Members eccentricgirl87 Posted June 10, 2007 Members Report Share Posted June 10, 2007 I have a question about my guys ability to hold an erection:We can be fooling around and he'll get an erection, but when we get down to actual intercourse, he goes limp. He has no problem cumming when I give him a bj. We've talked about it and he doesn't understand it. It frustrates us both.This doesn't happen all the time, but it has been happening more and more.Any and all advice please!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted June 10, 2007 Members Report Share Posted June 10, 2007 Hi LV!This is not as uncommon as you might think, and there are many reasons that it may be occurring. First, you are both young, unmarried (I presume) and having a sexual relationship. Are you on birth control? Some men (actually, a lot of men) especially younger ones, have fear of getting their partner pregnant. Even if they conciously know that she is on BC, the fear is still there. This would definitely explain how he can come with a BJ, but has erection problems during sex.ANother reason can be performance anxiety. Many men (more than would ever say) have had erectile difficulties at one point or another in their sex lives. When this happens, they get worried about loosing it over and over again. Soon, they can not maintain an erection no matter what the circumstances. It is a mental block and fear of not being able to perform. So, if this happened once to your man, he may just have the innate fear that it will happen again.Can he perform better if he has a drink or two? Some men with PA find that having a drink or two helps them to get over the fear. I do not suggest this as a solution, but I suggest it as a diagnostic tool. Another possibility, that you should get checked out since he is so young, is a medical issue - such as a valve that will not close in his penis, causing inadequate blood flow. There are other medical reasons too -but he would have to go to a doctor to discuss them. If it begins to happen more and more I would highly suggest he go and get it checked out. In RARE cases, Cancer could be the issue - so you do not want to wait.In the meantime, try to take the pressure off him. Never get mad when it happens, try to give him more BJ nights - or mutual masturbation nights. Talk to him about pulling out before orgasm (just to see if it is the pregnancy fear) - try to discern the issues.Good luck and please post an update! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted June 10, 2007 Report Share Posted June 10, 2007 Some medications he may be taking can also cause this problem as well. Best Wishes!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members eccentricgirl87 Posted June 15, 2007 Author Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2007 My guy and I just read your responses. He agrees with the fear of pregnancy, even though I am on BC and we ALWAYS use condoms. We’ve talked about it before and we talked about it again.I should add that once he goes limp, he is unable to get an erection again for about an hour.We talked about the PA, since he does not seem to go limp when we have been drinking (only in moderation!). Stress does not seem to make a difference, nor does the time of day. We are going to take your advice and try to do some diagnostic testing of our own...We have incorporated more oral/mutual masturbation into our sex lives since this started... I even got over my own fear of him knowing about my toys, which he enjoys using on me when this does happen. And for the record, I do not get mad when it happens. I have encouraged him before to think about going to a doc to just make sure. He now agrees that it may be a good idea. I’ll keep you posted! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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