Orgasm Trouble

[goddess_of_grammar]

I'm married to a wonderful man and we both enjoy sex very much. However, I have never had an orgasm from vaginal penetration, only oral sex or masturbation. Are there creams or other things that can help? What about techniques to help us out? I would like to be able to have an orgasm, it would really make my husband happy. It makes him fell inadequate, like he isn't satisfying me and I'd like to experience it.

[Valntyn]

First off, welcome to TooTimid!!

Second, I think BOTH you and hubby should take some time and read the articles here on both the forums and under the Sex Education tab. You are SO not alone in this area! Most women can't/don't reach orgasm through just penetration -- I'm one of them! I HAVE to have clitoral stimulation if I'm going to orgasm. My husband actually loves this, I think, because it gives him more playtime down on me, making me multiorgasm every time, plus it's always fun to bring a bullet or vibrating cockring into play when we're having actual intercourse -- we both get to enjoy it!

I think my husband used to feel like he wasn't satisfying me, too, but we had talks about what "worked" with me and how he could pleasure me other ways, PLUS he joined TooTimid so we could both get further educated. I really think your husband would benefit from coming here -- to learn he's still a stud who does it for you, he just needs to tweak what he does!

Relax, don't focus so much on where the orgasm is coming from, just enjoy having them and who you're having them with!

[Mikayla1]

Two words:

clitoral stimulation

**********************************************

80-85% off women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Therefore, toys, fingers, his fingers - use clitoral stimulation while he is inside you, and there should be no problem orgasming. IF there still is, then read some of my articles on orgasm, perhaps you just need to get reaquainted with your body!

[Amylynn920]

I have to recommend Viva Cream along with the other advice. It sure does work, and may help get you there too.

Don't be afraid to stimulate your clit yourself during sex. You only know what feels great.

[zanej]

My girlfriend seems to have this same problem or to a more severe degree. She is very sexual, knows her body, and still has trouble orgasming, even through masturbation. It is through no lack of effort, mood, or technique. She has never had a vaginal orgasm and I am the only man who has ever gotten her to orgasm. This was accomplished through an almost exhausting oral session on my part that we have been unable to repeat. Never stop trying, and make sure you talk to him about what feels good, what doesn't, etc. etc. Communication is key. Also be sure to tell him how much you love what he does and how good it feels to you. Whether we like to admit it or not, men are very fragile and we need reassuring that we are appreciated. Telling him how much good he is doing will help him keep from feeling discouraged and give him the ambition to try even more to get you there.

Howard, I would love to hear more from you as far as tips for helping the woman relax. Mine approaches orgasm but then it slips away from her when she gets close. I can't help but think that she is trying too hard and not just letting it happen. Your advice on surprising her and keeping her guessing did wonders but wasn't enough.

[goddess_of_grammar]

Thanks so much for the advice! I'll be sure to try it. I didn't mention, and am curious about, another thing. My husband is 47 and is not very long lasting anymore. Let me stress that I'm not complaining, he takes very good care of me and is an excellent husband, but he's bothered by this and wants to be able to last longer so we can enjoy ourselves longer. I've read that there are desensitizing creams that can help prolong erections. Do they work? Are there other things you can do?

[OPL Laundry Goddess]

However, I have never had an orgasm from vaginal penetration, only oral sex or masturbation. Are there creams or other things that can help? What about techniques to help us out? I would like to be able to have an orgasm, it would really make my husband happy. It makes him fell inadequate, like he isn't satisfying me and I'd like to experience it.

I totally understand where you are coming from. It took me many, many years before I was able to have a vaginal orgasm during sex. It still is a difficult thing for me to experience and only can happen under the most unique of circumstances. This is not a failure on your part or that of the hubby, just understand everyone's body is different. For the most part I need clitoral stimulation, so one thing that helped tremendously was the purchase of a butterfly (or rose, or ladybug, they come in all different varieties). Basically you strap on or step into leg elastic that holds a small bullet or egg over your mound and clitoral area then you wear this during lovemaking. Not only are the vibes delicious, but every time hubby thrusts, it drives that sensation against you for more pleasure. It was still a clitoral orgasm, but I could achieve during penetration which was a whole new delight. This little toy had a huge impact on our sex life!

Another thing I can reiterate is learning your body. For me, the ellusive vaginal orgasm only occurs with g spot stimulation, so experiement with positions that facilitate that connection.

