My Bjs Suck (no Pun Intended)

[nurse_trula]

I need serious help. Bigtime. I feel like the most inadequate loser on the planet! I CANNOT, I repeat - CANNOT get my hubby to cum by giving him a blowjob without the use of vibrating anal sex toys. We have been together for 13 yrs, married for 7 yrs. I have tried during all this time to make him cum "the regular way"(oral stimulation and using my hands). I did do it ONCE however, and that was quite a while ago, but I think that was an accident (& it took a full hour). I've tried everything. When I try anal play with my finger(s), he says they are too short and don't reach the prostate. I've read everything on the internet about how to do it properly. I've watched lots of porn and read many porn magazines. All in all, I think I've researched this thing more than any living person. And I've practiced every technique I've researched many times, but with no results. I've tried combinations of things too. And I don't have "the teeth" problem either. Mine are small, so I can cover them easily. I've done it all, and am at my wits end. The only thing I can't do is deepthroat. I know they say that practice makes perfect with that, but I've been practicing for many months now on hubby and with a soft dildo, and I still want to puke my guts out every time I do it. I keep telling myself the problem can't be me because of all the "successful" BJs I gave to other men in my past. I've never had any complaints from these guys, and they've all been able to get off within a really short time. Hubby's a little bigger down there than the other men I've been with, but not by much. We've talked about this a lot. I was hubby's first. He did masturbate quite a bit in the past (up to twice daily), even tho our sex life has always been fine. So we thought that maybe that was the problem. He said that the friction is different. And I've seen the guy masturbate. It's, like, rabbit speed. I've never seen anyone move their hand up and down that fast! Facts are facts, people! - I CANNOT move my head up and down his shaft that fast. So anyhow, he quit doing it. So after a week of him not masturbating, I tried again. And, once again, NOTHING. I can get him hard, but that's all. And as far as actual sex goes, everything is fine. OK, I'm lying......it totally rocks!!!! Everytime we have sex, the neighbors need a cigarette afterwards!!! He can go all night long at times. We both can (with breaks in between of course). This has taken a toll on me and my self esteem. I feel like less of a woman at times. It seems like all other wives and g/f's can do this, but not me. I know he loves me and finds me attractive. I'm not ugly. I could stand to drop about 20 pounds, but that's all. I'm afraid if I don't start doing it right, he'll find somebody else who will. SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME!!!!

[krisleightate]

Some men have problems getting off to bjs. It is actually more common than you think.

[srvtt]

Even though you can't move your head up and down that quickly, your hand could do it. Have you tried to keep your mouth on him and move your hand like he does? Before I met my wife, I had never had an orgasm via a blowjob or handjob (girlfriend's handjob--no problem with my own of course). I think the biggest difference between a man masturbating and receiving a handjob/blowjob is the grip pressure. Tthere are times when I know my wife could finish me off quicker with a tighter grip. I think early, a lot of the stroke should be more on the shaft and as it goes on, more attention to the head. This is probably a lot like the clit.

Obviously, the key is communicating and him feeling comfortable telling you to grip tighter, faster, etc. I think it is him though given the fact that you have been successful in the past. But the bottom line is sex should be fun, not a lot of work. Good luck!

[thurisas]

Let me start this out by saying that I have never climaxed from oral sex. It feels very good, I'm almost always on the cusp of release, but it never happens whether it be 15 minutes, an hour, three hours or whatnot. Let me tell you, it has absolutely nothing to do with what my wife is or isn't doing down there and I'd be mortified to know that it was taking a toll on her self esteem. So much so, in fact, that I think it would put more pressure on the act and thus making it less likely to happen, period. So I guess my question is, how much are you showing your husband your frustration? You could be putting the pressure on him and making him less likely to release.

One thing I would like to add is that porn is not necessarily a good teaching device. Those people are actors and there is nothing of what you see happening off camera...like the male actors beating off in between takes. Also, there are a lot of bad practices shown in porn and you really need to be careful.

The biggest thing you need to do is just have fun trying to make it happen. Practice, practice, practice, and just have fun with the whole thing. When/if it finally happens, you'll both have something to smile about and I'd be willing to bet dollars to dingos that it will be easier the time after.

Thurisas.