A Couple Questions

[PeterParker]

I have a couple questions maybe someone could answer for me. My girlfriend doesn't like to perform oral sex because in the past it hasn't been very good and she hasn't been able to get me off. When I try to give her some pointers she gets angry and it ruins the mood. I always wish I could send her an article from this site, but I don't think I could ever do that. Any suggestions?

Also, is it possible to not be able to achieve an orgasm via vaginal stimulation? She claims it is not possible for her, but has no trouble reaching a clitoral orgasm. Anything else I can try?

Thanks in advance.

[thurisas]

The most important thing you can do is talk over your concerns at a time and in a place where there is no pressure. Typically that means outside of the bedroom. If you look back over some of the forums you'll even find ground rules for the talk as suggested by Howard.

Regarding your questions, I personally have never climaxed from oral sex performed on me. Does that mean that I don't enjoy it? Heck no. In fact, I love the feeling and I make sure she knows that by my reactions. The result is always sex for us due to some physical issues that bar the amount of time she can comfortably remain down there with either mouth, hand, or a combination of both. Perhaps for now, oral for you should just be a prelude to sex while you re-build her confidence that she is doing something for you. That means letting her know what she's doing right.

As far as vaginal intercourse goes, you'll see it time and again in these forums. Approximately 85% of all women need clitoral stimulus in order to orgasm. That being said, should you stop trying? Of course not. Make sure she gets the best of both worlds, though. I personally love going down on my wife. I love the reactions I can bring with the right types of touch. I love placing a bullet on her clit while we have sex and just making sure it's held in that oh so magical place. Once she's had several orgasm, I can always bring her to orgasm by penetration with a fair amount of ease with or without the bullet.

I still think your best bet is to read up on the forums, and read up on the sex education tab that you see on the top of this page. There is tons of great information you can get, lots of ideas to be had, and lots of good results to be seen. Happy studying and good luck.

Thurisas.

[Mikayla1]

Ahhh, Peter Parker - love the name choice!

Well, first WELCOME!!!

Now, as for the oral sex thing, many women (and men too) get funny and offended when their lovers tell them how to do things better, what speeds are better, etc. This is a bad attitude to have! How can we satisfy our lovers if we are NOT doing what they like? You have to find a nice, calm, non-sexual moment to discuss this. Tell her you want to satisfy and pleasure her as much as YOU can, and you want her to do the same. Tell her what you do love: "I love it when you take my balls in your hands..." and then tell her what you would like..."I would love you to lick my shaft more..." if she gets offended then just be blunt and say, "listen honey, I want to have the best sex we can have, and I am open to suggestions, I need you to be open to them too!"

Quite frankly, any man or woman who is not open to at least TRY to do things their partners like may have some issues that are too big to fix, and you may have to consider how much this part of your sex life means to you. It sounds like she may not like oral sex - period. I would DEFINITELY print out an article from this site - why not? Or, if you do not want her to feel like you are "cybering" then buy the book "TIckle his Pickle" - it just might make a saucy gift!

As for the clitoral versus vaginal stimulation - she is telling the truth. Upwards of 80-85% of ALL women NEED clitoral stimulation to climax. This may come in the form of pubic grinding or direct stimulation - but that is the truth. She is young to have trained her body to have vaginal orgasms without the stimulation. So, what do you do? While you are having sex, touch her clit! She will have tremendous orgasms with you inside and you touching her clit! There is nothing YOU are doing wrong, it is just the way the woman's body is.

If you need more advice, please post back! Good Luck!

[Tyger]

I have to agree with the suggestions from the other posters. And, I will also repeat a couple of them, cuz they bear repeating.

How can she learn to please you if you don't tell her what you like? And, in turn, you should do the same with her. Maybe make a game of it. Ask her first what she's like you to do to her, and then take turns telling each other what you want done.

If she's a type of person that is either a perfectionist, or a person with a hard time with critisism, then she will get upset with any direct comments, and feel inadequate, which can be rather insulting. The game option is a way around that.

Or some light hearted conversation out of the bedroom may be nice. But, try and word it so it doesn't sound negative, or like an accusation.

And, again, 85% of women need to have clit stimulation to "get off". Using a clit stimulating toy can help. Using one during vaginal sex can really add some spark.

Best wishes!