~the laundry goddess

[OPL Laundry Goddess]

Clitoral orgasms are never a problem either with or without a toy. I was specifically refering to orgasms without clitoral stimulation, that occur as a heightened response to vaginal thrusting. But your tip was interesting. I might try that if I ever find myself in a fix...

~TLG

[froggystyle1977]

I know how you feel having a gspot orgasm can be amazing but is sometimes not a possibility in my case due to scar tissue from being raped and having three kids, other then when I am preg I cannot have one... there is nothing wrong with not being able to have one, it is perfectly normal and you should not feel that something is wrong with you.. finding other ways to get pleasure can be alot of fun!! I have found that clitoral stimulation during sex is wonderful, the only way for me is deep penatration in a certain position where his pubic bone and my clit connect. exploring your own body and becoming aware of what makes you enjoy sex more will make it easier experiment and try new things.... just reember its normal and then you will be able to get over feeling so down about it.

[chloegirl]

Howard I agree with you. I think it should be a required class for everyone by their senior year and they can't graduate if they don't pass the "Test" that includes all aspects of this both physical and mental. You can be the dean!

[Tyger]

WADR, IHA, this is the first thing you have written that sounds like pscho-babble mumble jumbo. Its the kind of nonsense we have heard from psychologists and socilogists, and many medical doctors who just don't have a clue how to help their patients learn to orgasm.

I totally and unequivocally disagree with you.

I didn't always. I too thought the same as you have been trained. I got the same " make them feel good and accept their lot" nonsense.

Then I began to go to real school, with real women, who wanted to enjoy sex, wanted me, and wanted me to want them. Its amazing what you can learn to do with a willing mind, and a willing partner. I do not believe for a minute that there is any physical limitation, except for birth defects, and injuries to nerve systems, that keeps any human from experiencing the joy of orgasms, and having as many orgasms as they want. Everything that stops them from doing so is learned behavior- either training, or the studied absense of education as to what can be, and how to go there. We teach people about every aspect of human life EXCEPT how to enjoy sex.

Howard

Ah, the bliss of being ignorant in the ways of being physically and emotionally damaged/abused. In a way, I envy that.

First, this post not only insults someone who also professes to be a professional due to his "training" (ahem...it's education). It also insults those that actually DO have physical and psychological issues that are as real to them as your own eye/hair color, or your own height. You may choose to disagree, which is your right to do so. But saying that people can get over it because it's a learned behavior, well, it's rather demeaning.

True, it will most definitely affect you if you've been abused, or suffered some sort of physical issue. Some people find it nearly, if not absolutely, impossible to overcome. This does not make them failures, lousy lovers, or poor learners. I have a couple of friends that have been able to truly bust thru some horrific things that have happened to them. They're some of the bravest people I know.

It's when people choose to HIDE behind their issues that there's a problem. They refuse to grow, learn, and live, due to the bad things that happened to them. THAT is what's truly sad.

I WAS raped when I was 6 yrs old. Though I have no physical scars, and I've become a very sexual woman, and I DO enjoy sex, I STILL have issues with some things that I KNOW I shouldn't. Does it make sense? Probably not to anyone that hasn't been there, but, when you've been traumatized, sometimes "making sense" doesn't exsist.

Yes, it really does help to find a lover that is patient, willing to listen, and willing to teach, without making you feel inept, and immature. I totally agree with this. But, at the same time, you have to be emotionally & mentally willing and ABLE to do what you want/feel/are expected to do. It's also a long road to find that particular lover in most cases.

Learning to have an orgasm comes (no pun intended there) harder for some than others. And, most of us have read a majority of those who have had problems on this very board. No matter what the problem, let's not brush off those that have more trouble than others just because something may be eaiser for you than them.

[froggystyle1977]

While I agree with tyger and agree with the few things in howards post that had anything to do with the actual subject we are discussing, I feel I have to say that just because you got over something or overcame something does not mean it is gone there are residual effects of everything in our lives. If you go over a bump in the road it does not make it disappear that bump is still there.....Being a victim is not a excuse and should never be used a one (as howard said) but having something tramatizing in your past can still have hidden effects the mind is complex and noone knows how it will respond. As far as the original post is concerned I believe my original point still holds true, and that is many people have pysical limitations and some have mental limitations when it comes to orgasm, just because you are unable to get over them does not mean you can't get over that bump in the road by finding other ways... ways that may be more satisfying then what you are searching for.. take your time enjoy finding new and exciting ways to enjoy yourself and your partner and don't get hung up on the other ways some enjoy things....