calvin

Hi Jez, just my two cents, but here's my suggestions: 1. Talk to your gf about what you have talked about on this forum, it'll really help everything if you are both on the same page. Try opening with something like "i know sometimes i can be a bit too controlling ...." and tell her that you are aware of the problem and that you want to do something about it, for both of you. 2. Try blush's idea - for fun, one evening give HER control of what is going on. If you and she are both up for it then tying you up would probably really make it clear who was in control - you wouldnt be able to take control away from her so you'll just have to lie there and take what she gives. It might be an interesting experience for you both that you could talk about later. It might also help you see that sometimes you can enjoy sex without being in control all the time. Even if you go back to your normal routine next time, at least you will have tried something new and probably learned from it. Hope that is of some use calvin

Hi again guys, sorry it has been so long, i didnt realise nearly a month has gone by since i posted. I wanted to let you know how it went. It didnt go that well, actually. We watched the movie in bed on my laptop, but neither of us really got into it, i guess we were both maybe too self-concious to get aroused, but we did talk as we were watching, and agreed that it was partly the "falseness" of the movie that bothered us, so we agreed to try another movie next time. We turned this one off after about 30mins though, it wasnt really working for us. Maybe next time we should try mikayla's monkey see game, i can see how that might be fun. We might have needed to get a little more active. But I do have some good news too - the vibrator i bought from too timid (the jade climax, or something like that) went down very well indeed, my wife loved it, especially with lots of lube, she really got into it. it was a surprise, and i covered her head with a duvet so that she didnt get to see it before she felt it, add a little suspense. She seemed to enjoy, and she agreed that was much better than the porn, so this also means that we are having honest discussions about what we do and dont like, which is also a step in the right direction. Maybe we'll give porn another try though - anyone any good dvd suggestions? And the other thing we both have decided we love is lube. Its adding a real extra dimension, my wife is not particularly dry or anything but generous amounts of lube on my cock and in her vagina is really adding to the fun. I've started to realise that my erection difficulties were a lot to do with my getting what i needed to turn me on (mainly because i either didnt know what would work, or was being to shy about asking for what i wanted.). Lube really does it for me , and now i'm getting that, no erection problems! thanks again for the advice, it's good to have somewhere to go, this stuff is still not something i feel i could discuss with any of my friends, this forum provides a real service. best calvin

thanks for the advice guys, really helpful. I dont think it really a case of me "trying to get her to do something", nor is porn something that particularly turns me on and that i really want to turn her on too (of course it does turn me on), the situation is more like we agreed we wanted to try new things and this is something new we havent done, and I am trying to take the initiative, but it does make me nervous. I dont think i will scare her off any, and if we just watch it and have a laugh thats fine with me. It'd probably help us be less reserved having sex if we have seen some other people being totally unselfconcious about it, kind of an example for us to follow. If she's not into it then that is fine with me, trying new stuff is what its about, to find out what we do and dont like (until recently we didnt really communicate about that at all) Anyway thanks for the tips, I'll have another think about the best way to approach this, and I'll let you know how it goes Calvin

hi all, I've bought an adult dvd (pirates - i wanted something quality) which will be the first time me and my wife have ever watched one together (she doesnt know i've got it yet). I got it for us to watch together, but now i'm nervous about bringing it up, even tho in a discussion we had quite a while ago porn was one of the things we felt we could try. So if anyone's got any encouragement or advice about how to go about this, I'd be really grateful. I really just need some encouragement to get going, otherwise it might sit hidden in a drawer for months. I did this once before - there is a vibrator hidden in a cupboard in our house still in its packaging. I bought it in a local sex shop, but on reflection its too big, so instead i have ordered something smaller from tootimid as our first vibrator (we have a kind of bullet already, which we are using). I dont want to scare her off. Anyway having done that with the vibrator (which really is a bit big for a first, i think), there is clearly a chance i could do the same with the dvd. thinking about watching with her makes me really nervous. any encouragement is really appreciated thanks for any comments calvin

