Sex Problems In The Relationship Plz Help

[HTK]

I've been going out with my g/f for almost 3 months now. Sadly thats the longest I've ever went out with anybody. At first we were totally into each other, couldn't get enough of each other. Sex was good, she says she has never had an orgasm even with me. Its just something that doesn't happen to her. Just by me teasing and rubbing her Va J. J. then she'll have one. But besides the point, after her period and yeast infection and some other bacteria i haven't had sex in a month now. She's been clean since last week and i still haven't gotten any. I'm a really patient guy and i do try to understand because females are real complicated creatures. lol no pun intended at all. But she's been off of her pills since last week and nothing yet. Like i really don't want to be the guy to ask or plead a woman to have sex with me, its just not my style. I won't force her into it if she doesn't want to.

So i tried to have sex with her tonight and she said no. I was like why not and she said cause its late and she has to go home... Then she asked me if i have been expecting to have sex tonight and i said yes, I've been expecting it since last week. Then she just said that she does not feel like having this conversation and left.

I love this girl but i don't know what to do anymore, I'm honestly sexually frustrated. Now it's making me think she's doing something with somebody else, but know thats false because she's not that type.

Honestly I'm clueless and i have no idea what to do anymore. I'm lost and confused and its really starting to bug me. I don't want to break up with her over this but at the same time this is ridiculous.

When i ask her if its me she says "NO".

Somebody please help, because this is eating me up from the inside. It's making me think crazy things like she's cheating on me or something.

Thanks,

HTK

[thurisas]

I think my biggest question is how you were treating her when she was sexually unavailable? How are you treating her now? Without the full information about your relationship and how it had been going before you stopped having sex, during the dry spell, and how you're handling your relationship now all anyone could make is best guesses. Some tips to live by, though, are to make sure you're still flirting, be there physically(hold hands, back rubs, etc) but not gropey, and keep in mind that where she was just having issues in her most private places she just may not feel comfortable having you in that place at this moment so you will have to be patient. You also should try to talk to her on neutral ground and in a calm, composed, non-accusatory manner. The last thing I'll suggest is that you read some of the articles under the Sex Education tab beneath the TooTimid banner at the top of this page. You're very young, you're bound to make mistakes, but Mikayla has put together several very helpful articles that can tell you some of the do's and don'ts. Good luck.

Thurisas.

[nosleepnmesa]

I have a few questions for you. You mentioned she has been off her pills I am assuming that you are talking about the antibotics for the infections she was having correct? She isn't on any Mental health pills? Just asking cause sometimes those types of medications do interfer with your sexual urges.

I see a couple things going on here. Of course I don't know the whole story but, me being a women myself, I can tell you that life's stresses dont help our sexual urges. You did say though that you tried to talk to her and she didn't feel like having this discussion. Well when you all get togeather my best advice at this time is to try to find away for her to relax, don't make it seem like you are expecting it, nor in fact don't expect it. Sounds like there is alot going on in this relationship with her. Sent up a date with her, take her to dinner, or stay home and have dinner, light the room in candles, message her back, neck etc... Make her feel loved and understond have a romatic night without sex. My husband went quit awhile without sex due to my open heart surgery it was hard for me with just plain life and healing to even get back into the feeling of wanting it. Once I got the all clear from the DR, it was still very difficult. My husband lite candles, mademe dinner, put in a great movie and I can tell you he sure wasn't expecting sex, but once I was relaxed and curled up in his arms watching a movie my hormones kicked into overdrive.

Also yes there are some really great educational articles on the education tab above. The best advice I can give is to set a date, have a romantic dinner, get her to relaxm dont expect anything maybe just fun talk, laugh a little etc. If she doesn't want to talk about that issue there has to be a reason somewhere although I don't have all the information but cetainly when the time is right and only you will know that since you know her you all really need to talk, for now though I would try the simple things.

Good luck!!

[ToyQueen]

I agree with both Thurisas and Katprr. I thought of a couple of other questions, though.

Is your girlfriend taking birth control pills? Could she have a fear of getting pregnant, and therefore is shutting you down? Did she get a urinary tract infection after having sex, and the antibiotics led to a yeast infection? Is she concerned about that happening again?

Just some things to think about...

[Tyger]

Welcome to the forum!

First off, your relationship is still young, and as such, you're still learning about each other. Sometimes there ARE times that women just don't want to have sex, they need more to feel connected than a rompin'. To repeat what some other posters have said, there hasn't been a lot of "other relationship info".

