Needing Help =(

[Sunshine Sam218]

I know I haven't been on the site in awhile but my boyfriend and I broke up, back in Jan. It took me awhile for me to come on here again cause I've been trying to get on with my life and do the things I once enjoyed before he came along in my life. He basically has a lot of family problems and he said he wasn't cut out for a relationship right now. He said he wanted to do things with his life and he can't handle a relationship, so he thought it would be good if I went back home.

Once I returned back home, we were still chatting as friends. At first I was begging for him back, but then suddenly anytime I was trying to move on or forget about him he'd bring up past memories and tell me how he misses the hugs, the kissing and the great sex we used to have. Slowly and slowly in time we began to drift away from each other. Just as of recently he has stopped talking to me. I should have just stopped trying to talk to him then but I was angry and frustrated with everything going on. Finally I was being demanding and we ended up getting into an argument and he told me how he's getting kicked out of his house cause his mother didn't pay the rent..... so now all the sudden I feel bad because I didn't know what was going on. He said he didn't have enough time to tell me cause of everything thats going on in his life right now. He said he'd talk to me again once things have cooled down but I doubt he'll ever wish to me talk to me again after the argument that we've gotten into. Now I feel like everything is all my fault.... please somebody help...

[dmhill78]

I know I haven't been on the site in awhile but my boyfriend and I broke up, back in Jan. It took me awhile for me to come on here again cause I've been trying to get on with my life and do the things I once enjoyed before he came along in my life. He basically has a lot of family problems and he said he wasn't cut out for a relationship right now. He said he wanted to do things with his life and he can't handle a relationship, so he thought it would be good if I went back home.

Once I returned back home, we were still chatting as friends. At first I was begging for him back, but then suddenly anytime I was trying to move on or forget about him he'd bring up past memories and tell me how he misses the hugs, the kissing and the great sex we used to have. Slowly and slowly in time we began to drift away from each other. Just as of recently he has stopped talking to me. I should have just stopped trying to talk to him then but I was angry and frustrated with everything going on. Finally I was being demanding and we ended up getting into an argument and he told me how he's getting kicked out of his house cause his mother didn't pay the rent..... so now all the sudden I feel bad because I didn't know what was going on. He said he didn't have enough time to tell me cause of everything thats going on in his life right now. He said he'd talk to me again once things have cooled down but I doubt he'll ever wish to me talk to me again after the argument that we've gotten into. Now I feel like everything is all my fault.... please somebody help...

First of all, it's not your fault that his mother didn't pay the rent. Also, sometimes, we have to just chalk things up to a learning lesson. Since I don't know both sides or more details, I can't say for sure that you handled everything perfectly, but I doubt you did, being that your human and all that. Relationships are learning experiences, some work out, some don't. Take what you have learned and apply it to your next relationship. Good luck and I hope this helped. Dm

[Sunshine Sam218]

First of all, it's not your fault that his mother didn't pay the rent. Also, sometimes, we have to just chalk things up to a learning lesson. Since I don't know both sides or more details, I can't say for sure that you handled everything perfectly, but I doubt you did, being that your human and all that. Relationships are learning experiences, some work out, some don't. Take what you have learned and apply it to your next relationship. Good luck and I hope this helped. Dm

Thanks for your advice. I know what I did wasn't all right, but I know not all of it is my fault cause he pushed me away little by little and I should have saw all the signs but I so desperately wanted to talk to him... cause I still love him. Guess now I should just move on... it's the only thing I can do now. It hurts a lot but it's something I have to face, I have to face that it's over. Sometimes it's hard for me and all break ups are tough but we end up learning more about ourselves after it's over.

[pappyld04]

From the details you posted it seems that he started things in motion. And things just went South for him. There's no reason for you to feel guilty about the problems he is having. I'm not sure where you are located but him getting booted that quickly just doesn't sound right to me. I've had 3 rental properties and have never been able to evict a tenant in that short amount of time. Not legally anyway. There are ways to circumvent the legal process but it's risky and rarely comes out in the landlord's favor. It looks like his mother may have missed more than just one month. Don't let guilt suck you back into his life. Whatever his big plans were when you split up probably haven't changed and he may have a bit of growing up to do also. It takes a while but you will move on when you are ready!

[Tyger]

Honey, there are a few things that you need to do:

Please understand that you had no control over their rent getting paid. You were asked to leave, so you did. Y'all broke up. So, therefore, where or how he lives is on HIM, not you. Really think about it; how are you responsible, really, for his mother being irresponsible?? You're not. As women, a lot of us feel responsible for what goes on in the lives of the people we care about, when in fact, we have little to no control over it. So please don't blame yourself for his mother's stupidity. Thankfully, you got out before you had no place to live, cuz it does sound like she missed more than one month.

He sounds like theype of person I am, when I go thru something bad, I am very quiet about it, so I can deal with it MYSELF. Sometimes it's bet, other times, I realize I should get some help & support. He internalizes stuff, blocks people out, and he tells people things once stuff is getting better or things have been really thought thru.

It sounds like a good thing that y'all seperate and not talk for a while. He confuses you with his words of "Let's break up" then "I miss...". He's playing games, and may not even realize he's doing so. He likes the fact that you are there pitying him, concerned for him, and "mothering" him. Time is the only way you'll really be able to get over him, and get the desire to truly move on. It's hard getting over your first love, but it's possible. Just give yourself some time. If he calls, just tell him that you agree with him, that this relationship really is over, and to please not call you anymore. Maybe in time you can be friends, but right now, you need to concentrate on YOU. Y

You are young, free, and unattached in anyway, NOW is the time for you to be rightfully "selfish", and do stuff that makes YOU happy. Grow, become a stronger woman, leave that boy to grow up, and you become someone that a man will do anything to keep....including open up.

[Sunshine Sam218]

Thanks for your kind words and advice. Thinking about him really hurts. Today I felt really good about things and I clearly see that it's over now cause it's starting to feel like it. Before when we were always talking, it felt like we were still going at cause he would tell me that he loves me and then I would say it back. Then came to find out, he said maybe I shouldn't say it anymore cause I mean it only as a friend. So I asked him to stop. Little by little I really got to see him start to drift away. I believe I'll always care for him, but I don't know if I'll ever let him back in cause I might just end up getting hurt again in the end. Sometimes people get back together, but if they do, it's usually years later down the road. If I ever do end up getting back with him it won't be until years later, but I'm almost sure of it I'll end up finding someone else cause thats always ends up happening. If we don't end up back together, I'd like to be friends but being his friend NOW hurts because I still see him as my boyfriend.

I'm glad you're all here for me, I really need the support. <3

[pappyld04]

You are young, free, and unattached in anyway, NOW is the time for you to be rightfully "selfish", and do stuff that makes YOU happy. Grow, become a stronger woman, leave that boy to grow up, and you become someone that a man will do anything to keep....including open up.

Sorry Tyger, I don't want to take away from anything you said here but wanted to try and add to it. Regardless of anyone's age, status, etc. Your life should always be about making yourself happy. And at times it takes a taste of bitterness to realize this and find a way to achieve it. IMHO life should be about growing as a person. Let noone hold you back, but at the same time, if you can take someone by the arm and show them how to better themselves also then your worth is doubled!! (Or is it tripled Tyger)?