Hi jhard, reading this thread, it seems like you have very similar problems to my wife and i, we also both grew up in environments where affection and sex weren't really discussed (they weren't taboo, but werent really openly discussed either, i guess like us, our parents didnt know how). WHich means we havent seen any really good examples of how to discuss them, so we're having to figure it out for ourselves. I know I still have difficulty bringing up the subject of sex sometimes, but it is getting easier (in waves, one day up the next day down) so the message (for you and for us) is to keep practicing. Low self-esteem is a problem, a great book that really helped me is "feeling good" by David D Burns, its a classic in psychology i think, but also a really practical self-help workbook. You and your wife might find it helps. Taking compliments badly is a classic sign of negative thinking, and that book can help you (either of you) understand the thoughts that are going on. I read the book and kept thinking "oh wow, i do that", realising that is something i could change - just realising is a huge part. your depression is also perfectly natural, so dont be too hard on yourself about it. but depression comes from lack of hope, and it sounds like you have got some hope going on now. I hope your no-kids trip goes well. Hopefully in amongst playing with the toys you'll have a lot of open honest discussion about how you both feel. I know from experience that part is hard to do at first, but it gets easier It sounds like you really love your wife and are really committed to working with her to make good the things in your marriage that are not so satisfactory (even when that involves doing things that make you 'feel like a boob'). SHe's a lucky woman. Let us know how that trip goes. Calvin

I think the original question was actually what to use lube for in sex, so I'll highjack this thread back on topic and say that my wife and i just discovered the joys of lube - it really adds soemthing to the sensations even when it isnt really necessary (we dont do anal). I love it when my wife gets some lube on my cock during foreplay (especially if that lube is still kind of cold, brr), and she loves it when i add some lube to her clit as we are having sex. So i guess it adds fun. I've never used sex lube for anything else tho, i'm male so I know to run get the WD40 when something squeeks (hope that doesnt sound sexist) Hope that answers your question Calvin PS a whole rash of posts from me this evening, I am hoping to get on this board a little more regularly now, life has calmed down from a kind of stressful period and I may actually now have some free time)

It sounds like you are in a rut, and that sex is no the adult play time it should be (I got that from this forum, of course, and it is EXACTLY right). As well as focussing on the specific problem, try working on your communicating (including communicating to him that it is HIS turn now, so just lay back and enjoy it - and tell you what feels best so you can do more of it) and trying new things and discussing what you liked and didnt like. Me and my wife just discovered that lube really does it for both of us - by trying something new (the lube) and then talking about how it went after we had finished. Getting him to breathe and relax as you are having sex might help too - try one of the tantric breathing exercises maybe (i havent tried this yet, but it is on the list). Hope that helps Calvin

Hi Vanilla Bean, I had that problem just recently. My wife and I just tried the her-on-top position for the first time a couple of weeks ago (she wanted to try it out), it felt good to me (and my wife) and I was enjoying the view and the different position, but my erection wasn't as full as it needed to be, and eventually we switched positions to me on top, which worked much better. Thinking about it afterwards, I think there were a couple of factors going on. The first was that my wife wasnt really moving up and down my shaft, she was sitting right up to the hilt, and gyrating, which was good for her but not so good for me - I think i needed more stimulation up and down the shaft. Secondly, it seems to be much better for me when I have got my weight on my legs and can move my pelvis around - all the muscles contracting as I move, and the weight (often I kind of kneel, rather than laying straight-legged on top) adds to the sensation. When i was on the bottom I was kind of trapped under my wife and couldnt move around as much, and there was no weight on my muscles either. Maybe the same would be true of your husband? If so, you could try moving up and down his shaft more (more stimulation to more of his penis), and maybe see if you can get him to move up and down into you? I'm gonna try these with my wife next time we try that position. There's one more thing that you might want to consider - that your husband has himself psyched out in that position. Maybe because it hasnt worked in the past, as soon as he gets in that position he starts thinking it won't work again, instead of thinking about all the sexy thoughts that would lead to a full erection. I know that's partly my problem, and something I need to work on, so it might be the same for your husband. In my experience (which is quite a lot - I had erection problems for a while - a lot better now tho, thanks in great part to this wonderful forum ) it seemed to all boil down to one thing: what i was thinking. One other idea might be for you to try this position when its been a little while since your last sex - a build up of pressure there will give your husband a better erection. Be sure to include lots of flirting and build-up too, starting early in the day, way before you get to bed. Try those ideas - my guess is that its probably not a blood flow issue at all. Hope that helps - post back and let us know how you get on Calvin

