Hello, New Here

[spazz742]

Of course as stated before, I am new here, my love life sucks been married for 13 years, and the wife does not like anything but straight sex, and it is boring which has led us to less and less sex. I mean i mention things, or try to start something, different ways and it just doesn't work anymore, I want to spice up the romance in bed, but I don't know how to pass this stage. Any ideas out there would deeply be appreciated. I am basically opened to just about anything, playing with toys, etc, etc, etc. I know I may have left some things out but as this site says, yes I am timid to talk about this and this took me a little time to put this down.

[thurisas]

While you haven't laid down a lot to work on, lets see what we can come up with. You say that she only likes straight sex even though you've tried to approach it in other ways... I guess my biggest question would be, have you talked to her about this outside of the bedroom where she isn't pressured to have an answer right then and there? Do you know how she feels about sex in general? When you first got together and were having sex, was it different at that point or is it the same now with less frequency? For right now, I think communication is the key to see what she would be up for before even getting into the bedroom(or staircase, or bathroom, or where ever you decide to go at it). Not only will this get you both on common ground but it can start building a suspence and energy that will translate during sex. Hope this helps and I'm sure many others will pipe in soon.

Thurisas.

[spazz742]

While you haven't laid down a lot to work on, lets see what we can come up with. You say that she only likes straight sex even though you've tried to approach it in other ways... I guess my biggest question would be, have you talked to her about this outside of the bedroom where she isn't pressured to have an answer right then and there? Do you know how she feels about sex in general? When you first got together and were having sex, was it different at that point or is it the same now with less frequency? For right now, I think communication is the key to see what she would be up for before even getting into the bedroom(or staircase, or bathroom, or where ever you decide to go at it). Not only will this get you both on common ground but it can start building a suspence and energy that will translate during sex. Hope this helps and I'm sure many others will pipe in soon.

Thurisas.

[spazz742]

Thurisas,

Like I said it took me awhile to write that down, lol, but anyways to answer some of your questions, I have talked about it in and outside the bedroom on and off most of the time, as not to pressure her at all. I asked her what she thought about if we tried to spice things up abit, with the same ole answer no I like the way we are having it. Her thoughts in general are just straight sex and that is it, she says that any other way just does not seem normal. When we first got together our love life was great, no complaints here on my end, I even asked her if it was me or was I doing something wrong and she was just afraid to tell me because I might take it wrong. And now it is coming at an alarming rate of less frequency, which in this case I am starting to have the case of blue balls.

I have talked to her about maybe adding some toys in the sequence but she thinks they are dirty and discusting, but by all means she is no saint either. I appreciate your information on this problem, hope to hear from you again. Really appreciate yours or anyones help on this issue, thankyou and will look later on for some guidance.

[nosleepnmesa]

There could be numerous factors here. You didn't mention if there were children in the home. Everyday life stress alone can interfer with the adult playtime, and then when you had children to the mix of this it can interfer more. This is honestly not uncommon in a relationship. As a women I can tell ya that life itself can stress us out and we tend to forgot that sex isnt a chore or responsibility it is adult playtime. Just like kids have play time we need to have our playtime to. Not only to feel the love of our SO but it is also a great stress relieve.

I came to this board because my husband was boring in bed. He wanted it the same way all the time etc... No foreplay straight to the spot etc..and lasted a whole 2 seconds that is what it felt like anyway. Let me tell you though our sex life is in overdrive and has been the best it ever has. We are on a little bit of a hold right now since I am still recovering from a major surgery.Well there are numerous things you can do to spice things up. Howard in fact made this suggestion to me when I first came to the board and it worked like a charm. My husband gets up extremely early for work, he works in the sun all day long. I know when he comes home he is exhausted, so I started meeting him in the shower before work. I have also sent him pics (of me of course) threw out the day to his cel phone. I have called him up on his break and teased him over the phone etc.. There are sooooo many options to help spice things up in a relationship, sex shouldnt be work, but alot of people tend to forgot that it is adult play time. There is also since you didn't mention so I will ask religion. Is there a religion believe that she has or maybe that she was raised with that she only does it one postion. There are some religions out there that say the missionary position is the only wat to have sex all other ways are a sin.

