Jen

Mikayla- My job on this forum is to moderate what goes on. I've got to play the middle ground on things. You took my response rather personally--although I wasn't naming names. I've only just returned from my maternity leave and am now back to working the forum. I've noticed a bit of "one uping" all over the forum and I want to bring things back down to an even playing ground...one where everyone can ask questions, give advice and make friends, all without putting each other down. These postings seemed a good place to start. It's all about having fun. Jen

There is no need for anyone on this forum to try and "one up" one another. You are all here to ask questions and post advice. And not everyone's advice is going to be the same. The last thing I want to see is that people are going to get slammed for their"delivery". If there was going to be a grammer/composition requirement to this forum, I can already tell you, most people would have failed. So I'll pass a note to the other people on my way from study hall to gym. BFF Jen

Whiskey woman- Congrats on your healthy baby girl! That is truly wonderful news! I too recently had a baby and couldn't be more thrilled (or sleep deprived). I am so sorry to hear that Elizabeth's dad has chosen to not be a part of her life. Or admit that he is the father! That is wrong and unforgiveable on so many levels. I am glad to see that you have no desire to allow him back in your life, no matter if he comes crawling back on hands and knees. I do hope that he will eventually want to be part of your daughter's life--he has an obligation to support her finacially AND he has the obligation as a father to be there for her. I'll get off my soapbox. As for the ex husband. Your ex chose drugs over family and I'm sure that that decision had to be disappointing for you. The man you love, the father of your children was powerless against the pull of drugs. What it sounds like from your email is that you have become (or always were) a very strong woman who puts her children ahead of herself. Your ex husband wants to be part of your life again and he seems to be giving you all the right answers about being clean and sober. And if he has given you nothing to prove him otherwise you're probably wondering why you shouldn't believe him. So go ahead and believe him, BUT (big but right here) lay down some guidelines. Let him know if he falls back into any of his old ways that he is out of there! Let him know you're going to start things slow--begin dating him again, don't just jump back in where you left off. He's a new person now that he is clean and sober, treat him as such. Go on dates, don't sleep with him right away, make sure he knows you're doing all this because you still love him. And if it doesn't work, then it doesn't work. Don't try to force something that just isn't meant to be. good luck and congrats again! Jen

We are all allowed to have our own opinions. What I am trying to do is reply for the woman who is not experienced (and let's be honest here people, most of you who post often are VERY experienced. And while experience is a wonderful learning tool, for the timid it can be very intimidating). Mikayla, thank you for explaining and giving examples for those who might need them. I'm sure someone will find them more than helpful. Jen

Spit or swallow? Well the answer is obvious. Lady's choice. And if the lady chooses not to swallow than we're not going to bag on her. I'm going to give a woman the credit for actually giving the blow job in the first place--so many women won't even THINK about heading down south on their man. You need to ease into the whole cum swallowing adventure slowly. Lord, the first time I swallowed I was afraid to even kiss someone on the cheek for weeks afterwards (I had the high school stupids) because I felt dirty. So let's ease up on women spitters--ever think that maybe spitting is foreplay for some? Jen PS: I'm a swallower...just need to defend.

Roughman- Sounds like you've got too many sticks in the fondu pot, because this all sounds so CHEESY! First, we all have all encountered situations in our lives that are nearly impossible to explain and even more difficult to understand--which is how I would explain why you are living with your ex. So no need to defend that. The question is...are things over with the ex? The reason I ask is because you mentioned the ex does not like the new girl. Sounds like jealousy to me. And if it's over, why is she jealous. Second, what is up with the "I-just-met-a-girl-and-foreplay-went-too-far-but-I'm-ready-to-take-it-to-the-next-level" thing? You're penis is leading you in the direction of a very evident DISASTER! I will give you kudos for being honest with the new girl (ALWAYS a must in my book). If you plan on taking this new relationship to the next "level" you better be checking the yellow pages for moving companies right now. Much luck- Jen