Hi CatJ, welcome to the forum, I was really nervous when I first posted too, I still am a little I guess, but people here are really welcoming so read around and join in the fun, looking forward to seeing you post again. And isnt it weird how our bodies are the most natural things in the world, but somehow we end up feeling so self-concious about them? Here is probably a good place to start understanding that your body is totally natural and so nothing to be embarrassed about at all. Calvin

Howard, reading and translating them together is a really good idea - I wonder why I didnt think of it? Thanks for the suggestion, I will print out a couple so we can read them together. And of course, simply looking at articles about sex together will be a good way of dispelling the embarrasment we feel. I'll let you know how it goes. Calvin

Hi all, Howard, I like your idea about the rooms, actually no, we have only had sex in the bedroom, and the bathroom a couple of times, so I guess there is lots of room for exploration. Your idea about us reading the sex ed articles together is a good one, with one small hitch - without giving too much away (maybe I will become a little more confident posting here as time goes on) we live abroad, and whilst I am fluent in my wife's language, her english is not enought to be able to read those articles. I may try translating a couple, but do so is more time-consuming than you might think. I am trying to share some of the ideas though, and have told her about this site. Pappy - why with the lights off? My wife tends to get rather embarrassed with the lights on, though we have made some progress here, and have left a small night light on a couple of times recently. I like it, since I get to see whats going on, but my wife is less keen at the moment, though hopefully will get more used to the idea. And yes, we did christen the cuffs. I was wearing them - it was interesting, I think it might get better once I get my wife to understand that once she has power over me, she can tease me as much as she likes. Now THAT i find a turn-on. I'll let you know how that goes. Again, mostly we need to get better at knowing what we want and like, and communicating that to each other. I guess both of us are still not really in touch with that side of ourselves. That's why this site has been such an eye-opener - people who seem very nice and normal (and so friendly and welcoming) talking all about sex in such an open way. Hopefully it'll be lots of fun learning from you all Calvin

Hi all, I posted a while ago having erection problems, but then life got pretty hectic (work and study) and so I put this forum on hold, though I have been back to lurk from time to time. Life is back under control though, so I thought it's about time I posted again. I have had time to think during this period, and I have definitely figured out what the problem was. It was pretty straightforward, once I started looking at it from the right direction (for opening my eyes, I have this forum to thank) - sex was boring. It was always the same, there was no thrill of new stuff, and me and my wife were pretty much doing it by the numbers. It seems that we both have lots to learn. Neither of us were really communicating what we wanted, either because we were too embarrased, or because we just didnt know what we wanted. And we weren't ever doing anything new, which meant the thrill had really gone. But we have made some progress lately. I bought my wife a novelty toy kit (a vibrator, a feather and some velcro handcuffs) for her birthday, along with a book, and that started the conversation going, albeit slowly. We are starting to become a little more open about sex, instead of it being something we never talk about (or do) outside of bed with the lights off. We still have some way to go, but we are making progress. And a few days ago I ordered my first tootimid purchase - the karma sutra board game. Reading mikayla's review it seems like that would be just the thing to get us talking about sex more openly, as well as experimenting with new things. That's all for now, I just wanted to re-introduce myself, I should be able to post more regularly now - I will probably do so just as a way of charting our progress. Thanks to all the regular posters on this forum - it's a real eye-opener to see people discussing sex so openly. Calvin

wow, can I expect 29 replies every time I post a quick update? Thanks for the encouragement speedemon, the best bit about it was that it was really fun for us both! On the other debate, I applaud tootimid's stance: follow your doctor's advice. Doctors are human, and as such they do not know everything and are not always right. Nevertheless, you should think long and hard before going against their advice, because for the most part they know a lot more about medecine than you, the patient, though as the patient you will be an authority on your own body and how it feels. If you do decide to go against your doctor's advice, it will be your responsibility, so do think long and hard - especially with something as common as childbirth, they do know what they are talking about. But to my mind, in this case, the bigger question is: why not wait? Sex is important of course, but surely it can wait six weeks where the new mother's health might become an issue. To put it another way: what is the benefit of not waiting, and how does it weigh up against the risk? It seems to me that waiting would be a safe choice with only a minor down side - a lack of sex for the woman (presumably the man can still get some sex if the woman is willing to give oral or manual assistance). Just my two cents worth. I shall be sure to post another update soon!

