Looses Erection

[luvhim93]

sometimes my dh (32y/o) will lose his erection during sex...then he will try like a mad man to finish, but he is only semi hard...almost soft....sometimes he does cum...but others he does not...like last night for instance....it was great until he lost it. He did not get to finish and i felt horrible. I have never sad anything to him, i don't want to hurt his feelings. he told me he came, but I know he didn't.....

He says he loves me and he is always touching me...and me him...I have put on a few too many pounds..but he says he is okay with it...i was fearing that is was ME that was not doing it for him.

he does drink..and i noticed that he is the horniest (not a turn on) when he is drunk and his penis will not work right at all...but what i mentioned above he was sober...

any thing?

[Mikayla1]

This is NOT uncommon hon, not even for a younger guy! In fact, if you search through the forum, you will find more posts regarding this exact same thing! A man's erection is directly linked to a few factors: blood flow, testosterone level, ability to de-stress, fear of loosing his erection again, smoking, and medicinal issues.

If your hb has a blood flow issue, the blood that goes INTO the penis to make it hard, seeps out during sex and makes it limp. THis is a commmon, and treatable condidion that plaques more men than would admit it. A urologist could make this determination through answering some questions and an ultrasound.

If your hb has low testosterone levels (also very common) then his ability to achieve and maintain erections will also be greatly affected. He would need a blood test for this - ask specifically for it.

If you hb is under a lot of stress, and is unable to separate external stress from the bedroom, then his mind is not on the pleasure, and he will loose his erection. He would need to figure out how to use sex as a relaxation method.

Now, when a man looses his erection once - he freaks - if it happens over and over he gets worried, concerned, scared and embarrassed. A man's erection is directly tied to his manlihood! When he looses his erection over and over it becomes something he worries about every time he has sex. Then, because he worries, he can not maintain the erection and it becomes a giant pressure to perform issue and he starts to shy away from sex. Even when a man experiences the normal wax and wean of his erection that happens normally can distract him from performing.

Fixing this is a little harder. First, you have to find out if he can achieve, keep and get to orgasm during masturbation. IF he can, then the issue is definitely a performance anxiety issue. If he can't, then there are other reasons that need to be addressed - such as the blood flow issue.

Now, if your man smokes, and has for years, this has now been medically linked to erection problems. While it doesn;t always affect every man who smokes, it has been shown to decrease erection strength.

Finally, if your hb is on any medication for depression, anxiety or even blood pressure meds, this could cause a HUGE amount of erection issues. Try to find out what is going on with his medicines, and if he is on something, have him talk to his doctor.

There is help for all of these situations - ranging from pills like Cialis and Viagra - to medications to increase blood flow (which are like Cialis and Viagra, but work all the time, not on a 4 hour basis) to learning how to take sex as fun.

Read the forum and find the discussion that Calvin started, and it will talk about having "no sex" nights, where the two of you touch, and have oral sex, but no penetration. Nights like these help to relieve the instant stress that the idea of sex brings to his mind.

I am sure you will find an answer, but your hb has to go to a doctor and start talking about all of these possibilities!

[luvhim93]

wow...great info....

he is trying to quit smoking, he just started this week wellbutrin 150mg to 300mg.

he was diagnosed with high cholesterol just last Friday..he goes on the 1th to discuss this.

he has a sleep study to do soon, he stops breathing at night and snore horribly..partly from a broken nose that was not fixed right.

so...when this happens (loss of erection) i should take charge of the situation? i am fine with that. I was afraid that he was maybe hoping that i would not notice. so if I brought it up and/or touched him....he would know that i knew and be embarrassed.

aright.. iam armed with information and will put it to use....i will also check that other thread too. thanks

[Mikayla1]

WHOA, word of caution on 2 things:

FIrst, Wellbutrin has sexual side affects. While this may help him quit smoking, it might make his erection difficulties worse.

Second, I for one am NOT advocating that you "take charge" when his erection starts to go - this will make him feel less manly and might put more pressure on him, as in "I want to fuck, and I am going to get the erection going."

From the viewpoint of someone who has had this happen (with my hubby a few years back) taking charge does NOT help. THis is a sensitive situation that requires understanding and patience. You have to teach him that there is more to pleasure than just cumming and fucking. Foreplay, oral play, masturbation, toys - these are all great options. If he does indeed have PA - then the only way to make it better is to try and downplay sex, while upplaying all the ways he can still get you off without sex.

