How Do You Find The Third Person?

[Desires08]

sorry this has been deleted. If you have any questions about the topic at hand please feel free to PM me. Thanks!

[laadro]

Okay. We have discussed it. We have set the rules. Now I have to find the other female. I don't feel comfortable asking someone in a bar. I am considering looking in newpapers and online as someone else suggested but I was wondering if anyone had any good advice. Also, this will be my first time at this. He has had affairs in the past. I know that he could again. But I feel closer to him with this and to be honest, it is really something I would like to do with him. Am I viewing this wrong to see it only as a "sexual Experience/ Experiment?" He says it is totally up to me and that if I don't feel comfortable we won't do it because he doesn't want me to feel pressured or hurt. (I expressed some concerns during rule making.) One of the rules is that he cannot have any emotional ties. And it's not going to be anyone I know really well either because I couldn't handle that. Anyhow am I dreaming or is what I am looking for actually possible? Also, positions. Any advice there? I thought maybe me and him doing the tag team approach to the third person or perhaps him doing her from behind while she gave me oral sex. I don't want them doing anything too familiar, or personal. AM I CRAZY????Please give me some input. I am a newbie and am not afraid to beg for help! PLEASE!!!!!

wow- have the perfect darling for you- shes refined and all lady-yet she has a weakness for having her tight little pussy teased(teased is the key)- dont just go for it- she will end it- bearly brush ones cheak across her thigh- ones finger-slightly wet should brush her panties-then brush your lips accross her wet panties like your feeling the hairs on a tropical fruit for the first time before you eat it. the girl is hot- yes of course she is doing me- heck anything changes- I know her fantisy...any thoughts??? b

[Mikayla1]

When I read your post I immediately got my alarm bells ringing! You set a rule that he can't get 'emotionally tied' to the other woman. Um, honey, I am sorry to tell you this, but you can't control who your man gets emotionally involved with, especially when you are allowing her into your bedroom! TRUST me when I say that this is the number one reason why threesomes go bad. I know, I have been in many. You are allowing another woman into your love relationship, and this is something that opens up a big can of worms and the least of your possible problems is whether he becomes emotionally invested. You also mention that you do not want them to do anything "too familiar" - that also sends my alarm bells ringing. You already have trust issues, you are already trying to control something you really can't control. It is not as simple as you are making it out to be, and if I had one word of advice it would be "don't." Do not do this, I honestly think that you are not in an emotional position to do this and have it fair well.

If you do go against your own better judgment and do this - I would be very, very careful in whom you choose and from where. I never had a threesome with some stranger - and in today's world, I would be more afraid to than ever. I have no idea where you find this other female where it would be safe. I suggest someone else help you along with that.

Best of luck to you!

[Desires08]

When I read your post I immediately got my alarm bells ringing! You set a rule that he can't get 'emotionally tied' to the other woman. Um, honey, I am sorry to tell you this, but you can't control who your man gets emotionally involved with, especially when you are allowing her into your bedroom! TRUST me when I say that this is the number one reason why threesomes go bad. I know, I have been in many. You are allowing another woman into your love relationship, and this is something that opens up a big can of worms and the least of your possible problems is whether he becomes emotionally invested. You also mention that you do not want them to do anything "too familiar" - that also sends my alarm bells ringing. You already have trust issues, you are already trying to control something you really can't control. It is not as simple as you are making it out to be, and if I had one word of advice it would be "don't." Do not do this, I honestly think that you are not in an emotional position to do this and have it fair well.

If you do go against your own better judgment and do this - I would be very, very careful in whom you choose and from where. I never had a threesome with some stranger - and in today's world, I would be more afraid to than ever. I have no idea where you find this other female where it would be safe. I suggest someone else help you along with that.

Best of luck to you!