Her not wanting to have that discussion right then is a signal that something is wrong. She may not want or may not know how to address it with you. Waiting as long as you have, due to medical reasons is hard. How did you treat her while she was sick? Did you tease her, whine, and sulk about not having sex? Even unwittingly? Many men do this, and not even realize it until it's brought to their attention. Did you act as though you just couldn't wait til she was off her meds so you could have sex? Or did you spend that time either being distant, or just kinda hanging out? If you did any of these things, she may be rather pissed at you.

If you treated her special, acted as though this wasn't a big deal, snuggled, talked, and tried connecting on a more emotional level, and that you wanted to just spend time with her, that is the best thing to do, and then there's not many reasons that, IMO, she should be upset.

She also may not feel 100% better. Some women have more feminine issues than others. She may have gotten a bladder infection as well. Sometimes that happens when on some antibiotics for what she had. She may be frustrated at yet another setback. Ask her, in a concerned and caring way, if she's feeling better, or does she still feel sick.

Showing that you care about HER, and not just her Va J.J. is really the key, especially in new relationships.

As far as what you mentioned about her Va J.J. and how she orgasms, know that she is not alone. Chances are, it's not the rubbing of her labia (lips) that does it, but the rubbing of her clit that's getting her off. 85% of women NEED clit stimulation to get off. That's ONE thing that you should take to heart in porns! Notice that most adult stars rub their clits during some of the sex? That's why! Some women just need some soft rubs, others like a more aggressive touch on their clits. It's all personal preference.

Best wishes.

[HTK]

Thanks a lot for the tips, I'm just trying to understand all of this. I've been in couple of relationships where i got hurt and i didn't go with anybody for 3 years. This is my first relationship after the 3 yr break and I'm trying hard not to screw it up, i admit i was an asshole before but not anymore. I've changed about a lot of things in a relationship.

About us more tho so you guys can further understand my situation.

She has had Yeast infection, and a bacteria infection. After the yeast infection she got the bacteria infection. She got off her period and we had sex and she started bleeding after few min. passed. Which was really strange. She said she was in pain, i kinda told her why didn't you tell me so i can stop cause I'm trying to be real understanding.

After that night, i made her go to the doctor the next morning. I took a day off of work and paid her co-pay. I told her, you need to get your health back on track. So thats when she got the pills for the bacteria infection. Through all of her hard times, i always stuck by her. I took her out to dinner, party's, we watch a lot of movies together, i rub her feet, neck, and back. She love's it. Every time i try to make out with her or just play around with her she pushes me away. Which i just don't understand. I'm a really patient guy but sometimes it gets to me. Because she's not giving me any answers on whats going on and when that happens its leading me to think she's cheating on me which she isn't.

Today we had the talk about it and she was snapping at me, i was just seeking answers. She did tell me when we had sex last time it hurt, thats when she was bleeding. She went on to tell me that she's nervous that it might hurt again and thats why we haven't had sex. I told her you'll never know until you try, and i want to try because if you're hurting you know you can tell me to stop and I'll back off and understand. I try to tell her not to be embaressed <(Spell Check} about these type a things because i want to understand them and if it hurts we need to go to the doctor and find out whats really going on with her.

I'm really into things like kissing, playing around with her or just holding her and not wanting to let go. But she keeps pulling away. I want to make out and be romantic but she just seems like she's never in the mood. Now because of our talk today, she told me. Every time you bring this up the more i don't want to have sex with you. I'm sorry but thats crazy considering I'm just trying to understand what's going on. Its really not about sex at this point but knowing whats up. I told her, if you're nervous and scared i wount say anything for months and i'll wait for you. Honestly i don't want to be waiting any longer cause its already been long but thats the situation i'm stuck in right now and I wont mention anything to her anymore and just wait.

I dont know what to do anymore, i'm always paying 100% attention to her, listening to her, watching chick flicks all kinds of stuff and i feel like i get nothing in return at all. I feel misrable.

[thurisas]

I have to respectfully disagree with Howard. If I had just walked away when things were rough(and not unlike this sort of situation) some years ago with my wife then I wouldn't be in the truly rewarding relationship I am in today. If you love her, if you believe she loves you, then you are in a relationship and you will have to decide if that is where you want to be. I say this because relationships take work...lots of work. The best thing you can do now is stop trying to bring up sex for a while. Rebuild your relationship with her in more of a friendship way and less of a let's do it way. Be attentive, not clingy. Be supportive, not pestering. It is work, it will take time, but if you truly wish to pursue a relationship with this person and she wants to pursue one with you then you are going to have to work at it to make it work.

Thurisas.

[Tyger]

If your woman had a bacterial infection, I hope that her doctor also gave you an Rx, or told you to go see your doctor, cuz bacterial infections can be passed back and forth, unwittingly, between partners, making them hard to get rid of.