Try the no-sex nights, masturbation only and the like and you are likely to see a large difference fast!

[luvhim93]

my "take control" is mild to some as .. i would not say passive...but i am not aggresive

and i certainly do not want to make him feel bad at all. I tried to do a touch only night.....he is not as well behaved...i will have to work it another way.....i am coming out of my own shell... i have it in me.. i just need to get it out.

i was told that the wellbutrin will help me ( i am on it, but not for smoking) i am going to go and read the sheet that came with it. that would be a big bummer.

[calvin]

luvhim93,

hi, I am having some erection problems recently so I thought I'd join this thread. The problem with erections is that once you start thinking about them, they disappear. This is because it's thinking about the pleasurable sensations of sex that gives a man an erection, and if he's thinking about his erection, well, then he's not thinking about all the good things about sex. I had this problem before and then it got better, but recently it has come back. I haven't figured out the answer yet, I don't seem to be able to stop thinking about my erection so I can't really tell you what to do, but having a break from penetrative sex, where the man's erection is a key part of the activity, is definitely a good idea - that's what we are doing at the moment.

Don't underestimate how embarrassing and frustrating it is when a man's erection fails. As Mikayla says, pretty soon men start avoiding sex so they dont have to deal with the issue (I did this for a while recently) which doesnt move the couple towards solving the problem, and probably will create more problems because the woman will feel rejected etc. Talk to him very gently, and get him to understand that its both your problem, not just his, and that you will work towards resolving it together. Take the time to educate yourself about erectile dysfunction (start by googling it), he'll really appreciate that you are taking charge and taking active steps to solve the problem.

I am thinking about getting a book on tantric sex and trying some of that with my wife. I havent really looked into it yet but it seems like a cross between yoga and sex, I've done yoga before and enjoyed the meditation. Tantric sex seems like it would focus you back on the sensations of breathing etc, and thus stop the man thinking about his erection.

Here's one tip I find helps when I get an erection, but can't finish - get your man to masturbate himself to climax, with you touching him. He might find it embarassing at first, but with your encouragement he will manage, and its much easier to climax when masturbating yourself because you are in full control. Another idea is to just rest, and play in some other way - that also takes the pressure off.

I hope that is of some help. Your husband is not alone!

Calvin

[ladypc]

luvhim93,

hi, I am having some erection problems recently so I thought I'd join this thread. The problem with erections is that once you start thinking about them, they disappear. This is because it's thinking about the pleasurable sensations of sex that gives a man an erection, and if he's thinking about his erection, well, then he's not thinking about all the good things about sex. I had this problem before and then it got better, but recently it has come back. I haven't figured out the answer yet, I don't seem to be able to stop thinking about my erection so I can't really tell you what to do, but having a break from penetrative sex, where the man's erection is a key part of the activity, is definitely a good idea - that's what we are doing at the moment.

Don't underestimate how embarrassing and frustrating it is when a man's erection fails. As Mikayla says, pretty soon men start avoiding sex so they dont have to deal with the issue (I did this for a while recently) which doesnt move the couple towards solving the problem, and probably will create more problems because the woman will feel rejected etc. Talk to him very gently, and get him to understand that its both your problem, not just his, and that you will work towards resolving it together. Take the time to educate yourself about erectile dysfunction (start by googling it), he'll really appreciate that you are taking charge and taking active steps to solve the problem.

I am thinking about getting a book on tantric sex and trying some of that with my wife. I havent really looked into it yet but it seems like a cross between yoga and sex, I've done yoga before and enjoyed the meditation. Tantric sex seems like it would focus you back on the sensations of breathing etc, and thus stop the man thinking about his erection.

Here's one tip I find helps when I get an erection, but can't finish - get your man to masturbate himself to climax, with you touching him. He might find it embarassing at first, but with your encouragement he will manage, and its much easier to climax when masturbating yourself because you are in full control. Another idea is to just rest, and play in some other way - that also takes the pressure off.

I hope that is of some help. Your husband is not alone!

Calvin

my man get off just by him getten me off .

i think he realy injoy doing what he does to me no mater the tast or fell he does nothen with his him self just does me in many different ways and befor u know it he is ready to go .........do u injoy what u do to try does she injoy what u r doing to her ? spice it up try being sweet with a different part of the boddy.