Not Enough Sex

[Dugmar]

I love my wife. That being said, we have some issues. I have tw o children 7 and 5. That does not leave very much time for our sex life. My problem is that if I dont get some sex before her period, She is not interested in any type of activity until it is over. How does everybody feel about that time of the month?? Is it unreasonable to say " Hey, I'm sorry your not up to it but you need to take care of my needs!!!" For the record, she handles herself very well in the sack although the frequency is about half of what I want.

[Mikayla1]

First, just because you have kids doesn't mean you have to stop the sex. You have to schedule time for sex. Mommy and Daddy's room can be locked, right? Your kids are old enough that you can put them to bed, give your wife a nice bath, then go to your room, lock the door and have at it. A healthy sex life is instrumental to a healthy marriage. Kids can not end the sex life. If they are old enough to sleep alone, then you can lock the door for a few hours of "you time."

Second, as far as the period goes. I am not real big on having sex during the heaviest days of my period, but I am more than willing...and I mean MORE THAN WILLING to give my husband a great blow job with some anal play, or even have anal sex. I would be more than willing to open up a little to the idea of sex on my period if he was...but thankfully, he isn't. However, he has needs, and so do I, so my tits can still be enjoyed, my ass can too, and his cock can have a nice BJ. I suggest you nicely get your wife into a routine of regular sex. Then she will miss it when she is on her period. She will say, "boy I miss not having sex." Then you can introduce the other options. Perhaps suggest if she gives you a BJ now, when she is off her period you will give her a night of just her (knowing that she probably will insist you fuck her once she is getting that good oral sex)

the point is, you can get more sex, if you approach her in the right manner. Tell her what your needs, wants, and desires are. If you love each other, things will work out!

Mikayla

[crazy1]

to me, it sounds as though this is your problem. I don't mean that in the way that you should just get over it, but I mean that you need to fix something. I have read a couple of blogs, and have had personall experience myself, and my brother has said the same thing, and when it all comes down to it, the problem stems from the men. Let me elaborate. My brother was complaining that his wife didn't want sex enough, they have two children both under the age of 10, and she just rebuffed him at all of his advances. I was bored one day and looking for some things to read on the net, when I came across a blog from a male suburbanite, who loved his wife, had great sex, when she would participate. After about 10 months of supreme frustration, he was able to get his wife to open up about why the sex was so rare. She told him that he was emotionally distant, and they lost their emotional connection. I related this to my brother, and he and I began working to try and make ourselves more "emotionally available" to our spouses. The man on the blog said he was doing more, and his sex life picked up over the course of six months or so from once per three months or so, to now he gets it maybe once a day or more. She has opened up about new sex positions, places(anal) and she is a whole lot more of his ideal sex partner, all he had to do was try to do more with his family. He spends more time with his kids, does the dishes every so often, helps with household stuff, and sits down, talks with his wife, and is not trying to seduce her all the time. Now, I have been trying to do the same, and I must tell you, that now, with less stress and things to worry about when she gets home, my sex life has increased even more than it was. And it was pretty frequent. My brother who was in a slump of almost 4 months, now gets it about 3 times per week or more. He too is spending more time with his children, wife and a little less time obsessing about work, and being lazy around the house. So I guess if you are wanting a bit more sex, try focusing on it less, and try to meet more of your wife's needs. Sex for women is much more emotional than for men. We like visual stimulation, they like emotional stimulation. We can if they house is dirty, they might not. We talk all day about our lives, work, sports, problems and so on, but rarely ever focus on what is important to our spouses. Once the communication begins, then you can move on to other things. Giver her oral sex, with absolutely no chance of having the favor returned. If she tries, tell her that you are wanting to focus on her, and let her have all the pleasure. You might not even try for sex for a couple of weeks and let her clue you in to when she wants it. But the first thing you have to do is, communicate with her. DO NOT GET HOSTILE!!! the moment she thinks you are accusing her, the issue is lost, and you will resolve nothing. Take her out to dinner, clean the house, ask about her day. And when you are alone, and have some time that you won't get interrupted, ask her about it. Be honest, and tell her you love her, and adore her, but need to know if she is feeling all right, or has just lost interest in sex? Best of luck.

Crazy1

[curvacious_lust]

I'm with Mikayla on this one. The heaviest days are a NO NO. TG I went off the pill cause my periods are so much lighter (opposite of what they told me would happen...no cramps or PMS headaches like on the pill either) So, I have 1 really heavy day. Maybe, just MAYBE if you were to suggest your wearing a condom, she might relent. Yeah, so you have to wear a condom... would you rather do that or go without (precisely ) Besides...you could buy some of those fun ones, french tickler, extra ribbed and spice things up.

[torinasia]

to me, it sounds as though this is your problem. I don't mean that in the way that you should just get over it, but I mean that you need to fix something.

Crazy1

I agree with Crazy, but he need to get him som advice. Why not punch the return key at least once in his novel?

Anyway he has a great point there, focusing less on sex can give you more sex. Being a parent is very time-consuming. And I think it is in our DNA, although some radical feministis may call me a male chauvinist pig, that a woman is more for looking after home and family and therefore puts sex in the second room when the household seems to fall to pieces.

We men often think the other way, or maybe we think with another head than the one on our shoulders, and think if " If i a feel stressed first thong i need is to get laid to ease the tension"

So instead of asking what she could do for you, ask what you can do for her (Almost sounded like JFK: don´t ask what your country can o for you, but ....)