Hi all, I wondered why there were 16 replies to my post Thanks for your encouragement Mikayla. Me and my wife had some great sex last night. She teased me for a long time and I had no problem with my erection, it was raring to go. Eventually we got to having sex and it was great, but when it came to time to finish I couldnt - probably because I was trying to hard, I guess. But I didnt get down about it, we had a rest and I told her the same thing, that I thought I was trying to hard to finish. After a rest we both masturbated me to a pretty intense orgasm. I'm mainly pleased that I didnt let it bother me that I couldnt finish, it only makes things worse if I get depressed about it. Also we did take a shower together for the first time in a long time the other night, it was good to see each other naked with the lights on, I think Howard is right that showering together is a great way to get comfortable naked. I can't comment on the other stuff in this thread, we dont have any children, not yet anyway, but it sounds to me like listening to your doctor is probably a good idea. Calvin

I'm far from an expert, but it sounds like sex was working for you before but isnt at the moment. Maybe you and your partner need to have a talk about it, see if you can figure out why it isnt working for you. Maybe you just need to try some new things to put some excitement back in, for you and your partner. Have a look around the tootimid sex education section and try to find something new do try. Hope that helps. Calvin

Hi, Its been a few weeks since my last post, life has been very busy for both me and my wife (both of us are working and studying at the same time), most things seem to have been put on hold recently....including sex. We haven't really had any kind of sex recently, and we certainly havent talked about it at all, but there's only so many hours in a day and our schedules don't match up that well even though we live in the same house! But last night we had a relaxing night in, the first in a while, and when we went to bed I had a little surprise lined up. I covered my wife's eyes with a t-shirt and told her to put her hands behind her head and keep them there - a little bit of control and pretend bondage, i got the idea from Mikayla's article on beginner BDSM - and then went to the kitchen and came back with a can of whipped cream. My wife had a good time trying to guess what it was as I spread it on her nipples and licked it off, and enjoyed me going down on her without getting embarrassed and trying to fight me off (I think the control thing helped there - as well as the cream!) and we had lots of fun and used up most of the can. It wasn't much, but it was something new, where there never used to be any surprises in the bedroom for us. Also we are both very shy so it took a bit of courage for me to try something that would genuinely surprise her. Anyway I just wanted to post this to let people know I am still here, and that my wife and I are still working on spicing up our sex lifes. We haven' t done much recently, but last night was great.I'm planning on keeping coming back to this forum to post progress, as I think that is a good way of making a commitment to making progress. We haven' t bought any toys yet because we don't have much money as well as time, but we are thinking about it, so hopefully we will soon. Best, Calvin

Hey Shybear, sounds like you have a great and open relationship with your man, and right at the start - thats fantastic. Calvin

luvhim93, hi, I am having some erection problems recently so I thought I'd join this thread. The problem with erections is that once you start thinking about them, they disappear. This is because it's thinking about the pleasurable sensations of sex that gives a man an erection, and if he's thinking about his erection, well, then he's not thinking about all the good things about sex. I had this problem before and then it got better, but recently it has come back. I haven't figured out the answer yet, I don't seem to be able to stop thinking about my erection so I can't really tell you what to do, but having a break from penetrative sex, where the man's erection is a key part of the activity, is definitely a good idea - that's what we are doing at the moment. Don't underestimate how embarrassing and frustrating it is when a man's erection fails. As Mikayla says, pretty soon men start avoiding sex so they dont have to deal with the issue (I did this for a while recently) which doesnt move the couple towards solving the problem, and probably will create more problems because the woman will feel rejected etc. Talk to him very gently, and get him to understand that its both your problem, not just his, and that you will work towards resolving it together. Take the time to educate yourself about erectile dysfunction (start by googling it), he'll really appreciate that you are taking charge and taking active steps to solve the problem. I am thinking about getting a book on tantric sex and trying some of that with my wife. I havent really looked into it yet but it seems like a cross between yoga and sex, I've done yoga before and enjoyed the meditation. Tantric sex seems like it would focus you back on the sensations of breathing etc, and thus stop the man thinking about his erection. Here's one tip I find helps when I get an erection, but can't finish - get your man to masturbate himself to climax, with you touching him. He might find it embarassing at first, but with your encouragement he will manage, and its much easier to climax when masturbating yourself because you are in full control. Another idea is to just rest, and play in some other way - that also takes the pressure off. I hope that is of some help. Your husband is not alone! Calvin

