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So This Is Where I Spill My Secrets

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I discovered these forums very recently. I'm not much for lurking... I can't keep quiet that long...

Anyhow, I'm 37 been married for 7 years, 2 kids.

I was always a real "go getter" in the sex department, never had to go without it for more than a few days (except for when i was married to my first husband, who preferred schmacking it to porn over the real thing. Whatever). So I had my fun after i left him, kept one coffee cup in my apartment because I didn't want the hassles of an LTR (overnight was too much for me) until I met my husband, and the rules changed.

I fell in love with him from the inside out, and when we finally began a real physical relationship (made him wait, he was "the one"), it wasn't all that spectacular, once you got past the emotional high of being completely and totally in love. It went largely unnoticed, however, since we dated for a year before we got engaged. 7 months later, I was diagnosed with MS and we were married. We had a kid, had another kid and were exhausted. Sex was pretty frequent, though still not spectacular, but with 2 kids under 2, fatigue is a huge factor.

then, tragedy struck, or so it was to me. I had an exacerbation that lasted a while, but it completely shut off my sex drive. It numbed everything below my waist and there was no pleasure at all. I couldn't produce lube because my body didn't know that it was being stimulated. It was awful, and for someone that has always, at least in part, defined herself by her sexuality, I may as well have been dead.

Anyhow, I got through that, and the MS calmed back down, and here I am again, very excited about my sexuality. I am doing a home version of physical therapy to retrain my body to react to the stimuli that it is receiving, because for whatever reason, there were some changes. I used to be able to ejaculate, but haven't since before this all went down. I want to be able to do that again. He thinks it's wicked hot, and he feels responsible for it not happening, even though he knows that's not the case.

The biggest roadblock now is that, as much as I love him, he is really shy, and quite prudish. I am not a prude, but I have learned to really tamper down my wants and needs because they are met with a prudish resistance, and I am often left feeling like some sort of sick freak. We do talk about it, and he has promised to try to not be so uptight. He is kind and sensitive about me feeling like a freak, so I am kind and sensitive about making him feel like an uptight prude.

I finally got him to understand the role of toys in a relationship, because of my issues. He always took them as an affront that he wasn't "good enough'. He's a good Catholic boy, and we're working on it.

Anyhow, I'm here because I am interested in seeing how other people handle this kind of thing, and how you all get what you want out of your sex life with the challenges that we all face every day. He wants to be a more willing partner, but he doesn' twant to feel "weird", so we're slow and steady.

Wow, didn't mean to write a novel...

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That is quite a history you gave there - thanks for sharing! It demonstrates just how many different types of "love" and relationships there are out there! I definitely know what you mean when you say you fell in love "from the inside out" cause I did with my hubby too. He and I waited to have sex (which I never did before) and when we did, it was "nice." Not the best, not the worst..nice. I was unpleased with his performance in the oral department (sorry honey) but after a few "teaching" sessions he became the best oral lover that I have ever had! His background was not conducive to him learning about oral sex - so he just needed to open up and be taught -and he was!

I think it will be the same with your hubby! He will get more and more receptive to the things you want to try! I am sooooo glad that you have not given up on having sex because of your MS. From what I have read, those therapies can really help you regain some sensation and respond to stimulation. You are courageous for doing all you can and I applaud you!

I think that sex is so many different things - emotional, physical, psychological - that we can retrain our brains to find pleasure in the different manners of expressing and engaging. The physical is wonderful and fantastic - but oftentimes can be lacking without the emotional or pyschological. This is where you seem to have hit the jackpot - as you truly love each other and seem to be committed to working on all obstacles!

I wish you luck and welcome you to TooTImid! I hope that we can learn from each other!

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Welcome. I have to say I envy your strength. Make sure to contribute often and always feel free to ask your questions.


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