What Did I Do Wrong?

[hornylatina]

I had a casual relationship with a guy for a year. We had an awesome chemisty and many things in common. Neither one of us wanted a serious relationship. Mike had been in a few bad relationships and I myself had just gotten out of a three year relationship. I have a very high sex drive so I was just looking for sex. I met Mike online, which normally is not my thing at all, but one thing just lead to another. When I first met him I was not attracted to him at all, but he liked me a lot. I gave him a chance and ended up falling for him. Since our relationship was casual I told him of my feelings and said I would understand if he wanted out knowing that my feelings were getting deeper for him. He didn't want out so we continued. I know he really liked me and at times I almost felt like as if I was his girlfriend, it was just never verbally communicated. Our last conversation was making plans to see each other again and Mike telling me that he wasn't going anywhere. We would even talk about us eventually having a relationship. Well, that last phone call was about five months ago. His house phone got turned off and he only had a work cell phone so I didn't have that number, therefore I had no way of contacting him. He basically stopped calling me. Anybody have an insight of what might have happened? We had no problems as a couple. Serparatley, in our lives there was a lot of problems. I guess my question is why would a guy just drop a woman that he was intimate with for a year out of nowhere? It's been really hard on me, because I liked him so much and I know he liked me too. The worst part is that he never gave me an explanation of why he broke up with. I've been trying to put his behind me but I miss him so much and I always have that question of why. The thing is that it's unlike his character. He would tell me if he didn't want to be with me anymore he would just let me know, that he had nothing to lose. The first thing that would come to my mind is that he's an a**hole but his personality is nothing like that. I would have even been happy with the, "It's not you but me" excuse over never calling me back again and just leaving me hanging. I thougt about going over to his house, but I didn't want to seem like a stalker. Thanks for anyone who reads this and responds. I really love this site.

[Tyger]

I had a FWB years ago, and it was set out there that we didn't want a relationship as far as BF/GF, but we kept our sex lives with each other to ourselves. We both had just split from serious relationships. I wound up starting to really have stronger feelings for him than I wanted too, so I cut it off short with him, which kinda pissed him off, but at least I cut it off before I really got hurt. So, I KWYM about wanting to keep things simple, yet falling anyway. That's a woman's curse, really. Women associate sex with love. After a while, we tend to fall for our lover, whether we want too or not.

It sounds as if you didn't do anything wrong here. You were completely honest with him, and he was accepting of it. If nothing traumatic happened (accident, death in the family, ect), then he may have gotten cold feet, or, he found someone else that he felt a deeper connection with.

With any of these, it's not your fault. I'm sure being left out in the wind is hard, but, if it was me, I'd shrug my shoulders, say "his loss", and move on. Go have fun, date, go out with girlfriends, or whomever you want too, and don't worry anymore about him. Apparently, he didn't care about you enough to be honest with you, so why would you want anyone like that in your life?

Granted, you 2 weren't "committed" to just each other, but, if he did find someone else, the least he could've done is call and say, "hey look, I've found someone....". It may have hurt, but at least it would've been more honest.

I want to warn you, that if he finds himself single again, he may call you, since you were a lover, he knows what you can do, and all that. It's up to you to handle it, but I'd turn him down, since, again, he's proven himself totally unreliable & untrustworthy.

I'm sorry you got hurt, but these are the things that help us grow as people.

[thurisas]

Does the fact that he's gone really bug you or is it the fact that you didn't have closure? I don't see anything that you did wrong at all here. I would be more tempted to say that he played you for sex(he may have been a great actor) and then when you started really showing that you were interested in a more commited relationship he decided it was time to bail. My personal feeling is that you just need some sort of closure. If that means going to his house and letting him know he's a fool for letting something great get away, so be it. Its only stalking if you make a pattern of it. If you don't feel the need to confront him then do something ritualistic to put your feelings behind you. Put something that reminds you of him into a box and bury it, or burn it outright but ultimately you need something that says 'This is the end.'

Thurisas.

[Mike_d]

You said his phone was shut off? Why? Did he give you a reason? Was he the guy from your profile that was 'house sitting' and you had a romp with? What kind of job did he have? Howard could be correct that he was transfered or something, but if he has internet access he can contact you right? That is how you met in the first place? Can you email him at all? I just think he was in it for the sex and a more available bed buddy came along, he jumped ship. In this day and age, you can keep in touch with almost anyone. It's not that hard.

[hornylatina]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I do know what I need to do, and that is to let it go. I think's hard because I didn't have closure. The more I think about it I know I am much better off without him. I just really miss the sex. We had great sex. I hated the fact that he took that away from me. I know it was the sex that messed up my head because when I would see him I thought I could do better, but the sex was too good to let it go. I'm a single mom so sex is hard to come by and I am a very sexual person so I let him be my boy toy. I will let him go and wait for the next guy to come along, but with my luck he probably will end up calling me and messing with my head again. Again, thank you everyone for the advice.