So you think this should remain fantasy? I can see your point very much so. I think if we do this then it will have to be with a girl who is like me, looking for the experience of a threesome but who has her own man or whatever to go home to. I know lots of friends who have had threesomes and lost thier marriage because of it. So for those of you who have done this then my question is How did you feel the first time? Were you scared? Had your relationship had problems or suffered any prior to and how did it affect it afterward? I know that each situation is different and I am doing my research on this before I just "Jump" in. I wish it were as easy as what I thought it were. I am very sexual and would like to try lots of things, this being one. At the same time, I don't want my fantasies to ruin the relationship as was suggested, not that it has been"perfect". We've been together a very long time and we do have kids. We have survived worse than this is my opinion. Still, that is why I made the original post. Are we crossing a bridge that's gonna crumble later or that's going to grow stronger over time? After reading your post, I am scared but in the same I really appreciate the honesty. What are other things we could try that would give us new pleasures such as this? As I said in the first post, this is also a desire of mine. But I also realize that some fantasies are better left unlived. As does he.

[Tyger]

I read your post and also had alarms going off even before I read the other responders after.

True, threesomes are exciting to fantasize about. But, darlin', you can't say to him that he can't get "emotionally attached" to someone. That is beyond your, or his control. You can't control who you "like".

You mentioned that he had affairs in the past, am I correct in assuming that he cheated on you then? Trust is the ONE thing that is the hardest to get back from an affair. You said that you don't want him "emotionally involved" with the other woman, which sounds, to me, and please correct me if I'm wrong (hey, it's been known to happen), that you're not fully over the emotional involvement that he did have with the woman he had an affair on you?

Let me stress that, with a 3-some, each person must be 100% willing to accept what happens, follow the reasonable rules to the letter, and are able to walk away from it afterwards. The relationship should be extremely strong. I've had several friends that have gone this route. Some had a swinger's lifestyle, and they're still together (after 20 yrs of marriage), others that have tried it, didn't care about it, and just chalked it up to something they did, then the others that have split up due to one of the spouses trying to continue a relationship with the 3rd party.

Your hubby sounds as if he's really leaving this up to you, as far as not pressuring you, caring about you, and wishing to please you, in whatever you decide. Which is great for him. I know most men fantasize about this, so it's great that he's not pressuring you to do this.

Yes, some things should remain in the fantasy realm. And it sounds as if this may be one of them for you. Again, I could be wrong here.

As far as getting the feeling of a threesome without actually doing one, well, some people use sex toys as replacement people during "role playing", or, even getting a blow up doll to pose as the 3rd party. Watching some adult DVDs can also give this feeling sometimes too.

Best wishes.

[Desires08]

I read your post and also had alarms going off even before I read the other responders after.

True, threesomes are exciting to fantasize about. But, darlin', you can't say to him that he can't get "emotionally attached" to someone. That is beyond your, or his control. You can't control who you "like".

You mentioned that he had affairs in the past, am I correct in assuming that he cheated on you then? Trust is the ONE thing that is the hardest to get back from an affair. You said that you don't want him "emotionally involved" with the other woman, which sounds, to me, and please correct me if I'm wrong (hey, it's been known to happen), that you're not fully over the emotional involvement that he did have with the woman he had an affair on you?

Let me stress that, with a 3-some, each person must be 100% willing to accept what happens, follow the reasonable rules to the letter, and are able to walk away from it afterwards. The relationship should be extremely strong. I've had several friends that have gone this route. Some had a swinger's lifestyle, and they're still together (after 20 yrs of marriage), others that have tried it, didn't care about it, and just chalked it up to something they did, then the others that have split up due to one of the spouses trying to continue a relationship with the 3rd party.

Your hubby sounds as if he's really leaving this up to you, as far as not pressuring you, caring about you, and wishing to please you, in whatever you decide. Which is great for him. I know most men fantasize about this, so it's great that he's not pressuring you to do this.

Yes, some things should remain in the fantasy realm. And it sounds as if this may be one of them for you. Again, I could be wrong here.

As far as getting the feeling of a threesome without actually doing one, well, some people use sex toys as replacement people during "role playing", or, even getting a blow up doll to pose as the 3rd party. Watching some adult DVDs can also give this feeling sometimes too.

Best wishes.

