him I can't see him like this anymore? Do you think we can still be friends? Do you think that he will never respect me now? This is going to be something really difficult to get over. Any advice? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Posted March 8, 2007 Report Share Posted March 8, 2007 I lost my virginity yesterday. I'm 26 he's 59. (please don't say gross I know he's way older than me) He's married. I thought for some reason that I could handle a no strings attached kind of relationship, just sex no emotions. I have no idea what I was thinking. I have never ever done anything like this before. I wanted to wait until I was married I just got swept away and lost myself. We've been fooling around for a week 1/2 but no actuall intercourse until yesterday. I need to tell him that I can't see him like that anymore. I work with him and I see him everyday. Will we still be able to be friends or will it always be wierd around him now. I have a lot of regrets and hope that he will understand why I can't continue to have sex with him. He left right after and he hasn't brought it up today at all we've just talked like normal like nothing has happened. How can I tell him I can't see him like this anymore? Do you think we can still be friends? Do you think that he will never respect me now? This is going to be something really difficult to get over. Any advice?In my opinion...based on the info/details you provided... it's pretty clear it was just sex to him. I don't think you have to worry about breaking any type of deep emotional connection (from him to you). It says alot that he is married (and you too by the way) and he just left after... What you need to do is pretty simple. You simply tell him you made a mistake that you regret and don't look at him like that. Or are you really asking us how YOU yourself can get up the courage to break away from a person that you shared such an intimate and personal experience with? I think this is going to be where you need the advice and strength. Does he respect you? I guess it really will be defined by your own standards. On my standards... No. Will he look at you the same? No. You made a mistake. People do it all the time. Live and LEARN. Rob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted March 9, 2007 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 I think Rob has given you excellent advice! Unfortunately, there are a whole realm of older men out there who like to conquer a younger woman (not to mention a VIRGIN!) - and yes, you definitely qualify as that. If this man is unhappy in his marriage, he was most likely looking for a little something on the side. The fact that he has not brought it up - none the less talked to you much - indicates that he probably feels guilty that he cheated on his wife - and he should. I am not judging people who cheat (although I am against going outside the marriage to have sex with other people) but I am saying that if he didn't feel guilty about it, I would be tremendously surprised!I am with Rob, tell him yesterday was a MISTAKE and will NEVER happen again...period. Leave the situation with dignity by putting yourself in charge. By telling him it was a mistake and stating that it will never happen you have placed yourself in the power position - and - if he goes after you again you will be sure that it was just the "thrill of the kill" that he enjoys.As for being friends, I am not sure about that. Sex changes things - it ALWAYS changes things. Also, a side note, you state that you lost your virginity to this man - this may be something you regret later. Not waiting until your are married to have sex is not a bad thing, however, having sex with someone whom you love and respect is the optimal ideal. Try to take this experience with a grain of salt and the next time you choose to share your body with a man, make sure you have everything you desire from him - a free relationship, attraction and respect - this man does not respect you. Good luck, and as Rob says - live and LEARN - we are a collection of our experiences and mistakes in this life, and this will serve you well!Mikayla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bluelight Posted March 9, 2007 Author Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 Thanks so much for the advice. Hopefully I can get through this with at least a bit of dignity. I haven't ever really felt like an adult yet since i'm 26. I know that i am but i've mostly still felt very much like a kid. this is the first time i have really felt like an adult, and i dont' mean because i've had sex but because i really messed up and now i have to deal with it on my own. i guess this is a growth oportunity that will hopefuly help me make better decisions in the future. !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mike_d Posted March 9, 2007 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 You might not "feel" like an adult, but you are sounding like one. I think you have the right attitude about your situation. Look at it like Rob and Mikayla said, live and learn, and you added grow. Great attitude and best of luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted March 9, 2007 Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 I totally agree with the other posters. It's unfortunate that the man you chose to loose your virginity to, no matter what his age, was, but what you said, a jerk only looking to score a virgin. Sleeping with a friend or coworker never can go back to the way it was before. Telling him that you both made a mistake that won't be repeated is a great way to start mending. And then, at work, maintaining a professional relationship only is the best thing to do. If he ever makes any suggestive remarks, or something that may be taken wrong (which may happen), needs to be nipped in the butt as soon as it happens. However, don't try and take everything he says as such either. Live and learn. So long as you learn from your mistakes, and everyone makes mistakes, then you are truly growing up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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