Yes he is! We had a beautiful and very healthy boy Tuesday, Feb 2nd! All is fabulous--with the exception of the lack of sleep. As soon as I get life back in order a bit I'll be back answering questions and writing articles! Thank you for all your well wishes! Jen

I agree with Mikayla 100% on this. The more I read your posts the more I worried that you had some sort of infection. The usual suspects of vaginal irritation are the ones that have been mentioned: soap or perfume allergies, allergic reactions to lubrication or condom materials (especially latex), yeast or urinary tract infection, and even a STD. I realize that you and your partner have been tested for STDs before, but that doesn't rule you out completely. If you were tested very soon after having contracted a STD it might not have shown up on your test; some STDs can lay dormant for up to 6 months before showing signs (HIV for example). It might be tight, financially, for you to see a doctor right now, but it is your health--something you shouldn't screw around with. An undiagnosed infection or irritation can sometimes lead to larger problems down the road and your reproductive system is not something you want to play games with. There are often medical clinics that offer services to people without insurance for a flat fee (I know--back when I was a student without health insurance these guys were my saving grace!) Or, if you do see a doctor, and ask ahead of time, they will often set up a payment plan for your bill. And if I remember correctly--emergency rooms can not turn people away regardless of their ability to pay. Phew! I hope this helps. Let us know how it all turns out! Good luck. Jen

A topic I can truly take to heart right now! Sex during pregnancy has been great--especially during my 2nd trimester. I had to be ripped from the ceiling my orgasms were so strong! Not to mention the cravings--very happy hubby indeed! Jen

Anal sex = good. Unclean anal sex= serious problems. Just because your wife wants it when she wants it doesn't mean that you have to play dirty. Anal sex--either through intercourse or play with toys--should always be done with your health in mind. Bacteria and parasites feed on and grow in fecal matter and no matter how clean you think you are, you're not so clean that you can continue in the matter that you are. Invest in some condoms and some dental dams if you insist on switching between anal and mouth and/or vagina. It might take some of the spontaneity out of your sexual romps but it'll also keep you out of the doctor's office! Jen

Ok, on two notes. As far as HIV testing goes: according to HIVtest.org (A Service of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) "If I think I have been exposed to HIV, how soon can I get tested? To find out when you should be tested, discuss it with your testing site staff or personal physician. The tests commonly used to detect HIV infection actually look for antibodies produced by your body to fight HIV. Most people will develop detectable antibodies within 3 months after infection, the average being 20 days. In rare cases, it can take 6-12 months. During the time between exposure and the test, it is important to avoid any behavior that might result in exposure to blood, semen, or vaginal secretions." That said, my uncle was HIV positive for almost eight years before he realized it. The virus had remained dormant in his body (he was a dancer and in incredible shape) with no signs so he never thought to be tested. If you even think that you should be tested, you shouldn't shy away from a test. On the second note. How long should you wait? There is no right or wrong answer. In the past an hour made sense. As I got older after 3 dates felt more appropriate. But when I met my husband? well, we waited quite a while before diving in (and may I say, "Oh my GOD was waiting worth it!). I think it truly depends upon what kind of relationship you are looking for. Good Luck. Jen

The best introductory anal toys? First, I'd say we focus on size. The smaller the better to begin with. Not only can a large toy be intimidating, but it can be very painful. A very good starter would be the Juli Ashton starter kit. There are a variety of butt plug sizes to chose from. ]Juli Ashton Beginner's Kit On the high end of things I would suggest the iVibe plug IVibe plug But of course the thing I most strongly suggest is the use of PLENTY of lubricant! For more about lubricants check out this article: Beginner's Guide to Lubricants Good luck! Jen

I'm glad to see that the metric system is not dead (nor is the ability to convert). 13cm is a very respectable size for a penis! Jen

If you are looking for a toy that is not intimidating try some sort of clit stimulator. Dildos and inserting vibrators are always good when I'm already primed and ready to go, but if I'm having a hard time reaching my "peak" than I always grab a clit stimulator (CS). A CS goes right to the cource, no messing around and that's what it sounds like your wife needs. I also have found that a CS is less intimidating than a dildo or regular vibrator because of it's shape and soft feel. I have ALWAYS been a huge fan of Alexa's Micro Orchid (plus she can wear it under clothes!) Good luck Jen

