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Erection Problems


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I've looked around the forums and read the articles on this site and thought I'd take it another step and ask for advice from people here who have experienced these sort of problems... First a bit about myself. I'm 24 years old, and I recently met a woman whom I am absolutely crazy about... my first relationship, first time I am "consistently" sexually active. I have been with other women but it never really did it for me... Emotionless sex never seemed to turn me on like other guys. I am in great shape, eat healthy, am active in running, rock climbing and other physical activities. I suppose I was shy and not too confident as a teenager (who wasn't a little bit?) but I am very easy-going, confident, and happy nowadays so it doesn't make sense. I am honest with myself and when I am with her I don't consciously worry and ask myself if "it" will happen again... if I do worry it must be subconscious.

When I am with her I find that she can very easily make me hard, but the moment she starts stroking me, or going down on me, or even when we start to move into a position for penetration, my penis will usually lose its hardness, but everything she does feels great... my penis is still hard, but doesnt stand fully erect - it is a little flacid... this makes penetration challenging and sometimes a lost cause. When I do enter her most times I lose my erection fairly quickly (1-2 minutes). Even when I masturbate though, I am not usually fully erect, but rather a tiny bit flacid, which leads me to think it might not be psychological but rather physical. I am going to the doctor tomorrow for an unrelated reason and plan to bring this up with him/her. Any advice would be appreciated.

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Well, she is on the pill right now and we have both been tested clean, so I'm not worried of getting an STD from her... as for pregnancy I suppose it is always a worry but not one I am truly worried about since I have seen her take the pill in front of me and I do trust her.... We have a great relationship both sexually and non-sexually and we are very open and honest with each other when we talk.. because of career and logistics we don't get to see each other as often as we like. As for my erection while masturbating I can maintain a constant erection, but it doesn't seem to stay 100% erect all the time... I can usually bend it a little and it doesn't stay in the "unbendable" state very long. Strangely, approaching orgasm seems to have it remain relatively soft before the moment when it hard again (about 50% of the time).

No medical causes for this problem... I am not taking anything, not a diabetic, I eat well and excercise... and no, I don't usually drink alcohol before sexual activity... I was actually thinking of getting a little bit tipsy one night beforehand to see if that might help.

What kind of birth control are YOU using? The primary problem for men- particularly young men- is fear of getting a woman pregnant. It relates obviously to a TRUST issue, particularly when a woman you are only recently dating tells you she is taking birth control pills, and doesn't want you to wear a condom, or that she " Prefers to feel real skin ". That scares the Hell out of most men, and should, whether they want to admit it or not.

I would need more information about the lady in question, and your total relationship to be able to make a better, educated guess as to what is going on in your mind. The Medical Doctor can check your cardio-vascular system to make sure nothing is wrong there. Are you able to maintain a constant erection when you masturbate? If so, that tends to discount any medical source for the problem. And that points to the "subconscious " issues. Again, without knowing more about the woman, and your non-sexual relationship, and where you are in a career, and your goals in life, its difficult to make even an educated guess.

Are you drinking alcoholic beverages before sexual activity? a No-No! Are you waiting to have sex until late at night after a long day? If so, the fatigue that is natural can be involved here, no matter how physically active you are. Try having sex in the morning, after you are rested. If you are having the same problem then, fatigue should not be a cause. Are you on any medications for depression? Are you a diabetic? These are other matters than can lead to difficulty in maintaining an erection.

Keep in touch.


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It sounds to me that it might be a mental block, there are some ppl men and women who find sex and masturbation hard. Lots of ppl are hot wired to think that sex and anything relating to sex as bad or dirty.

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I would wager a bet that you have performance anxiety! Many a man has had this issue - including at one time my own hubby. Sometimes for whatever reason (fear of pregnancy, fear of performance) this happens again and again because your mind is sending messages to your penis that you DON'T want to go limp, DON'T go limp....and as your brain is saying this, your penis is getting more and more flaccid.

This is a cycle that can be repeating over and over again. The more you obsess about it, the more it will happen. When you masturbate, you are under no pressure to perform and oftentimes can get erect and stay erect easier. This is a big tip that it is mental and/or not a major medical issue.

The key to this is to first get a check-up at a doctors to make sure that your hormone levels are OK and that you have no medical reasons to be having erectile issues. I wrote an article on different causes and cures for ED - look under the sex education tab and read it - it may help you.

Once you have determined that there are no serious mental issues you can start attacking the mental block. As you can imagine, this is not easy to do. You have to become comfortable with your own performance, realize that penetration is NOT ALL there is to sex (i.e. if you can not get your gf off via your cock, you can use your fingers, tongue, toys etc. ) as well as realizing that it is OK to have foreplay nights without penetration where she just goes down on you and you go down on her etc. This takes the pressure to be UP away and allows you to have fun and play without the pressure. Soon you will discover that you do not have so many issues and can get it up and stay hard without issues!

There are other techniques and ideas that I discuss in my article, so again, you may want to peruse it. Good luck and let us know how things are working out!

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