Strings Attached

[revengenever]

So I just ended a long term/long distances relationship and now I'm single and looking to have fun this summer.

Last summer I was still a virgin so when I would hook up with guys the most we would do is oral, since I was able to do this without any emotional commitment I kind of figured that sex would be the same way.

The problem is that I'm growing attached to the guy I have slept with since my ex boyfriend and it made me realise that I wasn't really prepared to push any emotions I got aside.

So is there any tips to making one night stands or casual sex nothing more than what they are?

[jesso]

Rule # 1: Don't sleep over.

[Mikayla1]

I am of the mind that most women can NOT separate sex from emotion. It is EXTREMELY hard for a woman to have "man's sex" even when observing some rules like: don't kiss, don't talk about life or emotions, don't sleep over, don't go to dinners, shopping, etc. What women really wants to go to some man's place, fuck, and leave?

I have always enjoyed sex - and the only time I could keep the the emotion out was in threesomes when I was the guest appearer. I would definitely say that this is not going to be possible now, you already indicate that you are feeling involved.

Having one night stands or very limited interaction is probably the only way to separate things - but even that can be hard.

[Tyger]

I have to agree again with Mikayla. Women really do have a hard time seperating themselves between the differences between sex and love. It's the way we are genetically wired.

Does that mean it's impossible? No. Women can do it. I've done it before. But, if you decide to have sex with the same person, even if you're telling yourself & them, over & over, that you don't want to get emotionally involved, you will. Women develop a bond with those she has sex with. I had a FWB, that I thought I could seperate myself from, and ended up breaking it off cuz I was beginning to be emotionally involved with him. I broke my own heart, and, I am beginning to see that he may have had feelings growing too, but, due to our stubborness to actually face facts, we ended up loosing part of our friendship.

If you're going to have a one-night-stand, of course, be safe, insist on condoms. Bring some with you wherever you go. It's a neccesity nowadays. But, if you choose to have sex with multiple partners, you will be trying to fill a void that you somehow need filled (and I'm not being sarcastic when I say that). Plus, the damage to your reputation is permanent. It WILL follow you. Guys won't take you seriously, thing of you as just the "Fucking Girl", and it will be extremely hard for you to find a QUALITY relationship.

I'm not trying to sound preachy or parental. But I guess I am too. I've been there, done that, have the t-shirt.

You and your boyfriend broke up, and that is a painful thing to go thru. You are now sleeping with another guy, repeatedly, and, maybe, just maybe, you are ready to begin anew, and look into the possibility into a relationship with this guy?

If you don't think that you're ready to take another plunge into a relationship, stop sleeping with this guy, and just go out and DATE. There is NOTHING wrong with going out to dinner, or a movie, with a guy, and NOT sleep with him afterwards, whether he pays, or you go dutch. Have fun, be SAFE, and get happy. The only way to happiness, is finding out what kind of person YOU are, and what kind of person you would LIKE to be, and make it so. It sounds cliche', but it's true: you can only truly love someone, and have someone truly love you, when you learn to love yourself.

[revengenever]

I guess I should have clarified a little bit about the relationship I left behind... it was pretty much non existent. We dated for roughly 5 to 6 months and it was long distance. My relationship was complicated only in the sense that I have no idea why I stayed with him for so long. He hurt me emotionally really bad at the end of April so we did not communicate after that though technically we were still together. When we did break up (mid June) I was not in the least bit upset by that point.

Also I consider myself a very sexual person, if fact, before my ex boyfriend my friends would joke and call me the most experience virgin ever. I enjoy messing around with different people and having casual flings without strings attached before having sex (and my ex) and I kind of assumed that there would be no difference with sex but I guess I've screwed something up somewhere down the line...

I guess I'm going to have think about everything before I go any further..

Thanks for all the advice!