"friends With Benefits"

[MystryKitten]

I have a FWB. I guess you really wouldnt call us actual "friends" since we only get together to fool around, and we mostly just talk about sex. We dont have sex (he cant wear condoms, and i refuse to have unprotected sex [even tho im on BC, i just dont feel safe]) so we stick to hand jobs and oral sex. (yes, i know the risks with unprotected oral)

Let me say tho, thats its really great! I plan on staying single for a while, so having that extra "fun" is well, FUN! I've only been serious with two guys, and only had sex with one of them, so being with my fwb has...taught me new stuff? You learn things with each new person, ya know I never liked 69, but its not so bad anymore! lol! Plus hes quite aggresive, and I like that! I've had a fwb before, with a real friend of mine, all we ever did tho was make out/feel each other up a couple times. This time around, its obviously a lot different.

I dont really "like" my fwb in that way, hes so not bf material for me, personally. He is of course, really hot tho!

And even tho I DO NOT want a bf anytime soon what so ever at all, I cant help but put the tiniest bit of emotion into all this, making me a little jelous/ticked off over a couple things, even tho I should NOT be feeling like this at all. We are just "fool around" buddys, nothing more, so I should not feel this way over certain things....

Which brings me to my rants/questions:

1. There is this girl, which he told me he was just fwb with her also, and he broke it off with her bc of boring sex. Come to find out, I'm 99% sure he actually dated this person...he told a frined of his while i was over at his place, that him and so and so were "over" ..something to do with the fact that he brought an ex (he told her not too worry cause they were are just friends now) of his to the club, and then she starting "bawling" and one of her guy friends got really mad at him for doing it. So, I'm feeling lied to.

No, I DONT care that they dated, what worries me is that he lied to me about it. ...if he cud lie to me this easily, what else cud he of possibly lied about? I'm 100% postiave that they are borken up for good, but yet he had recent pix on his mysapce of him and her hanging out with a ton of friends cuddling and almost kissing?! I almost feel that he might be doing stuff with her behind my back bc of those pictures. I told him tho, that I'd like to know if hes doing anything else with other girls, just so I know whats up and all, ya know? I dont care if this a fwb, its a type of relationship and you need to have some extent of trust in it, right? (hes told me so far, that the only things hes done with a girl sexualy besides me, is get a bj forms someone at work) I dont want to bring it up tho, cause i dont want to give him the wrong impression. I cant understand why I feel jelous, I should not be. I'm getting my fun, which is what i wanted, and I shouldnt worry/be jelous what he might be doing with his ex!! WHY AM I THO? It's not fair, I'm trying to block it out of my head, not care, not feel jelous...but I'm a little. And it makes me mad that I'm.

2. A little off the main topic, but here goes. Hes REALLY GOOD at fingering, never ever have I gotten fingered so well! He really knows how to hit the G! He does it super fast and hard omgggg its soooooo hotttt and goooooood, lol! The only thing is, my vagina feels sore afterwards. Its doesnt hurt, its just uncomfortable. And it feels like this for atleast a half a day to a day afterwards. Is this normal? Does good fast/hard fingerbanging just take some getting used to??

Thanks so much for listening to my wild rants and questions. If you have any thoughts, advise, stories to tell, please let me know.

~MK

[Tyger]

OK, no beating around the bush, (sorry, couldn't help the pun there), yes, even fingering can leave you sore the next day. If he's "pounding" at you vigorously, then yes, it can and will leave you sore. Iha is absolutely correct, labias and vaginas are not overly delicate, but, they can get bruised, even with just fingers and fists, such as you've described. Think of it this way: a vigorous fingering is like vigorous fucking. Your genitals get pounded at, and it can get sore/tender down there due to this.

OK, as a FWB, you really have no say in who else he may date, fuck, finger, or kiss. Sorry, but that's what a FWB is. Just a casual thing, with no strings attached. As a woman, it's very, very, hard to seperate being intimate with someone and not feeling anything on the romantical side. Women are just "wired" to be a bit more emotional when it comes to sex, so, you're normal there too.

However, if it gets to the point where you're starting to have stronger than friendship feelings with this FWB, you should rethink the whole "not BF material" aspect. Either continue with the FWB, or move on.

I had an FWB, and I had to stop sleeping with him, because I was becoming a bit too emotionally caught up in him, and, at the time, that's not what either of us wanted (a commitment). I kinda wish now I had at least told him how I had been feeling, to get that out in the open, but, if I had, I may not be where I am today, so it all worked out for all of us.

