Thanks For The Great Topics!

[ShyBear]

I am really new here and very shy about being here toe be honest so bear with me. I just recently, at the encouragement of an old friend, bought a few toys to experiment with. He suggested two in particular and then I added two to the list out of my own out of curiousity.

I actually logged onto here because I had a question not about the toys but about sex in general but browsing through the different topics I think I found my answer in the Anal Avenue section. Here was my dilema:

I have met this really great guy that I am really really into. We have great talks about everything including sex. Well, previously, my sex life has been really dull. I mean almost non existent...previous partners have always left me less than satisfied...anyway....he was telling me what his idea of how sex should be and I was like totally amazed because in my mind, I thought the same...I thought I was the only one on earth that was thinking this...so I told him I agreed with what he was saying and we talked more. Well, everytime the subject would come up in the weeks that followed I would learn something new about him. For example..he likes to be submissive and be told what to do. He likes to be "put in his place." I thought about this and thought that this was perfect because I have always wanted too be more agressive sexually. Don't get me wrong...nothing S & M here, no whips and chains or that sort of thing. He likes to be "slapped" and told if he is doing something wrong and that sort of thing but that is as far as it goes...I have not done that though....Again, this avenue of sex is new for me. We have had sex only once and it was amazing. He did what I said and begged for more...lol. I can't believe I am telling all this...I was very shy with him though and not as verbal as I would have like to have been. I know it takes time. Now then, I know he likes his ass played with and everything (alot of guys do)but as we were talking today he tells me that if I want I can use one of my toys up his ass. That kinda threw me for a bit so I told him I would think about it and he said ok. That brings me here in search of my answer to the question I had...which was..can a straight guy really be straight if he likes anal sex on himself? I found the answer I think in the Anal Avenue section reading about all the happily married guys who enjoy it. I guess it is just a little wierd for me having never done anything like this before and toys really still being new for me to begin with.

Sorry if it seems I am writing a book here but this is not something I can just go over to my best friend to talk about...neither are experts on this subject and I don't want to offend him by asking him that question either...I really like him, I don't want to hurt his feelings and ruin something potentially great between us.

Thanks

ShyBear

[Tyger]

See, this is a prime example why some people are so uncomfortable about anal sex. The misconception that only "gay men" like to engage in anal sex. Or that only porn stars like anal sex. Which is totally untrue. Straight men and women are learning the pleasures of anal sex, me & mu hubby included!

My husband was a "HELL NO" kinda guy when it came to anal, but wanted to try it. After several times of me assuring him that in no way did this make him gay, he initiated the anal play first, and on him. He really likes it, and is attracted to me, and wants to try new things with me. I'm very proud of him.

He was kind of like you, pretty sheltered as far as different things to do during sex. I'm not talking positions, but toys, role playing, and so on. He's slowly asking me questions, and wants to try a few things, to be a better lover to me. And I ask him questions, to be a better lover to him too. It's a win-win situation.

I would suggest trying maybe one new thing a week. That way, you can get use to the idea, and have some fun. And, don't be afraid to speak up and tell your BF that you don't like something when you don't. Stress when you're doing something you like A LOT, so whatever it is that's being done, or you're doing, so it's sure to happen again.

Best Wishes!

[ShyBear]

Thanks for the great input guys. It really helps and I feel alot better about the whole thing now. I spoke to my guy again last night on the phone about the subject and asked him if it was something he really, really enjoyed or if it was a new idea to him as well. He said he had tried it before and he enjoyed it but it wasn't something that was absolutely necessary. If I was not comfortable with it then that was ok too. He said he was just throwing out ideas that would give us some adventure and add spice to our sex. That really meant alot to me that he would put my feelings and comfort level above his own because he knows that I am not on the same level of experience that he is. He is very patient and understanding. I told him that I had mentioned to him before I would open to new experiences because I needed that for myself as well and that if that is something he wanted then I would be open to trying it. I made it clear to him that the pleasure in sex is not just for me, I want to make sure he is happy too, it works both ways. I think he understood that and appreciated that. It is so hard to tell a persons reactions over the phone when you can't see their face. So I am looking forward to seeing him next week. We have a semi LDR. He travels alot for business, like right now he is away...when he is home he lives 30 minutes away, but it is not always convenient to mesh schedules to see each other regularly.

Again, thanks for the support and comforting advice.

ShyBear

[Valntyn]

I just wanted to add that I was thrilled the most to read that you two have such a blunt, open verbal communication right off the bat. The relationship (and the sex) will only get better if you two keep that going. Congrats on the relationship! Hope to see you continuing to visit TooTimid!

[ShyBear]

Thanks Valntyn, Open and Honest is my policy and if you don't know...ask. Trouble is...sometimes you just aren't sure how or what to ask...lol. That is why I came here. This site is just a wealth of information.

When I met my guy I told him if you wanna know something you better ask, don't just assume. I'll tell you whatever you wanna know. I don't deal in pretenses. He is the same...He tells me if you wanna know just ask.."I won't get mad, I promise, no worries ever." LOL...Gotta love his Aussie accent.

He is very easy to talk to and I forsee no problems in communication between us. He even handles my cranky days like a champ...lol.

If I could stress one thing to couples it would be to communicate with each other about what you want or need. Not just with sex but with every area of your relationship. You can't expect each other to always know what the other is thinking.

Thanks for the Good Wishes!

ShyBear

[calvin]

Hey Shybear,

sounds like you have a great and open relationship with your man, and right at the start - thats fantastic.

Calvin