About My Friend

[mystofpric]

SO i mediated a "debate" between my best friend and her hubby today. She said he needs to masturbate more and be more into sex. He said he doesn't need t masturbate that that's why he has her and he doesn't like maturbation. I recommend that he try lube or even offered to get him a sleeve. He said he just was attracted to his hand and it didn't make sense to him. I would love to help HER by helping him see the light. When I said that masturbation is healthy and leads to s fuller sex life, he looked at me like i had two heads! I asked him how his wife is supposed to know how to please him if he can't please himself? That was it I was nuts. Any advice? She really wants to make this work and her hope is that maybe if things in the bedroom, he might be a little happier outside of it. I personally just think he's a miserabel SOB and she's better off with out him, but for the sake of their son she is trying. Please help.

[ladylove]

He may not be ready or willing for anything, anyone has to say. Let it sink in. But you understand if you know to much and they stay together youur relationship with them/her may dwindle. I've seen it happen before, sorry.

[pappyld04]

Mediating is tough business. If all goes well there are no problems, but if things go in a way that one or both of them doesn't like then you can bet you will be the one they blame. I think the best thing would be to find her/him some sitelinks to pages that deal with very basic topics in a no-nonsense way then stand back. A lot of people claim they don't masturbate and 1 or 2 might even be truthful. All those others are either scared, delusional, uninformed, about sexual topics. He's probably scared and/or humiliated or angered that she has confided in you here. Very dangerous waters there for you and her. Be careful Suzy!

[schlingel]

SO i mediated a "debate" between my best friend and her hubby today. She said he needs to masturbate more and be more into sex. He said he doesn't need t masturbate that that's why he has her and he doesn't like maturbation. I recommend that he try lube or even offered to get him a sleeve. He said he just was attracted to his hand and it didn't make sense to him. I would love to help HER by helping him see the light. When I said that masturbation is healthy and leads to s fuller sex life, he looked at me like i had two heads! I asked him how his wife is supposed to know how to please him if he can't please himself? That was it I was nuts. Any advice? She really wants to make this work and her hope is that maybe if things in the bedroom, he might be a little happier outside of it. I personally just think he's a miserabel SOB and she's better off with out him, but for the sake of their son she is trying. Please help.

wow, this is my first reply to someone else. all i can say is, he's missing out. i'm in the exact opposite situation and i don't know how i'd survive without masturbating. i know first hand you cannot force that upon someone. it's a talent of sorts and no matter how you spin it, you'll "never understand" the lack of interest. it's sad and can be very discouraging, but tell her to hang in there with her SO. this mediating thing is very interesting though. how did you arrange that? was it awkward - more so than it sounds? i might benefit from your insight myself.

[mystofpric]

The mediating thing was a totally accident, something was said on TV and she asked him if he'd suck him self off if he could and he said he wasn't into that sort of a thing. From there it was either play the middle man or duck and cover cause they were gonna fight about it again.

Any info i get from you guys is going to be passed on to her for her to deal with. Just so you know this is the same guy who won't allow her to have any toys. She does know that he masturbates, and she knows he likes porn, he just won't admit it or share it with her.

[mystofpric]

Mediating is tough business. If all goes well there are no problems, but if things go in a way that one or both of them doesn't like then you can bet you will be the one they blame. I think the best thing would be to find her/him some sitelinks to pages that deal with very basic topics in a no-nonsense way then stand back. A lot of people claim they don't masturbate and 1 or 2 might even be truthful. All those others are either scared, delusional, uninformed, about sexual topics. He's probably scared and/or humiliated or angered that she has confided in you here. Very dangerous waters there for you and her. Be careful Suzy!

I tried to even the playing field by openly admitting that I heart my alone time. Cause sometimes that will makes someone feel better and offer upa few tricks i've learned on here. And he was the one who said that he didn;t, true she had already told me, but he told me himself too. plus i work with him and they used to talk about that all teh time so i know from being "one of teh guys" he rubs one out when he needs too.