[MystryKitten]

Yes, I know. I have no say in who he can or cant screw, kiss, etc at all. I guess my emotions are getting in the way, but like you both said its really hard to seperate intimate acts with emotion. Silly jelously! lol.

I guess I "cant have my cake and eat it to" or however the saying goes.

[laadro]

perhaps you could make some simple suggestions while you are getting all hot and bothered as a type of verbal sex that excites you to think about ......ps let him leave your sexy little panties on and add a silk scarf type blind fold to your little sexcapades- guys love to bearly brush their lips against your wettness through your panties----ouch enjoy b

[MystryKitten]

No, hes really not "bf material" for me. There are some things about him that do attract me to him but I'm seeing a lot of things going on that I cudnt handle if him and I were in a real relationship together, lol. I told him in the beginning of our fwb affair that I was afraid of getting emotionally attached, bc i did find myself physically attracted to him so he kinda gets the idea anyways.

[nosleepnmesa]

Yes you can be sore for the next few days even if he just fingering you. That is completely normal especially if it is hard, rough or anything along those lines.

On the FWB thing, honestly you really have no say there as far as who he dates, if he is fouling around etc... FWB is just that. A friend who you have casual sex with ever now and then, keeping emotion out of it. Years and years ago I had a great FWB we in fact where best of friends and we still are to this day. Once he got a steady gf though it stopped since in my opinion he would be fouling around on his gf. There was NEVER any emotion or jealous. Since he was just a FWB. Sounds to me like you have feelings for him whether you are willing to admit that or not. I am not talking about just friend feelings.

I know you said he is not bf material, but sounds like subconciously you have a little more feeling then what meets the eye. I don't mean to sound harsh or mean this is just my opinion. Honestly you since this is just a FWB he cant be cheating on you, second I feel like I said already it sounds alot like you are gettting emotional feelings and becoming attached to him that is why you are feeling jealous. It is either time for you to remain just friends with no benefits or maybe rethink the whole bf thing. Becareful though, I have known a few people who had FWB and they ended up losing a friend in the end. That is of course completely up to the both of you.

I wish you the best!!

[MystryKitten]

I think Iha is very right in saying that sexual things encourage affection. I'am in general a very affectionate person..

I may subconsciously have feelings for him, but the only reason I think I do is because of the physical attraction I have towards him, and also because we have done "sexual" things together.

I find it odd though, I asked him why he kept backing away when we began to kiss.. hes says because "kissing makes things emotional. sexual things are...sexual. kissing is different." o.O I think I feel the complete opposite. Although kissing is a great passion I have (really, i LOVE kissing a great deal) i feel that iam putting myself more at an emotion risk by getting naked with him. Kissing is sexy and fun, letting someone see you naked is more of a .....privilege??

I dont want a bf, but I dont want to lose this fwb as it is very fun indeed. I think I just have to get past the mind block of it all, remind myself what I'm in it for and that I have no right to be jealous.

I also think another reason why I may be jealous is that I fear losing this fwb, this fun, the adventure. *shrugs*

It's just something I'm always looking forward to.

Also it makes me feel...wanted? Cause its like "hey this hot guy wants to see u naked and make you orgasm" who cud deny that? lol...

[ToyQueen]

Okay, this may sound really stupid and off the whole FWB thing, but why can't he wear condoms???

[MystryKitten]

Okay, this may sound really stupid and off the whole FWB thing, but why can't he wear condoms???

Can't stay hard

He's mentioned trying to wear condoms tho, as he really wants to have sex with me, lol but we havnt gotten around to it yet.

[thurisas]

Can't stay hard

He's mentioned trying to wear condoms tho, as he really wants to have sex with me, lol but we havnt gotten around to it yet.

Umm...that's one of the oldest excuses in the book used by guys who don't WANT to wear condoms.

Randy.

[Tyger]

Absolutely!! I definitely agree with Thurisas (and he should know, since he's a guy). If there's no glove, there's no love, especially where he may have other FWB's around. Have him try lambskin condoms. They're thinner, and people have less allergic reactions to them.

[MystryKitten]

yeah i kinda figured it was a lame excuse.. :-/ *sighs*

but no worries, "no glove, no love" is what I stand by 100%!!

i understand why guys dont want to wear condoms, feels better for both w/o it! (from what ive heard, as ive always had sex with condoms)

[thurisas]

The right condom can be very nice feeling. I've used the Natural Lamb condoms before. They're okay. Some of the latex condoms that now come in his and her pleasing shapes have done very well though. I would suggest trying to find a nice, thin, condom that still does the trick but doesn't kill sensitivity.

Randy.