You mentioned she won't fantasize and has never masturbated--have you ever asked her why? I know you mentioned she fears losing control, but have you ever gotten her to elaborate on that? It sounds as if your wife feels uncomfortable with herself and her sexuality and while you are doing everything you can to help her along, she won't get over the hurdle until she feels comfortable. Put the toys, movies and books away-- you both need a good dose of sexual exploration. It's time you both explored each other's bodies and listened to how they respond. Let your hands, mouth and tongue explore your wife's body and listen to how she responds. Even she won't be able to deny her own body's responses. Then allow for her to explore your body and make sure your wife knows what she's doing is pleasurable. It's all about building confidence and sometimes you just need to start right back at the beginning again! Good luck Jen

What about a the Fukuoku Vibrating Massage Glove? It can make massage and masturbating a lot more fun. Or better yet what about a wireless clit stimulator? You get to wear the toy and your husband gets the remote and control of your sexual arousal. You could even wear it out in public for an extra thrill. Something like Remote Control Silicone Arouser is what I have in mind. Good luck! Jen

With all this moisture you might have to pull out the ol' galoshes! I too am a "wet" girl and while it can be a tad bit annoying at times I can vouch--men love it! It's like looking down and seeing that your lover has a boner and it's simply because he's looking at you! If you're concerned about being over wet than talk with your OB/GYN. Talking with your doctor is always a good idea when you're just not sure about something. Good luck! Jen

Thank you for your concerns! Life has been beyond crazy and something closer to chaos. But you always come through if you keep your head! I'm back and promise to keep those posts coming! Gobs of sex ed humor! Jen

There are incredibly sensitive nerves in and around the anus, for both men and women. And it is true, stimulating (even by simply rubbing gently) the anus during sex or sexual play can be very exciting. If your fear of anal play is from a past experience it seems like a good idea to come forward and explain this to your lover. I too had a similar experience and found myself inhibited with my husband. I finally just told him what was up and I found it was as if a weight had been lifted. Things heated up after that! Good luck. Jen

It always bothers me when people say something is "no big deal". How can they be so sure? Just because your wife's little brother isn't saying anything about his sister walking around as she is doesn't mean it isn't bothering him. Your wife needs to respect the fact that her brother is only fifteen years old and does not need to be subjected to this kind of exposure. Would she want someone doing this to her own kid? Jen

I'm right here! I've gotten a bunch of emails wondering where I've been and why I haven't been posting. Well, to be honest, life was happening. My mom passed away recently (which brought on a bunch of new responsibilities), I entered into my 3rd trimester of pregnancy (hauling around these mongo tatas is a job in itself) and purchasing a new house and fixing it has sucked time out of each day. But I'm here now and I promise to get back to influencing you all with my witty comments and humourous stories. Wishing you all well! Jen

I like Kate's idea of attaching the dildo to a washer for the vibration effects. No need to glue though. There are a variety of dildos that come with suction cups so they can be used in various places around the house. One such didlso is this one: Cyberskin Dream Dick See if this would fit the bill. Good luck Jen

Of course it's normal! I always think that it's weird that guys aren't ok with it (and men don't give me the "It stinks" line. It's not like your penis and balls are candy coated!) Enjoy the juices nad smells, they are all part of the sexual encounter. Not to mention the more the juices are flowing--the more excited she is! Enjoy. Jen

I agree! You really want to share this new found desire with your beau, I think you will be pleasantly pleased (and so will he!) Jen

You know what I just watched?? Finally!!! "Debbie Does Dallas"!! I actually have written a review that hasn't posted yet so I'll give you the quick breakdown. DDD is the perfect porn flick to watch with your guy. It's what "Porky's" wanted to be but couldn't. It's normal sized boobs, good ol' sex, and no one is perfectly shaved. It was the first porn I've watched that I felt comfortable (and yet horny) watching!. Not to mention it's a riot! Good luck Jen