Members tunch1 Posted June 7, 2008 Members Report Share Posted June 7, 2008 this is a question for eveyone how do you over come the fear of talking to a girl? i have been burnt by so many people in my life that i dont trust anyone and i have built up so many walls that i have trouble woth trust. family and freinds and girlfriends so i don't know how to over come it. how do i regain the trust for people? even though i am with freinds and they treat me like part of them, for so reason i feel like im an outcast and i can't trust them. i have a messed up history is that part of the reason ? i just want to be able to trust someone and get on with my life and i can't. idk if its something from my past thats haunting me know or ianything? i just want to feel like i'm normal, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted June 7, 2008 Members Report Share Posted June 7, 2008 It all gets easier with time. Just my opinion but most people haven't been burned a whole lot in 21 yrs. (Sorry man)! Or you are attracting some seriously screwed up people. I would suggest at least a consult with a good therapist because it's hard to say where this stems from. You do have to start somewhere though if you intend to change this. Even just saying hello or how you doing to a stranger you pass on the street is a pretty easy way to build your confidence back though the trust thing is harder because some people are dirty little shits. A touch of paranoia is never a bad thing but it isn't anything you want to build a world around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members whiskeywoman Posted June 7, 2008 Members Report Share Posted June 7, 2008 Tony, I don't know who could have hurt you so badly to make you begin distrusting people at suc a young age.however....It sounds like from the tone of your post, your gut may be trying to tell you something.If this is the case, I highly suggest listening to it, there is a reason for it...Now, it is also possible you could have gotten burned a couple of times in the past, and you have mentally dwelled on it so much, you have basiclly made a mountain out of a molehill.Don't yell, let me finish.Several people are guilty of this, we just aren't aware of it till much later in life.Now, as far as attempting to try and trust someone.Even though it is harder than hell, you have to take a leap of faith once in a while.Trust me, if I can do it after being beaten till I am bleeding and bruised, then raped at gun point, you can too.You just have to find the optimist in you and bring him out a little. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted June 7, 2008 Members Report Share Posted June 7, 2008 It all gets easier with time. Just my opinion but most people haven't been burned a whole lot in 21 yrs. (Sorry man)! Or you are attracting some seriously screwed up people. I would suggest at least a consult with a good therapist because it's hard to say where this stems from. You do have to start somewhere though if you intend to change this. Even just saying hello or how you doing to a stranger you pass on the street is a pretty easy way to build your confidence back though the trust thing is harder because some people are dirty little shits. A touch of paranoia is never a bad thing but it isn't anything you want to build a world around.Pappy~ I disagree. At 22 I know i have been seriously burned enough and used enough to be cynical and jaded. This is a sick and sad world we live in and some days I have to wonder what kid of god allows such acts of evil on a daily basis.That being said. Tony, love, it's something you have to over come. You are normal, very normal. Your first step to overcoming this is learning to trust in your friends. There are two ways to prove your faith in someone: to test them or blind faith. Since you seem to have run out of blind faith. Start small, loaning them your favorite DVD and build up to opening up to them. I still operate on blind faith, I can't say that doesn't back fire, but it works best for me. As far as feeling like an outsider goes, that probably comes from your lack of trust. Your not allowing yourself in completely. That will make people not trust you and keep you at an arms distance. So by opening up, even just a little you'll change how you fit into your group of friends.Pappy is right that talking to a therapist will help some. It doesn't make you crazy or sick, it just means that your taking one more step to becoming who you are supposed to be. Life is truly a journey love. Take time to step back and find your bearings before you join anyone else on the road. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted June 7, 2008 Members Report Share Posted June 7, 2008 Pappy~ I disagree. At 22 I know i have been seriously burned enough and used enough to be cynical and jaded. This is a sick and sad world we live in and some days I have to wonder what kid of god allows such acts of evil on a daily basis. No doubt about it every person is different and I may be wrong granted but we know little of the burns that he is speaking of. Just some of those demons that you have to face when you are ready to change things in your life. Facing our fears in some cases can be good but it takes a bit of work to do it. Honestly looking at ourselves and figuring out how to begin. (Personal theory, not criticizing) - While it is a sick world we live in, the people are the ones commiting these acts, not someone's god. Gods are not practical jokers just throwing things at us for a laugh. All human factor! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted June 7, 2008 Members Report Share Posted June 7, 2008 No doubt about it every person is different and I may be wrong granted but we know little of the burns that he is speaking of. Just some of those demons that you have to face when you are ready to change things in your life. Facing our fears in some cases can be good but it takes a bit of work to do it. Honestly looking at ourselves and figuring out how to begin. (Personal theory, not criticizing) - While it is a sick world we live in, the people are the ones commiting these acts, not someone's god. Gods are not practical jokers just throwing things at us for a laugh. All human factor!I know, it just makes me wonder, though I did admit i'm cynical. at least about that. Although there is a good bit about this in my book I'm reading and basicly the arguement is that if go stepped in and made everyone make teh right choice then we'd have no choice or free will and therefore no chance to grow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted June 7, 2008 Members Report Share Posted June 7, 2008 Could you imagine that planet. That in many ways, not all, would be worse than this one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted June 7, 2008 Members Report Share Posted June 7, 2008 Could you imagine that planet. That in many ways, not all, would be worse than this one.It'd be boring at any rate. And personally I like to be a little bad.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members toohotcatmom Posted June 7, 2008 Members Report Share Posted June 7, 2008 Tony - all good advice here...the only thing I'd add is - you've already taken a first step in reaching out to all of us here! That's awesome...don't discount that. We're all here for you... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cmwise1 Posted June 7, 2008 Members Report Share Posted June 7, 2008 Tony - all good advice here...the only thing I'd add is - you've already taken a first step in reaching out to all of us here! That's awesome...don't discount that. We're all here for you...It's easy to be paranoid in this world...but 2hot is right. We are here and ready to help if we can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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