Also there are some wonderful educational articles that Mikayla as written in the sex education section. Mix Matched Sex drives, 5 mistakes men make in bed along with 5 mistakes women make in bed. Reiginite your sex drive along with many other helpful and educational articles.

Good Luck !!

[spazz742]

There could be numerous factors here. You didn't mention if there were children in the home. Everyday life stress alone can interfer with the adult playtime, and then when you had children to the mix of this it can interfer more. This is honestly not uncommon in a relationship. As a women I can tell ya that life itself can stress us out and we tend to forgot that sex isnt a chore or responsibility it is adult playtime. Just like kids have play time we need to have our playtime to. Not only to feel the love of our SO but it is also a great stress relieve.

I came to this board because my husband was boring in bed. He wanted it the same way all the time etc... No foreplay straight to the spot etc..and lasted a whole 2 seconds that is what it felt like anyway. Let me tell you though our sex life is in overdrive and has been the best it ever has. We are on a little bit of a hold right now since I am still recovering from a major surgery.Well there are numerous things you can do to spice things up. Howard in fact made this suggestion to me when I first came to the board and it worked like a charm. My husband gets up extremely early for work, he works in the sun all day long. I know when he comes home he is exhausted, so I started meeting him in the shower before work. I have also sent him pics (of me of course) threw out the day to his cel phone. I have called him up on his break and teased him over the phone etc.. There are sooooo many options to help spice things up in a relationship, sex shouldnt be work, but alot of people tend to forgot that it is adult play time. There is also since you didn't mention so I will ask religion. Is there a religion believe that she has or maybe that she was raised with that she only does it one postion. There are some religions out there that say the missionary position is the only wat to have sex all other ways are a sin.

Also there are some wonderful educational articles that Mikayla as written in the sex education section. Mix Matched Sex drives, 5 mistakes men make in bed along with 5 mistakes women make in bed. Reiginite your sex drive along with many other helpful and educational articles.

Good Luck !!

[spazz742]

Katprr,

Yes we have 1 child who is 12, but that is not to worrisome there, lol, but her religion also is not a factor either. Thankyou for the posting gonna try some things again, like lunch date and see where it goes from there.

spazz

[Tyger]

Welcome!! I'm sure writing stuff down here may be a bit difficult. Kuddos to you for taking the first step in trying to help spice up your sex life. Keep in mind, that you are faceless on the internet. Unless you post a pic of yourself, or tell people WHO you are, then, you are fairly anonymous, which makes it a lot easier for some to realize that they can post their innermost thoughts, feelings, desires, and experiences, and not be recognized.

Upbringing and general thoughts on HOW sex should be can really hold things back in the bedroom. It almost sounds as if your wife thinks that sex is now something she has to do, since she is married to you, and it's a chore, not something to be pleasurable. Now, her "not being a saint"? I'm not really sure what that means? If she use to be daring and adventurous before? Or just liked to have a lot of sex?

Unfortunately, you are not alone in this. I don't wanna sound like a broken record, but definitely check out the helpful articles for all sorts of issues. It sounds as if there may be a few issues here.

As far as sex toys go, I can tell you that most of our customers and even the Product Reviewers are parents to children still in the house!! Sex toys have gotten a bad wrap for being "dirty & nasty" because, not too long ago, the only place to get them were seedy sex toy/adult bookstores, that were dark, having peep shows in the back, and selling all sorts of other oddities. Many places now, are trying to lighten the stigma of being a sex toy shop, allowing their customers to walk in a bit more proudly than before. And, with the birth of the internet, sex toy shopping has gotten even easier. You can order what you want, have it delivered to your door, and nobody is none-the-wiser!

Again, welcome & happy reading!!