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Sex When You Are Dating


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This is a tricky answer, trickier than one would think in this day and age. A while ago when I was first dating all you had to worry about really was what the guy would think about you if you gave in too quickly and pregnancy, now you have to worry about HIV and a whole bunch of nasty STD's that are immune to about every anti-biotic known to man!

I still think there is a little bit of prudence to getting to know someone before you jump into bed, I also would suggest to those who are dating today to get HIV tests before doing anything without protection. This sucks, really, because for many women the pill or patch is the new standard thing. It also sucks because HIV tests can take more than 6 months to register anyway, and by then you may not be with that same guy. Also, are you really going to go through the trouble of using dental dams or saran wrap for oral sex, and unlubricated condoms for BJ's? It is a dangerous world we live in today where trusting the wrong person could quite literally end your life!

I hesitate to answer this question. 15 years ago I would have said - 3 days, or if he was really hot, first date. Now I am not so sure. I suspect anyone else who answers this question will have a hard time pinpointing an answer for about the same reasons. How do you put a time limit on what is so important.

If we are talking just personal opinion - no worry about HIV - I say do what you want, screw what society deems "whoreish" if you want to sleep with the guy, sleep with they guy. However, in today's world, I can no longer give that advice without sounding like a total idiot who has absolutely no respect for herself or the person I am giving it to.

So, the answer I am forced to give, after this long ramble is this:

Get to know the person. Talk to them. Trust in their answers. Decide together to use the proper precautions to protect against STD's, HIV and pregnancy. When you feel that you are safe and you trust that person enough to give them that sexual encounter without reservation, do so.

That would be my answer!

Mikayla :blink:

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Hey, don't forget that HIV can fail to manifest in the human body for upto six years. I have family that are still waiting to know. They have to get tested each year and they are still worried. I have a radio program, and at the end of my show I would do what was called "The Wrap It Up report" where I would talk about the STD stats of my state and local area. People need to know what is out there, and how to recognize it and what can be done. That was all included in my show. I don't know if I will bring it back, but if I do, I will let you all know.

Edited by crazy1
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Oh Crazy, must I do this again:

As I understand it, and I have a friend who is a Doctor, the longest amount of time it would take for an HIV antibodies to be detected in the body after exposure is 6 months. If the person has not had exposure after this time period of the test, it would be more than HIGHLY UNLIKELY that any antibodies would develop after the 6 month marker.

If you would like to see documentation on this you can go to a few reputable websites:

(just an aside on website browsing, if you are looking for reliable information, always look for something that is .gov or .org these are the more reliable sites as they are not in the public domain and are monitored by an organization or the government and hence are required to adhere to standards of website protocol and accuracy)

So here you go, all these sites say only up to 6 months:


This one is from the CDC:


National Aids Foundation:


I would post more, but I think you get the point. As I have said before, Knowledge = Power, and in this case the correct information is so important.

I do not know why they have been waiting 6 years, but I would say that they should damn well find out!


Edited by Mikayla1
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Oh dear! Sorry about the wrong timeline. I was listening to NPR and they made a comment about HIV and so on, and the girl said it has been known to lay dormant and undetctable for up to six years(or so I thought) Either way, that was the info I heard and regurgatated. I (or she)got it wrong and so dear Kayla, thank you for setting me strait. Even so people, BE CAREFUL!

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Ok, on two notes. As far as HIV testing goes: according to HIVtest.org (A Service of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention)

"If I think I have been exposed to HIV, how soon can I get tested?

To find out when you should be tested, discuss it with your testing site staff or personal physician. The tests commonly used to detect HIV infection actually look for antibodies produced by your body to fight HIV. Most people will develop detectable antibodies within 3 months after infection, the average being 20 days. In rare cases, it can take 6-12 months. During the time between exposure and the test, it is important to avoid any behavior that might result in exposure to blood, semen, or vaginal secretions."

That said, my uncle was HIV positive for almost eight years before he realized it. The virus had remained dormant in his body (he was a dancer and in incredible shape) with no signs so he never thought to be tested. If you even think that you should be tested, you shouldn't shy away from a test.

On the second note. How long should you wait? There is no right or wrong answer. In the past an hour made sense. As I got older after 3 dates felt more appropriate. But when I met my husband? well, we waited quite a while before diving in (and may I say, "Oh my GOD was waiting worth it!). I think it truly depends upon what kind of relationship you are looking for.

Good Luck.


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  • 4 months later...
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My fiancee had sex exactly a week after we met, and that was only because I was on my period. Course we were together every possible moment during that week. :) He had also been married for about ten years. His wife had died, but not from any std's.

I'm not saying that's good or bad. For me it was the right choice. I was 24 and still a virgin, so I was ready for sex, but hadn't found the right person. I kept dating guys that wanted 'vanilla' sex when I craved something more. Plus, I really trust my fiancee, so that was the right time for me. So I guess that's how I would decide when to have sex with someone, when I felt like I could seriously trust them. My two cents anyway. :)

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