Howard, I didn't know that about scrotums. I shall pay attention to mine next time we are playing. We've finally arranged a date for saturday, somewhere noisy where we can't be overheard, we are going to have that fully-clothed talk about sex. I told my wife last night, so she has some time to think about questions. We are both still shy, and both perhaps still living under all those influences of society that have been telling us that sex is dirty, so it'll be good to have a conversation and get it all out in the open. I am looking forward to it, and my wife is too, which is a good sign. I'll post next week to tell you how it went. Calvin

Hi m24, Lot's of good advice from the other posters, here is one extra suggestion: try to reflect on what you are thinking about during sex - are you thinking about trying to orgasm, or are you relaxed and focusing on the pleasurable sensations? I know from experience that it is very difficult to orgasm when you are trying to orgasm - it's like trying to go to sleep by closing your eyes and willing yourself to sleep, it doesnt work. Try to refocus your thoughts on your own, or your wife's pleasure, and just relax. Then, if that doesn't work (sometimes it's hard to get in the right frame of mind once you have slipped into the wrong one) just remove yourself and masturbate, with your wife's help. It took some courage for me to do this the first few times, because it felt 'dirty' and 'weird' and not what I should be doing, but I took my cock out and instead straddled my wife, and masturbated to climax while she touched my legs and chest. Sometimes I grab her hand in mine to get her masturbating me but to my rhythm. It's easy to climax then . Once you realise you can finish off your sex like that, you'll be able to stop worrying about 'trying' to orgasm and enjoy the sensations, and that'll lead to orgasm during sex. If you're trying, then sex is becoming work, and as Howard and Mikayla always point out, sex should be fun and play, not work! I am also finding that doing different things helps a lot - if sex is always the same (as it was for me and my wife for a while, until recently) then it stops exciting you. The novelty of trying something new will help get you excited again. Let us know how you get on. Calvin

Congratulations Mikayla! Great news. My wife and I are starting to think that way, not starting yet but we are taking the practicing seriously so I will keep an eye out for your hints for sex during pregnancy Calvin

Hi The Shy One, welcome to the forum. I am new here too, and it is weird talking about sex so plainly after not doing so for most of my life. I didnt get any bad advice like from your grandmother, but I have always been shy about sex. This forum, and the helpful people like Howard who give advice on it, is really opening up my eyes to, well, to how sex should honest and frank and fun. I still have some work to do on this, but I'm going to keep coming back, so I hope you do to. Calvin

Hi Guys, wow, I didn't want to start such an argument. But thank to you all for your comments, I appreciate your help. A couple of points to clear up: 1) My wife and I are not going to get divorced. We have a strong and loving relationship (yes we do kiss goodnight every night) that is lot's of fun and laughter, and also lots of affection, including hugging and kissing. What we lack in this mix is passion - I don't think either of us are very good at expressing that side of ourselves. What we need is practice, and your advice on this forum is very helpful for giving some ways in which we can practice. 2) I believe my wife when she says she once had an orgasm with another man - she told me he reached down and fingered her clit as they were fucking. I have however tried the same without success. She may have masturbated at some time in her life, but I am pretty sure it was not any time recently, and probably not since she was a teenager, if ever. Again I will really have to ask her. 3) I think wrestling her so she can't get away and forcing her to orgasm is a nice idea, but probably a bit beyond what I would feel comfortable with. Though if it was within the context of a mutually-agreed bondage-type scenario, where there was a safe-word she could use if she wanted, that might work. For some reason she feels very self-conscious about orgasms, so what we need to do is talk frankly about that, so that she can relax and feel less threatened. Within the context of our loving and affectionate marriage, however, Howard's talk about rape is irrelevant (though I respect that he thought it appropriate to bring this up, given Mikayla's suggestion and that he does not know us personally) 4) She, and in fact both of us, feel self-conscious while naked, and by extention, about our sexuality. If I get an erection at an "inappropriate" time (e.g. while kissing her off to work) I will mostly hide it. Why? Because I feel self-conscious, presumably because I fear rejection. That's what self-consciousness is, I think: fear of rejection. I think it's the same thing for her with me looking at her genitals, or having sex with the lights on. 5) However neither of us have any real reason to be embarrassed about our bodies - she is slim with a really nice ass, though quite small breasts (which she definitely IS self-conscious about) , and I am also slim and athletic - I am quite fit and take my exercise seriously. 6)As regards information I have not told you - there isnt much that I can think of. I moved schools when I was 13 and was bullied at my new school, and found it difficult to fit in. This left me with some self-confidence issues that I more-or-less resolved by talking to a cognitive therapist when I was in my mid-twenties. As a result of this bullying, however, I was also much less confident around girls than perhaps I might have been. I was fine with girls as friends, but the girls I asked out when I was a teenager always turned me down, which made me think I was not attractive, and sex itself became an issue that, to be honest, I hid from. I had my first girlfriend when I was 22. My wife is the third girlfriend I ever had, and the only long-term relationship I have had. In this relationship, the first year or so I had erection difficulties, then things seemed to get better, until recently, when I have lost interest in sex because we had got in a rut of always doing the same 10 minute routine like Mikayla describes in her article about mistakes men make in bed. I can't tell you much more about my wife, because she hasn't really told me that much, though it seems she regarded sex as something she did for her boyfriends rather than for her own pleasure. However in the other aspects of our lives (work, friends, etc) both of us are successful, competent and confident. IT's sex we are finding difficult. So really my wife and I need to sit down and have a long and frank talk about sex. I wanted to do that this weekend, but we both came down with colds and so it had to wait. What I am thinking of doing is agreeing a date to have the talk, so that we can both think about it. It's hard to bring it up in the first place, but perhaps some time to think about what we want to say would help. Anyway sorry to have caused such an argument. I appreciate the thoughts of all who have posted. Calvin