Where this relationship is young, and, even though to a 21 yr old, this may seem like a long time, it's really not. However, Howard, when things got tough, even in the beginnings of things, from what I've read, you didn't give up, if it's worth having/doing, you put forth an effort. But the effort has to be on both sides.

I will agree that if she's not willing to try at all, then, well, there's really no point to continuing. I mean, you can't beat a dead horse and expect it to get up. Try not confuse newness and lust with Love. Love usually (but not always) takes a while to develop. In new relationships, things are fast and furious, almost desperate at times. After a while, things do cool down, but should NOT die off! Keeping things fresh and out in the open are very important, not only in new relationships, but those relationships that have been going on for a while.

After I had our daughter, I had some sort of fancy named condition, that made one small patch inside my vagina EXTREMELY painful to have sex because it was soooo dry. I would be lubed, use lube, and still it hurt. My hubby knew that it wasn't HIM that I was fearful of, but that I knew that something was wrong, and I had to heal up, which, after having a c-section, waiting the 6 weeks, then having to wait another 6 weeks before we could have sex......well, a bit more difficult!! It took about 6 talks with my doctor, and a really good creme Rx to clear that up physically & mentally.

I guess this means that you really need to stop and think about how much brushing off you're going to tolerate, and do you see that she is willing to work it out. And that she REALLY is trying.

[HTK]

that's my problem, I'm not sure if she's really trying... I gave her an option few days ago, sadly i broke down and cried in the car because I don't know wtf is going on anymore. I told her, honestly tell me if you like me or not. I wont be mad about it, It'll be easier for me to move on if that's the case. She said that she loves me and hates seeing me be miserable, she told me that she does not want to keep seeing me like this, she rather it be over between us then see me be miserable, but when i ask her do you really want to end this she says no i don't. I don't know if it's her past. She was cheated on 3 times and her sex life with past boyfriends was more abuse, she said she was forced to have sex while on her period.

I mean we hang out a lot and love each others company but I can't help feeling that she's not meeting me halfway on things. I mean at times with some sanity left in me, i tell myself that I'm to good for this girl, i tell myself at times that she doesn't deserve me, that's how hard i have tried in this relationship. I have given her plenty of times to break it off and she hasn't, i guess thats what's confusing me.

Two weeks ago i did snap, i threw my phone off the wall and broke it and didn't accept any of her phone calls to my house phone or any myspace messages. She kept on trying real hard, saying she couldn't sleep and didn't understand what was going on, she came over crying about the whole situation. The thing is that's confusing me at times, for me i love her and i let her know it everyday with the things i do. Movies, Chick Flicks, Messages, Hugs, Kisses on forehead, lips, cheeks w/e I pick her off work take her out to lunch, take her out to dinners, make her feel important because she is important to me, we even have movie nights with her parents every week now. My problem is, i never get anything back. I don't know if she has a problem showing how she feels about me, or if she really cares but doesn't express it. I don't know what the case is, but its hurting me. Sometimes she'll just come over and watch TV while i just want to play around with her. Maybe kiss, joke around, wrestle w/e I love that kinda a stuff and most of the time she's not in the mood for it. She has done these things before, but i really had to work at it to make it happen. I'm open minded and respect woman because of my past with my parents, and i do lover her very much. But if a relationship starts to take a toll on me, i will make the smart decision and break it off, for my own good. Regardless of how much i love her. I really don't want to get to this point.

You guys have been great so far, but i need more insights on this.

[Lacey607]

Sounds like you are going to have to give it to her straight. Say exactly what you're feeling. Something along the lines of: "I need to be touched and hugged and kissed to feel loved, if you can't provide me with that, then i may need to look elsewhere". If she realizes this is a genuine need for you, she'll change if she loves you. I regret to say I was the un-loving one in our relationship, for some reason i wasn't interested in hanging all over him all the time,and it was hurting him. He told me that he needed that for him to feel like I loved him and just like that I changed. It meant so much to me for him to feel loved that i would do anything for him. Now, I dont know what I would do if he didn't kiss me b4 he left for work, it would ruin my whole day probably. lol. Hope everything goes well, dear. Good Luck!

[HTK]

We broke up, and i feel good. I feel like i've done so much for that girl and she wasn't there half way. I'm pretty sure down the line she'll relize what she lost, but it don't matter. I don't take anybody back after a break up, i refuse to. Thanks for all the help, now i'm trying to figure out if i'm going to get into a relationship or just have fuck buddies like i used to.

I used to not care and this relationship i cared and thats what fucked me up. Thats okay tho.