[schlingel]

The mediating thing was a totally accident, something was said on TV and she asked him if he'd suck him self off if he could and he said he wasn't into that sort of a thing. From there it was either play the middle man or duck and cover cause they were gonna fight about it again.

Any info i get from you guys is going to be passed on to her for her to deal with. Just so you know this is the same guy who won't allow her to have any toys. She does know that he masturbates, and she knows he likes porn, he just won't admit it or share it with her.

i'm bowing out of this one. i'm just too out of phase on this one - like 180 degrees. i cant even imagine NOT sharing these things with my wife. what is there to be gained by holding back? and yes, given the right yoga instruction, i would suck myself off in a heartbeat - solves so many issues. good luck

[pappyld04]

As a wise man once said I never play with my tool. But I was cleaning it one day and it went off!

[mystofpric]

i'm bowing out of this one. i'm just too out of phase on this one - like 180 degrees. i cant even imagine NOT sharing these things with my wife. what is there to be gained by holding back? and yes, given the right yoga instruction, i would suck myself off in a heartbeat - solves so many issues. good luck

LOL!! way to admit it! I guess you'd have to know cory to understand that he is one odd person. He'll admit it to the guys, and by extension me, but not his wife. Like eddy said what could he possibly gain by that?

Pappy, he admits he washed himself. so um that's good.

[Amylynn920]

I would not get involved. It's one thing to discuss things with her, girl to girl, but they have a huge trunk of issues with what you're saying here Suzy.

Look at what's happening. She's complaining about their sex life, lack of it, and the fact the guys got issues. You're confronting the guy, and trying to sway him for the sake of your friend. I know you care about her, but seriously, they need to work it all out.

Just be there for her.

And honestly his masturbation sessions are his private time.

[Mikayla1]

I am of the opinion that sex is a slippery slope...or rather, the discussion of sex is. I have been in your EXACT position. I have mediated between my friends and their hubbies / wives on all sorts of issues. I am, after all, the self-proclaimed sexpert of our group. Many times they ask me, I tell them, then they do not like the answer.

The fact is, as has been pointed out, sex issues are rarely JUST sex issues. Sex is a mirror of what is going on in the relationship. Disconnection and sexual issues usually stem from something more serious than just 'lack of masturbation' and so on. Also, I can point out, that many men refuse to admit that they masturbate or need to masturbate - and the fact is, statistically speaking, all men masturbate (or if not 'all' 99%) and married men masturbate more. He may just not want to admit it - especially to a female friend.

Also, I know from experience, when men feel cornered by the women, they rarely are receptive to much of anything. So, I would not take this as a bad sign for your friend. I think that you say what you have to say, you give the advice and then you stay out of it. You do not want to loose your friend (and it happens, trust me).

[mystofpric]

Well i have directed her here, I figured maybe there was an article or something that would help her. I guess I didn't make this very clear, I am by no means scheduling sit down times for my friends to talk about their issues. It was just that the converstaion turned that way and I either had to hide from the arguement or try and diffuse it. I tried to diffuse it. Any advice and anything that I have learned on here I have passed on to her, by leading her here. I'm not going up to cory at work and asking "have you yanked off today? Cuase you should." As a matter of fact, unless HE brings it up, I'm not going to mention it to him ever again. She, however, brings it up a lot as she is very frustrated.

I know that they have some MASSIVE issues. I recommended seeing a marriage counselor. But she said he'll never go for it. See he has been abusive in the past, evidently this hasn't happened in a while not since she came back to him in January. BUt he's emotional very cold, yells all he time and generally makes her miserable. She admits that she's no saint too but that she's stuck. Until she can get a good paying job and save her money she can't get out of there. So she trys to make it work, and like we all know, sex makes a person happy. So that was her goal was to maybe reduce stress and make him a little nicer.

This guy is so sadistic though, he took pleasure in two of his best friends getting fired. I just want to get her and her son as far away from that guy as possible.