It has been hard hearing some of the things everyone posted but I asked for it and I got it. Someone commented on why research it if you really wanna do it. Let me say after searching you would be suprised at exactly how many do. That is a small portion of the reason for this site in my opinion. In which I love the site btw. Yes, he cheated. Most if not all men do at some point and time. Example, maybe they don't cheat on you, but perhaps they cheated on someone before you came along. Does that then make them a cheater for life? NO. And I don't believe he is either though in all honesty yes, sometimes I do wonder IF it will EVER happen again. (Mostly when I am fantasizing) . If he's going to cheat he's going to cheat and if not, then not. I cannot control him nor do I want to. I am in love with him and he with me. We all have problems in our relationships but most of us choose not to flaunt our "dirty" little secrets to the public as I have. But I did that so that you would understand my fear of him wanting another woman just as much as my desire of wanting a threesome. And it's true, I couldn't handle him moaning a loud deep moan while his cock was stuck in her tight little pussy, or her ass for that matter and for that I am waiting to be sure it is what I want.(Another thing I learned by coming here thanks to all who gave feedback) He is supportive either way.There are many other things we can do and try but I was just curious as to if anyone had any experiences that brought about the same excitement as a threesome, and I did learn some things there too. (Thanks Mikayla) Everyone keeps saying, He's already cheated on you are you crazy? Don't you see the red flags? Well see, that's the thing, I threw the red flag up-not him. The threesome was totally my idea though yes we both are turned on by the idea. (And Tyger thanks for reminding me he is on my side because I had almost forgot with all the negative postings lol). The truth is, I don't know when or if it will happen. IF it does, it will happen because we all want it to, but there will be rules in play and boundaries. One more thing I want to clear up. I know I can't control who we like or don't like. Forgive me. I didn't mean to come across that way. I told him that IF we do it with a woman the only way that I could handle it is if he and she were not friends afterward or before. Acquaintances but nothing too close thus no emotional ties. And don't say that cannot be done because I do have a Very good friend who had a threesome years ago who had a FFM threesome and it went exactly like that. She (the third) went for a party among the three. They talked. Laughed. Cut up. But it was made clear that the girl was the one to be satisfied from the get go. Everything went fine. The couple did eventually split but not due to the threesome they had but another after where the third was actually a very good mutual friend of the couple. It was a mess. Another thing is "the familiar". That is things that are personal that should in MY opinion be shared between the couple such as kissing, slow heartfelt love making where much eye contact is made, cumming inside her, and yes on her though the latter didn't bother me too much only just enough. Protection would definately be a must. I like what Mikayla says in her article about not using the same hand on each woman. I want fun. Not death or doctor bills afterward. Come' on now.The only thing is that I don't want it to be someone I will have to face everyday or ever again for that matter. Which is why the local wasn't too appealing to me as well as fear of the aftermath. Much to my suprise he was okay with that and he also said after a talk about the postings that if I didn't want him to do anything he wouldn't but he wanted to watch. To me that seems more like a girl on girl thing but for now, it's only conversation, fantasy, lust, and desires. A good thing I realize. The team here is wonderful. I have never been so impressed with a website like this where you can get some REAL advice and so many opinions. There's an old saying, "Can a leapord change his spots? "IF I can do it, ANYONE can, my hubby included. I too had an affair once when I was married to my first husband but have never not once cheated on my hubby now and I would not. Yes I have fantasies but who doesn't at some time in life?(Okay so mine are a little freaky) I am a nurse at a local hospital and one night a young lady came in with pelvic pain. Upon the exam, the doctor pulled out M&M's. See, everyone has desires, but as you all have said, maybe some are better left as they were. lol. Thank you all so much. I'm still horny as hell but you've made me stretch my imagination just a little bit further. Mikayla, Tyger, your input was truly helpful and very informative. Everyone else, I took what you said serious and used it too to make my decision to hold off on this for a little while. I got lots of great tips and information through this. The only thing I didn't see was a lot of people sharing thier OWN experiences , (There were a couple and I GREATLY appreciated those, they were the most helpful). Anyhow, I've rambled on and on and I just wanted to say all that I said as well as Thanks to each and everyone who did take time to share even if it was very hard to hear at times. So that everyone knows, my decision is made. We are putting it on the back burner for now until a time when everything feels just right. If that time never comes then whatever, if it does, I'll let ya know how it went....

I wish passioniate love filled nights to each of you!

P.S. Could you tell them not to sound the fourth alarm????lol just kidding. So many alarms went off I thought there was another Tornado on the way. And in a way I suppose there was but let's just say....it's taken a different path. See ya when the next one starts forming!