Good advice, and I have just read your article on oral sex, some nice tips I shall try out this weekend. The biggest problem, though, is that when my wife gets close to orgasm she starts to fight me off! The reason she gave last time is that I was looking at her "down there" (I was fingering her, and had a close up view) and this was embarrassing for her. This happens fairly consistently - when she gets close to orgasm, moaning and moving her hips, she will fight me off, or try to grab at my penis, despite my insistance that I want to concentrate on pleasuring her and she can do me after. Last time she said "I want us to come together" It seems like she is afraid to orgasm - perhaps she is afraid of the loss of control? Or maybe she feels too self-concious? I am a bit confused by this reaction. She used to resist my attempts to go down on her by saying "not this time", but recently she seems to have gotten more used to the idea. Do you have any advice on how I can get past her fighting me off, to convince her to lie back and enjoy the experience? We don't have any religious beliefs about sex, by the way, as we are both committed aetheists. But we seem to find sex embarrassing nonetheless. Intellectually I think we have no qualms that people should do as they like, we are liberal-minded in that sense, but we are still finding things like nakedness embarrassing. We have been keeping our promise to sleep naked, but we tend to only take our clothes off once we are in bed. Last night after my shower I knew I should just go hang up my towel and then walk naked back to the bedroom, but instead I put on some boxer shorts to go hang up my towel! I knew I should go naked but, well, my inhibitions got the better of me. Sometimes I will make more effort though, but my wife will only walk around naked if she knows I can't see, for example, when its dark and she wants to go to the bathroom. Maybe its because we've grown up in a society that seems to regard a lot of sex as dirty or undesirable, especially masturbation, as Howard suggests. Any suggestions for how we can get past this? It seems like being embarrassed about being naked has to have an inhibitory effect on sex generally. (My wife doesnt like to do it with the lights on, either. Darkness only). Calvin

Thanks for that reply Howard, that's very detailed, and very good advice. I've seen my friends tell their young children off for touching themselves - my wife and I both thought that this was not a healthy thing to do. But probably we had similar upbringings of course. I'll talk to her about it, and make her laugh at the same time, and try to get her to open up a little. We don't have too much trouble with oral sex, mostly. My wife is quite eager to give me a bj, though I think she usually spits into a tissue after. She's more reluctant for me to give her oral sex, and is fairly insistent that I don't unless she has very recently had a shower, but she seems to enjoy it once we get going. She seemed to have more curosity about vibrators when I first talked to her though. When I asked her about masturbation she said she was not interested in it. I tried to explain that she needs to masturbate to find out what she likes, but I could tell she was not really buying it. That's something else to talk about in our sex talk I guess. I'll try to insist that she answer, like you say, but it might take some effort. I'm going to try to have that talk with her this weekend. It's making me a bit nervous to think about it - something about talking about sex outside of bed feels very weird. I shall try to muster the courage. I'll let you know how it goes. Calvin