If you can ease her everyday burdens she will put sex back in her mind more often.

But one thing you can ask of her, I did this with my wife when our kids were really running our lives, is that both of you, maybe especially her, really put sex on your agenda. Like every Wednesday night after nine o´clock or whatever, it is sex-time. (Of course thast does not forbid sex on other days ) No matter if the living-room is untidy or you have to answer some e-mails or the pile of laundry is building up. In to the bedroom and lock the door.

That is also good because it builds up some real good hormones under the day. If you know it you start to fantazise, "this night I want to do this and that..".

And get some weekends off now and then. Why no to go to a sleazy motel? Those hours could be a real good investment and helps you through the tough work of being parents.

Good luck

Tor

[crazy1]

I really do apologize for the novel, but I wanted to be as clear as possible. Again, sorry for the HUGE post.

[torinasia]

I really do apologize for the novel, but I wanted to be as clear as possible. Again, sorry for the HUGE post.

Hey Crazy, no need to apologize for the length ( who needs to do that,lol).

I was just making a friendly comment on the abscence of new paragraphes. Your answer was very well written, as always.

Tor

[Mikayla1]

I am impressed that there are some men on this site that actually realize the value of helping out at home, I applaud you

There are very few men that I know that actually realize that when you take some of the pressure off the woman as far as housework, cooking or kids are concerned she gets more horny...it is because she feels valued, loved, appreciated and even less tired! I do believe most women, if not all women, would appreciate and benefit from any help that any man in their life was willing to give them.

I also believe, just in case any man was going to jump down my throat here, that if a man happens to be the one staying home, that the reverse can be true. I think that marriage and kids should be an equal responsibility. If two people take care of business, then two people can have time to take care of the business in the bedroom!

So good luck to you and I hope you work it out!

Mikayla

[Dugmar]

to me, it sounds as though this is your problem. I don't mean that in the way that you should just get over it, but I mean that you need to fix something. I have read a couple of blogs, and have had personall experience myself, and my brother has said the same thing, and when it all comes down to it, the problem stems from the men. Let me elaborate. My brother was complaining that his wife didn't want sex enough, they have two children both under the age of 10, and she just rebuffed him at all of his advances. I was bored one day and looking for some things to read on the net, when I came across a blog from a male suburbanite, who loved his wife, had great sex, when she would participate. After about 10 months of supreme frustration, he was able to get his wife to open up about why the sex was so rare. She told him that he was emotionally distant, and they lost their emotional connection. I related this to my brother, and he and I began working to try and make ourselves more "emotionally available" to our spouses. The man on the blog said he was doing more, and his sex life picked up over the course of six months or so from once per three months or so, to now he gets it maybe once a day or more. She has opened up about new sex positions, places(anal) and she is a whole lot more of his ideal sex partner, all he had to do was try to do more with his family. He spends more time with his kids, does the dishes every so often, helps with household stuff, and sits down, talks with his wife, and is not trying to seduce her all the time. Now, I have been trying to do the same, and I must tell you, that now, with less stress and things to worry about when she gets home, my sex life has increased even more than it was. And it was pretty frequent. My brother who was in a slump of almost 4 months, now gets it about 3 times per week or more. He too is spending more time with his children, wife and a little less time obsessing about work, and being lazy around the house. So I guess if you are wanting a bit more sex, try focusing on it less, and try to meet more of your wife's needs. Sex for women is much more emotional than for men. We like visual stimulation, they like emotional stimulation. We can if they house is dirty, they might not. We talk all day about our lives, work, sports, problems and so on, but rarely ever focus on what is important to our spouses. Once the communication begins, then you can move on to other things. Giver her oral sex, with absolutely no chance of having the favor returned. If she tries, tell her that you are wanting to focus on her, and let her have all the pleasure. You might not even try for sex for a couple of weeks and let her clue you in to when she wants it. But the first thing you have to do is, communicate with her. DO NOT GET HOSTILE!!! the moment she thinks you are accusing her, the issue is lost, and you will resolve nothing. Take her out to dinner, clean the house, ask about her day. And when you are alone, and have some time that you won't get interrupted, ask her about it. Be honest, and tell her you love her, and adore her, but need to know if she is feeling all right, or has just lost interest in sex? Best of luck.

Crazy1

[crazy1]

So Dugmar, how are things, it's been a bit and I wanted to see if there has been a change. Did you make a change, has she? Has the sex improved? Let us know.

[danielsvixen]

For me I have found that having sex during my period eases the cramps, bloating and shorten the length of flow time. Plus I have found that is what showers are for LOL.

As for kids we have 3 and have always found time for fooling around.... nap time, their bath time, bed time, middle of the night, early mornings etc.... (we were also on seprate work schudels for 10 years).

[Dugmar]

So Dugmar, how are things, it's been a bit and I wanted to see if there has been a change. Did you make a change, has she? Has the sex improved? Let us know.

wE HAVE HAD MORE SEX MORE OFTEN! I guess the problem starts with her period. She gets it for like two weeks. At first she is very tired for 3 or 4 days and then the normal period comes. I guess more communication helps so I know when it is coming so we can have more fun before she is not into it. If we go 3 or 4 days without sex and then her period comes, I get extremely sexually frustrated. For everyones info, I am very much a home body and I help with the kids the cleaning and the cooking. She really enjoys that part of our relationship. It is more important to both of us than working 12 hours a day to make as much money as possible. Its all about quality family time. Thanks for all of your input. Dugmar

Edited January 18, 2006 by Dugmar