Great Site For Female Subs

[krisleightate]

http://latches.webslaves.com/index.htm

This site has lots of information and also has good forums designed for submissive women. It even has a checklist to do to give to new Doms.

[krisleightate]

Howard you did you read my other topic about slaves and subs and the differences between the two

http://forums.tootimid.com/index.php?showtopic=3530

I have been a sub for 4 years and I do know the difference. That is why I recommended this site. They tell new subs and older subs with issues to get counseling and they explain the difference between needing a domineering man because of issues in their past and BDSM.

Howard look at the site http://latches.webslaves.com/index.htm before you say something like this please. Not all sites for BDSM are like that. This one is very good, I wouldn't have put up anything that might endanger someones mental health.

[Kinky Twinkie]

Yes, I did read your other post, and i did check the site you recommended before commenting. My comments were meant to express my concern about the kinds of people who are often drawn to these kinds of sites. I noted that the managers of the site were trying to counsel people to understand the difference between what the site was doing, and other forms of dominance, in real life, such as spousal abuse. That is why I added my comment. I didn't want people going to your site without hearing it here, first, that this is about fantasy, and not actual dominant, abusive behavior.

I wanted to make sure you were familiar with the articles on this site's Sex Education section on BDSM when you made these kinds of referrals. Mikayla wrote an excellent article-- the best I have read-- about BDSM, what it is, and what it isn't, and from subsequent postings by new members here, it becomes quite obvious that many people who think they are interested in BDSM have no clue what they are getting into or why. Its a fairly small audience, but they do need guidance to avoid having terrible experiences, where expectations are dashed on the rocks of reality. Mostly, we have people who like to spice up their love making with restraints, blindfolds, lots of tortuous teasing, and " discipline ". Rarely do we have people come on here who are truly interested in being involved in S&M conduct, which includes the whips, paddles, pain inducing clamps, etc.

Howard

In other words there is fantasy role playing and then there is real life abuse?

Glenn

[Mikayla1]

I have to comment here a bit......since I too have been a sub and a DOM, and am a sub by preference!

I really feel that a majority of people who are subs have HIGH self-esteem and are intelligent and thoughful in their DECISION to surrender to a DOM being prepared to surrender themselves for their personal pleasure and that of their lover.

I personally think that the difference between a sub and someone who craves "abuse" is so wide and that the misconception that people who prefer the BDSM lifestyle are addicted to this kind of play because they have been abused. I have found, in my relatively broad experience in the BDSM culture, that a majority - major majority - of subs are people who are looking to surrender themselves during sex play because they have TOO MUCH personal power or responsibility in their everyday life. This would be contrary to the notion that people who seek out sub sites are trying to process some kind of reconciliation with prior abuse.

I personally am a sub and know many other subs (male and female) who are from well-adjusted homes and relationships. There is an understanding that this is their preference and choice.

While I am sure that there are some women who are so caught up in their previous relationships that were abusive that they feel that they have to have this type of man in their life, I would NOT call them a sub. I would call them a "repeat loser magnet" because that is essentially why they go to this type of relatioship - they know no better. I highly doubt they would be in the BDSM community.

It is extremely hard for anyone NOT in the community to understand the dynamics of the sub / DOM relationship and how someone decides to come to this lifestyle choice. Therefore, I do not blame Howard for his "overreaction" and his overall conclusion. People have a hard time understanding why anyone would enjoy being "treated" this way. Once again I point out that a true "sub" is always the one in control!

Howard seems to suggest that women with these issues come to these sites and get more "messed up" - for lack of a better term. I highly doubt that this is where these women are going to go online. These sites are designed for people who understand the BDSM culture - at least most are - and the sites Kris has posted are familiar ones to me, and are ones I would visit. I do not think anyone outside the interest of being in this type of situation would visit those sites.

We can not control or monitor everything that is out on the net - and I fully believe that Kris was posting a good link and that it would be interesting to many people - but mostly to those who have an interest in this type of play.

[Tyger]

I've been ponderin' on what I wanted to say to this post, especially where I am not overly experienced in this area. When participating in light sub/dom play, I'm usually the sub. Would you characterize me as weak, abused, and wanting that sort of "abuse"? Hardly.

Everyone's made some great points. However, I just want to add that there is a HUGE difference between a REAL LIFE submissive female that cows down to everything her man, and others tell her to do, and a FANTASY-life submissive (male or female), that enjoys the freedoms of letting go their power, authority, and are there to feel "released" enough to please someone, and not care who may see it. And, to just stress again, when playing in this type of sex-play, the subs really are the ones with the "power" so to speak. They can put the breaks on whenever they feel they're uncomfortable or scared, yet still enjoying their "release" from real life as well.